Lets make 2005 a good one, we can do it!!!!

January 20, 2005

Ya thanks all. Ya, I told the new chick, its best for me to take a step back for awhile. I can tell it sucks for her and I mean at least this isn't a bad breakup, just bad timing. My ex and I break up I mean that was totally different but, she just wouldn't tell me the truth and say lets step back I need to go out and have fun for awhile. Knowing me, I probably come out with a rebuttal, instead just the excuses and stuff she was saying to try to get out. I mean, I am not a bad guy so why get out of something and lie about it. Sometimes, i think maybe she was right and she did have a falling out, but if that was the case she would of said something like "ok lets sit down and see if we can improve this talking wise or we will still be in contact, maybe I am just going thru a funk". I should know, I went thru that same funk for 1 month while we were together, wierd knows. But I got thru it and everything came back and my love for her got more and more better and exciting. I guess, I haven't gone more then a month of NC the last 5 months, maybe 2 or 3 weeks and then i get the urge to email her saying hi. I know it has to stop, so far its been 3 weeks since that stalking thing and I haven't said a peep. I just need to find myself and regain everything I loss that she took. I still have doubts if she still thinks about me from time to time or just forgot me all in one and just threw everything away, sometimes I wonder and somtimes I wish it never happen, sometimes I just want her back and kiss her and say how much I miss her...wishfull thinking now and its something I never thought would actually happen, now thats hard to believe..sigh..

January 21, 2005

Urb,

Congrats on the 3 weeks of NC! The more the weeks go by the easier it is. Once you start getting into like 6 weeks+ the time jsut flies and you sorta dont think hwo long it has been since you talked to the person.

As for SB I am hoping Falcons as that is MJ's team. Speaking of MJ, wtf is my big sis? Havent talked to her in 2 days now:(

Anyone else think this month ahs just been flying by? The last couple years just poof, went like that....thank goodness.

Nick,

yeah man just stay strong and stick to the nC. I know the urge of wanting to email her and all that jazz but dont. As I said to urb, the mroe the weeks go by the easier it is and the less you think about it.

Also, I still think she is doing what my Ali did and her choices now dont have much to do with you, the person or how the relationship was. People can just do weird things or make weird choices bro that one can't figure out why they did them as they are illogical decisions.

My handle here is WEIRD for a reason...it is how I see people;)

January 21, 2005

Originally posted by Weird

Anyone else think this month ahs just been flying by? The last couple years just poof, went like that....thank goodness.

Yup. The month(s) has/have just been flying by.

But I don't like it one little bit cause I feel like life is just passing by in the blink of an eye. And that I might be running out of time. Growing old is terminal after all.

I also feel that I have just lost so much ground in my life and wondering if its not too late to start everything all over again. (one part of everything is this love business)

The separation from the husband has left me with minimal furniture, no house, no car, no cash, and nothing set aside for the future. And a sh*t load of debt.

And its not just the financial aspect of my life. The emotional toll of that and every other thing feels like stocks of lead around my neck.

I feel like I have been madly treading water for way too long now and instead of the water just lapping at my throat, I am now getting the occasional mouth full. The vortex of the undertow is sucking at my feet. And I am getting very weary.

Before you know it it will be February with the dreaded V-Day (a day during which I intend to consume alcholic beverages with numbness as the goal BTW). And thus one month will then be stroked off of 2005.

Maudlin musings from this wierd Hummon.

Guess my dark side is getting exercised tonight.

B.

January 21, 2005

Congrats on the 3 weeks of NC! The more the weeks go by the easier it is. Once you start getting into like 6 weeks+ the time jsut flies and you sorta dont think hwo long it has been since you talked to the person.

Well, I'm not really attempting any sort of serious No Contact thing. I just figured, since I have a set time when I'm going to see her next, I may as well see what it's like not to talk to her for awhile. But you know the deal with my situation, I just don't feel like total NC would be productive. Maybe that could be a new "rule" like NC. If the girl tells you she never wants to see you again, do NC (duh, dummy), but if you're on a "break", limited contact should be O.K I know it's definitely been better than not talking to her at all, sitting here speculating and making things worse than they are.

January 21, 2005

3 of swords,

tell you what...we will switch ages. You can be 26 and have those extra years to do what you want. Me, the older I am the closer I am to just having this boring thing called life end so I'd welcome being older.

