mendsley Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 This morning I've been really depressed and the trigger was my buddy bringing up news about the ex yesterday. I know he did not mean to stir-up any emotions in me, he actually was telling me because she is making some really horrible decisions. Him and I are going golfing today so I'm going to let him know he cannot mention the ex. Not being able to hit the gym in almost seven days (two more to go) all I've been doing is thinking about my ex asking myself "what the f*ck went wrong with us?" As each day sitting on the couch coughing, hacking, feeling like I honestly was going to die, my mental toughness degraded DRASTICALLY! I started to put the end of us solely on me. Well this morning it was getting worse and all of a sudden I threw my hands up and decided I'm done! I was half the problem and I came to mends with what they were. I also set more ground rules to my 12-Week Emotional Bootcamp that I'm going to start on Monday with a mutha f*cking vengence! Here's what I'm adding (it's all mental since that is here I'm weak... I can hold my own physically): • No more bad mouthing the ex (forgiving will not happen with a negative outlook) • Focus on why she was not the one ( you can do this without badmouthing) • Tell myself that I AM going to find someone else who is better • STOP WAITING FOR HER ( this is a major problem I have, I'm looking for her every where ) • I'm NOT too old to find someone else ( I'm only 36 ) • Don't settle for someone else • Don't judge a book by it's cover, get to know someone( I'm a little shallow and only want a arm trophy ) • Fight the desire to replace my ex ( I feel I need to find another love ) • Understand my worth ( I feel like I cannot match most of the men out there, but if I really look at it I have MORE to offer) • Try to focus having fun ( I used the be the life of the party, but now I'm quite, sad, and f*cking pathetic) Being sick REALLY set me back, but my doctor said I can get back to normal activities on Monday... and I cannot wait! I'm traveling out of state for work, but I can still do everything I need to workout.
AnyaNova Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 This morning I've been really depressed and the trigger was my buddy bringing up news about the ex yesterday. I know he did not mean to stir-up any emotions in me, he actually was telling me because she is making some really horrible decisions. Him and I are going golfing today so I'm going to let him know he cannot mention the ex. Not being able to hit the gym in almost seven days (two more to go) all I've been doing is thinking about my ex asking myself "what the f*ck went wrong with us?" As each day sitting on the couch coughing, hacking, feeling like I honestly was going to die, my mental toughness degraded DRASTICALLY! I started to put the end of us solely on me. Well this morning it was getting worse and all of a sudden I threw my hands up and decided I'm done! I was half the problem and I came to mends with what they were. I also set more ground rules to my 12-Week Emotional Bootcamp that I'm going to start on Monday with a mutha f*cking vengence! Here's what I'm adding (it's all mental since that is here I'm weak... I can hold my own physically): • No more bad mouthing the ex (forgiving will not happen with a negative outlook) • Focus on why she was not the one ( you can do this without badmouthing) • Tell myself that I AM going to find someone else who is better • STOP WAITING FOR HER ( this is a major problem I have, I'm looking for her every where ) • I'm NOT too old to find someone else ( I'm only 36 ) • Don't settle for someone else • Don't judge a book by it's cover, get to know someone( I'm a little shallow and only want a arm trophy ) • Fight the desire to replace my ex ( I feel I need to find another love ) • Understand my worth ( I feel like I cannot match most of the men out there, but if I really look at it I have MORE to offer) • Try to focus having fun ( I used the be the life of the party, but now I'm quite, sad, and f*cking pathetic) Being sick REALLY set me back, but my doctor said I can get back to normal activities on Monday... and I cannot wait! I'm traveling out of state for work, but I can still do everything I need to workout. Getting sick hits you so hard in the recovery area, because a lot of times all you have the energy to do, is sit and think, and of course, what does your brain go to? Darn, see, I haven't seen shallowness in your posts, rather much thoughtfulness. Until you said that about arm trophies, I was going to jokingly ask if you lived in the midwest. That is not to say that I am not attractive, I am, but I certainly want somebody who values me for more than my exterior. I still suggest during your last couple of sick days, making a schedule of distractions that you make yourself stick to, movies, reading, tea break, lunch, sitcoms, more reading, etc. I think when you are ready and are in a good place with your healing, there is nothing wrong with seeking out a new relationship. But you should not want to "replace your ex." When you are ready, you won't want a replacement of her, because you will be over her. Let us just say that what I want in my next relationship is someone who is quite capable, thank you very much, in handling and seeking out his own needs and wants, has individuated by this time from his parents, and someone who values their whole self. Someone, in other words, I guess you could say totally different (in some regards, I know I would still prefer a deep introvert type) who will not be likely to shred my heart in particularly the same way. Take care of yourself. And keep to these resolutions. They should do you well. 1
Author mendsley Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Hey Anya, the whole arm trophy situation is what gets me in trouble. I'm realizing that being shallow will only satisfy a temporary need and leave me alone. As I'm getting older I'm growing out of the whole perfect looking woman and focusing more on how we can emotionally connect. Luckily tomorrow I will be traveling all day (four and half hour layover in Denver) so I will be occupied. Today was actually a pretty good day, after I got fed up with my self and started focusing on my goal. Like always, thanks for your feedback :-) Mike 2
