Raena Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with the holiday tomorrow. It's always been our special day. The first year we were together, we moved in together right before Thanksgiving. We didn't even have any furniture, but we cooked up a huge dinner and had a fantastic day. He sang "Your My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw to me that day. I never forgot it. It was "our" song for so long. I used to dream about singing it together on our wedding day. Every year after that was always just as special. Even more special because we had our son during this Holiday too. We spent that year together in the hospital snuggling with our son. The last few years, we've spent it with my family and had a birthday party celebration with our son too. We haven't spent a Thanksgiving apart the entire time we've known each other. Not one. We missed other holiday's... especially Christmas when he would go to his ex-wife's house to see his son. But not Thanksgiving. That was OUR day. But... he's gone. He moved in with the girl he cheated on me with. He doesn't have any furniture just yet. The thought of him acting with her the way he acted with me all these years on this day is making me ill. They don't have any furniture in their place either. I'm sure he'll go all out making the turkey the same way we used to. He'll do what he used to do with me... with her instead. I've been replaced. On top of that, most of my family are going their separate ways this year. Usually all of us get together either at my Mom's, my brother's or my house. This year was supposed to be my house. My ex's father was supposed to visit. But...his dad isn't coming now, my brother is going of to Cali to see my cousin and so on and so on. It's just going to be my parent's, my son and I. Everyone else made other plans. I thought I was starting to be ok with all of this... no more anxiety attacks, stopped obsessing about what went wrong and so on. But then I just went to bed and started thinking about what this holiday means and how it just won't be the same without him. I ended up in tears and decided to log in and share it here. I've got that song stuck in my head now. "It was a feeling I've never known and for the first time, I didn't feel alone. You're more than a lover, there could never be another to make me feel the way you do. Oh, we just get closer. I fall in love all over again, each time I look at you. I don't know where I'd be without you here with me. Life with you makes perfect sense. You're my best friend." Oh god... it's killing me. I loved him so much. He loved me so much. Why did it all go wrong? Yeah, tomorrow is going to suck. I'm going to be thinking about him all day. How do all the rest of you deal with the memories that pop up on special occasions like this?
LostConfused123 Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 (edited) I'm so sorry for your pain!! I'm not going to lie, sounds like tomorrow will be very difficult for you. But you can focus on your parents and son and how much they love and need you this holiday. I myself, am going to focus on all I have rather than what I don't have. My health, family, pets, friends, job etc. This probably gives you little comfort and no relief from the pain but after tomorrow you can get through anything!!! Friday I bet you can feel like the worst is over. Or a big chunk of the worst anyway. My thoughts are with you Edited November 28, 2013 by LostConfused123 1
LostConfused123 Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Also, forgot to mention, I'm sure there will be more than plenty of support here tomorrow. Lots of us are going through the awful reality of not being with the keeper of our hearts tomorrow (jerks) and (beotches) Anyway, I'll be in and out of here for sure tomorrow and I'll be watching for you if you need to vent or get some support. Please try to have a happy holiday. I know, WAY easier said than done. ((hugs)) 1
LostConfused123 Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Hey Raena, Just thinking of you today and hoping you are getting through. ((hugs)) 2
ponchsox Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 In your mind it was your special day. In reality, it was just another day. Move on and stay strong, my friend! 1
Author Raena Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Nah, it wasn't just in my mind. It's what we said to each other. But that's ok. For the moment, I'm feeling good. It's 6 pm, I think I'll make it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I'm not freaking out about it as much as I thought I'd be. I spent time with my family and now I'm sitting here relaxing with a nice cold Smirnoff, getting ready to take a long hot bath, read my book and go to bed. My son is staying with his grandparents so I can get some alone time. I don't normally drink, but I felt today was as good of an occasion as any to have one. Cheers to all of you out there who are also dealing with grief, loss and pain today. Hope it went well! Chin up! 1
Author Raena Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 Well... so much for the bath and good book. I ended up spending the entire evening chatting with my ex's ex-wife. Oh the stories she told me. My head is spinning right now from it all. Apparently, he called her 2 months ago and begged her to take him back. There was so much other stuff involved too. Told her that there isn't some new girl, that she's just a friend from work that he's using to hurt me. That conversation was a much needed one to have. She and I should have talked YEARS ago. It would have cleared so much up and saved both of us a ton of heartache. All that time spent worrying about him and how horrible he treated me. Good riddance is what I say. I only wish I could just get him out of my life for good.
Am4Real Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Funny how the truth always comes out eventually. So sorry for your loss and the hardships you're going through. Well... so much for the bath and good book. I ended up spending the entire evening chatting with my ex's ex-wife. Oh the stories she told me. My head is spinning right now from it all. Apparently, he called her 2 months ago and begged her to take him back. There was so much other stuff involved too. Told her that there isn't some new girl, that she's just a friend from work that he's using to hurt me. That conversation was a much needed one to have. She and I should have talked YEARS ago. It would have cleared so much up and saved both of us a ton of heartache. All that time spent worrying about him and how horrible he treated me. Good riddance is what I say. I only wish I could just get him out of my life for good. 1
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