Sorry about the financial situation you are in ebcause of the separation.

Urb,

I agree....if people can handle talking to a person and not have big hopes that things will work out perfectly then there is no real point to NC. It just seems many can't do this and the only way they can heal their mind is to do NC. A person could be in your situation and think "hey, it will work out and this is just a relationship break so I'll keep talking to her" but then find out it totally ends and they may end up really hurt because they were led to believe things in the end woudl work.

January 21, 2005

UR01,

I know what you mean about feeling glad that what happened between the ex and me happened. She must think I'm stupid or something but I saw only hatred for me and I acted upon that. She was just going to keep messing me around, use me to top up her confidence whilst she goes out, gets pissed and finds someone else.

I finished my IT job today and I could not believe the number of people who came to wish see me off, even my boss came in. I was really made up. They'd got me loads of presents and I received a lot of praise. It's times like these that I realise just how popular I am and how I have effected other peoples lives.

Weird,

The Vicki thing is just a bit of fun. I like having the odd surprise text message from her, she's a very funny girl and she seems to like my sarcasm. Like you said, I just want to stay single for the moment and enjoy my new life to the max. When the ex came around earlier in the week, it just didn't seem right to me, I can't do the treading on eggshells bollocks, it's just not me.

Got to go, got visitors tonight. I'll probably be on later and I'll have a good read of the previous posts.

Laters

January 23, 2005

Well - this was the night I was supposed to meet up with the Unrequited Love interest. But he bailed.

Whether it was cause I was there too I don't know. It was my son's 20th birthday. Went to a lounge with him and his girlfriend. The love interest was supposed to be there. Amoungst a whole bunch of other people.

Had a good time anyway. Really loved the music. The crowd was cool too. I really think that I was born 20 years too soon. Certainly my type of people.

No one was interested in me tho. Typical wall flower.

Unless you count the transvestite that danced with me cause they he/she liked my shoes.

Seriously doubting my appeal.

Help me here please people. PLEASE tell me I will be OK that I wil survive this hell that I have managed to put myself through.

That there will be someone (else) that I will love. And who will love me back.

I really need some reasurrance here.

January 23, 2005

Wierd - I would be happy to switch with you. In a New York minute. You can be 46 and I will be 20 something/.

I would like another kick at the can. I need to do this right. This time around anyway!

Maybe when you yourself are closer to 50 like I am you might realize that this life is worth a little something at least.

I am soo sad - cause you sound like my mama. And you are way too young for that!! Ever since I can remember she wanted this life to be over.

And that pisses me off - well what about us - her children. How would we feel if her wish came true.

Someone might feel that about you. Do you have parents that are still alive?? Siblings that would miss you. Please don't wish this life to be over!!

You are way too young for that to be so bitter about life. I realize that you think that humons are not worth much - but some of us are OK. And for that reason alone have some hope darling. I am worth being alive for - even if you don't really 'know' me! Posting here and your replies are worth alot to me.

Oops!! I forgot here I am supposed to be working on hope. You get to have faith don't you. Have some faith in us unworthy hummons. I forgot who has charity?

January 23, 2005

OK, we will switch. Now I just need to find a way to make it happen. hehehe

Here is the problem with life...it all ends in the same outcome and for the most part, it is the same routine every day. Get up, eat, go to work, come home, eat, sleep. Repeat....for 30-40 more years. Then after that, have 20-30 years of my body becoming less functional making even the simplest of acts like walking difficult but hey, at least I won't be working then! Yeah, sounds exciting.

The only big "life event" I have yet to experience is a birth of a child and I don't even know if I would want to bring a child into the world because it seems like an act of cruelty at times. 4 years ago then yep, I wanted to have a child no question but now, I honestly do not know. If anything, I think I would maybe want to adopt a child so I could at least raise the kid and instill morals into its mind unlike most parents are doing these days. There is also marriage but marriage seems useless today since most of them end in divorce. Why wouldn't I just want to maybe live with a girl instead of marry her? Same thing really except I am not into a legal contract and having to give up half my stuff if we break up although it appears you are dubbed as common law if you live with someone for something like 1+ years and I wouldn't be surprised if a person made the effort they could get half your stuff if the relationship ended knowing how the legal system works. Sheesh. So really, those are the only things I have yet to experience. I guess the only other things I have yet to experience are the deaths of my parents and that doesnt sound like it'll be a joyous time.

