This is why you cannot take online dating seriously

[NoMoreJerks]

I've done that…, At that point it doesn't matter what happens so I will be totally upfront and ask them directly why this or why that.... But of course I'm always the one in the wrong, or I'm the one that is the ******* for asking such a question.

 

I think a lot of people just expect everybody else to go along with the wishy-washy environment of online dating… And when somebody truthful comes along, someone holds people accountable, they get banished because nobody wants to put up with that kind of honesty.

 

After a certain amount of time on dating sites, I actually spent my time calling women out on their actions and had no expectations of finding a date.

Exactly this. When I gave the guy I went out with a piece of my mind (see above post for the details of what happened), he acted like I was a bitter, crazy, jaded person. LOL!

[NoMoreJerks]

Please don't be friends. You'll be her ego boost. Why be friends with somebody when you want to date them? But I think her saying that is just to be nice. The whole seeing somebody is just being nice. Let her go. Happens all the time.

People think that saying you're seeing somebody is a "nice" way to let them down? Really? Especially after you met that person/went on a date with them? Someone told me this recently (after he asked me out) and it stung even more than the usual BS line "it's not you it's me, I'm not ready for a relationship". It's like saying that I'm not good enough for you, that someone else is and that all I was good for, was being put on the backburner and being treated as an option for when you're experiencing a "drought" in attention. Yes, I get that people can decide that they don't like you as a potential gf/bf, but it's not nice to tell someone that all they're good for is as an option.

Edited December 12, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[deathandtaxes]

À

People think that saying you're seeing somebody is a "nice" way to let them down? Really? Especially after you met that person/went on a date with them? Someone told me this recently (after he asked me out) and it stung even more than the usual BS line "it's not you it's me, I'm not ready for a relationship". It's like saying that I'm not good enough for you, that someone else is and that all I was good for, was being put on the backburner and being treated as an option for when you're experiencing a "drought" in attention. Yes, I get that people can decide that they don't like you as a potential gf/bf, but it's not nice to tell someone that all they're good for is as an option.

 

I think they are just making stuff up when they say this and don't want to straight come out and say that they are just not that into you. The whole being friends line is bs, too. I don't think they need more friends. They just say it in some naive hope that it is nicer than being truthful. Call their bs and try being their friend and see where it goes! I doubt you will hear from them again.

[fujidabruin]

I've done that…, At that point it doesn't matter what happens so I will be totally upfront and ask them directly why this or why that.... But of course I'm always the one in the wrong, or I'm the one that is the ******* for asking such a question.

 

I think a lot of people just expect everybody else to go along with the wishy-washy environment of online dating… And when somebody truthful comes along, someone holds people accountable, they get banished because nobody wants to put up with that kind of honesty.

 

After a certain amount of time on dating sites, I actually spent my time calling women out on their actions and had no expectations of finding a date.

 

Yes MrTurk, that is one of my peeves about OLD..... that and just a real lack of plain old good manners. Failure to simply respond is what kind of bothers me. If someone goes to the trouble of contacting me, I will at least reply as a courtesy if nothing else. I am guessing it might be the anonymity of the environment that creates inconsiderate behavior.

 

Having said all that, I would still advocate the use of OLD for a lot of people. I have met 3 wonderful people over the years. So for me, it has been worth putting up with some nonsense that occurs.

[WhoreyBull]

Feels to me like this also proves you can't take in person relationships seriously.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Yes MrTurk, that is one of my peeves about OLD..... that and just a real lack of plain old good manners. Failure to simply respond is what kind of bothers me. If someone goes to the trouble of contacting me, I will at least reply as a courtesy if nothing else. I am guessing it might be the anonymity of the environment that creates inconsiderate behavior.

 

I didn't reply to lots of men if I was A. unattracted or B. if their approach was skewed. IF someone gave me a compliment I always say thanks.

 

There's no point in replying to a guy you deem unattractive physically and/or personality wise. Waste of both our time.

[WhoreyBull]

I didn't reply to lots of men if I was A. unattracted or B. if their approach was skewed. IF someone gave me a compliment I always say thanks.

 

There's no point in replying to a guy you deem unattractive physically and/or personality wise. Waste of both our time.

 

I sometimes wouldn't reply because guys would act insane when I said I was not interested in them.

I took down my okcupid because one guy went so far as to threaten my life.

[PegNosePete]

I thought I met a nice girl online and we talked on the phone for a few weeks and then I suggested we meet up for a coffee date and she said

 

"Well I don't think that is a good idea because I am kind of seeing someone"

Yeah, someone she met in those WEEKS that you were chatting to her! You're doing it wrong dude.

