Almost escaped the friendzone!?

[exilesoul]

So a girl i like gave me those horrific words... "we're just friends".

Its not really a suprise as we've been pretty close friends for over a year, while she had a BF. She insisted that she wanted a closer relationship prior to this but i told her i wasnt prepared to be close to someone who wasn't available... probbably not the best move but atleast i knew where i stood.

 

so i took this oppurtunity to put some distance between us, when i sort of got over her i used this to reinvent our relashionship. my logic being that i was friendzoning myself by not being confident and pushing forward, so realising this i changed my attitude and got myself an evening out with her. this is how i asked her....

 

"Make sure your free Saturday night..."

"Why?"

"pick you up at 7"

"Why!!!?"

"wear something warm..."

 

So she agreed and we even joked that she'd bring a tina turner CD as she dosn't like my HIP Hop (although we share allot of other music in common).

 

This is a very big step for me, although we have spent alot of one-on-one time together it was because of other factors like going shopping or mutual hobbies. we always clicked just never romantically.

 

So the dates tommorow and it might seem cliche but i decided to take her to christmas themed outdoor ice skating rink. Seems to me like ideal place to start introducing some light physical contact. im definatly not the touching type, i've barely made any physical contact in a year so this might be a shock to her... im just not sure how to go about it, is bold and confident the way to go?

 

Also im not sure how she feels about it, i dont see why she'd be so willing to go out with me without even knowing where or anything. Seems like if we were friends she'd want to know if this was a date?

 

The main issue i have is preventing the date slipping back into friend territory, how do i keep moving forward and escalating?

 

Thanks

[TylerDurdenn]

Has she still got the BF?

[todreaminblue]

if she has the bf you cant escalate anything.......

 

 

i would do the holding hand thing that is a definite date thing.......going around an ice skating rink shouldnt be too hard to grab her hand.......deb

[exilesoul]

No she left her BF a while ago, during the distancing. it was several weeks before i found out and she definatly seems over him, its partly the reason i've decided to get bolder and partly because my rich and active lifestyle has made me more sure of myself...

[todreaminblue]

No she left her BF a while ago, during the distancing. it was several weeks before i found out and she definatly seems over him, its partly the reason i've decided to get bolder and partly because my rich and active lifestyle has made me more sure of myself...

 

 

 

rich and active please define?

[exilesoul]

rich and active please define?

 

Well i'm only 21 and have a fantastic job in areospace engineering, its really rewarding and interesting. I do alot of sports and hobbies, we scuba dive weekly together but i rock climb and ride horses on weekends without her. also i volunteer for a local youth club teaching teenagers first aid and things which i love!

 

i guess what i'm saying is shes not the only thing in my life, although i really like her its hard to do my own thing without seeming uninterested in her, but on the flip side i dont want to seem needy or desperate.

 

Its just difficult to balance....

[todreaminblue]

Well i'm only 21 and have a fantastic job in areospace engineering, its really rewarding and interesting. I do alot of sports and hobbies, we scuba dive weekly together but i rock climb and ride horses on weekends without her. also i volunteer for a local youth club teaching teenagers first aid and things which i love!

 

i guess what i'm saying is shes not the only thing in my life, although i really like her its hard to do my own thing without seeming uninterested in her, but on the flip side i dont want to seem needy or desperate.

 

Its just difficult to balance....

 

 

ok cool......you can balance....should be a cinch for you.......you organize and manage you time now dont you?..... and you dont sound the needy or desperate type so just be chill and your conversations should be interesting and varied from your interests....piece of cake....smilin....good luck.....deb

[exilesoul]

ok cool......you can balance....should be a cinch for you.......you organize and manage you time now dont you?..... and you dont sound the needy or desperate type so just be chill and your conversations should be interesting and varied from your interests....piece of cake....smilin....good luck.....deb

 

 

Thanks, but thats kinda how i got friendzoned in the first place....

[haribogumsnickers]

There is no escape. Being in the friendzone is just a nicer way of saying I don't want to be with you, "but we can still be friends". Right.

 

If you want to move things forward, then you'll have to man up. The ice skating rink is a good setting. Skate awhile separately and amuse her like talk about stuff she likes but keep her laughing. Does she have a bf? Doesn't matter, he's not here but she is. If she does mention a bf, just say you're gf is no fun like her.

 

Then, smoothly skate while holding her hand. Skate slow and sing something from pitch perfect. She'll take the bait, they always do. When the moment is right, trip yourself to fall but don't take her with you. Stay down there for a bit and if and only if she offers her hand to help you up, say this: "I'm falling for you and there's nowhere I'd rather be than here together with you".

 

Let me know when the engagement party is.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Here's how I'd want a night like that to go..

 

If you are wobbly on ice skates, it's a perfect time to hold someone's hand.

 

If you are solid, take the lead, hold out your hand and say "come on". A warm smile and a little eye contact can go a long way.

