AlwaysGrowing Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I have fear for you. Real fear. A person who becomes desperate will do anything. They are unpredictable. What he did was highly irrational. His logic is soooo flawed. The longer he stays inside his own mind as his guide, the further he will push things. Can a third party suggest immediate IC for him. Maybe even medication. 3
Author peaksandvalleys Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 I have fear for you. Real fear. A person who becomes desperate will do anything. They are unpredictable. What he did was highly irrational. His logic is soooo flawed. The longer he stays inside his own mind as his guide, the further he will push things. Can a third party suggest immediate IC for him. Maybe even medication. It is sweet you are concerned. Don't worry. I don't have the same fear. I see a coward who is trying hard to take control of a situation he can no longer control. He does have a lawyer maybe he will intervene. 2
BetrayedH Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 It is sweet you are concerned. Don't worry. I don't have the same fear. I see a coward who is trying hard to take control of a situation he can no longer control. He does have a lawyer maybe he will intervene. I think your previous post was dead on. He assumed you'd told everyone and so he came there to petition for forgiveness. But the reality is as your subject line reads, he outed himself. And then had to explain. What a huge backfire. I almost feel for the guy, being escorted out and all. Geesh.
Oberfeldwebel Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 This is not about saving the relationship, this about him being selfish again, this is about him. You are not giving him something to which he believes he is entitled and he is having a tantrum. To hell with all those folks and their feelings and their holidays, to hell with you and your feelings and to hell with the best interest of his own children. This is all about him. Only talk to him about finances, legal matters and children. Time to move on. 1
Steen719 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I actually do not believe he expected my family to side with him. I do believe he thought I had told them what was going on and he wanted to give his side while needing sympathy. He is now well aware that there won't be any stopping. Everything that is happening is because there is no turning back. Once you get to the no turning back stage, things start improving, IMO. You don't struggle with what if? You know what you need to do. My XH and son are finally finding a better relationship. I know it will never be the same, but it can be better than it was after all of the mess. Hopefully, your kids will find some peace and be able to do this as well. He is now well aware that there won't be any stopping. One thing, though....I have been divorced over 2 years and you would think my XH would realize there is no going back - not true. Sometimes, they just can't believe it and it sounds to me like your STBXH is similar in his arrogance. 2
Author peaksandvalleys Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 This is not about saving the relationship, this about him being selfish again, this is about him. You are not giving him something to which he believes he is entitled and he is having a tantrum. To hell with all those folks and their feelings and their holidays, to hell with you and your feelings and to hell with the best interest of his own children. This is all about him. Only talk to him about finances, legal matters and children. Time to move on. I hadn't talked to him until yesterday. He no longer has my cell number nor my email address. He has communicated through my lawyer and not face to face. He wasn't invited yesterday. There is no need to talk to him about anything. The children are not underage and the finances are being handled by the lawyer. I moved on when I found out he had lied to me for years. He could have done everything to show remorse and I wouldn't have taken him back. Once trust is gone for me it is gone and I won't give you another shot. 7
sidney2718 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I hadn't talked to him until yesterday. He no longer has my cell number nor my email address. He has communicated through my lawyer and not face to face. He wasn't invited yesterday. There is no need to talk to him about anything. The children are not underage and the finances are being handled by the lawyer. I moved on when I found out he had lied to me for years. He could have done everything to show remorse and I wouldn't have taken him back. Once trust is gone for me it is gone and I won't give you another shot. What a horrible thing to have to go through. But as other posters have said, now it is out in the open and you no longer have to duck questions. You may have done this already, but can you ask your lawyer if it is possible to get an order of protection against him. He is to stay away from you, your children, and your extended family until the divorce is final. You have had enough drama.
Author peaksandvalleys Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 What a horrible thing to have to go through. But as other posters have said, now it is out in the open and you no longer have to duck questions. You may have done this already, but can you ask your lawyer if it is possible to get an order of protection against him. He is to stay away from you, your children, and your extended family until the divorce is final. You have had enough drama. He hasn't been bothering me. Since I changed my number and my email address.
