Is it worth it?

November 30, 2013

So, I met this guy through a mutual friend that I've known for a few years, and I've been speaking to the guy I'm interested in for over a year, and more recently, maybe in the last five months we've been talking more intimately about eventually being a relationship. As it happens, I've chosen a university that's only an hour or two away from him. (Complete chance, I didn't specifically choose that because of him.)

I'm trying to plan a trip down (1000 miles) next month to visit the school, and also visit him.

Last night, we were talking, and he said he met a girl at the bar, and that they had been texting all night. Whenever I got really quiet he said, "Don't worry, you haven't been upstaged." And I told replied, "I'm not worrying, I'm just glad you may have found someone." His reply to that was, "No. I care about you, probably more than I should, but if I find someone between the time of your visit and even your move here, it's just to pass time." And then he proceeded in telling me why he liked me, and I went, "I won't let you do that. If you find someone, I won't tell you when I come down. You deserve someone who's going to be good for you." And his reply to that was, "Yeah, but I choose you. All you've gotta do sweetheart, is choose me back."

I really like him, but I don't want him to do something like that, but he's very insistent. I'm just worried that some woman is going to get hurt from this.

Do you think it's worth it.. or?

November 30, 2013

How do you talk about maybe eventually being in a relationship? Isn't that kind of skipping all the ground work, dating, getting to know you, etc.?

I'm sure it all makes perfect rational sense logically in your mind but who is this guy? Do you even know?

November 30, 2013

How do you talk about maybe eventually being in a relationship? Isn't that kind of skipping all the ground work, dating, getting to know you, etc.?

I'm sure it all makes perfect rational sense logically in your mind but who is this guy? Do you even know?

Isn't dating a relationship? The reason why we haven't as of yet, is because we'd rather be able to talk face-to-face and be able to touch, and learn each other before we get too attached.

Of course I know him. We talk constantly, with mutual friends and just with each other. We ask each other questions, and our other mutual friends have all met each other. It's just where I'm in a different country that it makes it difficult. T

November 30, 2013

He can do what he wants. You can't worry about this other person, although it's sweet that you would. At this point I hear him saying that he's unwilling to have an LDR but once you are closer, he'd like to see where things go with you. In between if he happens to casually spend time with another woman, but tells her the score -- he just wants dates & no commitment with her -- it's a no harm no foul situation. She of course would be free to reject his plan in favor of something more stable for herself.

November 30, 2013

He can do what he wants. You can't worry about this other person, although it's sweet that you would. At this point I hear him saying that he's unwilling to have an LDR but once you are closer, he'd like to see where things go with you. In between if he happens to casually spend time with another woman, but tells her the score -- he just wants dates & no commitment with her -- it's a no harm no foul situation. She of course would be free to reject his plan in favor of something more stable for herself.

Hmmm... alright. Thank you for your opinion.

November 30, 2013

So, I met this guy through a mutual friend that I've known for a few years, and I've been speaking to the guy I'm interested in for over a year, and more recently, maybe in the last five months we've been talking more intimately about eventually being a relationship. As it happens, I've chosen a university that's only an hour or two away from him. (Complete chance, I didn't specifically choose that because of him.)
I'm trying to plan a trip down (1000 miles) next month to visit the school, and also visit him.
Last night, we were talking, and he said he met a girl at the bar, and that they had been texting all night. Whenever I got really quiet he said, "Don't worry, you haven't been upstaged." And I told replied, "I'm not worrying, I'm just glad you may have found someone." His reply to that was, "No. I care about you, probably more than I should, but if I find someone between the time of your visit and even your move here, it's just to pass time." And then he proceeded in telling me why he liked me, and I went, "I won't let you do that. If you find someone, I won't tell you when I come down. You deserve someone who's going to be good for you." And his reply to that was, "Yeah, but I choose you. All you've gotta do sweetheart, is choose me back."

I really like him, but I don't want him to do something like that, but he's very insistent. I'm just worried that some woman is going to get hurt from this.

Do you think it's worth it.. or?

I don't fancy sweet talkers. Who's to say he won't feed the other woman some nonsense? I mean relationships and feelings are never that black and white. He may say this now, but let's say giving him the benefit of the doubt this is mentality going into something with another woman; if he ends up actually falling for her you'd end up feeling like shet and feeling betrayed because of what he said initially.

Unless it's FWB, I highly doubt most rational women would sign up to play second fiddle to some other woman. He is not even 100% sure it would work out between the two of you so why would he put all this hope into things before it actually materializes. I'd feel uneasy about a guy using another woman to "pass time" to be honest. I wouldn't think in all my awesomeness that I am so special he wouldn't play me too. He is showing his character. And I think he is buttering you up with all this sweet talk.

Emotions are not a light switch to turn on and off and he seems naive to this. Would you want someone who would just use a woman and at the drop of a dime switch them out for someone else? Why can't he just wait for you? There's a finite amount of time between now and when you will move so I don't get what's the issue. He can also visit you where you are now as well if he is so "sold" on the two of you being an item. Surely you are worth the wait?

