lulu1 Posted December 30, 2004 Posted December 30, 2004 anyway, my ex bf wants to date with no strings attached. he said we can go out this weekend. i told him i want to see a movie and dinner, what does he really want. I dont think its' sex. IS he seeing how i have changed? what do i do to get him back? i love him and i will do anything to get his love back.
Author lulu1 Posted December 30, 2004 Author Posted December 30, 2004 I was with my ex bf for a little over 3 yrs. After about 6 months he moved in with me and my 3 boys. Life was going well. We all seem to ajust to each other. He feel in love with the boys. He treated them like they were his own kids, and the boys treated them like he was there dad. I was with my kids dad for many years, it was a bad relationship. He was physical and mentaly abusive and so i develpoed a lot of trust issues. THing were going good and when he would do something i would get paroind. Well after time, it took it's toll on him. He told me that he was going to move out and he would return when i get the help that i needed to let go of my past. I love him with all my heart and i went ahead and got counsling. When he moved out he said that he would stay in contact with me and the boys and he told the boys that he would still be a big part of there life.we'll when he moved he did not tell me where he was, he said he wanted me to trust him so i did. THan i found out that he moved again; he was also e-mailing his ex in brazil ( he is from Brazil) and he left if on the e-mail and i got his cell phone number. He never gave it to me. HE told me that he does not want a relationshiop he wants to be single. He never comes over often. He has been over in the last 4 months like 5 times. At first he said he does want to have a friend ship than he didnt than he did. SO we have been in contact the whole time that he has been gone. (4) months. I love him with all my heart and soul. I would do anything to get him back. Last Friday was my sons b-day and he came over to see him, and got him a gift and took him for lunch. Today i sent him an email with some photos of him me and the boys doing different things. I hope he will recondicer. I found out by my friend, that one of his friends at work tried to hook him up with a girl but he declined, so thay asked him if he was gay. DO you think he maybe confused or if he really wants to be single? pls help with any advice. i just got off the phone with him, my heart is with him and his heart he says is not with me. something is not letting my let him go, it's been 4 months and i cant. After someting i got mad, and just wanted his attenction, so i told him i was going to take him to court. he said if you love me how can you take me to court? I did not know what to say. He asked me what is it that i want. I told him, i want you. He says he dont want a relationship, but we can date with no strings attaced. He says he is not ready to get into a relastionship. He has told me a few days before that he was dating this girl, he said they only went out on time, he told me he took her to the full moon, than when i asked him again, he said he took her to the westside. I dont know if he is just bs. I told him this guy took me out, (i made him up) and i cant let him know that. So when he was saying no strings attaced i said so i can go out with megal. (made up guy) he said as long as it dont get intament. I said what happens if it does? he said i will not hang out with you anymore. I showed up to his appartment yessteday, and he was very nice, he let me in and we talked/ We ended up outside in the car. I had asked him if he has been with anyone (sex) and he said no. When i was over, he was holding me and he gave me a kiss on my head. it felt like i was in heaven. I love him with every beat of my heart, he is appart of my soul, how can i make him fall back in deep love with me? how do i get him back??? pls help
HokeyReligions Posted December 30, 2004 Posted December 30, 2004 You can't 'get' someone back if they don't want to be with you. You are playing games with him by telling him lies and most people don't like games. My advice to you is to move on in your life and let this guy go. Learn from the relationship and the counseling and hopefully your next relationship will last and you will both (all w/ your boys) be happy.
agnf666 Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 I think you have accomplished the first step by goin out with him tonight. Other then that it is going to take sometime to heal wounds. It also all depends on when you broke up, and how long you where together. I won't question the "no strings attached". Time is the key factor with this. Don't over so your self, you want to make him see what he is missing. Good Luck....
