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Posted

Hi, been ages since I've been on here as I sort of gave up meeting anyone, but happened to meet someone I like very much volunteering.

 

So we hung out last night and I asked about getting together on the weekend and then there was the awkward pause, and I'm just looking to be friends line. Normally I would just take this as her politely turning me down, and I'd move on and forget about it. In her case it's a bit complicated as she's gone through a very tough divorce and it just got finalized last week. I was honest with her and told her that I'm attracted to her just to put it out there, and that I understand her situation and that's why I haven't really been pressing for anything romantic. I met her 3 months ago and we've hung out 4 times outside of volunteering (we've been on two two hour walks and twice for an hour before her class.) She also said she was flattered that I find her attractive which I suppose is better than some other reactions.

 

We have really good conversations and I very much enjoy her company on top of being very attracted to her. She is taking a night course in the same building I work in and went out of her way last week to text me and invite to hang out for an hour before her class.

 

So I'm fine just keeping it platonic if there's a chance of a romantic future after she has time to heal. I've been divorced and know from experience it's a painful process and takes a long time to move on. So in this case, is it worth hanging in there and just getting to know her better. I really do enjoy her company. I just wish I'd gotten a more straight forward answer like I need time to get over this, but in time I'd be interested in dating, but this is the hand dealt to me.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your input.

Posted
Hi, been ages since I've been on here as I sort of gave up meeting anyone, but happened to meet someone I like very much volunteering.

 

So we hung out last night and I asked about getting together on the weekend and then there was the awkward pause, and I'm just looking to be friends line. Normally I would just take this as her politely turning me down, and I'd move on and forget about it. In her case it's a bit complicated as she's gone through a very tough divorce and it just got finalized last week. I was honest with her and told her that I'm attracted to her just to put it out there, and that I understand her situation and that's why I haven't really been pressing for anything romantic. I met her 3 months ago and we've hung out 4 times outside of volunteering (we've been on two two hour walks and twice for an hour before her class.) She also said she was flattered that I find her attractive which I suppose is better than some other reactions.

 

We have really good conversations and I very much enjoy her company on top of being very attracted to her. She is taking a night course in the same building I work in and went out of her way last week to text me and invite to hang out for an hour before her class.

 

So I'm fine just keeping it platonic if there's a chance of a romantic future after she has time to heal. I've been divorced and know from experience it's a painful process and takes a long time to move on. So in this case, is it worth hanging in there and just getting to know her better. I really do enjoy her company. I just wish I'd gotten a more straight forward answer like I need time to get over this, but in time I'd be interested in dating, but this is the hand dealt to me.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your input.

 

 

she sounds interested to me give her time take it slow....hope it works out.....deb

Posted

You pretty much answered this yourself but I'll just repeat it back to you as it might as well be your mantra for this situation, "She needs time to heal." Divorce is a mofo and she is probably a whirlwind of emotions. She won't be ready to get back into a relationship for quite some time. How long are you willing to wait for her? How disappointed will you be if after waiting she is involved with someone else?

 

Don't get me wrong though, she sounds like a babe. You'll have to work at this some more and see if she in any way reciprocates your feelings.

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Posted

Also, she told me she went on a date in October and realized she's not ready to be dating.

Posted
You pretty much answered this yourself but I'll just repeat it back to you as it might as well be your mantra for this situation, "She needs time to heal." Divorce is a mofo and she is probably a whirlwind of emotions. She won't be ready to get back into a relationship for quite some time.

 

Also, she told me she went on a date in October and realized she's not ready to be dating.

 

 

I have a hard time grasping the concept and an even harder time accepting "I need time/I just can't right now" as a valid reason/rationale.

 

Trev, I hate to say it but your are definitely platooned in friend zone. You can't take what she said as a slim window of possible opportunity. IF she was attracted to you she wouldn't care that she was going through a divorce, she would want to be with you- heck, you'd probably help her through it. Now, please, i'm not trying to be callous towards your situation please believe.

 

If I were to ask this woman your interested in a question; "what if i told you that tomorrow you would meet the man of your dreams?" Do you think she would say "oh shoot, the timing is off, this divorce is killing me. Do you think he would give me a few months??" hmmm, I'm gonna say she probably wouldn't react like that.

 

my advice would be to distance yourself from her. Women want a challenge. They typically don't fall for the guy who's 'always available' and makes their intentions blatantly known- sounds crazy i know... You probably just need to find someone else to take your mind off of her. I guarantee if you find someone else you wont be thinking about her :p Heck, chances are she'll probably start to consider your more once she's sees that you're actually a cool coveted man, and not some poor soul that's in need of her affection and approval.

