First Love... First Loss

[TuffJuff]

First time poster here.

Sorry for the long read!

 

My situation: I am a 22 year old college senior. I have only had a few girlfriends as I am kind of the player type. I guess player may be the wrong word. I treat girls right and am a nice guy, but I enjoy the single life and let girls know about that ahead of time. One of my best friends is a girl I met in High School named Meghan. She is by far the coolest girl I know and the one person I come to whenever I need to talk or am down. We have either texted, talked on the phone, or hung out almost everyday for the past 4 years. We were closer than most people are with their significant others. She always wanted to take it to the next level and has always crushed on me, but I was always afraid that it could ruin the friendship and I didn't really want a GF that went to a different college. One other thing is that we are never bored with other even though we do not have many of the same interests. I brought this up many times on why we shouldn't date, but she always assured me that it doesn't and shouldn't matter and we always have fun.

 

Take us to a few months ago, I am starting to get interested in my neighbor from college. We have a few classes together and I was starting to like her. I told Meghan about this and she finally opened up and told me how much she truly loves me and that the worst pain she has ever felt is picturing me with someone else. She showed up at my house crying and wanting to talk. We spoke for a little bit and she told me how much she loves and cares about me and she even had a list of 101 reasons why we should be together. Then she kissed me for the first time. It was amazing and her friend said she was crying happy tears as she left my house. Later that night me and my friend had a crazy drunken journey just to meet her at a party where we danced and madeout the whole night. I brought her back to my place where we cuddled all night. It was one of the best nights of my life. For the first time in my life, I was in love.

 

A week later, knowing that Sloths were her favorite animal, I asked her to be my girlfriend as I gave her a sloth necklace... For the next few months every song made me think of her, I was constantly thinking of ways to make her happy, she made me a bracelet and I happily wore it everyday. She told me how I was her soul mate. I thought I had found the one.

 

That all changed one weekend. She came and spent the weekend with me. I thought it went very well and I had a blast. I was so happy and impressed with how well she got along with my roommates and it really felt like she just belonged there. Late Sunday night i texted her to tell her this. She proceeded to tell me that she did not feel the relationship spark. That she had a blast like always, but it felt like she was just hanging out with her best friend and not her boyfriend. Then she had the nerve to say that we don't have the same interests and she loves me, but is not in love with me. Then she did it, she broke up with me through a text message. She wants to go back to the way things were and be best friends again. I do not think I can do that.

 

This makes me so hurt and angry. She is the one who chased me down and pushed so hard to make this relationship happen. She told me I was her soul mate. This is a girl who has cost me relationships in the past because my ex's were threatened and uneasy with how close we were. I always chose her over my ex's because there was always that thought of us ending up together. I put so much time, energy, and money into this relationship over the past few months and she ends it so prematurely and through a text message. I feel totally played. Even though it only lasted a few months, it feels like longer because we were pretty much on the verge of a relationship for the past 3 years. I am heartbroken for the first time in my life and still cant believed she ended it through a text message.

 

The breakup happened about 3 weeks ago. She still texts me often, but I am doing a good job with NC. I have replied a few times, but I have never started contact. She said she misses me so much, wants things to go back to the way they were, and needs me in her life. I think i need her in my life as well, but I cant be just her friend. The thought of her with someone else makes me physically ill. We are both in town for thanksgiving and I am supposed to go over tomorrow to pick up my sweatshirt that I gave her, but I really do not think i can face her.

 

Sorry for the long read, but do you guys have any advice? I have never been broken up with before and I have no idea what to do.

Thanks!

[MrBossMan]

Danger! Danger! Stop right there!

 

Immediately initialize NC forever.

 

This girl is a game-player, whether she realizes it or not.

 

She's the type who cannot feel attraction to a guy unless he is uninterested in her. Unless you want more punishment, cut her out of your life completely. No friends or anything. You're done with her. No more replies.

 

You sacrificed for her and it got you two together. But as soon as she knew she had you, she discovered that she had no further desire for you. Can't really be mad at her at that point because it's just how she felt. But the reason she's trying to get you back now is not because she needs you like she says, but she needs to validate her ability to pull you back in.

 

She's enjoying the hunt. It's like a hunter who re-releases what she catches after she caught it so that she can do it all over again.

 

Move on. Maybe she'll learn a lesson, but that's not your concern.

 

All the best.

