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How To Get Back With Her

nevergoodenough

By nevergoodenough
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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With all do respect, your story is nothing like mine. i spent 18 hours a day with this girl every day. She would write me love letters all the time, buy me things just bc she was thinking of me and never wanted me to leave her side. She would pick me up at my apt and say "lets go home, your home is with me". If we were ever were mad at eachother she would always say lets please sit down and talk about things and she would chase after me if I left. She also presented me to her whole family and her friends.. which wouldn't be the case if she hated me, thought so low of me or thought of herself as superior in any way. Aside from that, she is someone that makes an effort to fill the world with positivity, she would never do something for the purpose of hurting someone. Also, if I were such a joke to her, she wouldn't have pics of us all over her FB without me even having an account. Some of which are still up. And all of the texts in her phone were asking for advice about me "He left and I'm fighting to get him to stay, what do I do?" She didn't even want to me to take a shower without her. So I highly doubt she hates me or thinks so low of me, nor was our relationship anything like your rejection. If I haven't broken her things, threatened to send her naked pics and acted out in such anger that she had to tell her parents to expect the pictures, I would still be with her. Kind of a stretch to assume she made a show of her feelings even after that if (according to you) she thinks so low of me and hates me or whatever. You can think what you want though.. but your situation is far from the same.

None the less,

Thanks for your reply

 

Lol

 

Nah, I was just kidding, bro.

 

Just keep wearing her down. She'll come around eventually. :D

  • Like 3
organizedchaos Established Member

organizedchaos

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Ok OP, we're all wrong and you're right. Go do what you want and tell us how it went.

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Salvatore85 Established Member

Salvatore85

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MrbossMan-

 

Hey man, I thoroughly enjoyed what you wrote. I'm much further along than the OP and I, myself just spent the last 5 minutes or so reading your whole post lol. It's unfortunate that the OP is pretty much disregarding your post but it was definitely a worthwhile read. Kudos!

  • Like 5
Salvatore85 Established Member

Salvatore85

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Ok OP, we're all wrong and you're right. Go do what you want and tell us how it went.

 

Sometimes you just have to learn things the hard way. He'll look back on it and think about what a mistake he made but he's young and it will be an experience he can grow from.

  • Like 2
reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

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Dear OP, your breakup is not that unique. Men and women have been dating since men and women have been around, and they've been breaking up just as long. Your relationship and breakup are not unique in that vein. I would suggest reading BossMans post again, it was very enlightening. It will definitely help you heal! I hope you are doing better today!

  • Like 3
ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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With all do respect, your story is nothing like mine. i spent 18 hours a day with this girl every day. She would write me love letters all the time, buy me things just bc she was thinking of me and never wanted me to leave her side. She would pick me up at my apt and say "lets go home, your home is with me". If we were ever were mad at eachother she would always say lets please sit down and talk about things and she would chase after me if I left. She also presented me to her whole family and her friends.. which wouldn't be the case if she hated me, thought so low of me or thought of herself as superior in any way. Aside from that, she is someone that makes an effort to fill the world with positivity, she would never do something for the purpose of hurting someone. Also, if I were such a joke to her, she wouldn't have pics of us all over her FB without me even having an account. Some of which are still up. And all of the texts in her phone were asking for advice about me "He left and I'm fighting to get him to stay, what do I do?" She didn't even want to me to take a shower without her. So I highly doubt she hates me or thinks so low of me, nor was our relationship anything like your rejection. If I haven't broken her things, threatened to send her naked pics and acted out in such anger that she had to tell her parents to expect the pictures, I would still be with her. Kind of a stretch to assume she made a show of her feelings even after that if (according to you) she thinks so low of me and hates me or whatever. You can think what you want though.. but your situation is far from the same.

None the less,

Thanks for your reply

 

The stubborn-ness is strong in this one.

  • Like 5
MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

Posted
Posted
MrbossMan-

 

Hey man, I thoroughly enjoyed what you wrote. I'm much further along than the OP and I, myself just spent the last 5 minutes or so reading your whole post lol. It's unfortunate that the OP is pretty much disregarding your post but it was definitely a worthwhile read. Kudos!

 

Thanks, Salvatore. Maybe it will hit home after a few more years of failed attempts. lol

  • Like 2
MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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Let's not be too hard on the guy. He's just not ready to give up yet. Sometimes it takes a long time for people to get it. He just needs to come to grips with reality for himself.

  • Like 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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Let's not be too hard on the guy. He's just not ready to give up yet. Sometimes it takes a long time for people to get it. He just needs to come to grips with reality for himself.

 

No one is being hard on him.

MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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No one is being hard on him.

 

Yeah, you're right.

 

But observe how he responded to my post. He's clinging to how she treated him when things were going well, and he can't fully accept that she no longer wants him. In his mind, she loved him once, so she must still love him deep down, and that's just not the truth. Chances are that she secretly loathed him for most of that time but tried to make it work until she couldn't stand him anymore.

