Michael M Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Hello guys, i'm new to this website. I really need to tell my story and I hope it will make me feel better. (I'm not a native English speaker, so it may not me grammatically perfect) At the moment I'm 20 years old. My relationship of 2 years ended about 40 days ago. It was my ex (18) who wanted to break up. The reason why she wanted to break up? I acted like an ******* during some moments in our relationship. Before we started our relationship, I was sort of depressed. My father didn't care about me and was aggressive a lot of times. I wasn't allowed to go to parties either. But then I met her (my current ex), I'll call her Deborah for now. We started talking & fell in love. It felt like, for the first time in my life, I was really happy. I showed her very often how much I loved her by small things etc.. The usual stuff in a relationship. But after a while, we started to argue more and more often. (We are both stubborn.) During these arguments, she did everything to hurt me emotionally. It hurt me so much. And, without even really realizing what I did, I hit her. (I mean really like kicking.) I was shocked of what I did, I had never done that before. I started to cry because I'm usually not aggressive at all and I apologied alot and she forgave me, at that moment. But month after month, we kept having arguments about small things. I didn't feel happy at all anymore. I wanted to talk about it, so I talked to some other girl about how I felt. (at that time my best friend) Deborah found out and she wanted me not to talk to that friend again, because she felt like I was in love with that other girl. (Mainly because I commented on that friend's hair looking good, because it was different than it used to be.) But that was meant as a friendly comment, not to try and make that friend fall in love with me. But Deborah wouldn't believe me. We talked about it, and we 'forgave' eachother. Everything was fine for several months, we had WAY less arguments. But we started talking less and less. We meeted, but didn't have much to say. After a few months, Deborah wanted to break up. She said she didn't want to be with me because I hit her and because I wanted that other girl. She also said there was no use in having a relationship because we didn't talk much anymore. I was like: Why don't we talk about it to improve our relationship? But she didn't want to. She said there was no use in trying anymore. I tried to convince her several times to have a talk about it, but she told me to leave her alone and find an other girl. I know I should have left her alone earlier, but I'm still deeply in love with this girl. Now she goes to parties every evening of the weekend, and during the days in the weekend she sits in the park with a lot of other guys. She started dressing like a 'whore' and acting like a 'bitch'. No I don't say this because I hate her, because I really don't. I really respect her and I'm not mad at her or anything. I just miss her very much. There's not an hour that passes without me thinking of her. Now we have broken up for around 40 days so far, of which 12 days of NC. Each day is painful for my to go through. I miss everything about her. PS: I know I did terrible things and screwed up, but I changed. And she knows that. Please don't flame me for what I did earlier. It was a mistake I'll never make again and I still regret it every day. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I should move on, but at the same time I can't get her out of my head.
elbe Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 You should stop damning yourself for these "mistakes" and start living in the moment. You are so young right now that you need to see what else is out there. You need to start going to parties yourself and if nothing else develop new friendships and contacts.
Yasuandio Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 (edited) It bothers me that you claim to love the girl and want her back in one breath, and then in the next, you say "she's dressing like a whore." Now why would you desire a woman that dresses like a whore? Yas Edited November 29, 2013 by Yasuandio My initial reply did not fit criteria of OP request.
Author Michael M Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Well, she didn't use to dress like that. But that doesn't really matter to me, I still love her with whole my heart, I don't care what she's wearing.
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