Do all MM talk badly about their wife during the affair?

[Popsicle]

What causes them to even talk badly about their wife, and worse, talk about leaving her when they know good and well that they are not going to leave their family?

[elbe]

I think this happens when MM have no one else to confide their feelings to. Everyone needs to vent even if they don't completely mean what they are saying. Affairs are a great breeding ground of this since the other is very close with the MM.

[Popsicle]

I think this happens when MM have no one else to confide their feelings to. Everyone needs to vent even if they don't completely mean what they are saying. Affairs are a great breeding ground of this since the other is very close with the MM.

 

so you would say that they are just venting real truthful problems, or telling a lot lies?

[elbe]

so you would say that they are just venting real truthful problems, or telling a lot lies?

 

I feel like you have a specific example.. but I'll play along...

 

I imagine it's truthful frustrations, maybe exaggerations, maybe outright lies manifested through real relationship problems.

[WakingUp]

This is interesting.

 

Whenever MM has said anything remotely disparaging about his W, I used to think to myself "Actually that's not so bad"

 

Now I say it out loud. That anything that is happening to him is to be expected, he deserves it, that actions have consequences. That she is fully justified and has the moral higher ground.

 

I am starting to identify more with the BS side of things these days.

 

I will say it again... affairs are awful.

[Popsicle]

I feel like you have a specific example.. but I'll play along...

 

I imagine it's truthful frustrations, maybe exaggerations, maybe outright lies manifested through real relationship problems.

 

I don't, I'm sorry. I just imagine this and have heard of it. I have a terrible crush on a MM who never speaks to me about his wife, yet we flirt. This has been going on for a while and I have not asked about her either. I often wonder what exactly is going on in their relationship, since he wants to keep this up so badly. When I try to end whatever this is, he desperately clings on.

[elbe]

I don't, I'm sorry. I just imagine this and have heard of it. I have a terrible crush on a MM who never speaks to me about his wife, yet we flirt. This has been going on for a while and I have not asked about her either. I often wonder what exactly is going on in their relationship, since he wants to keep this up so badly. When I try to end whatever this is, he desperately clings on.

 

Ah, gotcha. Well if he doesn't confide ill will towards his wife he is probably just bored and straying from the beaten path. Keep your respectable distance since that could go very bad very quickly.

[Popsicle]

Ah, gotcha. Well if he doesn't confide ill will towards his wife he is probably just bored and straying from the beaten path. Keep your respectable distance since that could go very bad very quickly.

 

Yes this is what I think too.

[Popsicle]

I have a friend whose MM trashes his wife. She believes everything bad he says about his wife and believes that she is so much better than his wife and he will leave his wife in a heartbeat for her. He has kids.

[WakingUp]

I have a friend whose MM trashes his wife. She believes everything bad he says about his wife and believes that she is so much better than his wife and he will leave his wife in a heartbeat for her. He has kids.

 

Then you have a friend who is going to need a shoulder to cry on.

[C00kie]

What causes them to even talk badly about their wife, and worse, talk about leaving her when they know good and well that they are not going to leave their family?

 

He doesn't talk much about her unless he really has or needs to, because it's uncomfortable for both of us. However, when he does, he never badmouths her. He just mentions situations, and even when he shows lack of satisfaction with this or that, he won't say bad stuff about her in a direct way.

 

However, I've sometimes made harsh comments towards her and he either didn't say anything, or said I'm right and leaves it at that. One time he told me "you're always implying she's this and that and I don't want you to talk about her that way, the same way I wouldn't let anyone bath mouth you in front of me".

 

Oh well.

[Popsicle]

Then you have a friend who is going to need a shoulder to cry on.

 

I know. I often wonder if he knows that he's playing a game with her or if he is just unaware that he will not leave his wife and kids in the end. My poor friend truly believes that he will leave.

 

He doesn't talk much about her unless he really has or needs to, because it's uncomfortable for both of us. However, when he does, he never badmouths her. He just mentions situations, and even when he shows lack of satisfaction with this or that, he won't say bad stuff about her in a direct way.

 

However, I've sometimes made harsh comments towards her and he either didn't say anything, or said I'm right and leaves it at that. One time he told me "you're always implying she's this and that and I don't want you to talk about her that way, the same way I wouldn't let anyone bath mouth you in front of me".

 

Oh well.

 

Wow. talk about cake eating. I kind of think this is what is going on with my MM crush.

[bentleychic]

No, not at all. All MM do not do this.

[Mascara]

As a general rule of thumb, I've found that any man who talks trash about the woman in his life will one day be talking that way about you.