 

And looking at how amazingly stubborn he is, we don't need to strain too hard to imagine all of the other personality flaws in him that could have turned her off. And on top of that, he admitted to spending 18 hours a day with her EVERYDAY! She got sick of you, bro.

 

Learn from his errors, my friends.

Edited by MrBossMan
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nevergoodenough Established Member

nevergoodenough

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Ok OP, we're all wrong and you're right. Go do what you want and tell us how it went.

 

Never said I knew what to do, bc I don't. I just don't buy into that idea she was pretending or doesn't care about me or that she feels I am below her. I find it hard to believe she did all those things and didn't actually care about me, but I'm the one that actually knows her. She is the second person I did this to with the same result. I think that shows that she doesn't want to be bothered bc of what I did and her parents are now involved. That's my .02. What I don't know is how to get her to talk to me, which is all I asked.

MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

Posted
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Never said I knew what to do, bc I don't. I just don't buy into that idea she was pretending or doesn't care about me or that she feels I am below her. I find it hard to believe she did all those things and didn't actually care about me, but I'm the one that actually knows her. She is the second person I did this to with the same result. I think that shows that she doesn't want to be bothered bc of what I did and her parents are now involved. That's my .02. What I don't know is how to get her to talk to me, which is all I asked.

 

She did care, but she no longer does. If there is any hope of you getting back, it's to stop contacting her completely and getting your act together to the point that you'd be happy either way. Being clingy and stalkerish will only lower her view of you.

 

It's a hard pill to swallow, but that's the truth.

  • Like 4
ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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Never said I knew what to do, bc I don't. I just don't buy into that idea she was pretending or doesn't care about me or that she feels I am below her. I find it hard to believe she did all those things and didn't actually care about me, but I'm the one that actually knows her. She is the second person I did this to with the same result. I think that shows that she doesn't want to be bothered bc of what I did and her parents are now involved. That's my .02. What I don't know is how to get her to talk to me, which is all I asked.

 

Alright fine lets do this:

 

I bet she still cares about you. She doesnt want you to feel upset. That part may or may not be true.

 

First off: The phrase "I'm the one who knows her" is SUCH a common phrase on here. If I had a nickel.....honestly, yeah you do KNOW her, but she is a human being. She follows the same pattern AND feelings that EVERY human feels during this. Therefore, you are disregarding our advice because you feel "she isnt like that" Truth bomb: SHE IS LIKE THAT. When push comes to shove, we all are kinda like that. Your story of "Well, she told me she loved me everyday" and how she did B, C, D, E....whatever. Fact is none of it matters. It really doesnt anymore.

 

Here is what you need to know: You want her to "talk" to you? What you have done already (gifts, letters, etc) is SO overboard. You look incredibly clingy. No matter how long you have known her, she will feel that. Her refusal to answer anything you have done shows that. We've all made mistakes, but LEARN from them. Not a good move. Also, your actions leading up to that (photo-gate, sending a screenshot of you calling your ex) is SOOOO lame. How old are you man? Mature relationships dont function like that.

 

You want an answer to your question right?

The chances of getting back with her are VERY slim. Reconciliations are very rare, but obviously CAN happen. Read these threads man. The way you are doing it now will NEVER happen I assure you that. Being in her face and giving her gifts and what not says "Hey, I know you made a decision, but Im sending you all of these things to show you I'm the right choice." Thats called pressure. If you picked Mcdonalds to eat for lunch and kept getting reminders from Burger King saying why YOU made the wrong choice, how would you feel?

 

We say go No Contact to move forward from this and heal. If a reconciliation WERE to happen, its when BOTH parties move forward from the past, heal, and THEN want to get back together. That last part might (and strong chance) might not happen again. What you are doing now is so counterproductive, its amazing. Listen to those who have dealt with this 100000 times over. TRUST ME AND US.

  • Like 3
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nevergoodenough Established Member

nevergoodenough

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Yeah, you're right.

 

But observe how he responded to my post. He's clinging to how she treated him when things were going well, and he can't fully accept that she no longer wants him. In his mind, she loved him once, so she must still love him deep down, and that's just not the truth. Chances are that she secretly loathed him for most of that time but tried to make it work until she couldn't stand him anymore.

 

And looking at how amazingly stubborn he is, we don't need to strain too hard to imagine all of the other personality flaws in him that could have turned her off. And on top of that, he admitted to spending 18 hours a day with her EVERYDAY! She got sick of you, bro.

 

Learn from his errors, my friends.