 

Exchange 3-5 messages on the OLD site, Ask for phone number or give her yours. Speak on the phone, ask her to meet up with you one day this week.

If it's a yes then off you go. Anything other than a yes is a no and you move on.

 

Failure to simply respond is what kind of bothers me. If someone goes to the trouble of contacting me, I will at least reply as a courtesy if nothing else.

So hmm you phone up every single takeaway place that puts a menu through your door to say sorry no thanks I don't want to eat your food tonight?

 

Your message is unsolicited junk mail to her. Why does she owe you a response? No response IS a response. It means no thanks.

Edited December 12, 2013 by PegNosePete

[truth_seeker]

I was shocked when she said she still wanted to be friends and talk to me on the phone.

 

Back up plan.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Yeah, someone she met in those WEEKS that you were chatting to her! You're doing it wrong dude.

 

Exchange 3-5 messages on the OLD site, Ask for phone number or give her yours. Speak on the phone, ask her to meet up with you one day this week.

If it's a yes then off you go. Anything other than a yes is a no and you move on.

 

 

So hmm you phone up every single takeaway place that puts a menu through your door to say sorry no thanks I don't want to eat your food tonight?

 

Your message is unsolicited junk mail to her. Why does she owe you a response? No response IS a response. It means no thanks.

 

This is SPOT ON!!! When I was younger and the internet dating thing was more of a novelty/taboo, I'd take ages to meet up with folks. Now that it is so common I am not going to spend 3 months talking to a local person before meeting. Waste of time!

[ponchsox]

Exchange a few emails, get their phone number, talk no more than once on the phone, arrange a meet up for coffee, and see if there is chemistry for an actual date. If not, move on. Online dating is a numbers game. Gotta weed out several people before you can find a decent match.

[MrTurk]

Exactly this. When I gave the guy I went out with a piece of my mind (see above post for the details of what happened), he acted like I was a bitter, crazy, jaded person. LOL!

 

They will always label YOU as the one with the problem, or the one in the wrong.....because you arent supposed to "call" them out on their bull*****. We are supposed to just let them do what they do, turn our head and go about our business.

 

Well I say F that. I take pride in calling people out on their bullsh*t....especially if I have any time or energy invested in trying to date them.

[MrTurk]

Exchange a few emails, get their phone number, talk no more than once on the phone, arrange a meet up for coffee, and see if there is chemistry for an actual date. If not, move on. Online dating is a numbers game. Gotta weed out several people before you can find a decent match.

 

 

This is exactly what I always try to do. BUT in my experience many women refuse to meet so quick. They never admit it, but I know that many of them are juggling multiple men and meetups, so they have to file me into their system and see where they can fit me in.

 

Its a lose-lose situation for most guys. Because if I stand my ground, and dont put up with any wishy-washy bs....99.9% of women on the dating site dont make the grade.

 

Women KNOW that they hold all the cards.....they know that if John doesnt put up with her, that Jim and 10 other guys are waiting in line to meet her.

 

Too many people would rather keep being the wishy washy idiot that they are....and find someone compatible with it, than make them self into a better person that is compatible with another better person.

[Keenly]

A fee weeks ago, I found a really cute girl that looked like what I wanted. She said that she had never been in a relationship or had a boyfriend before.

 

 

I sent her a very playfully humorous message asking her if she had only put that there so thus like me will come along and say " whaaaaat there is no way you have never had a boyfriend ' .

 

I had a smiley face and a haha or two as well as some humor spaced around the message.

 

 

 

The response I got was just her telling me I was " a jerk, an *******, a miserable human being and I needed to find better ways to spend my time "

 

 

Yes, real motivating to keep trying.

[Under The Radar]

A fee weeks ago, I found a really cute girl that looked like what I wanted. She said that she had never been in a relationship or had a boyfriend before.

 

 

I sent her a very playfully humorous message asking her if she had only put that there so thus like me will come along and say " whaaaaat there is no way you have never had a boyfriend ' .

 

I had a smiley face and a haha or two as well as some humor spaced around the message.

 

 

 

The response I got was just her telling me I was " a jerk, an *******, a miserable human being and I needed to find better ways to spend my time "

 

 

Yes, real motivating to keep trying.

 

 

WTF!?!? That's crazy dude ...... SHE'S crazy .

[Under The Radar]

A couple years ago I had a woman contact me from OLD saying she liked my profile. We message a few times and set up a date to see the new Muppet Movie (she loved that) and grab lunch at a Hibachi Restaurant. She was a 35 year old Honors Biology Teacher for a HS outside my city. She was a cute girl and I'm the first guy she is getting together with from Match.com.

