How can someone who knows you so well not care and be so cold?

[reddragon588]

Cant afford a new counselor...The one I went to scaled the rate drastically..ALL others would not... I think I will take a hiatus from the site. I am willing to do anything to rid the thoughts and feelings

 

Look harder. Getting over this is going to be the hardest thing you've ever done. You need to look harder and talk to more therapists, maybe you need a new perspective.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Cant afford a new counselor...The one I went to scaled the rate drastically..ALL others would not... I think I will take a hiatus from the site. I am willing to do anything to rid the thoughts and feelings

 

It just takes hard work and determination. The two keys to success

[cavalier99]

Cant afford a new counselor...The one I went to scaled the rate drastically..ALL others would not... I think I will take a hiatus from the site. I am willing to do anything to rid the thoughts and feelings

 

Youll be fine bro. Just stay NC. Your just spinning around in your head more than most. You are a classic thought snowballer. Try reading up on meditation.

 

Eventually she will be purged from your system. Just might take while. Rock on! Cav

[Vinsanity1307]

thanks appreciate the support

[Am4Real]

Vin,

 

You’re bright enough to recognize it’s time for a professional. Bravo!

 

Surely there is something you can drop off your current spend to pay for a few sessions. If there is a University in your area, you might also look for interns from the local Psychology Program or locate associates from an area mental health licensing curriculum who need volunteer clinical hours.

 

Given none of those are available to you and you cannot afford assistance; this site is not the end all nor is it wasted time. You do however have to be willing to listen to some of the experienced posters.

 

I’m sure once you open your mind to thinking and processing differently than what you’re accustomed to and stop promoting your own way as the only way, a few of the more shrewd posters will join your side and do whatever they can to help you.

 

Many of us can also refer you to some excellent reading material which you can read and process on your own.

 

Right now you have to realize a couple of things:

 

• You are neither the first nor the last to go through this. Just look at the involvement on this forum for proof of that.
  
• Most if not all of us are amateurs on this site and although the vast majority mean well, we all possess different ways of communicating with you since we are without formal education and training as either Psychologists or Mental Health Therapists. As much as we need to be patient with you, you need to be patient and open minded with us.
  

Lastly, let me leave you with a thought: Life is a privilege – it’s not a guarantee! It is something we are given and left to manage, usually with guidance and influence from others both formally and informally. Our well-being, our destiny, our satisfaction is largely controlled by ourselves and when it takes a turn for the worse based on factors out of our power or influence, our happiness and return to control is actually something we oversee even if we need help to accomplish such.

 

Hopefully you agree with this thought…if you do, replace the word “life” with “relationship”.

 

Many on this board can help you oversee your own success if you let them; perhaps pick out a senior advisor on this forum and ask them straight up for advice, advice you respect and will listen to, only this time be guided by the words from the preceding paragaph: our happiness and return to control is actually something we oversee even if we need help to accomplish such...

 

Good luck!

[BC1980]

I think you just analyze it too much. We all go through this thought process, but you have to cut it off at some point. Turn they attention to yourself.

[JDPT]

Vin-you've been spinning your wheels for too long buddy. It's time to be selfish and focus on no one but you. I know it's easier said than done and I'm confident you've heard this a million times but try to jolt yourself out of it. I'm struggling just as much as you are and it's been roughly 7 months for me of many ups and downs. Take it a minute at a time, we are still strapped in this vicious rollercoaster that drains the life out of us literally, hang in there man, it will eventually subside and become a bit more manageable.

[reddragon588]

Get rid of the list of negatives about your ex. Stop focusing on her. Focus on you. Replace the list of negatives about her with a list of things you like about yourself. Then make a list of things you've accomplished since your breakup you are proud of. Then start working on your New Years Resolutions. Don't write a word about your ex in any of those lists. Stop revolving your world around her and start revolving it around you.

[BC1980]

Everyday you wake up, you make a choice: do I focus on the old relationship, or do I focus on myself? It doesn't come naturally. You have to work for it until it becomes second nature, and you don't care anymore. It won't happen overnight after a 5 year relationship, but I know that it's guaranteed not to happen if you stay in this cycle.