MiguelG Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 (edited) We were together coming up to three years. We first met while she was seeing someone else, and that should have been a wake up call from the start. She eventually broke up with him and got with me. The relationship at the beginning was fun and we were happy, but coming up to the first year, I caught her texting other guys, and nearly broke up with her but I felt that she was worth it and gave it another chance bc the state she was in when I was breaking up with was upsetting to see bc she was a mess and heartbroken. After the whole incident we started working in things, but it was always in the back of my mind. And I would throw it back in her face what she'd done to me and she used to get frustrated with me and tell me to let it go. A few months later, she comes to my house and we found out she was pregnant. It was the best feeling in the world! I can say that she had a good and a happy pregnancy, it changed a lot for us, we were so happy and looking forward to meeting our little boy. Anyway, my son was born and things were great. But after her not working after a year bc of the baby, when she did get her job, things changed completely. She became distant, cold, blunt, there was hardly ever any intimacy. Towards the last month or so I had this gut feeling that there was more to her being 'bored'. I started noticing her going to the 'hair shop' very often, and acting funny with me since then. I became very paranoid and started convincing her how much I loved her so I became needy and clingy which is obviously not a nice thing for a woman to see. As it turns out, my 'paranoia' was right all along. She was seeing somebody else towards the end of the relationship. And when it came to the break up she showed no interest in me whatsoever. She eventually got herself an older guy. So then I find out this man is a barber, hence why she was going 'hair shop' so often. The main reason why I'm hurting is because I still love the girl like hell. And she's claiming to be happy, and saying she doesn't feel trapped, she's free. She was really nasty through the break up, calling me crazy, paranoid and demented for thinking she's seeing someone else. I will own up to the fact that I wasn't 100% with her, but that's because I got too comfortable. I thought because she had my son and we were three years in I had it on lock, but I was obviously wrong. She doesn't want anything to do with me at all. And she says she doesn't miss me, think about me and she doesn't love me. And I'm hurting like crazy right now because I was so used to having them both around, now I'm crashing at my sisters atm with no girl, and seeing my son on my days off. I know what I have to do to get her back by she's telling me to let to and move on, saying, "let's be friends for the sake of our son". I'm in a lot of emotional pain atm bc I feel so alone and she's feels happy and liberated by not being with me. We did a lot of things together, the main one being we got our driver's licence the same time with the same instructor. She said to me I was the 'perfect' life partner but it's my 'ways' that put her off. I miss her and love her like mad, and it burns to know that she isn't interested not one bit. Given how we started, I thought she wouldn't do that again bc it was different this time, this time around we were a family, you know. Is there any hope of me making my family work again? Help guys ): Edited December 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author MiguelG Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 (edited) Why do you say that? Edited November 30, 2013 by MiguelG Spell mistake
TaraMaiden Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Because you're not listening: she's telling me to let to and move on, saying, "let's be friends for the sake of our son". I'm in a lot of emotional pain atm bc I feel so alone and she's feels happy and liberated by not being with me. It's not what she wants. And while she doesn't want you, there's not a bat's chance in hell of you changing her mind. Your best bet, and key to a tranquil life, is acceptance. 1
Author MiguelG Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 It's hard to accept it when we had so many goals we were aiming for. I'm probably in denial but I've the tiniest of hopes that we'll be together again eventually. All the odds are against me though, I don't know what to feel. I miss her too much and knowing she's moved on after two weeks and says she's happy is heartbreaking.
TaraMaiden Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Hun, she was moving on ages before that. Two weeks ago is just when the crapoola hit the fan. She walked out on this long before. Don't you get that? 1
Author MiguelG Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 I do and it's killing me. I just want that family feeling you know, it was going so well. It's affecting every other aspect of my life unintentionally. I'm stuck right now I just want her back
TaraMaiden Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 You need counselling, because you're stuck, and no matter how hard you're pushing that boulder, you're pushing it against a rock-face. You don't have to do this alone, but your only way through is to face it head on. Read the No-Contact Guide in my signature. You cannot be her friend. It will destroy you from the inside out. Refuse her that get-out. You are the father of your child. And that's all. THAT'S ALL. You owe her nothing, and you are not obliged to engage with her, other than in any discussion concerning your child. Anything else is off-limits. If she needs to talk to you about his care, welfare and well-being, then yes: discuss that. But steer clear of any attempts to establish a friendship with her. It will tear you apart, and create a demon in your life. Read the guide. And summon up every ounce of will-power you have, to stick with it. You're going to need it. 1
Author MiguelG Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 She confirmed to a close mutual friend of ours that she is seeing this guy. I really do need and want some help though, I'm struggling hard at the moment. Do you think there's any hope of it ever working out? And where can i read this No Guide?
TaraMaiden Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Hope contains a big fat zero. And it's all Hype, too. The no Contact guide is in my signature.... Here: Read, mark and inwardly digest. Read the whole thread. It will make you see you're not alone, too.... 1
Author MiguelG Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Yeah I read it. It's so true but it hard to face the facts. I really miss this girl This is killing me slowly
TaraMaiden Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 No, it's not. It's hurting, but it won't kill you. Man up, fellah. If you buckle under now, what kind of a picture are you giving people of the kind of dad you can be? Grow a spine, stand up straight, breathe deep and tell yourself, "I will survive this, and I have the strength to do so." Say it, time and time again, until you believe it. And you will, because it's true. 2
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