How to be a good girlfriend?

[PinkSapphire]

I was reading another thread with a similar title (what is a woman's job in a relationship) hoping for some actual tips. I should have known I was only met with an argument over gender wars :/

 

I don't want that here. I know I am a very intelligent, very attractive, and partially sane () woman many men try to date. But my question is: how do I be a good girlfriend when that time comes?

 

My last (and first) relationship was awesome, but it's because I felt he was doing everything. All I did, really, was show up. I had a lot of social connections so I typically provided options for going out, am great at generating fun ideas for activities, am spontaneous and down for a lot of things, etc. But, at the end of the day, I relaly felt like I didn't do much, certainly not 50% of the effort. I would cook delicious meals once in awhile (I am a pretty great cook at a few dishes I enjoy), I planned a great birthday surprise for him, put on some various other parties throughout the year, but that was really about it.

 

Gentlemen, I feel totally clueless in this area. How could I have been a better girlfriend to him? How can I be a good girlfriend in the future? I really want to know, as I feel there is so much more I can do. Experiences with your own women totally accepted, as well as fantasies of what they would do for you (sexual is fine, but that is only one aspect. I feel assured that just like women have expectations of a relationship, so does a man; they just aren't good at talking about it).

 

So, internet men, speak up

And women, too, who have been good girlfriends and know what things they do that their men appreciate. Sadly, I probably sound so much younger than I actually am, but a lot of schooling that required my full attention and building a strong career in a STEM industry has kept me pretty underdeveloped in the dating arena.

 

Thanks!

[jba10582]

I admire the qualities you strive for yourself, and as you continue to improve you own ideas about who you are and bring value to yourself, others will naturally and magnetically be drawn to the positivity that you exude. I hope and believe you will have a long and happy relationship in your future.

[elbe]

How can I be a good girlfriend in the future? I really want to know, as I feel there is so much more I can do.

 

This alone makes you a good girlfriend. Intention is everything. However, a list won't hurt to compile...

 

1. Do things for him. (i.e. if he makes coffee every morning surprise him and make coffee before he gets up and around)
   
2. Listen to him.
   
3. Kiss him all the time and tell him what a man he is.
   
4. Take care of him and always be there.
   
5. Always take his side in arguments (with others).
   
6. Take interest in his interests.. even if you have to pretend.
   
7. Make love to him every single night and let him know that you are his and only his.
   

[PinkSapphire]

Thanks to both!

 

I appreciate the list; aside from the coffee thing, I definitely did all the others. I was once taught that men don't have the available outlets for emotional stuff and venting that women do, so their SO tends to become that for him. I took that to heart and made sure I was supportive and on his side (I learned to be good at this from having 2 sisters and many close girlfriends throughout my life).

 

The coffee thing, he never liked my coffee. I would buy him beer or surprise him with chocolate cake or dinner once in awhile. He was usually very happy about those things, so I stuck with what worked. Maybe I just expect a relationship to be more work than little things I would do for friends or family that I enjoy doing anyway... hm.

 

Please keep them coming. I'm sure there are a lot more ideas and something I haven't thought of or tried that would make a good difference

[elbe]

Damn, you put a lot of women out there to shame...

[Donnie Darko]

Cook dinner, make lunch for him to bring to work during the week, do laundry, clean house, dress sexy, initiate sex frequently, talk dirty during sex, give back rubs, take care of yourself by eating healthy and exercising regularly, initiative and actually plan fun dates (concerts, weekend trips, hiking, white water rafting, skiing, boating, mini-golf, playing pool, laser-tag, carving pumpkins, get a couples massage, go on a brewery and tasting our, etc.), give him a manicure/pedicure, don't be afraid to get your hands dirty and help him with projects around the house (painting, renovating, organizing, weeding, decorating), put on some music and dance dirty and strip for him, where lingerie to bed every night, celebrate steak and BJ day every year, where sexy outfits (nurse, cheerleader, girl scout, wonder woman, Princess Leia), tell him you love him regularly, kiss him every time you meet and part ways, let him know that he is loved and appreciated, joke, laugh, tickle, play wrestle and have fun with him, thank him and be appreciative for all of the things that he does for you, give him some time to spend with his friends or to pursue his hobbies, don't be a nag, don't cheat, be generous, adventurous and spontaneous.