 

Don't be too eager to get it locked in that night. It's not make or break time.

 

At some point near the end of the date, tell her that you are so glad she came out with you. Make it sweet.

 

Do you guys normally hug, or do the cheek-kissing thing? Go for the hug. Don't linger too long but it shouldn't be just a friendly kind of hug. A kiss on the cheek could come off awkward so I think that's for you to judge.

 

Eye contact. Let it linger a moment longer than normal. If you are comfortable with her and really like her it will show on your face when you smile. Nothing over the top, you just want these things to build.

 

If she is open to the idea of getting romantic, this should spark something that she'll want to explore. You want her to be curious without putting her on the spot to where she feels she either must accept you as her lover, or reject you completely. Give her a nice time out without proposition so she'll contemplate. Otherwise there's pressure and you don't want her associating pressure with being out with you that night.

 

Remember that you'll have time to talk about getting involved later. You want her to be comfortable with the idea of considering you.

 

You want to be authentic. Genuine smiles, genuine laughter. Genuine fun.

[exilesoul]

There is no escape. Being in the friendzone is just a nicer way of saying I don't want to be with you, "but we can still be friends". Right.

 

If you want to move things forward, then you'll have to man up. The ice skating rink is a good setting. Skate awhile separately and amuse her like talk about stuff she likes but keep her laughing. Does she have a bf? Doesn't matter, he's not here but she is. If she does mention a bf, just say you're gf is no fun like her.

 

Then, smoothly skate while holding her hand. Skate slow and sing something from pitch perfect. She'll take the bait, they always do. When the moment is right, trip yourself to fall but don't take her with you. Stay down there for a bit and if and only if she offers her hand to help you up, say this: "I'm falling for you and there's nowhere I'd rather be than here together with you".

 

Let me know when the engagement party is.

 

I beg to differ about the friendzone. i think the reason i ended up there was i didnt clearly indicate any romantic ideas. had i only been interested in dating her i would have either been with her or not botherd being "just Friends" either way not being in the friendzone...

 

As smooth your idea is its not likely to go down well, im looking for methods of gradually indicating my interest rather than blowing her away with some huge romantic gesture. my problem is im not brave enough to keep escalating and will likely chicken out...

[exilesoul]

Here's how I'd want a night like that to go..

 

If you are wobbly on ice skates, it's a perfect time to hold someone's hand.

 

If you are solid, take the lead, hold out your hand and say "come on". A warm smile and a little eye contact can go a long way.

 

Don't be too eager to get it locked in that night. It's not make or break time.

 

At some point near the end of the date, tell her that you are so glad she came out with you. Make it sweet.

 

Do you guys normally hug, or do the cheek-kissing thing? Go for the hug. Don't linger too long but it shouldn't be just a friendly kind of hug. A kiss on the cheek could come off awkward so I think that's for you to judge.

 

Eye contact. Let it linger a moment longer than normal. If you are comfortable with her and really like her it will show on your face when you smile. Nothing over the top, you just want these things to build.

 

If she is open to the idea of getting romantic, this should spark something that she'll want to explore. You want her to be curious without putting her on the spot to where she feels she either must accept you as her lover, or reject you completely. Give her a nice time out without proposition so she'll contemplate. Otherwise there's pressure and you don't want her associating pressure with being out with you that night.

 

Remember that you'll have time to talk about getting involved later. You want her to be comfortable with the idea of considering you.

 

You want to be authentic. Genuine smiles, genuine laughter. Genuine fun.

 

 

Thankyou, this is the kind of response i was looking for!!

 

only thing is how do you know when its the right time and wether i'll get burned?

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Thankyou, this is the kind of response i was looking for!!

 

only thing is how do you know when its the right time and wether i'll get burned?

 

Burned as in rejected? You can't look at it like that. A burn is when someone does something bad to you.

 

There are two outcomes... you'll get involved at some point or you won't.

 

Either outcome is fine. You will be sad if she rejects you, but that just means it was never going to happen anyway. It will be much easier for you to move on this way than if you never make a move.

 

These things need to blossom. Let us know how the date goes and and how she reacts and you'll surely get more advice on the next step. If she has a fun time in this setting, she will be open to another date. Make her uncomfortable and she may back away.

 

Just try not to put yourself into the position where she has to consider not being your friend anymore because you can't stop professing your love for her.

[theothersully]

I just came out of a friend zone myself. Still half stuck in it, but having some great sex... lol

 

I'd go very slowly and cautiously, always moving in the right direction. The sneak attack! ha ha ha It works for me. Friendly, flirty, closeness on the ice skating, then drinks. Get her loosened up so she can forget about the friendship fence she put up. Get close to her in conversation first, with just a few physical gestures and touching. Don't over do anything. Feel it out. You'll know if you go too fast. It may take a few dates, but always set up the dates so there is a possibility of continuing in a more comfortable setting where more can happen.

