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Should I consider breaking temporary no contact with my gf? [update: ambushed!]

MrBossMan

By MrBossMan
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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Your ex reminds me a little of mine. I stuck it out only to ironically be told I had low self esteem ( I wonder why?) and dumped.

 

Frightening. But if you ask me, you got lucky. At least you didn't marry her.

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MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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This is an update. My previous thread for BG info:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/445491-should-i-consider-breaking-temporary-no-contact-my-gf-thanksgiving

 

Summary of the above thread:

 

My gf, though she loves me, is very emotionally volatile and we had an argument almost 2 weeks ago. She called me while she knew I was extremely busy doing school work so that she could complain (test me). She was angry, yelling, etc. and then got disrespectful (which I can't tolerate).

 

So I told her that a break is in order and haven't spoken to her since. She was calling me and texting me the whole time, and I only sent one reply text when she insinuated that I was punishing her. I pretty much just said that it isn't punishment, but I needed alone time. Her mom called me to find out what happened and it turned out that my gf was giving the impression that she was a victim, but luckily, her mom isn't dumb and has seen her daughter's bad attitude for herself.

 

I let her mom know that the attitude got out of hand and that I'm willing to walk if things don't start improving immediately, and also that there's no guarantee that I may decide to walk at that point. GF leaves messages that she's very sorry, blah blah blah. NC upheld.

 

----

 

Today:

 

I get to class and she's sitting in there. (The professor is late as usual)

 

She gives me a note that says she's sorry. So I step out of the class with her and she's crying and saying how sorry she is and begging me not to leave. She tells me that she gets out of hand, but she does it in love. I tell her that I haven't yet given up on her and tell her to wait in the library for me.

 

You guys told me to just dump her, or NC for much longer, but I assumed that this could possibly have been a big enough wake-up call for her.

 

Anyway...

 

After class, she comes back, but she's a little different this time. Still crying a little, but now she seems upset... specifically, upset at me for not talking to her. She asks what's up with me. She asks me if everytime I have a stressful moment, am I going to just throw her away. She asks if I really need her and I say yes. Shouldn't have said that. And now she's looking at me with this unblinking almost-glare. She says I was reckless with the relationship because she almost didn't come back (which was very evident by the way she tracked me down while crying). She seems to want an apology without asking for it, especially because she asked if I regret doing that to her. :lmao: (I'm not).

 

So it looks to me like she only apologized because she had no choice, and she's unchanged. She's still expecting me to drop what I'm doing to the point of suffering and negatively affecting my life just so she can get some reassurance. That, I'm not down for.

 

Just looking for the wise folks of LS to tell me their opinion on this situation so that I know for sure that I'm making the right decision.

 

Thanks, guys. :)

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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You gave her a chance and it sounds like it lasted for less than half an hour. She cares more about her need for life giving validation than the health of her dying relationship.

 

 

Well played sir.

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MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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You gave her a chance and it sounds like it lasted for less than half an hour. She cares more about her need for life giving validation than the health of her dying relationship.

 

 

Well played sir.

 

Very true. Thanks. :eek:

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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If you got to the point with her that you wanted a "break"?and went NC it doesnt look like this is going to work out. Plus she isnt going to chage unless maybe you guys go to cousleling ?

Probably time to legitimalty BU with her and for permanet NC.

 

She sounds very self centered but at the same time i do understand her not being to happy about you essentaily breaking up with her by suggesting a break. I just pull the bandaid off and get it done. Cav

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Do you really want this drama in your life?

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MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

Posted
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If you got to the point with her that you wanted a "break"?and went NC it doesnt look like this is going to work out. Plus she isnt going to chage unless maybe you guys go to cousleling ?

Probably time to legitimalty BU with her and for permanet NC.

 

She sounds very self centered but at the same time i do understand her not being to happy about you essentaily breaking up with her by suggesting a break. I just pull the bandaid off and get it done. Cav

 

Wise words, Cavalier. Thank you.

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MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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Do you really want this drama in your life?

 

This is a drama-free zone, brother. Thank you.

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confused192 Established Member

confused192

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I think she certainly cares about you and your relationship, but it sounds as though she doesn't understand how to express herself or her feelings properly. She also seems unwilling to shoulder any of the responsibility for the current state of your relationship, which frankly isn't the best indicator of how future disagreements or situations will be handled.

 

As another poster mentioned, perhaps counseling is a viable option, if you want to invest in and work on the relationship. Otherwise, it may be best to make a break and move on.

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MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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I think she certainly cares about you and your relationship, but it sounds as though she doesn't understand how to express herself or her feelings properly. She also seems unwilling to shoulder any of the responsibility for the current state of your relationship, which frankly isn't the best indicator of how future disagreements or situations will be handled.

 

As another poster mentioned, perhaps counseling is a viable option, if you want to invest in and work on the relationship. Otherwise, it may be best to make a break and move on.

 

This sounds reasonable. I will try to push the counseling idea even though she's reluctant. I love her, and am willing to try whatever might help, but I'm realistic at the same time. I'm willing to walk if necessary even though I don't want to.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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My advice is the same as before (which you didn't take the first time so I doubt you'll take it now). It's time to next this. You are continuing to enable someone who is basically an abuser.

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MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

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My advice is the same as before (which you didn't take the first time so I doubt you'll take it now). It's time to next this. You are continuing to enable someone who is basically an abuser.

 

Wow. I, of all people, should know better. But it's hard to pull the trigger on something that was such an important part of your life. I guess I have to do what cavalier says and just pull the band-aid off.

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