December 1, 2013

I don't fancy sweet talkers. Who's to say he won't feed the other woman some nonsense? I mean relationships and feelings are never that black and white. He may say this now, but let's say giving him the benefit of the doubt this is mentality going into something with another woman; if he ends up actually falling for her you'd end up feeling like shet and feeling betrayed because of what he said initially.

Unless it's FWB, I highly doubt most rational women would sign up to play second fiddle to some other woman. He is not even 100% sure it would work out between the two of you so why would he put all this hope into things before it actually materializes. I'd feel uneasy about a guy using another woman to "pass time" to be honest. I wouldn't think in all my awesomeness that I am so special he wouldn't play me too. He is showing his character. And I think he is buttering you up with all this sweet talk.

Emotions are not a light switch to turn on and off and he seems naive to this. Would you want someone who would just use a woman and at the drop of a dime switch them out for someone else? Why can't he just wait for you? There's a finite amount of time between now and when you will move so I don't get what's the issue. He can also visit you where you are now as well if he is so "sold" on the two of you being an item. Surely you are worth the wait?

I really appreciate you giving your opinions on this, and I'm certainly thinking more about what you've said.

Do you think I should voice my concerns and tell him that I'd rather he doesn't go out with some random woman? If I remember correctly, he did tell me that he wouldn't date someone for me.

December 1, 2013

I've been speaking to the guy I'm interested in for over a year, and more recently, maybe in the last five months we've been talking more intimately about eventually being a relationship.

So what came out of this talking and talking? He's nothing to you and you're nothing to him. Have you ever met him?

he said he met a girl at the bar, and that they had been texting all night. Whenever I got really quiet he said, "Don't worry, you haven't been upstaged." And I told replied, "I'm not worrying, I'm just glad you may have found someone." His reply to that was, "No. I care about you, probably more than I should, but if I find someone between the time of your visit and even your move here, it's just to pass time."

Ok, so rewording the concept, he's willing to use women for sex. He hangs out in bars looking for women, but oh, he has feelings for you. Really? Well, if it is so, those feelings are at least as mild as they can be. But it's fine, I mean, if you've never met, it'd be really hard to invest anything in a relationship with someone you've never met before. But what would it be like if this guy had really fallen for you? I guess pretty different.

Why wait for you to go down to uni? Why doesn't he come to you? I guess it's easier when meat is served on a tray than when you need to go get it yourself... Don't have it served on a tray. Especially with this guy.

I'm just worried that some woman is going to get hurt from this.

Possible. But maybe he just picks the drunken ones at the bar. Which wouldn't make me feel better. Actually, I'd have some concerns for my own safety. And that woman might even be you.

Do you think it's worth it.. or?

I would drop him, before anything can even start.

Do you think I should voice my concerns and tell him that I'd rather he doesn't go out with some random woman?

If a man is not capable of doing that spontaneously, why would I even want to force him out of his natural behavior? First, if he didn't want to let you know, you wouldn't know anyway, as you're 1,000+ miles away. Secondly, it might turn against you, because one day he could rub it in your face, how he didn't date other women because of you...

December 1, 2013

I really appreciate you giving your opinions on this, and I'm certainly thinking more about what you've said.

Do you think I should voice my concerns and tell him that I'd rather he doesn't go out with some random woman? If I remember correctly, he did tell me that he wouldn't date someone for me.

Hmmm...but wouldn't you want him to come to this conclusion on his own? Putting whether or not you have met in person yet aside, if he is so convinced you are who he truly wants and he knows exactly when you are going to be around, why can't he wait? I met my 1st bf 10yrs ago when the internet thing was new and I was only 16 he was 20. He was way more into me than I was into him; I never dated before him and I did't even think we would meet and I was killing time but I eventually really liked him and took the risk. He called me/text me/IM me/Skype me around the clock and waited 6 months to meet me, not dating any other woman naturally. I didn't have to ask. Then he waited another 6 months for us to go all the way b/c I was a virgin and wanted us to really love each other first. He made A LOT of sacrifices for me because he was completely sold on me.

Sorry but he gives off player vibes to me. Playing with other women's emotions, hooking up with other women. Sounds like he could be just stringing you along the way he'd string along other women. I would limit contact and you should get you two being boyfriend and girlfriend out of your mind from now so you don't get your hopes up for no reason. I would just wait until I was there to even think about anything. He could tell you he won't see anyone else but you wouldn't have a clue because he's in another country. Tell him since he sees relationship potential, how about he comes out to meet you in your country.

If he drags his feet and comes up with excuses you know he's full of shet. How old is he? Does he have a job/the means to come see you? If he does and he wants a relationship he will come out to see you. If he comes then he is somewhat serious and then you can discuss him not seeing any other women until you are there. He needs to show an investment in you greater than cheap lip service.

December 2, 2013

So what came out of this talking and talking? He's nothing to you and you're nothing to him. Have you ever met him?

Ok, so rewording the concept, he's willing to use women for sex. He hangs out in bars looking for women, but oh, he has feelings for you. Really? Well, if it is so, those feelings are at least as mild as they can be. But it's fine, I mean, if you've never met, it'd be really hard to invest anything in a relationship with someone you've never met before. But what would it be like if this guy had really fallen for you? I guess pretty different.