 

Anyway, we get together for the planned activities and have fun. End of the date, she latches on to me for a hug and won't stop telling me how much she likes me and had a good time. An hour after the date she texted me to say (again) how much fun she had and hopes she gets to see me again soon.

 

I agree to give her a call in a couple days to set something up. Two days later, I leave her a nice message about plans for the upcoming weekend. She sends me a text message saying, "Yeah, umm, I'm busy ...... for the rest of my entire life". I'm like WTF!?! It was crazy how hard she was pushing for a second date and her need for validation when we said goodbye that day.

 

I'd never had anyone do that to me before. Sure, I've been rejected, but never rudely like that before. I immediately deleted her contact information only for her to send me random text messages the following day. This chick was absolutely BAT **** C-R-A-Z-Y .

 

I'd put money on it she's still single, or in a horribly dysfunctional relationship. Did I mention I met her OLD?

[Under The Radar]

BTW, I'm only partially kidding about how bad OLD is. If we're being completely honest, I have met some really great women through that medium. There are, indeed, some quality individuals in OLD.

 

However, IMO, the poor quality definitely outweighs the healthy options. It really is a numbers game and requires a lot of patience ...... especially if you are a guy.

 

All of the women I met during that time told me that they had filled inboxes and were dating weekly through the site.

[NoMoreJerks]

 

All of the women I met during that time told me that they had filled inboxes and were dating weekly through the site.

Wow. That... hm.. well, I almost never got any mssges.. maybe people thought I was way beyond their league, because I indicated on my profile I wasn't into playing games, and that I was doing a PhD. Maybe that came across as too demanding. :eek: the only men I met through OLD (a total of 3), were ones that *I* messaged. The first two were "OK" guys, very socially awkward (one of them was incredibly cheap, the other seemed more serious about dating, but all he kept doing was talk about himself), so I didn't let it go further than 3-4 dates at the most. But they were both nice enough. Nothing batsh*t crazy or dysfunctional as far as I could tell. The other guy turned out to be a multi-dating douchebag who was 40 years old and was into dating women half his age, and who told me outright that I was just an option and that he was going to focus on one woman he had met on the airplane, but that we can pick up from where we left off, if things did not work out with that woman. I gave him a piece of my mind ...

[NoMoreJerks]

They will always label YOU as the one with the problem, or the one in the wrong.....because you arent supposed to "call" them out on their bull*****. We are supposed to just let them do what they do, turn our head and go about our business.

 

Well I say F that. I take pride in calling people out on their bullsh*t....especially if I have any time or energy invested in trying to date them.

YES. I actually put aside my plans for that evening since he said he was in the city for only a limited time and could meet up on 2 days that he made me pick from... then, the day before, he emailed me and asked if we could meet up the following day, because he wanted to meet up with friends. I said, sorry, can't do, got plans for that day (I'm not at your beck and call, ya know?) , and said that if he can't make it, we can always cancel this and forget about meeting up. He said no no,I want to see you. I go, and then he comes up with some BS about how he had a job interview a few hrs earlier (when he was actually supposed to meet friends, as per his email the previous day?)... then, throughout the whole date he behaves in a bizarre way, rude even, tells me I shouldn't wait for him to put his coat on (that I can go), and then gives me some BS stories about how he can't do a relationship at the moment, then changes his story and admits he met someone on the airplane the week before asking me out (!), then when I tell him off for being a jerk and for wasting my time, he tells me I am a crazy b*tch. :eek: Also, I had given this guy my phone number weeks earlier, and he never bothered to use it. Didn't reciprocate by giving me his.. talk about keeping women at arm's length...

[NoMoreJerks]

This is exactly what I always try to do. BUT in my experience many women refuse to meet so quick. They never admit it, but I know that many of them are juggling multiple men and meetups, so they have to file me into their system and see where they can fit me in.

 

Its a lose-lose situation for most guys. Because if I stand my ground, and dont put up with any wishy-washy bs....99.9% of women on the dating site dont make the grade.

 

Women KNOW that they hold all the cards.....they know that if John doesnt put up with her, that Jim and 10 other guys are waiting in line to meet her.

 

Too many people would rather keep being the wishy washy idiot that they are....and find someone compatible with it, than make them self into a better person that is compatible with another better person.