 

Don't tolerate him bitching and moaning about the woman he chooses to stay with. It's disrespectful to you as a woman, not just to her.

[WakingUp]

As a general rule of thumb, I've found that any man who talks trash about the woman in his life will one day be talking that way about you.

 

Don't tolerate him bitching and moaning about the woman he chooses to stay with. It's disrespectful to you as a woman, not just to her.

 

This is so true.

 

I would also like to say that the MM in my life has never really said anything truly awful about his W, I would never tolerate that.

 

After all, she is the mother of his children, has been his partner for a very long time and by all accounts, a good wife and mother.

[Popsicle]

Well, they always lay the classic line of how wife never has sex with him, or is prudish. That is trash talking.

[C00kie]

 

 

 

Wow. talk about cake eating. I kind of think this is what is going on with my MM crush.

 

In what way do you relate what I said to cake eating?

[whichwayisup]

I think this happens when MM have no one else to confide their feelings to. Everyone needs to vent even if they don't completely mean what they are saying. Affairs are a great breeding ground of this since the other is very close with the MM.

 

I don't believe this at all. Because when he bashes his wife, or says something negative about her to his OW, it isn't 'venting', it's a way of manipulating the affair situation and also to manipulate his OW. It gives her hope every single time he complains about his marriage or his wife. It also sets the stage for her to hate/dislike his wife. Not all MM do this and not all OW fall for it if it does happen.

[WakingUp]

Ummm... not always.

 

He has admitted to an active sex life with her.

 

He certainly isn't doing it with me anymore. I am not interested in seconds.

[whichwayisup]

Well, they always lay the classic line of how wife never has sex with him, or is prudish. That is trash talking.

 

That's to make OW feel sorry for him. TO put him in the best possible light in her eyes, poor MM no intimacy at home, being ignored, being abused, etc..etc... And yes it is trash talking. Fact is, if he can say stuff like that about the woman he married, said vows to in front of family and friends, the mother of his children, imagine what he can and IS capable of saying behind your (general you) back?

[C00kie]

Well, they always lay the classic line of how wife never has sex with him, or is prudish. That is trash talking.

 

He has told me this. He said she doesn't like sex but didn't tell me they don't have sex: he told me they don't have much sex. That she only has the initiative when he doesn't approach her for a long time and gets suspicious. Other than that, if he wants to have sex with her he has to take the first step.

 

Could be true, could be partially true, could be no true at all. Don't know anymore. Don't know if I care anymore.

 

Argh. Just writing this is making me sick.

[WakingUp]

I don't believe this at all. Because when he bashes his wife, or says something negative about her to his OW, it isn't 'venting', it's a way of manipulating the affair situation and also to manipulate his OW. It gives her hope every single time he complains about his marriage or his wife. It also sets the stage for her to hate/dislike his wife. Not all MM do this and not all OW fall for it if it does happen.

 

This ^^^^^^^^

[whichwayisup]

I have a friend whose MM trashes his wife. She believes everything bad he says about his wife and believes that she is so much better than his wife and he will leave his wife in a heartbeat for her. He has kids.

 

My point exactly. Some OW thrive off of hearing this stuff and it makes an OW despise MM's wife and also gives her tons of hope about a future.

 

Your friend is in for a world of hurt soon when he turns on her, throws her under the bus. To him it's just an affair and he's just enjoying it for what it is, but it sounds like your friend is into this and him deeply. Of course if you tell her otherwise she won't believe what you tell her at all.

[Popsicle]

In what way do you relate what I said to cake eating?

 

He wants both you and the wife.

 

 

He has told me this. He said she doesn't like sex but didn't tell me they don't have sex: he told me they don't have much sex. That she only has the initiative when he doesn't approach her for a long time and gets suspicious. Other than that, if he wants to have sex with her he has to take the first step.

 

Could be true, could be partially true, could be no true at all. Don't know anymore. Don't know if I care anymore.

 

Argh. Just writing this is making me sick.

 

Yeah that's a classic line.

[WakingUp]

He has told me this. He said she doesn't like sex but didn't tell me they don't have sex: he told me they don't have much sex. That she only has the initiative when he doesn't approach her for a long time and gets suspicious. Other than that, if he wants to have sex with her he has to take the first step.

 

Could be true, could be partially true, could be no true at all. Don't know anymore. Don't know if I care anymore.

 

Argh. Just writing this is making me sick.

 

I feel a bit ill too.

 

He told me that she likes sex, she instigates it and he has to go along with it to keep her happy.

 

Oh dear Cookie, Im changing my name from Waking Up to throwing up.