LucreziaBorgia Posted January 8, 2005 Posted January 8, 2005 Originally posted by smile ok so how about , I love you but I am not in love with you anymore, but they still want to sleep with you. Thats not sisterly love. And what about when they have a new gf (unbenknownst to you at the time but since broken up) and he calls and says he wants you and that you are the only thing that turns him on.What if you are who he calls when he needs help or just wants to talk to someone, when he says nobody understands him like you do? And what if he still calls and flirts and wants to sleep with you and hold you.. even turns his snooze alarm off 5 time just to hold you.. but still isnt in love with you. What does THAT mean? It means that you fulfill his sexual and physical needs. If he has to act like a boyfriend in order to get you to meet his needs, he will. His emotional needs are being met elsewhere.
ex Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 ooh, last 2 posts were harsh and I disagree. IMO, the "not in love" distinction means the ex simply doesn't want to try anymore. Yes there are different kinds of love in this world, eg platonic, parental, romantic, etc., but when a lover/ ex says it, they're most likely NOT saying that all of a sudden he loves you like a sister. More that for whatever complex reasons, he is no longer inspired to commit to working on the relationship. We experience "being in love" as goo goo feelings that makes us want to move heaven and earth to try and make our partners happy, no? Well, when relationships become too much work (in my case, he started to feel incapable of making me happy), they fall out of love. He never said he fell out of love, but I think that's what was meant by the simple "I love you and always will." Probably does still love me, and probably even conflates this with still being in love with me, but I've concluded he's not, given that he bailed.
DoggyDog Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 Ex: Same thing happened in my case. He told me he loved me but couldn't commit to me and I deserve more. I do think its the "coward" way out of a relationship. I asked him if he "loved" me and he said "yes" but still broke off for the reason he so called told me. Which ever way they tell you, being "in love" or "they love you", if it's said for a "break up" who cares whether they still love you or are in love with you....They still leave saying they love you. Oh, they will tell you everyday "they love you" too. I think it's just a WORD used by many without any true meaning of what it really should mean. L DD
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