[TanTry]

Hi

 

I am new here and I am too in pain after being dumped

 

After reading your story can I just say I am sorry for what has happened

 

I think you should leave the shirt, do not go around for it

 

I promise this will only make you feel worse

 

I have been there before, calling one more etc. It only ever hurts more

 

For example right now in my room is my ex's shirt and beads (necklace thing) I want to give them to him but whats the point? I plan on just throwing them away tomorrow

 

What she has done is horrible, and I can imagine you are devastated

 

You need to take some time out, DO NOT be friends

 

If you read my post you will see how it ends

 

He told me not to contact him again as he has met a new girl

 

 

You will only be a stepping stone

 

Try to remember how confident you felt before her, get back to that

 

I am sorry I dont have more advice

 

But you are not alone

[fixing]

She broke your heart man. And she sounds like a player for sure. Its not fair of her to be playing with your heart. She has cost you relationships in the past? I suggest go strict no contact.

Dont bother replying to her at all, unless she sounds very sincere about getting back together, but even if she does, i would tread with caution.

 

**** the shirt, let her keep it

[MrBossMan]

Try to remember how confident you felt before her, get back to that

 

 

I'm glad she said this because if you don't get out now, she will definitely suck your confidence dry and use it to boost her own. It happened to me. I didn't know insecurity until I dated someone who was insecure herself.

 

In the beginning, she kept asking me what I see in her, if I'm sure I want to be with her, etc. She told me that she could not believe I liked her and that she thought I was probably the player type who only dated models and other high-quality women.

 

NOW, she says I don't deserve her and that I'm not enough for her, and she has stopped apologizing for her mistakes.

 

But when she's afraid I might get tired of the nonsense and leave her, she goes crazy... doing everything she can to convince me that she needs me, etc.

 

Just end it now because it ALWAYS gets worse and it will only get harder to leave after you get used to having them around. But you will be miserable, mark my words.

[TuffJuff]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I am not one of those guys who is going to beg or cry for her to come back. I guess my pride wont let me do that. Even if she wanted to come back, I do not think I would take her. I am just hurting and don't really know how to deal with it or make it go away. Anytime I am not keeping myself busy, she pops into my mind.

[MrBossMan]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I am not one of those guys who is going to beg or cry for her to come back. I guess my pride wont let me do that. Even if she wanted to come back, I do not think I would take her. I am just hurting and don't really know how to deal with it or make it go away. Anytime I am not keeping myself busy, she pops into my mind.

 

Take her off the pedestal. Your view of her isn't matched to reality. You're in love with what you wanted her to be (probably your first impression).

 

If she did come back, it wouldn't be because she sees the error in her ways and has changed. It will be because she found something more that she can drain you of.

 

Easiest way to cope: replace her. When you have other better women in your life... women who make you feel great, you will see the stark contrast and laugh at yourself for ever feeling anything for that one little girl.

[TuffJuff]

She called me last night at 2 am. I just looked at the phone and didn't answer. Im guessing it was a drunk call.

[TuffJuff]

Ok I messed up recently and did everything I know I should not have. I yelled at her, told her I could try to be friends, etc. After 1 day of talking to her again I was mad at myself for letting her back in. Last night I unfriended her, deleted her number, blocked her calls/texts, etc. Do I need to tell her I am going full NC or do you think she will get the message. Is it too late to even go NC now?

[TuffJuff]

Here is my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/446121-first-love-first-loss

 

 

Long story short, my ex was one of my best friends for 4 years. She always wanted us to be in a relationship. She always did things to show how much she loved me and she straight up told me to my face that she was in love with me and I was her soul mate. She is the one who pushed for the relationship and made it happen. We dated for a month and out of the blue she breaks up with me through a text message saying "I love you, but am not in love with you. Lets go back to being best friends"

 

 

She was the first girl I can say I was legit in love with and it sucks missing her all the time. I have been in NC for 2 weeks now and ignored all her bread crumbs. Now she wants to meet up and talk in person. What should I do? I did promise her that if it didn't work out we would still be friends, but honestly I expected that once we finally started dating it would last forever. I don't think I can be friends with her anymore. Should I do the meeting? Tell her I wont do the meeting? Or just keep NC? Help!! haha

[TuffJuff]

Did you sleep with her?

 

 

Yes I did and we have been doing it long before we started dating. We pretty much have been on the verge of a relationship for years. So it feels like I am getting out of a 4 year relationship and not a short one.