forgetmenot75 Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 After 2 1/2 months No contact, I unblocked him on pof and wished him Happy thanksgiving. then I proceed to text him, and we chatted for about 1 hour. I told him what was happening lately to me, that even though I tried to meet other guys, I lose interest. and that I always try to recreate the feelings I had for him with others but with no success. He wondered why was that since he is "an average guy". I replied "no average" and he thanked me. I promised myself I wasn't going to contact him until the end of 2014, two years exactly since I known him, but I did. We remembered some things, it was a nice chat. then I wanted to go to sleep, because it was so late and I was tired, he wanted more chat, I told him that if he wanted more, he'd have to meet me. He said when are you free, I told him next week, Monday. Then he backed up a little. He said he'll try to make it but he's super busy with work. I told him not to worry, that I don't want him to get in trouble and that was nice talking to him. Before, I'd have gotten mad he couldn't assure me we were meeting, but this time, it was like Oh...ok, whatever. I always want to hear that he misses me, that he's crazy to see me, that I'm important for him...never get what I want. there's no hope for me. So sad, I don't know what else to say.
elbe Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 I don't see the problem. It's not wrong per-say to get back with your ex... Why did you break up in the first place? Did you do the breaking or did he?
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 It's always me the one who gets mad at him because he can't reciprocate my love or interest. I blocked him 2 1/2 months ago after telling him I was going to block him forever. He's been with other women while he was seeing me, and I really don't know if he's seeing someone right now. I feel like he was not interested in meeting me. He's done this before, saying he'll meet me and then forgetting about it. Then I get mad and the story repeats forever.
elbe Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 He's done this before, saying he'll meet me and then forgetting about it. Then I get mad and the story repeats forever. It's okay to keep an open mind that he will mature and take things seriously, but it may be more effective to take a look at the millions of bachelors out there who would give anything for that attention instead. Imagine how wonderful it would feel to be on the receiving end of that for a change...
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 yeah..thing is I don't know if I'm ready for that. Somehow I get scared of men who show me their interest...I'm scared of being available and get hurt. I get stuck with "him" because he's so unavailable always, just like myself. Emotionally unavailable. It'd be so awesome to have a guy and enjoy them without worrying I'm not good enough for them...still I can't open myself to someone new, and I insist on this guy who has given me all but good things.
elbe Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 If you keep your defenses up 100% of the time you'll never let anyone in. You say you are worried that you won't be good enough for a new guy -- yet you continue chasing a man who views you as somehow less than "good enough"... One thing I hate about love and affection is that when someone new loves you it seems easy and we get skeptical that it is less valuable. Yet if someone is very hard/impossible to be with we assume they are very valuable. I try to think about this in my daily life in order to give those "easy" relationships a chance. After all they need no convincing of your value. 2
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 I have my defenses up all the time because I've been hurt so bad in the past -and the one who's hurt me the most is this guy. I don't blame him at all, I'd like to, though, but it's me who have issues, I understand this. Yes, when someone is unavailable is more valuable in the other's eyes. Now I'm waiting to meet him on Monday. He'll probably won't confirm me anything and he'll remain silent. I know him. I'd like to know what to do in this case scenario. In case he just doesn't confirm our date, what should I do? I've already told him to contact me if he feels like to, but I'm sure he won't contact me unless I contact him first. Please, give me some advice. It's so easy to give advice when is other's relationship problems, yet when it comes to myself I'm unable to think clearly. 1
elbe Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 I have my defenses up all the time because I've been hurt so bad in the past -and the one who's hurt me the most is this guy. I don't blame him at all, I'd like to, though, but it's me who have issues, I understand this. This made me so sad. You are convinced that it is your fault this guy treats you poorly. You have no idea how wrong you are about this. If he blows you off, blow him off. There are so many guys out there who won't do this to you! Do you have friends, possibly guy friends, who you can hang out with instead on Monday? If so, go out with them! You are way too available for this guy and he will never respect you until he misses you. Put a gap between the two of you and if he has any true feelings for you at all he will contact you first. 1
Yasuandio Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Get back on the horse, Hon, it happens to all of us. It's no big deal. Just don't do it again. Yas
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 This made me so sad. You are convinced that it is your fault this guy treats you poorly. You have no idea how wrong you are about this. If he blows you off, blow him off. There are so many guys out there who won't do this to you! Do you have friends, possibly guy friends, who you can hang out with instead on Monday? If so, go out with them! You are way too available for this guy and he will never respect you until he misses you. Put a gap between the two of you and if he has any true feelings for you at all he will contact you first. Too available? I was no contact for 4 months, and then for 2 1/2 months...and he didn't miss me at all. OK then , I can make my Monday busy, should I tell him I'm busy, or just say nothing..?
