Author Eclypse Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 I'm really glad you broke up with your ex-gf rather than drag it on, Eclypse. Proud of you for having had the strength to do that. I think it's pretty obvious that new girl is a bad match for you all around. Don't beat yourself up over that - it's like a new R that didn't work out. No biggie. Perhaps it would be best to focus on yourself for the time being? I agree with your last sentence - not anything else. The OP's posts about his ex-gf made me feel sad, frankly. Have you read them? In their 4 years together, she only called him once, on his birthday, and he had to specifically request that. He travels to her 100% of the time and she made zero effort in any other aspect of their R. Neither that nor this current R is good for him, IMO. Thanks It took me a long time to realise just how much I'd put up with. We got along in a lot of ways, but there was a lot wrong. I do miss her though, there's no denying that. It's hard not to when you've been so close with someone for so long. Is that normal? The new girl and I have actually been spending quite a bit of time together. I think despite all the vices that I've seen, I'm falling for her quite heavily. We spent all weekend out in the wilderness climbing mountains. She's a really fit girl and she genuinely enjoyed spending time with me. She's just a complete polar opposite to my ex. We have a pretty good time together, even when we aren't ripping each other's clothes together. It's amazing in that respect too. Like she just asks me randomly if I want a blowjob. How incredible is that?! My ex only ever gave me one, and she made sure to let me know how much she didn't want to do it again. The issues are there, although she said if I wanted her to stop partying and taking drugs (she only does it on occasion) that she would for me. I don't want to come cross as controlling, but it would be good if she actually did it. I think she saw how much fun we had out in nature, and that it was a bit better than getting smashed! The main issue is her obsession with me. I really don't want to hurt people. If I tell her I don't want to be with her I worry what would happen. But at the moment I do actually want to be with her... but as someone said I should probably be single for a while. Everywhere I've read suggests you shouldn't hop from one relationship to another, yet this just happened. To be honest being single and free from commitments wouldn't be bad, but at the moment what I've got going is pretty fine too.
Emilia Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 I seem to have got two threads got merged. Anyway. Yeah, it appears I've got me a bad girl. She's quite mischievous, and this carries into the sex. I'm covered in bruises and bite marks. I get completely worn out and she just keeps going. What a woman. To be honest, some of the stuff she's told me is actually a bit of a turn on, even though I strongly disagree with it. It's the whole "bad girl" aspect. I've never been with a girl like that. I knew her for years and I knew she partied, but I didn't know she took drugs when she went out. Nor did I know about the kleptomania, although I heard a rumor, but I didn't think it was true. Now I know she steals hundreds of dollars worth of stuff each time she goes out. I earn almost twice what she makes, so I understand she doesn't have as much money, but it's not like she's poor. She doesn't even have to pay rent. To be honest that's the part that worries me the most. It just makes me uncomfortable. There's a particular item I like, and she told me today she stole like 15 of them for me. I appreciate the gesture, but I just feel so bad about it. I'm going to have to ask her if she thinks she'll ever stop. Everything is moving extremely fast. When she said "I love you" I was thrown off guard, so I didn't respond. She pressed me on it and I said it back. I'm feeling strong feelings toward her, but love isn't the sort of thing that can happen in the space of a few weeks can it? Although we've always been into each other since we first met. Thanks for the advice guys. I think I will ride things out at the moment. We get along really well, she's really into me, and she's really nice. And like I said before, the physical attraction is just through the roof. She's tall, slender, and has these long beautiful legs that go forever. If it works out it works out. If not then... it was a hell of a toboggan ride. (She's 23, just like me, for the person who asked) :laugh: Enjoy it man.
