Me-23 Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 It's been three years since I met my gf. I was full of charisma and muscle, she was a newcomer to the club I was working in and turned every head in the room. When I introduced her to my friends for the first time (weeks later), they teased me about the fact that I had never smiled so much. They were right. We had a supernatural rapport and could only be described as a hivemind. As I type this, I can't recall where this beer gut came from. I also seem to have misplaced my confidence and happiness around the first time she cheated on me. Or maybe it was the day I realized that I lost count of how many times she cheated on me. Either way, I am now a broken man. The cheating started after she went back to college and was bullied by her classmates. She lashed out and was seeking validation the only way she knew how (men). I got angry and said some things I regret... which only made her crave the validation more. A vicious cycle ensued. We tried to work through it for the last year, I gave her all the love and attention I could... but I am always just waiting for it to happen again. When she goes out with friends, I feel nauseous because I can't help but wonder if the 'friends' are ****ing her. Memories of what she did invade my thoughts all day every day and they have for a long time. I can't do anything without replaying the memory of the first time I found out. I used to be such a dominant man but now I'm at her mercy, just waiting for her to hurt me again. I hate myself for that. I keep reading that the fear of breaking up is usually based on the fear that you will never find someone as good if you do. That's not true for me, I'm convinced that I will find someone better. But I am still afraid of doing it. I have met many girls, had many relationships and broken up with many people in the past. Yet this time, I'm terrified of ending it. I've never felt such fear before. I want to end it, but I can't bring myself to say the words. Part of me hates her. Part of me says it isn't her fault. All of me feels guilt about not being strong enough. If I stay, I feel guilty about not ending it. If I end it, I'll feel guilty about not sticking with her.
nevergoodenough Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Do you want to feel guilty for the rest of your life? Do you want to live to make someone else happy before yourself? If not, just do what you think is right and find peace in knowing that your life is about what makes you happy. If she cheated on you, she obviously is not investing the same energy into feeling guilty about what you do or fighting for your happiness. Do what you think is best... remember that this is YOUR life and your happiness is on the line. 5
Salvatore85 Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Dude, come on. She wasn't lashing out or needing validation, she was banging other dudes because she simply wanted to bang other dudes. You've got to understand you're worth more than that and stop making excuses.
Author Me-23 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Do you want to live to make someone else happy before yourself? ... If she cheated on you, she obviously is not investing the same energy into feeling guilty about what you do or fighting for your happiness. Huh, never thought of it that way. Those words seem to have made a huge impact and I want to thank you. Deeply and sincerely, thank you for setting me free. I've thought about it long enough and planned it all out. It ends tomorrow night. It was a stupidly hard decision to make but now that I've made my decision, there is no longer any fear. I'm ready. 2
Knightosphere Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I'm glad that you've decided. Hope all goes well.
Author Me-23 Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Update: I broke up with her an hour ago. It sucked to do but I feel better already. 2
Author Me-23 Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 [update] It's been over a week now. I have no regrets and even though other life stresses have popped up, I'm overall happy. Today has been a dark day however. At work, I'm part of the hiring process and someone I know applied for a job. The first 'other man'. I got a real twisted pleasure from throwing out his application. Then much later... my ex called me. Claims she has already attempted suicide and probably will again if I don't come back. Ugh, f@%^ my life... I'm not letting her emotionally blackmail me. I talked her down enough to send her to a hospital. I'm contemplating calling 911 as well just in case but I think she will go on her own.
vassilbg Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 [update] It's been over a week now. I have no regrets and even though other life stresses have popped up, I'm overall happy. Today has been a dark day however. At work, I'm part of the hiring process and someone I know applied for a job. The first 'other man'. I got a real twisted pleasure from throwing out his application. Then much later... my ex called me. Claims she has already attempted suicide and probably will again if I don't come back. Ugh, f@%^ my life... I'm not letting her emotionally blackmail me. I talked her down enough to send her to a hospital. I'm contemplating calling 911 as well just in case but I think she will go on her own. My ex wife did this to me too. She cheated on me a few times and I forgave her... the last time she cheated, I was done. She texted me and our mutual friends "Goodbye" she said she cooked my favorite meal as her "last deed". I rushed home, she talked me into working things out... only to cheat again. You know what happened after that? We got divorced, she moved in with her new BF, has a 1 year old baby, and might be pregnant again. As for me, I've found BETTER women since her... sure it hasn't worked out because I do have some issues I need to sort out, but there IS a light at the end of the tunnel my friend. Stay strong and ditch that b*tch. 1
fixing Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Well done Me23. Im proud of you, virtually/cyberally proud if that makes sense. Please cut her out of your life completely. She has caused you unforgivable pain and humiliation and she will continue to be a thorn in your side if you allow her access to your heart. Bad rubbish needs to be slung onto the skip. You are young free and single buddy!!! No looking back now. Stay NC
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