elbe Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 It depends how you left it. From what I gather you asked him to call you if he's interested to which he completely ignored you as a response. If that is correct just say nothing. I totally get that you haven't been able to connect to a new guy in that "special way". We get so comfortable in our relationships if we aren't totally over that old guy we look for the same feeling in someone new -- that familiar feeling. Unfortunately, that is only something that comes with the comfortable experience of time spent together. You need to let a new guy into your heart to begin to find that feeling again. If you do not want to get hurt be very picky about who you give the opportunity. Pick the guy at the top of the list that peaks your interest and get him out of the house Monday night instead. Try to look at him and project feelings on him that you may have used to feel for that other guy. In this way you can start to open up to somebody new. You need to be a bit more selfish and stop worrying about what this ex thinks. Instead, figure out what you want out of life and go get it!
BC1980 Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Is this the same guy who was your FWB? I know it's hard, but I don't see what he is adding to your life that is positive right now. He seems to pull you down each time you contact him. Based on your previous threads, I can't see that he wants a relationship with you. So what exactly is his purpose in your life? 2
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 Yes, same guy. Why do I want to see him again...that's a good question. Because I get all excited, my hearth runs fast, I want to melt in his arms....thats why. He's not good news. Never was. Now, can you please tell me what to do? Should I say nothing? Should I cancel beforehand, even though he told me had to confirm if he was available? What? what? Tell me please.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 Cancel. Go NC. Demand better for yourself. ok, should I cancel (telling him I wont be available) or just say nothing??
BC1980 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I would just say nothing. I think he will flake anyway and not even call to meet up. 2
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Ok, guys. I'll do nothing, then. He'll flake on Monday, and I just won't contact him as I've done before, mad at him and showing my angry side. Is this the right way to show I'm not that interested, after all I've said last night? I'll keep you posted.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 OK...very cool. My pof account has been deleted, I wonder why. So now I'm 100% sure he won't contact me as he NEVER initiates with texting (not once in 11 months, why I'd suppose he'll do it now, right?) Anyways, gosh, I need this to be the end, for once and forever. So extremely tired of this situation ugh
cavalier99 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Seem like you just want to continue with this. All cool ..im not judging you. You do realize though youll never recover and will continue this cycle for a super long time unless you decide to go NC forever. He doesnt seem to be doing anything wrong because you make yourself available and that is your choice. It is just fun for him. He isnt responsible for your happiness (or misery) you are. Cav 2
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Seem like you just want to continue with this. All cool ..im not judging you. You do realize though youll never recover and will continue this cycle for a super long time unless you decide to go NC forever. He doesnt seem to be doing anything wrong because you make yourself available and that is your choice. It is just fun for him. He isnt responsible for your happiness (or misery) you are. Cav Sent you privi, please read.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 With his boss. In case we meet on Monday he'll have to miss some hours of work.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Update. We've talked briefly yesterday night. He wanted me come to his home that moment. I said no (booty call, eh?) and he didn't offer another possible day to meet. That's all. I didn't insist, nor showed frustration. Nothing. I feel ok with myself. I'm pretty sure he forgot about our Monday date.
LadyM Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 You shouldn't be speaking to him at all... You do see he is interested in really only one thing from you, right? You don't want to be that woman. Good for you for turning him down!! You want from him something he won't give you.
LadyM Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Update. We've talked briefly yesterday night. He wanted me come to his home that moment. I said no (booty call, eh?) and he didn't offer another possible day to meet. That's all. I didn't insist, nor showed frustration. Nothing. I feel ok with myself. I'm pretty sure he forgot about our Monday date. You do see he is interested in really only one thing from you, right? You don't want to be that woman. Good for you for turning him down!! You want from him something he won't give you. 1
Blastbeat Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I would just like to say that I wish there was a woman chasing me like that right now. You need to give it a few more months before you can feel over him yet. Don't contact him, I've broken NC twice in a month and even though nothing cringe worthy happened, I feel worse for it. BUT - I know that given time and keeping myself busy I will be over her and devoting myself to a new lady, that reciprocates my attention. Move on fair lady. Don't waste any more time on him. You will be ok
melell Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 So how did all this pan out? I was curious, what were your reasons for not wanting him to contact him again for two years, and what happened to dissolve those reasons....?
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