 

She wanted me there, which is why she would chase after me and cry if I went to leave. If she loathed me, she wouldn't be bringing me around her family or have called me 18x and left me a bunch of voicemails saying to come back and how much she loved me and just wanted to be with me. You may think she is a dishonest person, but I do not. If she hated me, she wouldn't have been asking her parents and friends for their advice on how to keep me. I'm aware this is the past though.

reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

Posted
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She wanted me there, which is why she would chase after me and cry if I went to leave. If she loathed me, she wouldn't be bringing me around her family or have called me 18x and left me a bunch of voicemails saying to come back and how much she loved me and just wanted to be with me. You may think she is a dishonest person, but I do not. If she hated me, she wouldn't have been asking her parents and friends for their advice on how to keep me. I'm aware this is the past though.

 

Bingo on the bolded part. Notice how you used past tense on this. It's all in the past. You have to move on.

  • Like 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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She wanted me there, which is why she would chase after me and cry if I went to leave. If she loathed me, she wouldn't be bringing me around her family or have called me 18x and left me a bunch of voicemails saying to come back and how much she loved me and just wanted to be with me. You may think she is a dishonest person, but I do not. If she hated me, she wouldn't have been asking her parents and friends for their advice on how to keep me. I'm aware this is the past though.

 

Ignorining advice on here and picking and choosing what to hear while avoiding.the truth will get you places haha

  • Like 1
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nevergoodenough Established Member

nevergoodenough

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No idea what your talking about

ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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No idea what your talking about

 

You have four pages worth of people telling you advice lol. Yet, your stuck on one persons thought that she doesn't care. THAT doesn't really matter currently.

  • Like 2
MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

Posted
Posted (edited)
She wanted me there, which is why she would chase after me and cry if I went to leave. If she loathed me, she wouldn't be bringing me around her family or have called me 18x and left me a bunch of voicemails saying to come back and how much she loved me and just wanted to be with me. You may think she is a dishonest person, but I do not. If she hated me, she wouldn't have been asking her parents and friends for their advice on how to keep me. I'm aware this is the past though.

 

Then and now. Night and day. Just because something was true yesterday doesn't mean it's true today.

 

Are you able to wrap your head around the fact that relationships frequently go from being amazing and loving to two people ready to strangle each other? Things change. That's what happened to you.

 

She realized you're not who she wants to be with, and there's nothing you can do. She changed her mind about you.

 

And about the "she wanted me there" thing...

 

A kid will want you to let them eat a whole half-gallon of ice cream in one sitting, but you don't give it to them because, for one, it will make them sick of ice cream, and because it will also make them physically sick.

 

Maybe she was testing you to see if you'd either be a strong man who values his time and who does what's right, or a wimp who gives in to her every irrational request because you're so smitten and eager to please, even if it brings you down.

 

You failed the test.

Edited by MrBossMan
  • Like 6
LadyM Established Member

LadyM

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I feel she really did love you at one time and could still be fond of you. But it is likely her family got involved when you made threats and became abusive.

 

What would make you feel worse than anything, and this could realistically happen, is that if you continue to contact her, she can take out a restraining order against you. Her family is not going to let you continue bothering her and they will take action.

 

If you had a daughter, would you want an abusive fella like yourself coming around? I think not.

 

You're in denial about the situation and I really can understand that. But all I'm saying is you really don't want it to get to the point where the police are involved.

 

I wish you all the best...

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LadyM Established Member

LadyM

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MrBossMan, that was one awesome post.

 

Very kind of you to take the time to write such a thoughtful and eloquent note.

 

I think we all benefited...

 

Thank you.

  • Like 3
MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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I think that all that needs to be said has been said at this point (at least from me), so I hope it works out for you, OP.

 

All the best.

  • Like 2
MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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MrBossMan, that was one awesome post.

 

Very kind of you to take the time to write such a thoughtful and eloquent note.

 

I think we all benefited...

 

Thank you.

 

No problem, just my best attempts to reach a helping hand out to a stranger in pain.

  • Like 3
reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

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You have four pages worth of people telling you advice lol. Yet, your stuck on one persons thought that she doesn't care. THAT doesn't really matter currently.

 

Is that what the fuss is about? OP, your ex clearly cared about you at one time, and if anyone suggests otherwise, they are wrong (sorry). But although she once cared for you, she no longer does, or else you wouldn't be together. Feelings and emotions do change, for better or worse.

  • Like 1
Am4Real Established Member

Am4Real

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Yes, but then we would have to start a new thread and go through all these arguments with the OP all over again.... Ughhhhhh....

 

 

OP, offering another perspective.

 

If a guy smashed my possessions and threatened to send naked photos to my family, there's nothing he could do or say that would make me give him another chance. That person then sending me cards and gifts and being over the top, makes me concerned about their emotions and the ability to handle them. Both reactions are completely lacking in any kind of measured, considered thought. They are just knee-jerk.

 

Instead of asking us what you can do or say to get her back, you should be asking us how you can get your emotions in better control and react better to a situation, to ensure that you don't stuff up the next relationship.

  • Like 3
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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