Do married partners think they've got all the time in the world?

[goldengirl11]

I had been talking to my married lover earlier today on the phone, when he said once again after I asked him if he was ok etc that the "dilemma" often goes round his head, that he'll have to face that decision sometime (he has broke it off 2/3 times before in the past but has come back after missing me). Well, has it occurred to him that I might meet someone else more suitable in the meantime? He recently said that he would be gutted if I ended it. I'd really like to get married and have children one day, but can't see him wanting to do that really, so am hoping to meet someone else (I'm 35). I also had wasted too much time in my last relationship, kidding myself it was going somewhere when it wasn't, which resulted in me being dumped for another woman. I feel so sad sometimes and just want to feel the norm i.e to meet someone of a similar age and to have a committed relationship with.

[Cinnimon]

He says it will gut him if you meet someone else, yet your being gutted daily by his terms.

[MissBee]

I had been talking to my married lover earlier today on the phone, when he said once again after I asked him if he was ok etc that the "dilemma" often goes round his head, that he'll have to face that decision sometime (he has broke it off 2/3 times before in the past but has come back after missing me). Well, has it occurred to him that I might meet someone else more suitable in the meantime? He recently said that he would be gutted if I ended it. I'd really like to get married and have children one day, but can't see him wanting to do that really, so am hoping to meet someone else (I'm 35). I also had wasted too much time in my last relationship, kidding myself it was going somewhere when it wasn't, which resulted in me being dumped for another woman. I feel so sad sometimes and just want to feel the norm i.e to meet someone of a similar age and to have a committed relationship with.

 

No it hasn't occurred to him, because you most likely won't. That is, while in the midst of an affair, it is unlikely you are emotionally available to meet a new man. OW always say this, and I did too as an OW, but it makes no sense. Rare is it that you will truly meet and fall in love and be available for a healthy relationship while you're still hoping for a MM to choose to be with you and you're still very much in the A.

 

This may be another case of kidding yourself. I think based on what you say you want, you have to make some hard choices and not wait for him to make them.

 

For me, my A was when I had the time to waste so to speak. That is, I was younger, I wasn't looking to settle down with anyone and all of that seemed like something that would happen in the future. I got the A over with and now wouldn't ever do that again simply because at this stage in my life I don't have time to waste. I really think if you're at a certain stage in life where you want commitment and children an A is something very foolhardy to bet on and even if you "found yourself in one", you don't have the luxury to just let it go on endlessly on that other person's time frame but need to be clear about where it is and isn't going and when.

[Popsicle]

Yes, yes, they do.