Edited November 30, 2013 by Donnie Darko

[Woggle]

Just treat him the way you would want somebody to treat you in a relationship.

[todreaminblue]

What a beautiful post....its nice to read someome write something when it is to make soemone else happy and how to achieve that by just being good ..... ...thankyou for posting ...your nature is evident...you rock .:bunny:..nuff said..lol.....one more thing.....good luck you will find what you seek and be who you are.........deb

[Leeway Harris]

COMMUNICATE!!! You seem to know how to use words pretty well, and that is an excellent skill to have if you want a successful relationship. If something is wrong, tell him. Don't be a martyr and let resentment build up, tell him what's going on, even if you think he doesn't want to hear it. Because believe me, he does... and if he doesn't, then you have to question how much he really cares about you.

 

This is actually good advice for being a good boyfriend too.

[ken_25]

Don't try too hard, don't be insecure. Be yourself, go with your instinct on how to make your partner happy, you'll know him better than we will. General things are to support him in his ideas, help him when he needs it, listen to him, be his best friend, the little things matter.

 

Most importantly, be aware of whether he makes an effort to make you happy or not.

[gaius]

The coffee thing, he never liked my coffee. I would buy him beer or surprise him with chocolate cake or dinner once in awhile. He was usually very happy about those things, so I stuck with what worked. Maybe I just expect a relationship to be more work than little things I would do for friends or family that I enjoy doing anyway... hm.

Managing his ego is the #1 thing you can do to make a guy cherish you. It can be very different for each guy so it's extremely tricky. The coffee is a good example though, if he feels useful doing something for you just appreciate it. Don't take it away from him and do it yourself because it's been drilled into your head things are supposed to be 50-50 nowadays. Same thing with anything else he wants to do for you. Like paying for dinners and such. Most normal guys want to feel useful and like you need them on some level.

 

Other than that I don't think I can really give you any specific advice since it's so different for every guy. One of the things I loved about my ex was she would give me special attention above all other guys even before we we're dating, but other guys don't always like that level of respect. Some guy's love it when their women dress to the max on night's out and others are more threatened and like them to dress down. Figure out whatever dynamic matches his ego and you're golden in his eyes. If that makes any sense.

[Shepp]

So maybe this is just me being a weirdo but nothing would make me lose interest quicker that a girl trying too hard to please me, to be a "good girlfriend". I don't want that, the last thing in the world I would ever do is surround myself with yes men. Im competitive, I always want perform better I don't want someone who tells me im perfect at everything when I know if did things differently or worked harder I could be better. I just want someone to be real with me.

 

I don't want a girl to morphs herself into what she thinks a good girlfriend is and what she thinks I want her to be instead of being confident enough in her own skin to just be herself. If we are meant to be a match, our we'll mesh as ourselves, if not, we won't. I will never change for a girl and I don't want her to change for me.

 

I've been approached by a lot of girls in the past who...I dunno know how to put this...lets just say they, believed the hype and thought I was going places with my football - I think maybe they liked to see themselves as a Victoria Beckham, and they used to hang anround and suck up to me.

Did my head in!! I don't want anyone to tip toe around trying to please me, I want a girlfriend who'll call me out on my BS, who'll put her foot down, and who's being 100% herself.

 

 

 

That out of the way, the things the ideal things I'd like (if they were part of her being herself.........or a really good actor):

Honesty, loyalty, integrity - couldn't be in a relationship with out them

Really making an effort with my family - again an essential for me, if she ain't down for being one of the family, we're going nowhere. Makes me happy when my girlfriend tells me she's going shopping with my aunt or that she's just been on the phone to my sister.