I dont want to sound like I sit here with a knife to my wrist or I go outside looking at trains as they pass...I'm not like that nor do I walk around all depressed and make talking to me a nightmare for people as that is not the case because I usually am joking most of the time and am chipper. I just realize that once you experience most of the big "life events" the rest is just the same ol' stuff. Yes, I do have fun a lot and do stuff that can provide memories but in the end all that does not matter as it does not change the outcome. If I had billions of dollars and could do anything I wanted then maybe life would be more exciting but I do not have billions and am left being a worker bee like 99.9% of the population and I cant go do whatever I want at a whim.

The biggest thing that I can look forward to is watching the world decline as it keeps doing each year...it is the biggest amusement one can have because each year I am amazed that things could get even worse and shake my head. As for people, of course there are good people out there and to the ones I know I am loyal and would be there for them no matter what...but the truth is most people suck and are super selfish and even the most optimistic person out there will admit to that. It also is not right that the good people out there usually are the ones that end up getting screwed over. Now they could become a**h***s but they have too much self respect and principle to resort to acting like that so they continue to get screwed over. It ain't right. Do you realize that everytime I go somewhere I encounter some form of human crap be it people acting like dicks or people being stupid and screwing up. The one place I used to be able to go without seeing this was to the marina and go boating but even that place is getting tainted by the morons out there. It is amazing. Thankfully though when you are out on the water you generally don't have to encounter these people:)

I know I come off sounding jaded/pessimistic/whatever but I honestly think I just see life in a realistic way. If people wish to think being alive for 50-60 more years is really great and needed then cool, I am happy for them. To me, it just seems like 50-60 more years of the same old thing of (again) get up, eat, go to work or do whatever, come home, eat, sleep and along the way of doing this come into contact with some really good people (like people here) but mostly just come into contact with dumb a**h***s. My life so far has proven this to be the case and I fail to see how somehow the world will magically change in the future to make this change.

I also believe in afterlife/heaven so it makes this life even less special...and if I am wrong and there is no heaven then hey, when I am dead I'll be dead so it won't matter:)

So yeah, life in general is just boring to me but I shall continue on until it is my time to move on. Oh and I also am a very intelligent guy with a high level of logic (and unlike most who say they are intelligent I actually am) and that makes it hard to interact with people who are of below or sometimes avg intelligence & logic. When a person like that says something which is obviously illogical but they think it isn't or when I read about dumb people this is how it gets computed in my brain:

kmjsagfksagfkagkasf

Dr Jones and I have joked about this and how I need a decoder to understand just how those people think. :)hehehe

I honestly wish sometimes I was born an idiot because I bet life is great when one is ignorant or oblivious to the things out there and everyone to them is smart. Sadly, that is not the case with me and most of the stuff I hear/read about is stupid. The worst though is that I am a big sports fan (especially the NFL) and the sports world is full of idiocy. It is tough watching games on sunday or reading football/sports stuff online. How most of the analysts/columnists get paid to say/write their crap is beyond me.

As for you, you'll be ok and you will find someone to love again that will love you and treat you well. Oh and happy bday to your son! The only advice I can give is to not keep stressing over finding someone because things never happen when people are in that mindset. Just continue to enjoy your life doing your own thing and then when you do not expect it Mr. Right will come along and sweep you off your feet.

Oh and I have charity...someone else can have faith;)

January 23, 2005

Hey Everybody-

I know it has been awhile so i cant really catch up on whats been going on with everybody. I have tried to read a few post and see that some are up to some new stuff. As for me, im in the same boat. Nothing has changed for me. I have been missing the ex lately especially since i have been having dreams about her again. Why dont they just stop, you know? Anyways i will post all my thoughts later when i have about a hour or so, it will probably be a long one. If anyone can give me a quick up to date on whats going on with everyone, i will really appreciate it. Thanks you all...............................Kodiak

P:S I also have an idea that i wanna run pass you all that i think will help me get some closure. I think closure is what i need and is part of why it has been so hard to get over this girl. So i will run it by you all later and let me know what you think..Thanks

January 23, 2005

Ha, Kodiak, these dreams are a continuing thing with me too. It's funny because when I see her, they stop for awhile and get more frequent the longer I go without seeing her.