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 The family was gathered at an older relative's home enjoying the day when WH shows up. The children and I haven't told some family members about what is going on simply because they aren't as close to us or they are older. He comes in and he gets cold looks from some of them others are happy to see him. We had been asked earlier by my aunt where he was and I played it off by complementing her new dress. Then he pulls a stunt that none of us expected. He stands up in the middle of the living room and announces to all of them that I am divorcing without giving him an opportunity to make amends. That I invaded his privacy and he stood up for himself. I was very angry to say the least but I asked him to tell them why I invaded his privacy. Then he explained how he was vulnerable because of the way I treated him and he looked for affection outside of our marriage and family. All hell broke loose. The family members who knew, the kids, and a few friends all kind of jumped in at the same time. My uncle who is 80 years old used his cane to beat on the table and told them all to "pipe down". A nice day was ruined. He took something else from me. He stole the small bit of peace I had. And he hurt our kids again. Our daughter told everyone the story of OW coming up to us in the restaurant. She told them he had been having a long term affair and that they might be dealing with a half sibling. Wait for it. He starts to cry and says the child isn't his. Tests have been done and the child is not his and HE feels betrayed and used. The sound of a pin dropping is accurate here. After the initial shock he was quickly asked to leave by the family member whose home it was. He didn't like that but he knew if he did not leave voluntarily he would be removed forcibly. After he left the questions started. I had not planned to deal with this or him that day. I answered some questions vaguely and others I gave detail. They know the business is being sold as well as the house. They now ALL know I have moved out and worse, they know who the OW is. He told them. Some of them know her BH. So this is just getting worse. What an idiot. He tried to play himself as a victim and make you look like the bad guy and it backfired on him. Hey don't let him ruin your peace. don't give him that power!! Stay strong! 1
dichotomy Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 (edited) Her husband loves that child. I do believe he will do what is necessary to protect him as a true father would. But I have no respect for that female. I want to call her every vile name I can think of. To sleep with multiple men and not know who your child's father is and then try to pass it off as the son of at least two men. It is possible that she is passing him off to more than those two. I think she deserves nothing. Not her children, not her home and not the life she carefully crafted for herself. She is disgusting. She is ..beyond words. OW husband does sound like he is a decent enough man from what you wrote. The main question in my mind, is that while OW husband may be a good loving father and choose to stay as dad (and legally will be likely have to be the dad) does this child deserve or have a right to know his biological father at some point. Which of course brings up the second point for this poor man married to OW - who the heck is the other other man(men)? This gets worse and worse on that side of the fence. Edited November 30, 2013 by dichotomy 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 This sounds horrible. I can't imagine experiencing that! Wow, wow, wow.
Author peaksandvalleys Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 This sounds horrible. I can't imagine experiencing that! Wow, wow, wow. Not as horrible as finding out he cheated for years and might have a child with the OW. That was horrible. This was annoying like a butt rash. 6
aliveagain Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Peaks I survived a spouse that had O/M's affair child, unlike your O/W's husband I got them all out of my life. Life is hard enough without the drama of an affair child, the O/M who is the biological father in your life because he now has rights, send them all packing. If your husband is not the affair child's father and the husband is not the father, how many guys was she banging at the same time? Who's his daddy? Your soon to be ex(STBX) really put your health at risk, you slept with everyone she did. Isn't there some kind of Darwin Award they can give him for Intelligence missing in action? I think the wrong Turkey survived the holiday. 8
Author peaksandvalleys Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Peaks I survived a spouse that had O/M's affair child, unlike your O/W's husband I got them all out of my life. Life is hard enough without the drama of an affair child, the O/M who is the biological father in your life because he now has rights, send them all packing. If your husband is not the affair child's father and the husband is not the father, how many guys was she banging at the same time? Who's his daddy? Your soon to be ex(STBX) really put your health at risk, you slept with everyone she did. Isn't there some kind of Darwin Award they can give him for Intelligence missing in action? I think the wrong Turkey survived the holiday. I so needed that laugh. We should keep that child in constant good thoughts and wishes. He needs them. 6
Author peaksandvalleys Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Saw OW at the market. I came around a corner with my cart and there she was. She seemed a bit haggard. Looked at me with contempt and pushed past in a hurry. Not sure if she growled or not but it was at least a gut rumble. Life goes on. I wonder if she knows about his thanksgiving outburst?