Emilia Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Just because this girl probably isn't right for you long term, it doesn't mean at all that you should get back with your ex, OP. You are allowed to go a bit crazy from time to time, you know? It's something you will look back on with a smile (hopefully). Your old relationship dragged on for too long. Go a bit nuts, experience up and down like the rest of us and see what you get out of it in a little while. Good luck! 1
Author Eclypse Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Just because this girl probably isn't right for you long term, it doesn't mean at all that you should get back with your ex, OP. You are allowed to go a bit crazy from time to time, you know? It's something you will look back on with a smile (hopefully). Your old relationship dragged on for too long. Go a bit nuts, experience up and down like the rest of us and see what you get out of it in a little while. Good luck! Thanks Emilia, that's how I'm feeling at the moment It's been a pretty fun ride so far. We get along so well, and that physical chemistry that was simmering for years was just incredible when we consummated our relationship. I always had a sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that I would end up with her one day. We'd shared a couple of kisses over the years and we've just been into each other, just always had bad timing. My ex girlfriend misses me, and says she'll wait for me if I want to come back to her. When I think about her I feel sad, because I liked going to her house and hanging out with her. It's still a bit hard to accept that it's over. Part of me wants to meet up with her, and see if there's anything still there. One of the main points I'm trying to make sure this new girl knows, is that I'm on an emotional rollercoaster, and I really didn't want us to get in too deep too soon. Unfortunately, that's what happened... 1
Els Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Thanks It took me a long time to realise just how much I'd put up with. We got along in a lot of ways, but there was a lot wrong. I do miss her though, there's no denying that. It's hard not to when you've been so close with someone for so long. Is that normal? The new girl and I have actually been spending quite a bit of time together. I think despite all the vices that I've seen, I'm falling for her quite heavily. We spent all weekend out in the wilderness climbing mountains. She's a really fit girl and she genuinely enjoyed spending time with me. She's just a complete polar opposite to my ex. We have a pretty good time together, even when we aren't ripping each other's clothes together. It's amazing in that respect too. Like she just asks me randomly if I want a blowjob. How incredible is that?! My ex only ever gave me one, and she made sure to let me know how much she didn't want to do it again. The issues are there, although she said if I wanted her to stop partying and taking drugs (she only does it on occasion) that she would for me. I don't want to come cross as controlling, but it would be good if she actually did it. I think she saw how much fun we had out in nature, and that it was a bit better than getting smashed! The main issue is her obsession with me. I really don't want to hurt people. If I tell her I don't want to be with her I worry what would happen. But at the moment I do actually want to be with her... but as someone said I should probably be single for a while. Everywhere I've read suggests you shouldn't hop from one relationship to another, yet this just happened. To be honest being single and free from commitments wouldn't be bad, but at the moment what I've got going is pretty fine too. I don't see anything wrong with living in the moment and just enjoying a short-term thing. You're in your early twenties, after all - nobody's hurting or deceiving anyone and it sounds fun all around - so just kick back, relax, and knock your socks off, if you enjoy it. I DO think there is something wrong with holding stock in her promise of 'maybe possibly changing for you'. That never really works, IMO. She needs to want to change for her - doing it 'for you' would either fizzle out or breed resentment long-term. Don't hold out hope for this working out in the long term given your incompatibilities. It's possible, but not terribly likely. In short, have fun, but keep things in perspective. Oh, and play safe. Wrap before you zap and all that. 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 First off, I'm pleased to hear that you got the courage to end things with your ex. ... well done. I get that you got along well and had fun times with her. So did me and my ex.. my ex and I laughed so much together. .. neither of us have really found anyone that we laugh with so much..... You know it takes time to digest this break up. There is nothing wrong with having casual fun, however, do not get involved with someone who is in love with you. I just mucked around with a guy who was very in love with me. Never again. He ended up totally effed up and in utter devastation when I found a boyfriend. ....... Please break things off within new girl. Find a girl who isn't in love with you to have some casual fun with. 1
thinkingofhim Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Everything you like about the new girl is something physical, did you notice that? Her legs, her body, etc. Oh, and she's "nice". That's it! Im not saying it's bad to have fun if that's what you want to do... but obviously it's 99% pure lust on your part, NOT love. Don't tell her you love her, don't lead her on... have your fun if you want, but make sure she knows it is what it is. 2
Sanman Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 The new girl sounds like your typical impulsive crazy girl. Been there, it will be fun for a few months. When you want to get into a real relationship and she starts hitting you up for rent money because she spent all her cash partying you will get sick of it and want to break up with her, been there. When you want to work things out remember that you are dealing with crazy. It doesn't work that way. When this is done, sit down and figure out what else you want out of a relationship other than a smoking body. Have fun!
Emilia Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I know you won't listen, the fact that people are telling you not to is probably adding to the "high" of being with a "bad girl"; crazy monkey sex, stealing, drugs, partying, stealing mountains...you'll ride it out until you find an awesome normal chick who you want to pursue, attempt to go after her stating "Well I said we weren't exclusive!" and you'll leave Crazy Pants a pile of jenga blocks. And that's when the defecation will hit the ventilation, so to say. Good luck OP. While I hope the bolded won't happen, what's wrong with dating crazy?