Weird, you're sounding a bit nihilistic. Sometimes I feel the same. I definitely agree with your point about having kids. Me and my ex always talked about kids but we both kind of agreed that adopting would be so much better. For the most part, the decision to concieve a child is made for selfish reasons. She wants to have a kid, but we both agree that if we did it, we'd adopt first. Actually, last time we talked we were talking about this (joknig about how our kids are going to be weird looking, half white half Cambodian).

I look forward to the little things. Eating my next good meal, reading new books, finding better weed, hopefully getting some sex in a few weeks....... and on and on. Fck looking at life in terms of "big events", because you're right, there aren't many in this life.

January 24, 2005

Hey Everybody-

Well its been awhile since i have posted here with you all. I have been bust working and just trying to get my life in order. Trying to get my financies straight and make myself happy again. I try to look at all the great stuff that I have in my life. A wonderfull family, great freinds, the job i always wanted since i was a kid etc.. I have all the toys, can take great trips with my buddies, etcc... Last week i kinda went through a bad time with my family. Nobody is sick or hurting but my parents are kinda having some financial problems and it really upsetsmy little sister. She means the world to me and i would give her my last penny in my name if it would make all her worries go away. Anyhow so i have been trying to save up extra money by working overtime so i can help out my family. Needless to say it hasnt been the greatest week. So ofcourse I really start to miss my ex. She always had a way to make me feel better even when i was worrying about the stupidist things, you know? So im missing her and feeling down, then i get hit with the dreams. I havnt had a dream about her in about a month or more, then i have like four in a row. My luck they are not the dreams that she is doing some guy or being mean but the ones that I meet her again and we fall inlove all over again. It hurts like hell in the morning when i wake up. So its been kinda rough for me. This month marked 7 months since the breakup and hardly any contact except the phone call from her that she picked up and moved etc.... A friend and i were talking and he said that maybe she called you and didnt return your call because her moving was and calling you was the closure she needed. I dont know nor will I probably ever. Its just hard to think that she would call me, tell me that big news and not expect me to call back. Im starting to think that maybe the guy that picked up never gave her that message, who knows? My mom god bless her tells me that I should call her again and just see what happened with all the moving and what not. Im just so afraid of calling because one i know it will hurt but two my luck her new BF will pick up like last time. (if that was a new BF). I dont know guys, im so lost at times. Sure mybe she was hurt because she never knew that I called and she figured the hell with him. If he doesnt care enough to call me back then why should I even bother. I higly doubt thats the case but sure its possible. A buddy who I work told me something that I wanna share with you all. It really touched home with me and I hope it does the same for all of us who have been dumped and left broken hearted with so many unanswered

January 24, 2005

Sorry my post was cut off by accident..............................

Anyways so for all us us that were left with so many unanswered questions like did our exes ever love us, or do they miss us, or do they ever think and realize that maybe they screwed up,etc... Anyways my buddy tole me that if i treated my lady well and never dis-respected her or talked down to her and did the best that i could do make her happy that she will in time regret it or if not that atleast think of "how things could have been" I hope this is true for me. I wish I could know it for a fact but i will have to try to beleive it. You know? I have read alot of post about closure and that it made things alot easier for people to move on and i truly feel that deep down that is waht i need to do. How? Im not to sure yet but something needs to be done. I was thinking that maybe i should write her a letter telling her a few things and make sure to tell her that I did try calling her back. This will accopmlish two things for me. One i can hopefully have her send me her new address if she wants me to have it or a new phone number. She is someone that I wouls like to keep in my life only if its a simple x mas card during the holidays, you know? Also everybody i need to tell her that i am sorry for the way that I acted at times. i know it is water under the bridge but i truly feel that it is something that i need to do, for me. Sure there are alot of things that i would love to tell her but if she has moved on with her life and has someone new the last thing i would want to do id make her feel uncomfortable because shge caught some drwan outr letter from a ex from eight months ago. So i think i will keep it short and very light hearted. Maybe she will respond, maybe not. Even if she doesnt, atleast I did my part an d just hopefully that is what I will need to move on and start being ahppy again. So please everybody give me your honest advice and let me know what you think I should do, Take Care....................Kodiak

January 24, 2005

Kodiak,

dude, first off sorry to hear about some of the family problems and I hope they will be resolved soon and your sis will be alright. How old is she?