Honestly, it doesn't work that way for me.. maybe it does for most women.. which makes me wonder what I am doing wrong.. but.. I never have dozens of men interested in me. I'd be lucky if one messages me, and he usually can't even spell properly or use correct grammar, so I am not interested in him from the get-go. In my experience, men act the way you've indicated. I think that usually, men go for less educated women, because they're less intimidating and most men aren't doing MAs or PhDs, so they want someone on their level or lower. THe ones who are interested in me, turn out to be jerks who have ego issues, who want to prove to themselves that they can get a chick who is highly educated and successful, to get interested in them, and put up with their sh*tty treatment. I am not kidding. It's almost like some of them deliberately do stuff to see if they can get away with it. Those are also types that are not interested in a relationship in the first place, so they don't care if they mess up their chances with the woman..

[writergal]

Online dating is a nightmare.

 

Try Meetup.com instead.

 

Dating before the internet was much easier because the only tools you had was the telephone, and friends or family to introduce you to other single people. Granted, the bar scene was huge for a long time and was where most people met. But that was then.

 

I tried online dating and dislike it because people flake out on you the minute they see you face to face. They don't even bother to get to know you offline, because the mentality with online dating is to treat people's profiles like items at at the grocery store, a very disposable mentality with people's feelings. You can invest time writing back and forth, or talking on the phone, but all that can unravel within the first 10 seconds that you meet the OLD person. It's backwards, is my point. Old fashioned dating was easier because you saw each other physically first, so if you were attracted to each other, then you struck up conversation. You invest after you meet, not before, which is what online dating forces you to do. And you don't even know if who you've invested in online is the real deal, because it is online.

 

Avoid OLD like the plague. Try Meetup instead.

[NoMoreJerks]

Try Meetup.com instead.

I've seen pictures of meetups in my area. They are mostly people from certain ethnicities that I am not attracted to -- mostly low-income immigrants (who are probably also pretty religious), which I don't consider to be compatible with my lifestyle. This is why I've never even bothered. It'd be a waste of time, and if I want to do a certain activity, I have enough friends to do it with, or alone. If the purpose is to meet potential dates, then it's pointless for me to go to these meetups.

[NoMoreJerks]

Online dating is a nightmare.

 

Try Meetup.com instead.

 

Dating before the internet was much easier because the only tools you had was the telephone, and friends or family to introduce you to other single people. Granted, the bar scene was huge for a long time and was where most people met. But that was then.

 

I tried online dating and dislike it because people flake out on you the minute they see you face to face. They don't even bother to get to know you offline, because the mentality with online dating is to treat people's profiles like items at at the grocery store, a very disposable mentality with people's feelings. You can invest time writing back and forth, or talking on the phone, but all that can unravel within the first 10 seconds that you meet the OLD person. It's backwards, is my point. Old fashioned dating was easier because you saw each other physically first, so if you were attracted to each other, then you struck up conversation. You invest after you meet, not before, which is what online dating forces you to do. And you don't even know if who you've invested in online is the real deal, because it is online.

 

Avoid OLD like the plague. Try Meetup instead.

Not everyone on OLD is like that ,though, but yes, it's rare to find people who don't discard you within 10 seconds of seeing you. It's pathetic and disgusting and immature. Most men I've met off OLD are immature jerks who just want to get laid and judge your "chemistry" and compatibility by what kinda clothing you're wearing. If it's a classy outfit that is sexy but not revealing, forget it, you ain't even getting asked for a first date. In fact, I have had men treat me like I had the plague, didn't even want to hug me at the end of the meet up, like I was some disgusting, stinky person or something.... It works itself out: i am glad those idiots weed themselves out by being such jerks on a first meet. but it still wastes my time to go out with them for a first meet. i'd rather spend that money (however much it is, even if for a coffee) on pleasant company (with friends).

[Under The Radar]

I've seen pictures of meetups in my area. They are mostly people from certain ethnicities that I am not attracted to -- mostly low-income immigrants (who are probably also pretty religious), which I don't consider to be compatible with my lifestyle. This is why I've never even bothered. It'd be a waste of time, and if I want to do a certain activity, I have enough friends to do it with, or alone. If the purpose is to meet potential dates, then it's pointless for me to go to these meetups.

 

 

Look, all I know is if I went to a "Meetup" event, and the BAT **** C-R-A-Z-Y lady was there, I'd climb a tree faster than you could blink to get away (even if I was wearing a suit) .

[truth_seeker]

I seriously think many of the women that do that, show the guys picture to their friends or someone else… And the friends probably say oh he's okay looking or you could do better than that… Which in turn causes the woman to cancel.

 

I wonder if these friends say this out of honesty or jealousy?