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Posted

Unless you've been divorced Gemini, you don't really understand the magnitude of the impact it has. I'd be more concerned about a woman who jumped right into a relationship after divorce than one who wanted to take time.

 

It also sounds like you may be a student of the pickup artist community which I detest and have absolutely no use for. They are only good for meaningless hookups and if you've read the game they can't hold onto a woman. I have no interest in game playing, I just put my feelings out there. I have lots of friends and hobbies and have no need to pretend that I'm not that available. A challenging man is generally a man who doesn't care that much about the woman, ergo he isn't that available. Woman who fall for that crap get what they deserve.

Posted

Trev, I haven't been divorced, and I can only imagine the toll it might take on someone on many levels (I in no way meant to be insensitive to anyone who's gone through divorce). If I was going through a bad divorce and my ex-wife was taking me to the cleaners, I still wouldn't let all other areas of my life close down. Just bc you're going through unpleasant situations doesn't mean you CANT date or be in a relationship. I also think a woman CAN decide to enter into a relationship after a divorce if she so happens to meet the right person- can she not??? I would be concerned if a woman jumped into an engagement after divorce as opposed to a relationship....

 

I also think you're wrong to assume I'm a member of the 'pick up artist community' just bc I gave you advice that would help- regardless if you're wanting to accept that advice or not. It also appears that you know quite a bit about this 'pick up artist community', perhaps you're so knowledgeable because you're a former student?

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Posted

Hmm, well we hung out yesterday for a couple of hours. As usual I enjoyed myself, but I guess after she defined it as friendship I've pulled in my emotions, because I wasn't feeling the attraction as much. I guess that's self preservation. I think at this point I'll just leave it to her to initiate any get togethers and will not be going out of my way to contact her or arrange hanging out. If it fades to nothing, then I'll have my answer if she was just letting my down politely or is perhaps interested in something down the road.

 

Obviously if someone else comes along I like I'll be open to that. Of course at my age that's few and far between now. I just don't meet that many available women I'm attracted to anymore who are age appropriate, and I'm pretty involved with a lot of different activities.

 

Best of luck in the game of love all....

Posted
Hi, been ages since I've been on here as I sort of gave up meeting anyone, but happened to meet someone I like very much volunteering.

 

So we hung out last night and I asked about getting together on the weekend and then there was the awkward pause, and I'm just looking to be friends line. Normally I would just take this as her politely turning me down, and I'd move on and forget about it. In her case it's a bit complicated as she's gone through a very tough divorce and it just got finalized last week. I was honest with her and told her that I'm attracted to her just to put it out there, and that I understand her situation and that's why I haven't really been pressing for anything romantic. I met her 3 months ago and we've hung out 4 times outside of volunteering (we've been on two two hour walks and twice for an hour before her class.) She also said she was flattered that I find her attractive which I suppose is better than some other reactions.

 

We have really good conversations and I very much enjoy her company on top of being very attracted to her. She is taking a night course in the same building I work in and went out of her way last week to text me and invite to hang out for an hour before her class.

 

So I'm fine just keeping it platonic if there's a chance of a romantic future after she has time to heal. I've been divorced and know from experience it's a painful process and takes a long time to move on. So in this case, is it worth hanging in there and just getting to know her better. I really do enjoy her company. I just wish I'd gotten a more straight forward answer like I need time to get over this, but in time I'd be interested in dating, but this is the hand dealt to me.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your input.

 

You're wasting your time if you think that her treating you as only a friend now will lead to something later once she has had time to heal. She told you, in a cryptic way, that she isn't interested. The best thing you could have done is said, "OK, I get it. You're not interested. Bye." and left it at that.

 

The bottom line is that men and women can't be 'just friends' except on a very superficial basis.

Posted

 

The bottom line is that men and women can't be 'just friends' except on a very superficial basis.

 

My best relationships were with females who were first aquaitances then became friends that I had not "dated". They never used the words "let just be friends" however. They were girls that started to hang out more and more through other circles of friends.

 

Maybe this is what you meant....

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Posted (edited)

Thanks for the input. I think it's going down the tubes now. I guess I scared her off by being up front, but no regrets. I don't believe in playing games and I felt I had to be honest about my feelings.

 

She hasn't been making much effort to contact me even by text. Oh well, that's how it goes unfortunately. It sure seems to be hard to make a mutual connection with a woman at least for me. Over 5 years now since I got divorced and still single. I didn't think it was going to be this hard to meet someone. It always hit's hardest at this time of year too.

Edited by trevzilla
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