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He outed himself

peaksandvalleys

By peaksandvalleys
in Infidelity

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peaksandvalleys Established Member

peaksandvalleys

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The family was gathered at an older relative's home enjoying the day when WH shows up. The children and I haven't told some family members about what is going on simply because they aren't as close to us or they are older. He comes in and he gets cold looks from some of them others are happy to see him. We had been asked earlier by my aunt where he was and I played it off by complementing her new dress. Then he pulls a stunt that none of us expected.

 

He stands up in the middle of the living room and announces to all of them that I am divorcing without giving him an opportunity to make amends. That I invaded his privacy and he stood up for himself. I was very angry to say the least but I asked him to tell them why I invaded his privacy. Then he explained how he was vulnerable because of the way I treated him and he looked for affection outside of our marriage and family. All hell broke loose. The family members who knew, the kids, and a few friends all kind of jumped in at the same time.

 

My uncle who is 80 years old used his cane to beat on the table and told them all to "pipe down". A nice day was ruined. He took something else from me. He stole the small bit of peace I had. And he hurt our kids again. Our daughter told everyone the story of OW coming up to us in the restaurant. She told them he had been having a long term affair and that they might be dealing with a half sibling. Wait for it. He starts to cry and says the child isn't his. Tests have been done and the child is not his and HE feels betrayed and used. :eek: The sound of a pin dropping is accurate here.

 

After the initial shock he was quickly asked to leave by the family member whose home it was. He didn't like that but he knew if he did not leave voluntarily he would be removed forcibly. After he left the questions started. I had not planned to deal with this or him that day. I answered some questions vaguely and others I gave detail. They know the business is being sold as well as the house. They now ALL know I have moved out and worse, they know who the OW is. He told them. Some of them know her BH. So this is just getting worse.

elbe Established Member

elbe

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So this is just getting worse.

 

First of all.. I thought my Thanksgiving was bad!:rolleyes:

 

It's not getting worse. He just made himself look like a psycho and let every skeleton in the closet loose. Everyone there has skeleton's of their own they just don't run free.

 

The bright side of this is that you can stop living in pretend-land with the people closest to you. Now that you can be honest about the situation you can get some actual support!

 

Thanksgiving was ruined but it's just one day of the entire year. The old folks particularly understand where you are coming from.. they have all been there.

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BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

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Good grief. Sorry P&V. You married an idiot. Fortunately, you're smart enough to divorce him.

 

Things will call down (I hope).

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NotCamelot Established Member

NotCamelot

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Wow........pathetic........ But, was he always that tacky?!?!?

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RightThere Established Member

RightThere

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So sorry to hear about the drama. It's amazing how he is still so self involved that he would ruin everyone's Thanksgiving and still not accept responsibility for what he did.

 

I should hook him up with my STBXW. They could have the pity party to end all pity parties.

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peaksandvalleys Established Member

peaksandvalleys

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Wow........pathetic........ But, was he always that tacky?!?!?

 

 

Maybe he was. Maybe I was too stupid to see it. :(

BeingMe Established Member

BeingMe

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Wow!

 

Funny thing? Reading what you wrote, it sounds like he thought he was showing everyone what a horrible person you are...Umm, he misjudged that didn't he? What an idiot! (on so very many levels).

 

For most WS (who aren't remorseful) it's all about them. There's a lot of selfishness there; not caring or even thinking about how anyone else would feel. At least now everyone will understand exactly how much of a doosh he is and why you're divorcing him.

 

So sorry you had to deal with that, but hopefully you'll get extra support now. ((hugs))

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BeingMe Established Member

BeingMe

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Maybe he was. Maybe I was too stupid to see it. :(

 

No, it's just that now ALL the truth about him is starting to come out, he's hiding less. Remember also, that poor choices mostly beget more poor choices. He's choosing to be in that downward spiral and is likely to get worse unless he starts making better choices.

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Raena Established Member

Raena

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Oh geez peaks! I've been reading your threads for a while now. What a complete loser he is. Did he really think he was going to walk into YOUR family gathering and get support?

 

Like others said... at least it is all out in the open now, you don't have to hide it anymore.

 

I'm so sorry for the drama you had to deal with though. Hopefully that will all settle down soon and you can get on with the business of getting on with your life.

 

Rae

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BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

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Maybe he was. Maybe I was too stupid to see it. :(

 

Nah. He was just an effective liar with someone who trusted him. My exwife's favorite character is Mary Poppins, "practically perfect in every way." And she was. Until you discover her hidden year-long affair with her boss, 60-70 hotel stays, a graphic blog post about it, and a 3some with a hooker. You weren't stupid; your trust was taken advantage of.

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peaksandvalleys Established Member

peaksandvalleys

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Oh geez peaks! I've been reading your threads for a while now. What a complete loser he is. Did he really think he was going to walk into YOUR family gathering and get support?

 

Like others said... at least it is all out in the open now, you don't have to hide it anymore.

 

I'm so sorry for the drama you had to deal with though. Hopefully that will all settle down soon and you can get on with the business of getting on with your life.

 

Rae

 

 

And I have been reading your posts too. I don't often comment because your situation hurts so much because of your young child. I can't imagine being in that position. I am sorry for what you going through. :(

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BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

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I do like how it was about you invading his privacy (how dare you infringe upon his secret affair) and not letting him make amends (without mentioning what he needed to make amends for). Classic. And in front of everyone. Agreeing with another poster, I actually think it was kinda good for the family to see this for the sake of you getting support, except for the children part - how stupid to put them thru that. He's victimizing them just so everyone can see what a victim he is.