Emilia Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Are you asking seriously or rhetorically? I feel like that answers itself. Seriously. What is wrong with dating crazy? Axe murderers excluded. Humour me please.
Kizmet Fisher Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Seriously. What is wrong with dating crazy? Axe murderers excluded. Humour me please. Nothing is wrong with dating crazy when everything is going well. Completely different story when things go sour or end.
Emilia Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Nothing is wrong with dating crazy when everything is going well. Completely different story when things go sour or end. This is fair comment though I suppose I don't know how that's different from going sour with a 'normal' person.
Emilia Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Ah. Well then, aside from the fact that general common sense tells you not to date someone you know to be crazy much like it tells you not to get your toast out with a fork... Unless it's a wooden fork? Do you always do what people tell you to do? You don't date people who are mentally unsound or unsteady because it doesn't typically make for a good dating experience. You don't learn anything from it except why not to do it. You get some great stories from it "Oh man this one time I banged a chick on a roof in the DAYTIME", but in terms of any meaningful dating experience? Nadda. Disagree actually. The OP seems to be getting a lot out of it. Good sex, learning to be a little bit less serious about life, experimenting. He is very young. What are you supposed to be doing in your young years? And before I move on to why this specific situation is dangerous, I can't exclude axe murderers. That's the point of the dangers of dating someone crazy. They can be jealous, clingy, suicidal, dangerous, and the whole point is that you won't know how much they are until something bad has happened. I personally (not work related) know two incidents where a crazy girlfriend sabotaged her boyfriend's car. One loosened the lug nuts, the other put tiny holes into his brake line so it would look like an accident. And you know how we found out it was them? Because they came up and TOLD both men they did it, because they didn't want them to leave the relationship. Both times. It's called crazy for a reason. Anyway, this particular situation is probably not deadly, but again, none of us could say for sure. She does have all the warning signs though, she pined after him for multiple years (in dreamworld that's cute, in real life that's kind of weird. You never met anyone else who you wanted...?) she argued and got upset with him when he said he wanted to not be exclusive, even though they started with that knowledge, she demanded he tell her he loved her, she parties hard, does drugs, and steals with seemingly zero remorse. He mentioned he wanted this small thing and she told him she stole 15 of them for him? Holy shlt! "Hundreds of dollars worth of stolen good on an almost daily basis? General common sense tells you that's not something you want a part of! What happens when the law catches up with her on that? What if OP gets swept up as well because she said she was "stealing them for him"? I think it's safe to assume that most crazies are not axe murderers since a very small % of the population actually do end up killing someone. I would also guess that some of those that are inclined to put little holes in brakes are not the acting out type. That takes some planning and probably a bit of cold blood. Not necessarily the type the OP is dating right now. It just seems a lot of scare mongering over something that's not very likely to happen. The long and short of it is that if he wanted crazy "I just got out of an unsatisfying relationship" sex and no strings attached, he could have found it elsewhere. Instead he's already seemingly tied up with Crazy Pants and her Ten Sticky Fingers. And I don't personally view that as a good thing. It's not necessarily a bad thing either. I still fail to see why he should worry.
Kizmet Fisher Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 This is fair comment though I suppose I don't know how that's different from going sour with a 'normal' person. Not sure why you're getting so defensive, but it is different. If you go through a break up with a crazy person there is no good side to be on. They really do tend to be some of the most erratic and mean-spirited dumpers, as well as the most desperate and angry dumpees.
Emilia Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Not sure why you're getting so defensive, but it is different. If you go through a break up with a crazy person there is no good side to be on. They really do tend to be some of the most erratic and mean-spirited dumpers, as well as the most desperate and angry dumpees. I'm not getting defensive, I just disagree. I think that break ups are always bad when you care about the person so I don't understand how whether they are sane or crazy makes a difference. When things are bad, they are bad.
