Flowerbomb Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Hello, here's my long storie: I'm a flight attendant, I live in Toronto and 3 months ago I met a man while I was away on a layover in Vancouver. We met in a bar, and we connected right away. We were really attracted to each other (nothing happened the night we met) but after that we kept in touch and texted on regular basis. He would initiate most of the conversations and we would talk everyday single day. He asked me to come back in town, let me know ahead all his days off so He could be entirely free for me.This been going on for the past 2 months (we saw each other 8-9 times or so). He was a real gentleman with me on each visit, He took me out on dates, sightseeing, nice restaurants, introduced me to his friends. We obviously slept together each time I came to visit which I don't regret because the sex was amazing and he was really affectionate as a lover (always making sure to please me first, there was lot of kissing and cuddling, holding me in my sleep, spooning etc..) Now in the past 2 weeks or so everything has changed . The honeymoon is over . He's distant. I saw him about 10 days ago (and even then the sex was different)... I asked him If he wanted us to stop seeing each other because I could feel the distance but his answer was no, that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't want to and he was just really stressed out and busy with work, renovations, studies and his little daughter, which I understood at that time and decided to stop stressing about it . My reaction was to pull back and give him some space. He is qualifying on a Aircraft (pilot) and by mid-december he will be done ...My problem is it's been over 6 days that he hasn't texted me. I understand that he's busy , but if in 6 days he couldn't take 5 min to contact me.. isn't a clear sign that he is not interested anymore?! I know he is coming in Toronto tomorrow for training .. And at that point if he doesn't contact me while he's in town that's a clear message that he is over me. But what if he does contact me? Should I just Move on already and get over him, or Wait and see after mid-december if things will go back to normal? At this point I don't wanna have another conversation about it with him because I Already did. What do you guys think? -FlowerBomb
Million.to.1 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I would completely back off. Whether or not it is work stress as he says or he is losing interest, the best thing would be to not make it a big deal. If he doesn't get in touch while in Toronto where you are, i would also take this as a clear sign. A pretty rude one actually. A honeymoon period should be a hell of a lot longer than 8-9 dates, so if you have noticed a change with him, then this isn't worth your energy either. Play it cool. If he can't muster up some effort, forget him. Plenty of other great guys out there. I've got a Toronto man myself! 2
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Hello, here's my long storie: I'm a flight attendant, I live in Toronto and 3 months ago I met a man while I was away on a layover in Vancouver. We met in a bar, and we connected right away. We were really attracted to each other (nothing happened the night we met) but after that we kept in touch and texted on regular basis. He would initiate most of the conversations and we would talk everyday single day. He asked me to come back in town, let me know ahead all his days off so He could be entirely free for me.This been going on for the past 2 months (we saw each other 8-9 times or so). He was a real gentleman with me on each visit, He took me out on dates, sightseeing, nice restaurants, introduced me to his friends. We obviously slept together each time I came to visit which I don't regret because the sex was amazing and he was really affectionate as a lover (always making sure to please me first, there was lot of kissing and cuddling, holding me in my sleep, spooning etc..) Now in the past 2 weeks or so everything has changed . The honeymoon is over . He's distant. I saw him about 10 days ago (and even then the sex was different)... I asked him If he wanted us to stop seeing each other because I could feel the distance but his answer was no, that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't want to and he was just really stressed out and busy with work, renovations, studies and his little daughter, which I understood at that time and decided to stop stressing about it . My reaction was to pull back and give him some space. He is qualifying on a Aircraft (pilot) and by mid-december he will be done ...My problem is it's been over 6 days that he hasn't texted me. I understand that he's busy , but if in 6 days he couldn't take 5 min to contact me.. isn't a clear sign that he is not interested anymore?! I know he is coming in Toronto tomorrow for training .. And at that point if he doesn't contact me while he's in town that's a clear message that he is over me. But what if he does contact me? Should I just Move on already and get over him, or Wait and see after mid-december if things will go back to normal? At this point I don't wanna have another conversation about it with him because I Already did. What do you guys think? -FlowerBomb I mean if he didn't care at all he wouldn't have replied to you and explained what was going on. He may very well be super busy with lots on his mind. He wouldn't invest so much into something he is not interested in. I do however think if he's over your side and doesn't text you, something is up. His plate seems very full. I would continue to monitor things for the next 2-3 weeks at which point he will have no excuses. 1
justwhoiam Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 What strikes me here is you showed no interest whatsoever in his personal life. Are you in love with this man? Or just enjoying his company for the time being? Maybe he needs love and it's not clear if there's any from you? How often would you look for him in general in these past two months? Was it always him initiating anything? How much do you know about his life? What about the daughter's mother? What are you expecting from this? I don't know but the answers to all those questions would make a clearer picture about the situation.