As for the letter...bro, if it will honestly help ease your mind then do it. Do what you said and keep it nice and light and send it off and hopefully have that off your mind. The onyl thing is I just hope that you won't expect a reply or whatever. Do this with NO expectations as that is the only way to do things, especially things like this.

All I know is I want you to start feeling better soon because you seem like a good caring guy and it sucks when good caring people are feeling down.

I am with your friend...if you treat soemone well and never did anything all that wrong then logically they will be upset someday down the line over how things. I may never talk to my ex again but I know if she ever gets hooked up with a new guy and he does something bad that I didn't she will think of me. I never did anything really wrong to/with her and here is no way she can look back at me/our time together and think that I was an a**h***. To be honest, it is this that makes dealing with things a lot easier (IMO that is) because you can go about your life knowing you were a good person and showed your love and care and the other person has nothing to hold against you.

Anyway, send the letter if you truly feel it will help ease your mind and give you a feeling of some closure.

Urb,

yeah see I am the opposite. The little things do nothing for me now. I've had 26 years of little things sprinkled with a few big "life" events. The little things get boring after a while which is my whole point...life in general is boring. Oh and I dont think I'm being nihilistic...I am just being flat out honest about the thing we call life.

Man, I had a dream with Ali this morn and that bugged me because it was the first dream with her in it for months. My dreams with her arent like we are together and **** like that nor do I wake up thinking we are together and then get sad when I realize we aren't....I am fully aware when I wake up of what the reality is and it doesnt really bother me. This dream was like a present day dream sorta deal and we were hanging out and sorta getting back together. Man the brain can be silly at times.

January 24, 2005

Urb,

yeah see I am the opposite. The little things do nothing for me now. I've had 26 years of little things sprinkled with a few big "life" events. The little things get boring after a while which is my whole point...life in general is boring. Oh and I dont think I'm being nihilistic...I am just being flat out honest about the thing we call life.

Well it sounds like you need some excitement. I say you drop everything, move out to Seattle and party with me ! Haha, well, failing that, try to find some new things to do. I know that there are times when I get in a rut and yeah, life gets super boring. At those times I try to find something new to do. Try a new kind of food, do something that you've always wanted to do but never have. Hell, get in a fight, get arrested then go jump out of a *****ing plane ! ANYTHING !

O.K, I'm getting a little crazy. All I'm saying is, this is a big frigging world packed full of interesting people, ideas, ideologies, stories and a never ending supply of things designed for the sole purpose of titlating our senses. I can see being sad, or depressed, the world is a *****ed up place, but there's no excuse for boredom ! Boredom is couter revolutionary ! If all else fails, read some Communist theory and help me start the revolution !

Here's what I am looking forward to in the next month:

Landing a Mctwist (540 degree rotation) on a skateboard, on a vert ramp.

Learning how to skate handrails again.

Finishing James Joyce's "Dubliners" after a few years of trying and failing.

Eating Afghan food next week when I go up to the city.

Getting the pair of shoes in that mail that I ordered last night.

Going up to the ex's for a show on V-day.

Starting to read War and Peace finally.

Harvesting my "tomato" plants.

And that's about it. Boring ? Yes, it probably looks that way. But these few little things are fun to me and they give me something to look forward to. No, I'm not going to be getting a Silver Star for bravery, or fathering the next President or going off into the jungle and inciting guerilla warfare, but who cares ? That other stuff is too much stress anyway !

January 24, 2005

Hey Guys,

UR01---harvesting "tomato" plants hehehe thats good, I hear paul newman makes a great salad dressing!!!

Kodiak--- Hey Buddy... I totally agree with Weirds post. I think that you should send this letter you have been toying with the idea for some time. I think you need to write down how you feel and just send it, dont wait for a special occiasion, just send it now dont wait any more. I think you need to do this for your self it will help. Dont expect her to give you a reply if she does, you deal with it then, but this is for you, you need some closure so that you can move forward. I am sorry to hear about your family's problem, I know how that is first hand its happend to me and my family in the past....with that said maybe writing the letter will help you so that you can focus on helping your family, its hard to focus many things and I think you can take care of your ex situation for the time being with you writing this letter. You have us here to help you if need to rant...take care and I hope all goes well for you

January 24, 2005

Urb,

hehe nice post.