Author lulu1 Posted December 31, 2004 Author Posted December 31, 2004 me ex man of 3 yrs broke it off with me about 4 months ago. We having been talking just about every day. He wants to go out this weekend. He says he wants to date me, but no strings attaced. When i went to his house yesterday for the first time ( i just showed up) and we got along really well. We went outside to smoke and i grabed him and just huged him as hard as i could, and he did the same. We stood there with are arms arond each other for a good 5 minutes and he was kissing me on my head. I love this man, he is wonderful. He says he does not want a realationship right now, and he wants to date with no strings attached. Does it sound like he maybe confused? How should i go about getting him back? what do you think, i am so confused. pls help with any advice.
j_nelson Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 It really sounds like he still cares for you but for whatever reason he doesn't want to date you exclusively. Why did you break up? It seems to me this 'no strings attatched' idea is basically a friends with benefits deal...You should make sure you understand this before anything else happens.....
Author lulu1 Posted December 31, 2004 Author Posted December 31, 2004 we were together for a little over 3 yrs. We have been broken up for 4 months. although we have talked just about everyday.
SadAndLonely Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Sounds like he wants to date others or not commit to you (obviously). I would recommend not seeing him every day anymore, not taking any of his calls, and dropping hints that you don't want to be exclusive either. Make him wonder about where you are. And no more grabbing and hugging. It looks kind of clingy, even if he responds in kind.
_Saffy_ Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 sounds like something my EX would say..........or did say....."i love you, you are the only person that i ever want, need, you are my soul mate, im just not cut out to be in a relationship" translated by me 3 weeks later into "it makes no difference what i think of you, i dont want to be with you" so like hell would he be hanging out with me or dating me, ya dont get ya cake and eat it in this world.
Author lulu1 Posted January 2, 2005 Author Posted January 2, 2005 Hi, we'll i went out with my ex boyfriend of 3 yrs last night. we had a nice time. it felt kinda odd, but at the same time, natual. He came over adn he was not feeling well, and he hurt his back at work, (he works for a moving company) Before he came over, he has asked me what i wanted to do, and i told him i did not care, so i asked him, and he said he did not care, he just wanted to be where it was warm. So he called me back adn said tht he would be over around 4, but i was not ready so i called him and asked him to stop by around 430. So he showed up at 430 adn he sat on the sofa. we talked and talked, trying to come up with something to do. ( it was more diffuctult new yres day and everything was closed) I suggested that we go to Chilis and he said yea, but than we rembebered its always freezing in there, About a 1/2 hrs latter we just get up and leave the house. We were going to go to this new bar, but it was packed, than we were going to go to the jazz an martni bar, but it was closed. so we ened up renting a couple dvd's and went to the party store and go some drinks. We went back to my place and watched the first movie, than we ened up in bed. It was so romantic. It was just no like sex, it felt like we were making love. There was touching, huging, kissing, ect. you get the point. and after we went out and watched the second movie. He was not feeling well. 1/2 way through he was snoring on the coutch. He woke up and finished watching the movie. After it was over he got ready to leave and he gave me a kiss and a hug. He appoligized for falling asleep. He said that he is used to going to bed around 10-1030 and he was ill. I told him that was ok, he said if we wernt out, he would not have feel asleep. I told him, next time we can go out, when there is things open and you not ill. we had a nice quite eveing. It's kinda hard becasure he said to me a few days ago, that he dont want strings attached. when i meet him, we lived together within 2 months. he said he wishes we have dated and hung out first. so i pray to go it works out. what do you think?/ any advice?
7on Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 You say he's your ex? If so why? Could the ex reason crop up again?
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by lulu1 It's kinda hard becasure he said to me a few days ago, that he dont want strings attached. This sounds consistent from your posts. This guy is continuing to make it perfectly clear that he intends to see you, but not exclusively, no matter what sort of dates you have. The fact that he said this: he said he wishes we have dated and hung out first Is a way of telling you that you can't go back and change the past. He is saying that under different circumstances it may have worked out differently. As it is, he is repeatedly telling you that he doesn't want strings attached. If you are happy with that arrangement, then enjoy your no-strings-attached arrangement. If you are expecting a committed, monogamous, romantic relationship, I think you will find yourself repeatedly disappointed.
