We're talking. What do i do now to get him back?

[beyondcrushed]

So after more than 2 months since he brokeup with me I've been trying to cope through sporadic NC. We work together. When we have to talk for work sometimes i'm serious and sometimes I'm friendly with him. And vice versa. I was recently nice to him and yesterday he asked to talk to me. He cleared the air. He said he has no bad feelings for me at all and is notand will never make work hard for us.

 

Then we started chatting about personal stuff - our lives now, our break up, our relationship. He said it was hard on him too and still has tough times. He said he wants love just like me. He said he still thinks of my kids sometimes. And how we had lots fun. He said he doesn't know why we didn't work out and he thinks I'm incredibly beautiful, smart and so much fun to be with. He said he saw my profile on Plenty of Fish (cause he was starting to date and I was one of his matches, lol).

 

Then he decided to quit online dating when he saw me. I said it was a diversion for me, a way to get over him. I said I went on a few dates but cried afterward cause all I wanted was him. I told him he's a hard act to follow and told him what I loved about him. He said he is afraid there's noone out there right for him. That's when I said that I am right for him. He thought I was cute for saying that. I said I could jump on him and kiss/hug him right then. He said he knows. But he said he thinks we could start again but a few months down the road we'd be in the same place. We talked for an hour.

 

It was a great talk. I feel we can now be cool at work. But it also kind of think it can be the start of reconciliation. Later on, I texted him saying i'm glad we talked and when he's ready, I'm here. And to take care. Heal well. (he had a vasectomy). He replied saying we both need to heal. I told him that I meant his v. He replied laughing. Then later at nite I was at a work party he wasn't at. I txted him saying he's missing out. We texted back and forth like we used to.

 

It ended w me saying something about one of our coworkers. I haven't heard from him since (1 day). Now I think there's hope. I think he'd be open to hanging out and having fun like we used to, but platonically. What should I do? I want him back.

 

Should I leave him alone for a while then suggest hanging out if he doesn't reach out. Or should I ask him to hang out this week sometime? I don't want him to move on and date and am afraid if I don't make a move now. Thoughts?

Edited December 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BC1980]

You cannot be the one to initiate any type of contact with him at this point. Don't invest a lot in him because he is making vague statements. Phrases like "maybe," "down the line," "ect. fill you with false hope. I would definitely date other men and leave this one be.

 

Seems like he's wanting to keep his options open with you. I'm sorry. It's harsh but true. If he wanted to be with you, he would. Don't initiate any contact with him to protect yourself. If he asks to hang out, take it with a grain of salt. First and foremost, protect yourself, and try to find someone who does value you and will commit to you.

[NoMoreJerks]

Never chase after someone who doesn't make you his priority. As the saying goes: if someone treats you as an option, help him narrow his options by removing yourself out of the equation. Unless he comes running back and asks to be given a second chance, don't cultivate any hope, don't imagine things, fantasize, etc. Take back your dignity by not being there for him to pick you up when he wants you and discard you when he's no longer amused, knowing that he can pick you up again from where he left off if the going gets tough with other chicks. I know it's not what you want to hear, but this is life -- it's not fair, but you just gotta make the best of what you have, keep your chin up, and move on. Better to be single than in limbo, waiting on him to make up his mind about whether or not you're good enough for him. This is insulting and disrespectful. Please maintain your self-respect and don't do the pick-me me me me! dance.. It's not attractive, and over time it will seriously harm your self-esteem. I've been there and done that, and I am still facepalming over my behavior with undeserving men (men I've gone on dates with as well as my ex). You are good enough to be someone's priority, so why accept to be someone's option?

[Axee]

Please stop texting him and initiating contact..

 

For all the nice words, he broke up with you ( This is what I guess).

Initiate ONLY if he initiates.

[Sososad]

I don't think this is the recommended advise on here tho!!

I did get back with a ex similar to this kind of situation

(Alas it didnt last tho) it was a tough time

For me one day they seem keen one day there is hope the next its dashed.. It can be a rollercoaster!

I persisted and went with my gut I rarely if ever initiated

And tried keeping things light and just fun filled .

Don't rush it and the one big advice I can give u is PATIENCE!!

It's gonna take time rebuilding your bond..

You could get hurt and be wasting your time I hope your not but try keep your logical side switched on too..

I wish you good luck.

[beyondcrushed]

Thanks everyone. I think I'll initiate once - ask if he cares to hang out tomorrow or Tuesday night, and see what happens. If no, then I'll leave him alone until he initiates and keep dating others. But thinking bout it more, it's funny cause when we broke up he said he's not interested in dating anyone but a couple months later when he's ready he's online instead of coming back to me:( He really doesn't want to be with me. Cause i'm the option, the fallback girl. Makes me sad. But it's also my own doing. I shouldn't bother at all as the rest have said.