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whatatangledweb Established Member

whatatangledweb

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OMG, I am so sorry Peaks. That was beyond rude and cruel of him. He is an ass !! He seems to have done it either out of spite or to see if family members would try to talk you out of a divorce. As painful as it was for you, it seems one thing good came out of it. You saw your family stand behind you and they saw who he is. But I am really sorry he ruined your day.

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BeingMe Established Member

BeingMe

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I do like how it was about you invading his privacy (how dare you infringe upon his secret affair) and not letting him make amends (without mentioning what he needed to make amends for). Classic. And in front of everyone. Agreeing with another poster, I actually think it was kinda good for the family to see this for the sake of you getting support, except for the children part - how stupid to put them thru that. He's victimizing them just so everyone can see what a victim he is.

 

Mind you, doing it in front of the children does provide evidence of his attempt at parental alienation, in front of witnesses, no less! Document, document, document.

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Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

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No words! That scene deserves to be in a movie.

Steen719 Established Member

Steen719

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Dear Lord, he expected your family to side with him and he was cheating on you? What a moron. It always amazes me that a cheater can blame their spouse for not giving them a second chance, expecting pity from those around them and thinking their justifications will be met with understanding and concern. Love a duck, I swear. This man is deluded. Sorry that you had to endure that, but as elbe said, it is out in the open now and you have nothing to hide. Let him deal with the fallout.

 

Sorry.

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painfullyobvious Established Member

painfullyobvious

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This is insane but I see a few positives here. First you will not have to explain your story to every family member or retell it a hundred times to family and friends thanks to your husbands little stunt. The "why" question that I felt I had to explain my reason for leaving to everyone will be pretty self-explanatory after being in a situation like that. I felt uncomfortable for you as I read this sorry...

 

The bright side is try to visualize the narcissism that it would take to pull off or try to pull off what your husband did here. Glad you are getting away from a person like that. Was he drunk or high? When I was attempting to reconcile I was embarrassed just being around family saying nothing. I cannot imagine a person doing this. As bad as it was for you I feel bad for the kids. The breakdown when he found out that his affair partners child was not his is almost laughable if it were not so sad. I mean this in the empathetic way but this person needs professional help for personality disorder.

 

I wish you a peaceful Thanksgiving holiday and Christmas from this day forward.

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peaksandvalleys Established Member

peaksandvalleys

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No words! That scene deserves to be in a movie.

 

 

I don't know how to take this. Why would my life deserve to be in a movie? This confuses me. Based only on your previous posts it feels as if you are making fun of a disgusting situation. Is that the case? :confused:

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peaksandvalleys Established Member

peaksandvalleys

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Dear Lord, he expected your family to side with him and he was cheating on you? What a moron. It always amazes me that a cheater can blame their spouse for not giving them a second chance, expecting pity from those around them and thinking their justifications will be met with understanding and concern. Love a duck, I swear. This man is deluded. Sorry that you had to endure that, but as elbe said, it is out in the open now and you have nothing to hide. Let him deal with the fallout.

 

Sorry.

 

 

I actually do not believe he expected my family to side with him. I do believe he thought I had told them what was going on and he wanted to give his side while needing sympathy. He is now well aware that there won't be any stopping. Everything that is happening is because there is no turning back.

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BlametheIrish Established Member

BlametheIrish

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I don't know how to take this. Why would my life deserve to be in a movie? This confuses me. Based only on your previous posts it feels as if you are making fun of a disgusting situation. Is that the case? :confused:

 

I think.that poster meant it was movie worthy because the,outlandish idioc stuff your husband did is seen more in movies than real life.

 

I dont know how old your kids are but I would consider counseling for them. If their dad can be such a colossal pos in front of ypur family then who knows what bs he feeds them.

Edited by BlametheIrish
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peaksandvalleys Established Member

peaksandvalleys

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I think.that poster meant it was movie worthy because the,outlandish idioc stuff your husband did is seen more in movies than real life.

 

I dont know how old your kids are but I would consider counseling for them. If their dad can be such a colossal pos in front of ypur family then who knows what bs he feeds them.

 

 

They will do counseling with me and on their own if they want it but they are old enough to make that determination for themselves and he can't "feed" them anything anymore. He made sure of that.

rumbleseat Established Member

rumbleseat

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Wow.

 

What can one say about his actions? It does give a glimpse into the mindset of a eh who is totally self adsorbed and unable to see how he, through the choices he made, is responsible for any of the negative fallout in his life.

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bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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Wow. He is just absolutely outdoing himself in the douche bag category! I'm so sorry!

 

It's sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive family surrounding you and that is a fabulous gift in itself. Definitely something to be thankful for. I am sorry that he ruined your (and your children's and family's) family day, though.

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dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

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A desperate man, loosing justifiably, so much, uses the only avenue to lash out and try to hurt you or simply unleash his mental breakdown. Trapped he is in a world collapsing around him.

 

The biggest sorrow I have is for the loss of connection from a father to his kids, and then there is a little one with OW and unknown "sperm donor" - lost in the mess over there.

 

Sad.

  • Like 3
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peaksandvalleys Established Member

peaksandvalleys

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A desperate man, loosing justifiably, so much, uses the only avenue to lash out and try to hurt you or simply unleash his mental breakdown. Trapped he is in a world collapsing around him.

 

The biggest sorrow I have is for the loss of connection from a father to his kids, and then there is a little one with OW and unknown "sperm donor" - lost in the mess over there.

 

Sad.

 

Her husband loves that child. I do believe he will do what is necessary to protect him as a true father would. But I have no respect for that female. I want to call her every vile name I can think of. To sleep with multiple men and not know who your child's father is and then try to pass it off as the son of at least two men. It is possible that she is passing him off to more than those two. I think she deserves nothing. Not her children, not her home and not the life she carefully crafted for herself. She is disgusting. :mad:

  • Like 6
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