Kizmet Fisher Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I'm not getting defensive, I just disagree. I think that break ups are always bad when you care about the person so I don't understand how whether they are sane or crazy makes a difference. When things are bad, they are bad. You're getting entirely defensive. Break ups are a bad experience, but whether someone is sane or crazy makes a huge difference. The thinking patterns of crazy people are by definition abnormal, and so they are of course going to be more irrational. And when people are irrational, they don't think things through properly and can quite honestly be capable of anything in the moment. This topic is actually more or less what my PHD thesis is concerning.
gabgab Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 OP. I really think you should try to get your old girl friend back. You had a good thing going, wanted to sample what else is out there, and you are about to find out that what you had was better, for you, than 98.8% of what's out there. After four years the early dating, not showing weakness, stuff goes right out the window. Go to your girlfriend and beg for her back. Go down on her, and forget all about this other woman. This new girl sound mad, bad, and dangerous to know. That's a bad idea. I hope his ex gf doesn't take him back. The OP is very shallow. All this insanity is so worth it with this new girl because shes "so smoking hot" and the "sex is out of this world" The OP's values aren't very good...left his ex gf for that. 5
gabgab Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Everything you like about the new girl is something physical, did you notice that? Her legs, her body, etc. Oh, and she's "nice". That's it! Im not saying it's bad to have fun if that's what you want to do... but obviously it's 99% pure lust on your part, NOT love. Don't tell her you love her, don't lead her on... have your fun if you want, but make sure she knows it is what it is. I agree with this 100% and don't go back to your ex gf. She deserves a man who wont ditch her for shallow reasons and more importantly, who wont cheat on her. 3
StanMusial Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 The trick here is to keep it casual as long as possible, then bail out. Maybe 2-3 months. All this "falling for her" nonsense, you better cut that out. 2
William Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Hey folks, got a report of a threadjack in progress so popping in to remind folks there is a thread starter looking for advice so let's stay focused on them. Appreciate it!
Mariposa10 Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Wow, OP, this is crazy!! I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. Missing your ex-girlfriend, yet falling for the new girl already? Sounds like too much. Does your ex know you're dating already? I hope she starts dating soon too! 1
Author Eclypse Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 That's a bad idea. I hope his ex gf doesn't take him back. The OP is very shallow. All this insanity is so worth it with this new girl because shes "so smoking hot" and the "sex is out of this world" The OP's values aren't very good...left his ex gf for that. That's a little bit unfair, but I can see where you are coming from. There were a lot of issues with my ex girlfriend. If there weren't, I wouldn't have fallen for someone else. The reason I mentioned the sex is because it really is that incredible. My ex girlfriend never wanted to give blowjobs. This new girl not only enthusiastically asks if I want them, she also wants to swallow too (my ex didn't want me to go down on her either, new gf is happy for me to). She's very energetic in bed, likes taking initiative, and it's just miles away. With my ex every time I wanted to have sex it was just like "ugh, leave me alone, I'm feeling *insert ailment here*". It got old. The trick here is to keep it casual as long as possible, then bail out. Maybe 2-3 months. All this "falling for her" nonsense, you better cut that out. Yeah... Initially I was thinking it might be like that. But things have gotten pretty serious now. I seriously like her a lot. I realise this is the honeymoon stage though. Every moment with her is just amazing. We do so many cool things together that I never got to with my ex. The chemistry is through the roof. Wow, OP, this is crazy!! I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. Missing your ex-girlfriend, yet falling for the new girl already? Sounds like too much. Does your ex know you're dating already? I hope she starts dating soon too! I kinda hoped she would, it would make things a lot easier. But I don't think she will. She's really pretty, but not the type to put herself into situations where she would meet guys. She doesn't know I'm dating this new girl. I'm not sure when/if I should tell her. Today at work I had an odd episode. I got a very vivid image of my ex, and this wave of emotion just crashed over me. I didn't cry... but a few tears rolled down my face. Even now at home I feel like I'm going to break into tears at any minute when I think about her. Getting over someone is really hard...
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Your ex is going to be completely shattered when she finds out about this new girl 1
Author Eclypse Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Your ex is going to be completely shattered when she finds out about this new girl It will crush her. I can't imagine it feeling nice knowing you got dumped for someone else. I didn't want to be a cheater though. I've got a clear conscience this way.
Emilia Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 It will crush her. I can't imagine it feeling nice knowing you got dumped for someone else. I didn't want to be a cheater though. I've got a clear conscience this way. I think the lesson is not to wait this long next time before you break up but to leave when you think the relationship can't be fixed. 2
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