Guest Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 He wants to boink you but not commit to you-why is that hard to see?
Author lulu1 Posted January 2, 2005 Author Posted January 2, 2005 yea he did say, i wish it started out with us datting, but at the same time he also said he wants to take it slow. i asked him do i have a shot in hell to make this work out, and he said yea. I think he just wants to take it slow... do it right. i relationship started out with sex and we moved in together. we never got to become friends first. you know what i mean?
Author lulu1 Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 i was with my ex man for 3 yrs.and we lived together for the 3 yrs. he broke it off. HE said he dont want to be with me, he wants to date other women. We have not been together in 4 months. Alothough we have been talking just about everyday. He told me at first he loves me, than he did not love me, now when i ask him, he says he does, as a good friend. I have not no time with him up untill a few days ago. I showed up at his door, he was nice and we talked. I spent a couple of hrs with him. He said we could go out this weekend (last sat.), but he says he wants to date, but no strings attached. SO on friday he called me, and he told me that he would be at my house at 4:00. so i was really exited. Around 3:45 i called him back and told him to come over at 4:30. i was not ready. So at 4:30 he showed up./ He has asked me what i wanted to do and i told him i did not care, and so i asked him and he said he want to be some where warm and that he did not care. ( he was really sick) so we talked and about a 1/2 latter we left. he told me he seen thsi new bar and wanted to go. so we went put it was so packed , we did not even go inside. Than we decided to go to the Jazz and martni bar, but it was closed. We drove around for about 45 minutes and he told me, man i wish we had done this before. (See we started are relationship on sex, we did not get to really know each other and hangout) So we just ended up renting 2 dvds and went to the store and got some drinks and went back to my place and just relaxed. We watched the first movie and he told me to come lay next to him ( we always used to lay like that when we lived together) so i did and one thing led to another. I asked him if he had a condom and he said yea, i said where and he said at the store. I was not amused. I looked into his eys and asked him if he had been with anyone and he said no and he asked me the same. so we started to kiss and hug you know and we ened up in bed. It was not just like getting F&*$ed, it was more romantic. there was kiss and hugging and touching involeved you know the rest. It was like he was making love to me. like before. Anyway after we were done, we went in to watch the other movie, and 1/2 through he was sleeping, he was so tired and sick. i felt so bad. he woke up after about a 1/2 and finished watching the movie. After it was over, he apoligixed for falling asleep. he said he is used to going to bed at 10-11 and he was sick. I said dont worry, it was ok. SO that told me he was conftrable. Anyway he got ready to leave and i said next time we can go out when your feeling better and things are open. He smiled and agreed. He gave me a hug and a kiss good bye. We had spent 8 hrs together it was so, so nice. I really love him and miss him. what do you think???? does he want me back and just take it slow?
Author lulu1 Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 I cant stand the feeling that he had told me no strings attached. we were in a 3 yrs relastionship. I had a really nice time with him over the weekend. I dont know if he will really go out with other women. THe tought makes me sick. I know he wants to take it slow. I asked him before if i had a shot in hell to make it work, he said yea, no matter how big or small, everyone has a chance. i am so scrad, that i invested so much time and energy into him/us that i may get hurt. I talked to him last night and he was very nice, so polite. Saturday was perfect.