Thing is though dude, I'm not bored in that sense where I have nothing to do because I ahve a ton of stuff to keep me occupied. I'm just like bored with life in general. haha.

Here is a perfect example...yesterday I had fun watching football and all that jazz. Does it matter now? No. It does not make anything from this morning on better and I could have easily not watched the games and my life would realistically be no different. This is my point....every day life crap just bores me. Aside from having a child (and *possibly* marriage) there isn't anything in the future that could make me say "wow, glad I experienced that!" and everything else is just the same crap but different day. I think most people truly realize this with life but they choose to ignore it or simply do not care. That is fine...but I am just being honest in that I don't see it that way. Life is for the most part boring to me. The only way I think it could be somewhat exciting is if I had enough money to do whatever I wanted to do and could travel the world....but I can't since I have to work and don't have that much cash to be doing whatever I want whenever I want. It also does not help that life is looooong. 26 years I've been alive and I have what, most likely another 50...so I possibly lived only a mere 1/3rd of my life. That is insane since I know these 26 years seem looooong.

I do often feel bad for feeling this way simply because I know many out there would kill to be in my shoes with the crap I have access to. Most would think I am insane for being bored with life. hehe

One thing I would love to do is get a nice island in the future and live on it with friends and other people that I deemed worthy to live with us. It'd be so cool because it would be hand selected people who i know aren't douchebags and I am sure we'd all have a blast. MJ is in as is (I think) Head/heels. You can join us...you can be the "tomotao" grower...yeah that's it! That will be the main source of the island's income...Urb's herb

BTW if you ever plan to get life insurance you need to stop smoking that crap because you have no hope in hell of getting insurance as a pothead. Well, I am sure they would offer it but the premiums woudl be super high. I think if a person hasn't smoked it for a year or more then the companies don't care too much but within a year and they will jack you up. Just FYI...but if you have no desire for life insurance then smoke away bro if it makes ya feel better:) I personally do not get why people put so much importance in smoking a plant or the real need to do it but there are many things people do that I do not understand as I am sure there are many things about me that people do not understand.

How is everyone doing? Good I hope! Anyone with any relationship updates other than those recently posted?

Today is apparently the most depressing day of the year as judged by some studies. Odd. Maybe that is why I feel like crap today. Hmm...

January 25, 2005

Rob-

Hmm, well, I don't know. You've got a unique perspective there. Have you always looked at it that way ?

Anyway, if it's working out for ya, I guess go with it ! But I do know what you mean about feeling as if alot of things are insignificant. But I've come to accept that, and even embrace it. Live for what makes you feel good at the moment I guess.

It's funny you say that about an island because I'm constantly talking about that. Me and my ex always joke about how we're going to move to a deserted island in the Carribean and be farmers. The thing is, I'm kind of serious.

As for the whole herb thing. Well, I've never really thought about life insurance, I'm only 22. I could have a very detailed and long conversation about why I choose to smoke and all that, but this isn't really the place for it. The way I see it, the only significant negative effects of smoking weed come from the fact that it's illegal. Alot of the myths about the dangers of marijuana have been greatly exagerrated, to put it mildly. The only thing that I really worry about is the effect on my lungs, but I usually smoke out of a vaporizer so even that ceases to really concern me. I smoke for alot of reasons, a big one being that it relaxes me after work and helps ease some of my aches and pains from skating. There is also a whole different aspect to it, herb gets me thinking about things from a totally different perspective and that does nothing but benefit me. It sounds stupid, but I've learned alot about myself from smoking. Basically, it relaxes me, it helps a million different aches and pains (my daily headaches included), it makes nausea cease to exist, it helps with creativity, it helps my insomnia and anxiety, and lastly, it's just fun to get high. And all this with relatively few side effects.

Now, don't get my wrong. I know weed isn't harmless. In fact, some people just shouldn't smoke the stuff. It makes some people lazy, unmotivated. But that should be people's own choice. Myself, I'm in school getting a 3.8 GPA, working full time, paying my bills, eating healthy, working out and excersizing, skating as much as possible. Weed isn't hindering me in any way. But I might be the minority because alot of people abuse the stuff and it has consequences.

