894hjk Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 We r both in our 30's . I've been dating a guy for 5 months. All has gone well. He's told me he loves me a few times in non direct ways and has asked me about 8x if I loved him which I always ended up not answering as I do have strong feelings for him but I don't know if its love. Anyway, he took me away for the weekend and I met all his friends the week after. But He has a few funny ways about him e.g will try to play fight with me and take it too far, threaten me with violence in a verbal joking way and last week he scared my small son by banging on the house door so loud then saying he was a burglar. He took us out last week and posted 2x inappropriate comments on fb in front of me on my profile that I had to delete. I got up and left him in the cafe (he looked shocked n stood up with me) i went home n text him not to come back. He text me 3x once stating can we talk. I then ignored him for a full day and a half then I text him asking if he had a good weekend and stated that we should talk. 4 days later and no contact from him! We usually speak everyday. He has shown some controlling traits since we have been dating. What do I do? Thanks
Keenly Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 You got up and left, and then ignored him for a day and a half. You didn't communicate with him during your first problem in the relationship.
Author 894hjk Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 I thought I probably hurt his feelings and ego. I shouldn't have done that I know. I should have at least called him back the day after but I was angry because of his aggressive and intimidating ways the two weeks prior to the argument. Needed some thinking time. Shall I text him asking if he wants to talk again?
winny Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Don't over think. If you needed time to clear your mind what is wrong in that. Yes you can text him saying, his recent behavior has been a cause of concern for you. So you needed some alone time to get your thoughts together. If your no response has hurt him then you are sorry. You still care about him and the relationship is important to you. Right now you are ready to talk to him and work out the things which had worried you. If he is interested he can call or text you. If he doesn't answer after this text, just let it be. 1
winny Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I thought I probably hurt his feelings and ego. This is probably true but don't forget his behavior hurt you too. And you have every right to make him aware of same. From your other post, this guy seems to be of dominating nature. So if you hurt ego of such a guy, they would try to make you feel miserable. And in your miserable state you will forget your hurt and pain and feel you are guilty and chase him. Don't do that please.
Author 894hjk Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Hunny this is exactly what I thought. It's been 5 days since I text him and I dam well know he wants me to chase him and admit how I feel to him bla bla bla. He thinks woman should do the chasing and even at the start of our relationship he always said to me to call him each day. I figure he's afraid of rejection and he is such a dominant, egotistical primal type of man he doesn't realise it. I thought he was doing this to punish me. How long should I leave it? I was thinking of texting: "I'm assuming u dont want to talk as I've not heard back from u. Shall we call it a day? If so let me know and we can leave each others stuff in the garden to pick up. But a part of me wants to tell him how much I miss him and hate this but I also worry he has anger issues and won't b able change so what's the point in all this.
winny Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Hunny this is exactly what I thought. It's been 5 days since I text him and I dam well know he wants me to chase him and admit how I feel to him bla bla bla. He thinks woman should do the chasing and even at the start of our relationship he always said to me to call him each day. I figure he's afraid of rejection and he is such a dominant, egotistical primal type of man he doesn't realise it. I thought he was doing this to punish me. How long should I leave it? I was thinking of texting: "I'm assuming u dont want to talk as I've not heard back from u. Shall we call it a day? If so let me know and we can leave each others stuff in the garden to pick up. But a part of me wants to tell him how much I miss him and hate this but I also worry he has anger issues and won't b able change so what's the point in all this. Haha.. I don't know what you think but ending things on a text is not good. This may cause him more anger and hurt his ego even more. Text him something saying you want to talk and work things out between you two. This is not chasing. This is letting him know that, you wouldn't tolerate any nonsense. But still you want to give him a chance to make amends. That you are ready to make an effort if he does the same. If he still doesn't reply back for 1 day, or if he replies but doesn't accept his mistakes then drop it. If he replies and wants to work out and change his behavior, then tell him very clearly and point wise, what all things scare you about him. If he says he will stop all that then give him a chance. If things change for good after that, fine. Else dump him. If any time he points out something in your behavior that he didn't like and you feel he has a point, graciously accept the same and try working on it. Never under any circumstance during this lose your temper Be very calm and collected and think twice before every statement you make. None of the things you say should make you sound miserable or needy. They should also not sound as if you are accusing him of something. It should always be that, you both need to work out. In short, give him one more chance ( just ONE !) to change Good Luck!
Author 894hjk Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Thank u so much! Shall I text- I want to talk things through with u but if u do not can u let me know? I just worry his anti female mindset will take years to change.
NoMoreJerks Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 He 'plays' fight?!??! WTF? That's more than a little bit crazy. Ditch this guy. Stat. 1
TintedChrome Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Am I the only person that thinks this guy is a complete nut and dangerous? Play fights and takes it too far, jokes about violence against you, bad FB posts, and bangs loudly on your door? Like what the [bLEEP]? This guy's a bomb waiting to go off. Unless you want to end up as a chalk outline stay away from this nut. 4
winny Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Thank u so much! Shall I text- I want to talk things through with u but if u do not can u let me know? I just worry his anti female mindset will take years to change. So did you text him anything yet?
NoMoreJerks Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Am I the only person that thinks this guy is a complete nut and dangerous? Play fights and takes it too far, jokes about violence against you, bad FB posts, and bangs loudly on your door? Like what the [bLEEP]? This guy's a bomb waiting to go off. Unless you want to end up as a chalk outline stay away from this nut. Nope, you're not the only one.. and yeah, unless OP wants to end up as a chalk outline she should ditch this nutter, is about right... I'm surprised and shocked that people here are advising her to text / apologize, etc. WTF? 1
mikei880 Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 2 seperate threads about questionable behavior about your BOYfriend (note the caps)... you are setting yourself up to be a statistic. God bless!
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