Author lulu1 Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 He just called me and told me he left my game in the mail box, i just got in and i missed him. I asked why did you not come in ,and he said, you were not home. I was up at the school reg. for classes. IT was so nice of him, i wanted CSI game for my pc and he got it for me. i dont know if i am reading to much into this, does he just want to be friends or more??????? pls help.. he did say no strings attached. do you think he really means it. read the other stuff that i had wrote and pls help me. I dont want me or my boys to get hurt again
SoleMate Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 When he says "No strings attached", that means HE gets to fool around, yet he knows that you, lovestruck as you are, will just pine and wait for him. It's humiliating and demeaning for him to put you in this place. Wait...scratch that...HE didn't put you there, you ALLOWED him to put you there. Whe someone offers you a "relationship deal" or "non-relationship deal" that doesn't suit you, you should just say, "No thanks". Same as if the car salesperson offers you an overpriced vehicle that you have no interest in. You don't have to accept every offer anyone makes to you, you know...
Author lulu1 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 do you really think he is wanting his cake and eat it to? or do you think he just wants to take it slow? look at this weekend, it was so nice and he told me last night, that he really enjoyed spending time w/me on sat
SoleMate Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 A few points for you: 1) NSA should mean that BOTH parties are free to have whatever other relationships they want. But he told you "not to get intimate" with the other guy. That's a string right there. 2) You really want a committed relationship, so I question the wisdom of getting back with him on a non-committed basis. He can't pine for you if you are totally available to him. 3) You lied about there being another man in your life. You're telling lies to enhance your relationship power. Think about it. And I am quite sure HE is doing the same thing (different lies, probably) 4) ...I asked him before if i had a shot in hell to make it work, he said yea, no matter how big or small, everyone has a chance... What an arrogant @$$hole. "Everyone has a chance." Well my, doesn't that make YOU feel special. 5) You want him WAY more than he wants you. That's clear. I think he knows that, and is taking advantage of your feelings so he can play the field. Remember, you have no right to complain about him neglecting you or seeing other women, because you agreed to NSA. 6) If I were you, I wouldn't give this fellow the time of day.
Author lulu1 Posted January 4, 2005 Author Posted January 4, 2005 ME AND MY EX OF 3 YRS JUST BROKE UP 4 MONTHS AGO. (HE BROKE UP W/ME) i LOVE THIS MAN WITH ALL MY HEART. ON SAT. WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT WE HAVE SPENT ANYTIME TOGETHER IN 4 MONTHS. IT WAS REALLY NICE. HE TOLD ME THAT WE CAN DATE, BUT NO STRINGS ATTACHED. HE CAME OVER AND WE SPENT THE WHOLD DAY TOGETHER. i HAS ASKED HIM IF HE HAD BEEN WITH ANYONE ELES (SEX) AND HE SAID NO. DURING THE VISIT WE WOULD HUG AND HE GAVE ME KISSES. I DID THE SAME. HE WOULD HOLD ME AND I HELD HIM BACK. I TALKED TO HIM LAST NIGHT AND ASKED HIM IF HE ENJOYED SAT NIGHT, HE SAYS WHY, I SAID YOU HAVE NOT SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT, AND HE SAID I DID REALLY ENJOY MYSELF. WE JUST SAT AT MY HOUSE AND RENTED A COUPLE OF DVD'S. HE ENED UP FALLING ASLEEP, HE WAS PRETTY SICK. HE TOLD ME ON THE WAY TO THE VIDEO STORE THAT HE WISHES THAT WE STARTED DATING FIRST. (IT STARTED ON SEX). HE WOULD HOLD MY HAND IN THE CAR AND WOULD GIVE IT SQUEZZES. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK? DOES HE LOVE ME?
blind_otter Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 I've read your other thread - you need to stop starting new threads and just reply on your old one.... Anyways, as far as I'm concerned, you seem kinda naieve. All the signals he puts off say "I want to have SEX with you, no strings attached" - you made yourself sexually available to him outside the confines of a committed relationship. Big mistake.
Barby Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Sorry but I have to agree with Blind Otter on ALL points...stop with the new threads just to get different responses on the EXACT same issue.... Also just like Blind Otter said, you've been given CLEAR signals...he wants to be with you sexually without the obligation of having a relationship with you! You probably should do yourself a favor and move on no matter how much it hurts. Find someone who's as "into" you as you are him.
Recommended Posts