January 25, 2005

a short post....but UR and his "tomato" plants made me laugh out loud all by myself in my appt...just sitting here reading the post and bam....read that and laughed my backside off....i love that list URB....minus the ganja plants harvesting....sounds great...i am going to start a similar post on what i want to accomplish....and it def will have the reading/studying of some of the world's greatest human minds/achievements...that should definitely give me some inspiration and hope in people and life!

oooo, here is some things i am going to do soon....

buy a Volvo S40....(has to be new body style though- i feel spoiled saying that)

get LASIK eye surgery

read my 1st semester medical school lectures 1 semester early....

oh, i am running every morning before work and working out everyday afterwords....

night all...

derek

January 25, 2005

Hey all,

Wierd,

Hope you're feeling less depressed today, I heard that thing on the news about monday. It sure doesn't help when you're feeling low to hear that you're about to experience the most depressing day of the year. Damn the news! I don't remember the last good thing I heard, maybe I should read local stuff that always has a feelgood piece of crap at the end about some old ladies rescuing chicks from drowning or kids baking a cake for charity. Perhaps you could write a book about relationships, you certainly give out some good advice on here, that could be a nice little earner or start a ranting column in a paper to air some views on life in general and get you the island of your dreams sooner rather than later. Either that or lets go start making a sandcastle. we'll just keep on building in between working, sleeping etc and you never know, eventually in a few years we might have one.

UR01,

You sound like a very laid back kind of guy, I like your attitude.

I wouldn't be surprised if many of your comments on life, religion, war etc were written whilst smoking. You got very deep there for a while and reminded me of someone I knew who seems he is probably at his most intelligent or at least most profound whilst under the influence of home grown. Although daily headaches might be a result of smoking rather than a reason to do it... Sorry! Not Lecturing!

Kodiak,

I think you should write the letter if you think it will give you the closure you need but be careful you're not doing it to maintain a level of contact. Sometimes we convince ourselves we are doing something for our own good or for the sake of others when we are really clinging on. I'm not saying I wouldn't do it, beacause I probably would but it may hurt more if you get no response or you get a ****ty response than if you don't contact her at all. I'm not sure what I think you should do for the best, I only hope you consider it carefully whatever you do. Also I hope it works out for the best. Keep smiling..

Audrey

xxxxxxxxxx

January 25, 2005

Derek,

get your ass on AIM son. Oh and I saw a new S40 today outside of the office. Looks sharp.

Audrey,

I'd love a rant column but most people do not care one bit about things going on in the world as long as they have their Simple Life and The Bachelor shows to watch while woofing down their big macs. I personally think I should rule the world cuz I am certain most would like my rule as it'd be one of common sense but also freedom for people to do things they want. I sure as hell wouldn't be spending 280 billion dollars of other peoples' money to go and kill people in the name of freedom and my religious faith like a certain president is doing right now but that is a whole other subject I shall avoid talking about.

Oh and if you wanna read a person go deep I can go deep...all without the influence of marijuana or alcohol or any substance. hehe

Urb,

hey man, do whatever you want. I personally think smoking weed is silly and a huge sign of immaturity and seems like a cop-out of dealing with things in life but that is just me. I have no prob if people smoke weed as long as they dont do it around me (it stinks) and as long as it doesnt impact my life in any negative way. I think I do have more respect for potheads than cigarette smokers since cigs seem to be way worse (and they are bloody disrespectful) but IMO, inhaling any smoke is pretty silly and well, dumb...woud a person go and put their face over a bbq and inhale that for a few minutes? No, so why inhale this other crap. If a person really needs nicotine or THC or whatever to make themselves feel at ease and relaxed and stuff then they need to really look at themselves and learn how to feel that way without any foreign substances. It can be done. Contrary to what it may seem like recently on here, I am VERY easy going and all that jazz and 90% of the time in my real life I am joking around. I just choose to be serious when I want to be and express my thoughts that may come across differently.

The ONE thing I find hilarious about those who smoke whatever substance...they are often the ones who go on about how life is so important to them and they don't want to die. Uhhh....and it is that type of crap that makes me shake my head at people and is why I have no sympathy for smokers who get cancer or other health problems. a person smokes a substance and gets fugged up from it down the road then hey, they chose that.

Here is a thing I have wondered....if a person lights up a joint or cig or ANYTHING around you and you tell them it bugs you as it is impacting your health and they say "go to hell" why can't you just piss on them? If I am ever around a pothead and ask him to quit it and he tells me to fug off I am going to whip it out and piss in his face.