[exilesoul]

Burned as in rejected? You can't look at it like that. A burn is when someone does something bad to you.

 

There are two outcomes... you'll get involved at some point or you won't.

 

Either outcome is fine. You will be sad if she rejects you, but that just means it was never going to happen anyway. It will be much easier for you to move on this way than if you never make a move.

 

These things need to blossom. Let us know how the date goes and and how she reacts and you'll surely get more advice on the next step. If she has a fun time in this setting, she will be open to another date. Make her uncomfortable and she may back away.

 

Just try not to put yourself into the position where she has to consider not being your friend anymore because you can't stop professing your love for her.

 

So its already gone to **** and i didn't even get the date...

she refused to go with me until i told her what my plans were and when i told her she said "that sounds too much like a date" and cancelled.

 

guess i was wrong about the friend-zone. Gutted...

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

So its already gone to **** and i didn't even get the date...

she refused to go with me until i told her what my plans were and when i told her she said "that sounds too much like a date" and cancelled.

 

guess i was wrong about the friend-zone. Gutted...

 

Ouch. Sorry.

 

Remember, you weren't burned. She just wasn't the one for you. Now that you know for sure, you'll be able to move on and find someone else.

[joystickd]

Any woman that you tell how you feel and she wants to be friends treat her like she is dead to you or if she is really wanting to be friends ask her to find someone for you to see where her head is. If she says no then treat her like she is dead.

[TaraMaiden]

So its already gone to **** and i didn't even get the date...

she refused to go with me until i told her what my plans were and when i told her she said "that sounds too much like a date" and cancelled.

 

guess i was wrong about the friend-zone. Gutted...

 

Good.

At least now you know it was about you.

 

Any girl who goes out with a 'Mr-Young-and-Successful'...is it him, or what he has to offer?

never be too up-front with your credentials until you know she likes you for YOU, not the trimmings.....

 

This one got wise to you.

 

See, games just don't work with bright girls who have already made the decision once. She knows you too well, evidently.

 

Be genuine, but keep your guard up.

Relax.

Life is about what you can take out and put in.

And the fancy extras like a girl on the arm are the bonuses, not the essentials.

[exilesoul]

Good.

At least now you know it was about you.

 

Any girl who goes out with a 'Mr-Young-and-Successful'...is it him, or what he has to offer?

never be too up-front with your credentials until you know she likes you for YOU, not the trimmings.....

 

This one got wise to you.

 

See, games just don't work with bright girls who have already made the decision once. She knows you too well, evidently.

 

Be genuine, but keep your guard up.

Relax.

Life is about what you can take out and put in.

And the fancy extras like a girl on the arm are the bonuses, not the essentials.

 

Thanks for the advice. The thing is she's always wanted me to lower my guard, i hold back a hell of a lot and this has bothered her in the past, shes always asked me to "open up to her" although i've been adamant and refused to open up to someone who's emotionally unavailable (when she had a BF).

 

Is cutting her off really the way to go? it seems like a petty mind game. I actually have to spend some time with her seeing as we work together and i don't want to come across as being childish.

 

At the moment it seems like friends or nothing and nothing it just dosn't seem like the right choice at the moment although im hoping i might be wrong....

[joystickd]

Thanks for the advice. The thing is she's always wanted me to lower my guard, i hold back a hell of a lot and this has bothered her in the past, shes always asked me to "open up to her" although i've been adamant and refused to open up to someone who's emotionally unavailable (when she had a BF).

 

Is cutting her off really the way to go? it seems like a petty mind game. I actually have to spend some time with her seeing as we work together and i don't want to come across as being childish.

 

At the moment it seems like friends or nothing and nothing it just dosn't seem like the right choice at the moment although im hoping i might be wrong....

Stick with nothing. If you do talk keep it work related. You got friendzoned and take it from someone that use to be consistently friendzoned the best thing you can do is not have a friendship with this women and move on to women that genuinely want you.

[elbe]

I really don't want to be the one to burst your bubble.. but how does this differ from any of the other times you two have went out (as friends)?

 

If she has any romantic feelings for you - you should know by the end of the next "date". Hold her hand skating and before its all over move in for a kiss. If she pushes you away or anything of the sort you will have your answer.

 

Don't be chasing from the friendzone forever. Some people are just lonely and will continue to hang out with you until they find what they are looking for.. even if they don't mean anything by it.

[exilesoul]

Stick with nothing. If you do talk keep it work related. You got friendzoned and take it from someone that use to be consistently friendzoned the best thing you can do is not have a friendship with this women and move on to women that genuinely want you.

 

Would she want me if im over her, or do i get over her for the sake of it?

[joystickd]

Would she want me if im over her, or do i get over her for the sake of it?

Just get over her so someone else that is really into will have a chance with you. There are too many women out here to get hung up on once that won't give you a chance.