Food - anything in this general category is a winner! Cooking it, buying it, whatever - food makes me happy.

Sex - See food ^ Sex makes me happy!

Sharing my outdoorsy hobbies, not scared of a little mud - obviously this is for me, a guy who's into sci-fi would probably appreciate a girlfriend sharing that. I want someone who'll go camping, fishing, mountain biking with me.

Spending time with my mates - again a bit like the family thing! I don't really like splitting my time, if my girlfriend gets on with my mates and I can spend time with all my favourite people in one go then i'm happy.

Making me do new things - I can be a tad stubborn, I like someone who'll push me into broadening my horizons be it considering a different method of arranging the logs on a camp fire (though I can't possibly think how anyone could do that ) or making me sky dive.

Makes me laugh - I want to spend as much time as possible on this planet laughing or making others laugh, so I need someone by my side who can always see the funny side.

Down to earth - I don't personally (although again some guys do - this is all quite subjective) find the princess act attractive. I like my girls hardcore I want someone who isn't afraid to roll up her sleeves and get her hands dirty.

Not clingy, jealous, and doesn't nag me - I want a girlfriend who trusts me because I deserve to be trusted and who's happy for me to have some space to go spend time with the lads. I don't want to be joined at the hip.

Has her own life - similar to the above, I want her to want her own space to pursue whatever aspects of her life she wishes to separately from me. I don't want to be the only thing in her life.

Same core values as me - this is a big one that you should fake if you genuinely don't have them! For me its things like 'family', 'looking after your body/physical fitness', 'courage/integrity - I believe in living honourable, doing the right thing when its hard and the stakes are high'.

Not OTT on PDA - im not against it but I think too much is way awkward for everyone else and makes her seem insecure.

My girlfriend has awesome nails and sometimes she'll just put her hand on the back of my neck and just like lightly kinda scratch where my hair line is - she knows damn well how much that turns me on! I love it and that's all I need, I don't need her to jump down my throat in front of strangers on our mates like some of my mates ex's have.

Optimistic - I think im quite an optimistic/enthusiastic kinda guy, I want to be with a positive person who sees the good in like, pessimism irritate me.

Does little things for me occasionally - not all the time, but occasionally, like when I come home from work and think I've got to take my bike to go buy a new tire and my girlfriends already done it - shes gone out of her way for me, she doesn't even like bikes so it means something.

Telling me im great at stuff - so now I sound like a hypocrite after being like "ah don't tell me im perfect" but my girlfriend doesn't very much, she takes the mick out of me a lot, even when she's giving credit where credits due 9 times out of 10 its a begrudging, half smile "you did alright I guess". And that's why it means so much when I hear her turn round to someone else and be like "Ah give it to Alfie he'll be able to do it" or "oh yeah Alfies awesome at xyx".........I guess compliments are great providing you don't overwork them.

But again that's subjective - I know guys who need a girl who'll stroke there ego and reassure them every five minuets, so I guess this point is more 'find the right balance of compliments for your man"

[Shepp]

Other than that I don't think I can really give you any specific advice since it's so different for every guy. One of the things I loved about my ex was she would give me special attention above all other guys even before we we're dating, but other guys don't always like that level of respect. Some guy's love it when their women dress to the max on night's out and others are more threatened and like them to dress down. Figure out whatever dynamic matches his ego and you're golden in his eyes. If that makes any sense.

This is totally it - my list would tell you exactly how to be a great girlfriend to me but would tell you nothing about how to be a good girlfriend to Sam down the road!

 

 

 

Maybe everyone should provide there partner with a laminated list on the 2nd date!

[Got it]

I think a lot of it is about treating someone how you want to be treated as well as the "5 love Languages" is a good book to read together to figure out everyone's love language. That way you are showing love in a manner they recognize.

 

When you are dating someone, just ask him.