Author Flowerbomb Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 justwhoiam To answer your questions, yes I did show a lot of interest in his personal life (hobbies, career, family) and I'm always the one who fly to his town and I do feel like I've been putting up more efforts in this ¨relationship¨ than he ever did. However I wouldn't say that I'm in love with him just yet but I really like him and I'd rather back off now before it's too late and end up getting hurt. As for his baby mother from what He told me they broke up before his daughter was born and they remained friends. I was definitely expecting more than just casual sex from this relationship, but we never discussed the ¨what we are¨, I was just enjoying the moment ... So at this point this is why I'm wondering If he's over me.
justwhoiam Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Well, you started casual dating with him and there was no commitment mentioned anywhere. And I would expect a lot of casualness from a guy who breaks up with the mother of his child before the child is even born. If that is the true story, by the way. And you're probably right saying he's not investing much in this "relationship", but you seemed to be fine with the no-commitment deal, so he must have thought you were just what he needed at the time. Maybe if you start showing attachment and be more demanding, he will run away just as fast as he did in the past. I guess he was honest when he said he didn't want to end things. Maybe he needs to see if he can keep up with you and your needs. 2
Author Flowerbomb Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 justwhoiam Well from his story they broke up before he even found out that the mother of his child was pregnant. Anyhow at the end of the day, My smartest move would be to back off now, Since it's pretty obvious that he is no longer into me or has some commitment issues, I don't buy into that ''being so busy'' that you cant keep in touch with someone... I learned my lesson as for casual dating, it's def not for me. 1
nomadic_butterfly Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 justwhoiam Well from his story they broke up before he even found out that the mother of his child was pregnant. Anyhow at the end of the day, My smartest move would be to back off now, Since it's pretty obvious that he is no longer into me or has some commitment issues, I don't buy into that ''being so busy'' that you cant keep in touch with someone... I learned my lesson as for casual dating, it's def not for me. So he didn't contact you when he was in your neck of the woods? If not he is full of shet and you are right in moving on to someone who will show the devotion and commitment that you are looking for. Perhaps you can start looking into local options. 1
Author Flowerbomb Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 nomadic_butterfly He will be in my city as off today for 2 weeks... And No he hasn't contacted me. So yes... He's full of ****. I'm so sad
nomadic_butterfly Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 nomadic_butterfly He will be in my city as off today for 2 weeks... And No he hasn't contacted me. So yes... He's full of ****. I'm so sad Awww..that sucks. Not sure if you want to wait a couple days to see if maybe by Friday or something he responds/initiates contact. But overall, sounds like your needs were not being met consistently and for sure nothing is worst than being strung along in a long distance situation. But overall at least you can say for the most part you had an exciting experience and now it's time to move on to greener, more stable pastures. Sucks he was too coward to tell you the truth but it is up to you whether or not you want to send a final email about how you feel and how disappointed you are in him being so coward. I think what you had was long enough to wear it would warrant that; others might disagree. It is also good he showed his character now vs. one year into it when you could have fallen very deeply. There's plenty more where that came from! 1
Author Flowerbomb Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Yes, you're right. I Had a wonderful time with him so I don't regret it; but one thing for sure I'm not contacting him even though I'm hurting a little since I contacted him last ( a week ago), my Ego is too big and I also don't wanna hear another fake excuse/lie. I need to move on and I also wanna be in a full committed relationship which he obviously can't provide. Anyways thank ladies xo 2
justwhoiam Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Ignore him when he's back, because chances are he will be back in touch with you. 1
Author Flowerbomb Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 -justwhoiam you were right. He just texted me now. But I'll follow your advice and ignore him even though I'm really tempted to tell him how I felt this whole week while he was MIA. 1
Author Flowerbomb Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 The **** all he texted me was " Forget about me? Lol" maybe He thinks thats funny.
justwhoiam Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 The **** all he texted me was " Forget about me? Lol" maybe He thinks thats funny. What a gentleman.............. Cross him out of your address/phone book.
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