Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Me and my ex broke up 5 days ago neither of us cheated or anything bad it was just a stupid "friend" meddling and causing too much unnecessary dramas constantly and after 10 months he's had enough. Today I saw him to get some stuff of mine back from him and he told me he still loves me of course and still has feelings for me and they just haven't gone away because we are broken up and I'm not like any other girl but he didn't mention of us ever getting back together which he knows is what I want. Why would he say that if he knows I still love him and he doesn't want to be with me that's unfair. He also asked to hang out Sunday and go for lunch. What does all this mean? How can I get him back?
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 He also asked to hang out Sunday and go for lunch. What does all this mean? How can I get him back? It really doesn't sound like you have to do much work to accomplish that...
Ordinaryday Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Me and my ex broke up 5 days ago neither of us cheated or anything bad it was just a stupid "friend" meddling and causing too much unnecessary dramas constantly and after 10 months he's had enough. Today I saw him to get some stuff of mine back from him and he told me he still loves me of course and still has feelings for me and they just haven't gone away because we are broken up and I'm not like any other girl but he didn't mention of us ever getting back together which he knows is what I want. Why would he say that if he knows I still love him and he doesn't want to be with me that's unfair. He also asked to hang out Sunday and go for lunch. What does all this mean? How can I get him back? To ease his conscience. He doesn't want you back but he may feel a some guilt over hurting you and although he doesn't want you back he wants to do something to ease that guilt. By doing this he can convince himself that he was 'nice' to you and thus his guilt will go away. It's all about him, not you. The NICEST thing a dumper can do to a dumpee is to completely and utterly leave them alone, to NEVER contact them unless it is about reconciling. But they don't see this, they think they re doing you some sort of favour by saying hi to you, as if we are pining for their contact. Don't respond. 2
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 But why would he tell me he still loves me? It would've been easier to grab my stuff and leave. I really want to text him but then again I don't.
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 But why would he tell me he still loves me? It would've been easier to grab my stuff and leave. I really want to text him but then again I don't. Here's what you do.. don't text or call until Sunday morning. Then surprise text, "When are we going for lunch?"
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Here's what you do.. don't text or call until Sunday morning. Then surprise text, "When are we going for lunch?" But then how do I work my way about trying to get him back? He could've just been saying it to be nice and I have no idea. I really want to give our relationship one last chance and I feel if he did too he would've tried to get me back already. He's going out tonight and all I can think is that he's going to be talking to heaps of girls etc.
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 But then how do I work my way about trying to get him back? He could've just been saying it to be nice and I have no idea. I really want to give our relationship one last chance and I feel if he did too he would've tried to get me back already. He's going out tonight and all I can think is that he's going to be talking to heaps of girls etc.j Lunch is a good start.. I have a feeling he won't be surrounded by heaps of women since that has happened to me once in my life and I was 13. He might get drunk and try calling you or texting you. Don't answer unless he needs a ride home instead of driving. At lunch just act like you would have when you were together. Don't be desperate and bombard him with questions.. Just give the impression that the fire still burns
me85 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 But why would he tell me he still loves me? It would've been easier to grab my stuff and leave. I really want to text him but then again I don't. My ex said and did all the same stuff. It doesn't mean anything. Looking back, I wish I wouldn't have agreed to meet up and hang out when he wanted. Trust me, this will only make things worse and hurt you more in the end because they end up messing with your head, which only breaks your heart more. DO NOT BE LEAD ON. Tell him something came up and you can't do lunch. You can try LC but for the most part let him come to you…through little communication (text and email) wait to respond when he messages you & keep it short. I wish I would have done everything I'm advising you to do now. I would not have allowed myself to be this hurt if I did.
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 But what if I'm ignoring another chance at our relationship?
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 But what if I'm ignoring another chance at our relationship? Sounds like some crap friend caused it not either of you two. Care to elaborate about what caused it? It's possible you both feel silly.
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Sounds like some crap friend caused it not either of you two. Care to elaborate about what caused it? It's possible you both feel silly. She was texting my exes best friend (who's a girl) abusing her, sending her a few mean messages because she thought she was trying to ruin our relationship. This girl went crazy over the messages and I don't know what makes her so special because she could've ignored it and not egged on the argument. Anyway once confronted by this girl my "friend" absolutely **** herself and blamed it all on my she said I was the one who told her to send the messages and I was the one writing them etc and no one seemed to believe my side. This best friend of his also threatened me over it and no one seemed to care then. After days of proving I had nothing to do with it he said he does believe me but I should've known to not be friends with this girl as she's caused a lot of drama before (so has his friend). He also said he's sick of the childish drama and can't do it anymore.
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Wow, that's a whole lot of bull****. I literally drowned in **** and couldn't find my way out. Technology will be the death of us all. Texting, fooey. If you two are mature enough you'll get over such silly drama. 1
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Wow, that's a whole lot of bull****. I literally drowned in **** and couldn't find my way out. Technology will be the death of us all. Texting, fooey. If you two are mature enough you'll get over such silly drama. But I'm not sure on how to what if he doesn't want to go to lunch and just said it to be nice. I can't handle thinking that he could be out hooking up tonight. I really want to text him telling him how much I miss him but then I feel that can ruin my chances.