aliveagain Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Saw OW at the market. I came around a corner with my cart and there she was. She seemed a bit haggard. Looked at me with contempt and pushed past in a hurry. Not sure if she growled or not but it was at least a gut rumble. Life goes on. I wonder if she knows about his thanksgiving outburst? What a great holiday she's having, exposure, her new baby isn't her lovers or her husband's, the world now knows that she's a skank. Wonder what next year will look like for her? 11
whatatangledweb Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Saw OW at the market. I came around a corner with my cart and there she was. She seemed a bit haggard. Looked at me with contempt and pushed past in a hurry. Not sure if she growled or not but it was at least a gut rumble. Life goes on. I wonder if she knows about his thanksgiving outburst? Takes some nerve to look at you in contempt. You know who the father of all your children are. You were faithful even when you were unhappy. You didn't lie to two men making them think they father a child when they didn't. Seems like life is giving her just what she deserves. 4
Got it Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Oh jeez Peaks. At least you don't have to figure out how to tell everyone. He did that in fantastic fashion. ((((((Peaks)))))) Just keep thinking, a year from now this will all be in the rearview mirror. 4
Spark1111 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I think this is a perfect example of a typical cheating mindset: I'm unhappy and it's ALL your fault. It's what got them into the affair and it is often why they handle the aftermath SOOO poorly. Also it points to mental instability; these grand-standing, over the top dramatic revelations designed to hurt and punish those they claim to love. As for the OW, just more of the same. She is contemptuous of you, as if it is ALL your fault her life has been trashed by her own actions. See how often they DO deserve each other? And it does give credence that a large number of APs ARE personality-disordered. 3
Fluttershy Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 All I can say is I am truly sorry you are going through this hell. You seem to be a strong woman and I know you have amazing things ahead of you. I can understand the small measure of relief though one would feel when they learned "Why" their marriage was a disaster. I am sure you are very thankful to finally have the truth, as difficult as it was, so you could free yourself and before you fell into your own affair. The extent of his delusion would be laughable if it wasn't so pathetic. And pathetic people have my pity in a very condescending way. I am very forgiving by nature but I have little time for people who won't own their mistakes. Take care and hope you have a wonderful time over the holidays! 3
thinkingofhim Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I'm sorry you're still dealing with this peaksandvalleys, I read some of your earlier threads your stbX sounds like a real class act ..... I just dont understand why some people take the risk to have an affair and then act like this when discovered? Blows my mind, good riddance to him... I feel so sorry for BH now, what a lot to deal with 1
Author peaksandvalleys Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 I'm sorry you're still dealing with this peaksandvalleys, I read some of your earlier threads your stbX sounds like a real class act ..... I just dont understand why some people take the risk to have an affair and then act like this when discovered? Blows my mind, good riddance to him... I feel so sorry for BH now, what a lot to deal with Her BS does seem like a good man. Wouldn't it be a riot if he and I got together? Seems somehow fitting though I know I just want to come out the other side of this with some of my humanity still intact and not wanting to be anywhere near either WH or OW ever again. I know this is probably an unrealistic wish but still I wish they would disappear and never be heard from again. 1
BetrayedH Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 As I recall, there was one BH here that ended up with the OM's wife. Last update, they were still going strong. But I also think there were no kids; they basically ran away together. At least your kids are older, P&V. I can tell you that coparenting SUCKS. Todsy has been a prime example for me. 2
Author peaksandvalleys Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 As I recall, there was one BH here that ended up with the OM's wife. Last update, they were still going strong. But I also think there were no kids; they basically ran away together. At least your kids are older, P&V. I can tell you that coparenting SUCKS. Todsy has been a prime example for me. I am grateful for that. I don't think I could handle having to deal with him if my children were younger. I don't think he and she will end up together but that would have killed me if it were the case and I had younger children. 2
Author peaksandvalleys Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 FINALLY! We have a date for the 22nd of the month. Keeping my fingers crossed that this part will be over before the end of the year. And I got a letter with no return address but the name on it was Enemy Jones. :laugh: I know it's OW. I haven't opened it yet. Pretty hefty so I guess she has a lot to say.
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