Why wait for you to go down to uni? Why doesn't he come to you? I guess it's easier when meat is served on a tray than when you need to go get it yourself... Don't have it served on a tray. Especially with this guy.

Possible. But maybe he just picks the drunken ones at the bar. Which wouldn't make me feel better. Actually, I'd have some concerns for my own safety. And that woman might even be you.

I would drop him, before anything can even start.

If a man is not capable of doing that spontaneously, why would I even want to force him out of his natural behavior? First, if he didn't want to let you know, you wouldn't know anyway, as you're 1,000+ miles away. Secondly, it might turn against you, because one day he could rub it in your face, how he didn't date other women because of you...

You make a lot of sense, thank you on your input.

December 2, 2013

Hmmm...but wouldn't you want him to come to this conclusion on his own? Putting whether or not you have met in person yet aside, if he is so convinced you are who he truly wants and he knows exactly when you are going to be around, why can't he wait? I met my 1st bf 10yrs ago when the internet thing was new and I was only 16 he was 20. He was way more into me than I was into him; I never dated before him and I did't even think we would meet and I was killing time but I eventually really liked him and took the risk. He called me/text me/IM me/Skype me around the clock and waited 6 months to meet me, not dating any other woman naturally. I didn't have to ask. Then he waited another 6 months for us to go all the way b/c I was a virgin and wanted us to really love each other first. He made A LOT of sacrifices for me because he was completely sold on me.

Sorry but he gives off player vibes to me. Playing with other women's emotions, hooking up with other women. Sounds like he could be just stringing you along the way he'd string along other women. I would limit contact and you should get you two being boyfriend and girlfriend out of your mind from now so you don't get your hopes up for no reason. I would just wait until I was there to even think about anything. He could tell you he won't see anyone else but you wouldn't have a clue because he's in another country. Tell him since he sees relationship potential, how about he comes out to meet you in your country.

If he drags his feet and comes up with excuses you know he's full of shet. How old is he? Does he have a job/the means to come see you? If he does and he wants a relationship he will come out to see you. If he comes then he is somewhat serious and then you can discuss him not seeing any other women until you are there. He needs to show an investment in you greater than cheap lip service.

I would want him to come to the conclusion on his own.

He's 4 years older than me, so 21. He doesn't have a job because he quit to go back to working on his schooling, so he's living a very meager lifestyle right now. He has said that if he had the means of coming up, he would have definitely been here by now.

December 2, 2013

He's 4 years older than me, so 21.

And you're still a minor, which complicates things.

December 2, 2013

I would want him to come to the conclusion on his own.
He's 4 years older than me, so 21. He doesn't have a job because he quit to go back to working on his schooling, so he's living a very meager lifestyle right now. He has said that if he had the means of coming up, he would have definitely been here by now.

AAwww...you guys are babies :-). This makes me look at this a lot different. I think it might be asking for too much for a guy so young. He is probably no where near ready to settle down. You are probably mature but you two have so much more self discovery to do to figure out who you are.

Just continue being friends, maybe not talk every day until you are where he is and can be face to face all the time. My previous suggest might be too serious for a guy his age.

December 4, 2013

And you're still a minor, which complicates things.

How does that complicate things?

The age of consent in my province and his state is 16, so therefore I'm legal.

December 4, 2013

If he's talking about the possiblity of you two being in a r/ship why is he also saying he might be with someone else in the meantime?! That would be total turn off to me, switching from woman to woman so easily, ugh, no thanks.

No, I don't think he's worth it.

So, I met this guy through a mutual friend that I've known for a few years, and I've been speaking to the guy I'm interested in for over a year, and more recently, maybe in the last five months we've been talking more intimately about eventually being a relationship. As it happens, I've chosen a university that's only an hour or two away from him. (Complete chance, I didn't specifically choose that because of him.)
I'm trying to plan a trip down (1000 miles) next month to visit the school, and also visit him.
Last night, we were talking, and he said he met a girl at the bar, and that they had been texting all night. Whenever I got really quiet he said, "Don't worry, you haven't been upstaged." And I told replied, "I'm not worrying, I'm just glad you may have found someone." His reply to that was, "No. I care about you, probably more than I should, but if I find someone between the time of your visit and even your move here, it's just to pass time." And then he proceeded in telling me why he liked me, and I went, "I won't let you do that. If you find someone, I won't tell you when I come down. You deserve someone who's going to be good for you." And his reply to that was, "Yeah, but I choose you. All you've gotta do sweetheart, is choose me back."

I really like him, but I don't want him to do something like that, but he's very insistent. I'm just worried that some woman is going to get hurt from this.

Do you think it's worth it.. or?

December 4, 2013

He's 4 years older than me, so 21

That just changed the whole game1

He's ONLY interested in you because you're interested in him, as soon as someone else passes his eyes who show any interest he'll be after them.

He's 21 and a guy - young, dumb and full of...

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Is it worth it?

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