Aimee1978 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Sorry to hear this:( Take care of YOU. Men cannot resist a confident, positive woman, therefore you MUST remain optimistic and have a positive mind set. He will come back you:) Good luck Aimee 1
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 But I'm not sure on how to what if he doesn't want to go to lunch and just said it to be nice. I can't handle thinking that he could be out hooking up tonight. I really want to text him telling him how much I miss him but then I feel that can ruin my chances. Regardless, you need to give him some space. Let him miss you - if you contact him frequently he won't have the chance to miss you. Go to lunch with him Sunday and show him what a catch you are. Then go back to not texting for a few days. I don't want to give you false hope because obviously I have no clue what this guys plans are but to me (and this is an unpopular opinion) he might already be regretting this decision. Just don't smother him and if he decides he wants to give it another shot you will have your chance. In the mean time just make yourself a better person. Don't worry about what he is doing. Feel free to fantasize about a few guys and test the waters. That's what this period of time is for.
BC1980 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I think he's just trying to keep you on the line. He's probably bored and lonely. If it was me, I'd tell him that you can't handle just being friends, and if he ever wants to entertain the idea of trying again, he can call you, but otherwise he should let you heal. My ex did this for months. My ex told me he still loved me after we broke up too. Guess what? We're still broken up. People will try to keep a foot in the door in case they don't find anything else better. It's actually really demeaning. 6
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Now I'm confused whether I should drop it and tell him I don't want to be friends and I can't talk to him unless he wants to get back together because it's all too hard for me or leave it and go to lunch and see what happens?
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Now I'm confused whether I should drop it and tell him I don't want to be friends and I can't talk to him unless he wants to get back together because it's all too hard for me or leave it and go to lunch and see what happens? We could sit here and debate it but without being a fly on the wall most of this is speculation.. ultimately the choice is yours to make. If it were me, I would go to lunch to see if this was all a fluke or if things are different. You have to accept either reality. If things are different then you will need to go full no contact and find yourself another boy. I would advise against friendship because it only breeds old feelings.
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 We could sit here and debate it but without being a fly on the wall most of this is speculation.. ultimately the choice is yours to make. If it were me, I would go to lunch to see if this was all a fluke or if things are different. You have to accept either reality. If things are different then you will need to go full no contact and find yourself another boy. I would advise against friendship because it only breeds old feelings. So do I not speak to him for all of today and then just wait for his message tomorrow for lunch? Or do I text him tomorrow saying are you still up for doing something? I don't want to seem too keen or stupid and then again I don't want him to think I'm not interested. I know if he says sorry I'm busy with blah blah (his girl best friend) then I'm not even going to try and bother again.
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 So do I not speak to him for all of today and then just wait for his message tomorrow for lunch? Or do I text him tomorrow saying are you still up for doing something? I don't want to seem too keen or stupid and then again I don't want him to think I'm not interested. I know if he says sorry I'm busy with blah blah (his girl best friend) then I'm not even going to try and bother again. There is another girl involved? Yikes.. Is there a possible romance there? If you decide for a lunch date text him Sunday morning and no sooner. 1
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 You can't say to someone I know you're not like any other girl and I'm not going to talk to other girls because I still love you and I still have feelings for you and you're still my princess Like what the is that You can't do that to someone if you don't plan on getting back with them.
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 There is another girl involved? Yikes.. Is there a possible romance there? If you decide for a lunch date text him Sunday morning and no sooner. The girl is a lesbian and has a girlfriend herself. But this girl is trouble my exes mum hates her and thinks the world of me and is devastated about all of this.
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Are you positive you want him back? This guy may not be healthy for you... Go to lunch with him and figure out where he stands. If he is apathetic and indifferent don't waste your time please. There are real men out there with true intentions.
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Of course you can. Talk is cheap. If he wanted to get back together, he'd make an effort to get back together. Has he actually said he wants to get back together? Has he done anything to SHOW you that he wants to? Until that happens, don't read into anything. Regarding his mom not liking his friend and liking you..doesn't matter. His mom has no say in who he is friends with or who he dates. Yeah defs I know that! I'm just saying this girl has caused a lot of problems in the past and whenever they decide to become friends again she causes problems in our relationship. When he's with her he smokes pot basically 24/7 and he lost his job and got kicked out of home. When she's not around his life is back on track - which I've helped a lot with and then bam! As soon as she's around there's family problems and problems with me.
Author Weightlesswings Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Are you positive you want him back? This guy may not be healthy for you... Go to lunch with him and figure out where he stands. If he is apathetic and indifferent don't waste your time please. There are real men out there with true intentions. I guess I'll just have to go to lunch with him and see what happens if he keeps talking crap and telling me he loves me and whatever but doesn't show any signs of getting back together I'm going to leave it because I'm not going to be strung along with hopes of him wanting me back.
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