How to stay out of the friend zone whilst taking things slow?

[unbeknown]

Okay so I've been on 3 dates with this girl and things are going alright I guess. I attempted a kiss on the second date and it was kinda awkward and I thought I'd screwed it up as she was a little distant afterwards. I managed to salvage it and went on a 3rd date recently.

 

Speaking to the girl I'm dating's best friend she tells me she has been messed around quite a bit in the past and wants to take things slow with me and reckons if I keep persuing with it at the pace I am then theres a good chance for a relationship there.

 

I've never really had to take things slow before, always let them develop at their natural pace. A few nights ago I stayed around her house for the first time and all we did was just cuddle in bed and hold hands. This all feels like a one way ticket to the friend zone. Is there anything I can do to avoid it? I'm finding it a fine line between taking things slow and letting someone else move in because I took things too slow.

 

Thanks for any advice/pointers

[d0nnivain]

Don't act like one of her GFs. . . . no talking about boys or shopping. The fact that she let you in her bed doesn't scream platontic friend to me. I don't know what kind of friends you have.

[joystickd]

Just find someone else. If they don't work at the pace you are use to then find someone that does.

[mortensorchid]

Trying to figure it out myself. Tell me when you do.

[MalachiX]

I'm in a similar place.

 

My solution is to see if anything develops with the "take it slow" girl but also to be open/looking for other potential relationships as we go along.

 

I think it's fine for a young woman to set limits and determine the pace she wants to proceed at but I also think that, in such a case, she can't expect every guy to move as slowly as she wants. I've seen friends get sucked into a situation where a woman has just gotten out of a long relationship and says she wants to date but the dating can only go so far and she doesn't want it to turn into a relationship. The guys I know tend to end up falling for the girl and then scaring her off because they start to act clingy or more serious than she is.

 

I think the best thing to do is to give her space and perhaps awknowlage that this is out of your control. Try to pick dates that you find fun and be relaxed. Don't have any objective and also keep in mind that she may end up going cold on you. If she's not quite giving you her all then it's best that you do the same. Unless, of course, you're head over heals in love with this girl at which point there are no rules. Good luck

[unbeknown]

Cheers all and thanks jan_may. I often assume it's a failure when sometimes it might not be at all like you say.

 

Seems the general consensus here is to have another girl lined up. At the moment I am only dating this one girl but will start to look elsewhere. Especially after her last text. After the 2nd date she became really distant in texting. Even didn't reply once for 4 days and I reinitiated it. After staying around hers the other night she seems to be a lot more in to me. She initiated everything in bed. When I left I mentioned about hanging out in the week and she said yes. Told her I'd text her later but when I got home she text right away. Since then she's been replying instantly to my texts and asking me questions. But then I brought up the hang out today and she replied with "I'm not sure when I'm free really but I'll let you know". Surely that's a polite flake right?

 

I noticed she had some self harm scars on her arm whilst in bed (i never mentioned this to her as I feel it's up to her to want to tell me about it) so she has some issues I guess which is why I don't want to cut all contact as I don't mind perusing.

 

Definitely need to start dating some other people though before I invest too much