Rambles

[LostGirl11]

Hello all. Me again! I haven't been on for a while, kind of needed to take a break from ranting on here. I'm not exactly sure how long it's been. But I'm okay, I think...

 

The whole anxiety and panic attak thing is well under control. I'm still on medication. I think I just cracked up a little, my nerves had taken a battering and I just reached my limit I guess? So my body decided to have panic attacks. Yeah, nice one, thanks for that!

 

Am I over 'Him' I don't know. I don't think I'll ever get over the actual break up, how it made me unwell, ect. I'm not blaming him for not being able to cope. But I'm pretty sure that I want to stay on my own from now on. I'm too scared to love again, and I think I'm damaged goods now.

 

I'm not going to lie, we have been in contact, on and off. Nothing serious. Was a little strange actually, he isn't the guy I fell for anymore. Like, he would text and sometimes call, but it always felt like he didn't actually want to be talking to me, like he had been forced to or something crazy. He was cold with me, no feeling at all. Messed with my head a bit so I pulled back.

 

Then last week he sent me a birthday card and gifts. Instead of being all giddy from excitment, I just thought 'what the **** is his game' He's been nothing but rude and cold yet he's sending me gifts.

 

Well, I gave away the gifts and tore up the card. About an hour ago. Which is why I'm posting.

 

Felt guilty. But I'm okay now. I need to start thinking of me. I need to be selfish. I need to stop seeing myself through his eyes and treating myself poorly.