BlametheIrish Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Good list, good progress. Great post, its nice to.hear people taking action on their issues vs. whining then doing nothing. It seems you have a firm grasp on what it takes to heal and be better for it. Random thought: Maybe these two have alot on common... • Don't judge a book by its cover, get to know someone( I'm a little shallow and only want a arm trophy ) • Understand my worth ( I feel like I cannot match most of the men out there, but if I really look at it I have MORE to offer) Does arm candy make you feel better about your worth as a human being? Like "He must be something special if he can get a,woman who looks like that" If so.you can work on your self esteem and the shallow mindset at the same time. Two birds,one stone 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 • No more bad mouthing the ex (forgiving will not happen with a negative outlook) • Focus on why she was not the one ( you can do this without badmouthing) • Tell myself that I AM going to find someone else who is better • STOP WAITING FOR HER ( this is a major problem I have, I'm looking for her every where ) • I'm NOT too old to find someone else ( I'm only 36 ) • Don't settle for someone else • Don't judge a book by it's cover, get to know someone( I'm a little shallow and only want a arm trophy ) • Fight the desire to replace my ex ( I feel I need to find another love ) • Understand my worth ( I feel like I cannot match most of the men out there, but if I really look at it I have MORE to offer) • Try to focus having fun ( I used the be the life of the party, but now I'm quite, sad, and f*cking pathetic) Nice work!! I think the mental / emotional part of healing is the most important part. A great chance for self-reflection and change for the better. Keep up the great work. I'm with ya 100% 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Random thought: Maybe these two have alot on common... • Don't judge a book by its cover, get to know someone( I'm a little shallow and only want a arm trophy ) • Understand my worth ( I feel like I cannot match most of the men out there, but if I really look at it I have MORE to offer) Agreed. Sounds like these are two similar symptoms from a single root cause. Does arm candy make you feel better about your worth as a human being? Like "He must be something special if he can get a,woman who looks like that" I think a lot of men have these kinds of thoughts. And yes, it does seem to stem from self-esteem / self-worth issues. I also find I am simply physically attracted to young, beautiful women and desire them over others. Of course there has to be much, much more as well, but it seems to start there. Kinda why my ex was such a one-off and I wonder how I will meet someone with similar qualities where needed, but different in other areas?? All very confusing and obviously starts with much self-reflection and analysis I'm realizing, this is a very complicated game with many rules. 2
GeneralJennyJenn Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I feel you when it comes to moments of insecurities brought out by triggers of our exes. That list you made of your concerns echoed my own thoughts. I think that's why I was down on Thanksgiving day myself. I agree with AnyaNova, use this last bit of 'down' time for reflection and movies and such. Your body got sick, slow down, let it heal Like you I am doing a lot better, been mulling on a new project and had some eureka type moments. That always makes me VERY happy. The last bit about 'arm trophies' got me wondering. I myself honestly if I am not attracted to the guy, no matter how wonderful he is otherwise it won't work. I think instead of saying 'arm trophies' perhaps you should focus on women who you have chemistry with? From what I hear, men in general have no difficulty finding women attractive. Unless you perhaps live somewhere like my hometown where this past week my 87 year old Grandmother remarks to me, 'the women here look like heifers' I love my Grandmother! 1
Author mendsley Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 This morning I woke up and had the worst depression I've ever had. Not sure what triggered it, but it was scary. I recognized something was wrong and I recognized it was depression. I know exercise is an instant reliever for depression (at least with me) so I did push-ups, ate some food and went for a jog. Usually that will knock me back into my right mind, but while I was running I had a strong urge to break down into tears. It was so bad I had to stop running and walk back to my house, where I sat down and forced myself to cry. I started to think that this is MORE than my ex, I mean it's almost been two months and I break down and cry? I'm calming down, but this depression today is not good. I felt like I was so angry I just wanted to shout from the top of my lungs. I didn't feel anger towards anyone else, just fed up and tired of the mental activity of the ex that has crippled who I really am. I'm getting ready to go on my business trip so hopefully my mind will be occupied. I guess my problem is I don't have anyone to talk to, and for me, that is important so I can get the thoughts out of my head. This is the best I have to I'm trying to write it out. Mike
AnyaNova Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 This morning I woke up and had the worst depression I've ever had. Not sure what triggered it, but it was scary. I recognized something was wrong and I recognized it was depression. I know exercise is an instant reliever for depression (at least with me) so I did push-ups, ate some food and went for a jog. Usually that will knock me back into my right mind, but while I was running I had a strong urge to break down into tears. It was so bad I had to stop running and walk back to my house, where I sat down and forced myself to cry. I started to think that this is MORE than my ex, I mean it's almost been two months and I break down and cry? I'm calming down, but this depression today is not good. I felt like I was so angry I just wanted to shout from the top of my lungs. I didn't feel anger towards anyone else, just fed up and tired of the mental activity of the ex that has crippled who I really am. I'm getting ready to go on my business trip so hopefully my mind will be occupied. I guess my problem is I don't have anyone to talk to, and for me, that is important so I can get the thoughts out of my head. This is the best I have to I'm trying to write it out. Mike Seriously. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200. Get a B complex and a B12 supplement and take both. Please! It seems awfully coincidental for your worst day of depression to be while you're sick, while your body is stressed being sick, and therefor running through your body's available b vitamins so much faster. This sounds so much like the unexplained extreme depressions/crashes/ex-craving I got when my b vitamins were crashing. B vitamins are water soluble, which means that as long as your kidneys or even if you only have one like me, kidney is in good working order, you are not in any danger of overdosing. Give it a try. See if it helps. Perhaps it is just "the rollercoaster" but trust me. You don't want to spend your time miserable, as I did, if there was an easy fix. It could be your ex and all that it has happened, but I know human brain's seek explanations for things, and it will convince you that something exterior that happened "must" be the cause. Except than you take B vitamins (or I did anyway) and discover that you feel so much better, and it wasn't what you thought it was. 2
Author mendsley Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Thankd Anya :-) I went down and grabbed some. I spoke with a pharmacist and they said I should get everything I need in a daily sport pack. It has a ton of things that she said will help. So thank you for the information.
Recommended Posts