I also shake my head at how some potheads go orgasmic over smoking a plant...it is like they revolve their life around it. Just seems silly for a supposedly intelligent creature to get so exicted over inhaling a plant.

I do feel pot should be legal since it apparently is not as harmful as cigarettes and alcohol....but I would want potheads to only be allowed to smoke up in herb bars and in their homes and not out and about in public. You know, I really do not care what anyone does in the world as long as it does not affect my life. That is all I ask.

As for you urb, I think you are a good guy and I hope the above didn't sound like me judging you. You sound like a cool dude I could hang with and have fun with when you are in between smoking up. Although, you are a skater...they are punks. hehe just kidding. Only the little young ones (I'm talking just having their balls dropped young) who decide to use the steps in front of the office building as a ramp are punks. Man they are stupid...because the road is not far from where they land. Kids...although when I was in my mid teens I used to lay on top of cars going 30-50mph around a figure 8 of roads so maybe I shouldn't coment on silly things young kids/teenagers do.

I miss MJ posting here as she added some nice spark to the discussions. I think maybe I will take a break from the site or at least this thread...I'm steering the whole thread way of course out of my boredom and will prolly have it end up being closed. hehe. If there are any new relationship type developments or issues people have then they can PM me and tell me to check out the thread.

January 28, 2005

Hey Everybody-

Well everybody i am going to take the advice you all gave me and write her that letter. what do i have to loose, you know? Sure i will not expect a reply because most likely i will not get one, however if it does happen it will be nice. Im just going to make it short and sweet. Tell her that i hope somehow we can keep casual contact from time to time. I remember i once told her that i never remain friends with my exes so i wonder if that has a reason why she never contacts me at all. I doubt but it could be part of the reason. What do you all think? Im leaving tomorrow to go out of town for a couple days skiing so when i get back i plan to send the letter. It will probably take me some time to write it. So heres my question. I need closure as you all know. How can I include that, tell her that im sorry for the way i acted in the relationship(thats an important one for me, i will tell you why later) tell her that i hope we can somehow remain friends have contact each other from time to time. So if you have any ideas on what i can say to tell her these things but not make it too sappy and weird, you know? It is important for me to tell her that i am sorry because i need that to get the closure i need. I feel so bad for the times that i doubted her whether she loved me and so forth, that I really need to tell her that. You see i think that might be a big part on why its so hard for me to move on. I dont know its just a thought. So please everyoby let me know what i can say and give me some help with this letter. I hope everybody is doing well and trying to cope and move on. Drjones it seems that you are not here on the post as much so maybe you are actually moving on im happyy for you. so everybody let me know and give me some ideas for this letter, Take Care.......................Kodiak

January 28, 2005

head/heels,

I had Lasik Wavefront laser surgery on my eyes 2 years ago. It was the best thing I have ever done. I was so short sighted I couldn't see past the end of my nose and my glasses were like jam jars. My eyesight is now better than 20/20 and I can't remember what it was like wearing glasses and contact lenses.

On the ex front. I've had enough of it all. We were speaking and meeting up but I couldn't sense anything from her. She kept saying that everything was fine with us and we should see what happens between us. She seemed really keen and then she'd back off. I saw her out the other week and all I saw was that she didn't want me around. She was following me around and watching me but she hardly said a word to me. Everytime we made eye contact I'd get a nasty look and then she'd try to cover it up with smiles. End of the night I told her that I was sick of her hateful looks and treading on eggshells, it's just not who I am. She kept mumbling that she didn't know what she wanted. I just told her that I couldn't do this anymore and that she wasn't going to give me a proper chance so I was wasting my time. I went home and I've left it as that. I didn't like what I saw because I think she's on the road to self-destruction.

I went out the other night with my brother and he bumped into her. My brother doesn't like her because of how she has treated me so he walked away. He texted me and I replied telling him to keep away, say nothing and we were going elsewhere.

I start my new job in the police on Monday and I can't wait. I don't need the ex around to mess with my head so this has worked out for the better.

I need to read up on the previous posts because with moving out of my mates house and finishing my IT consultancy job I've only just got back on the internet.

January 28, 2005

God, I have a lot of catching up to do. Ha. It's been awhile since I've been on here.

BAS--It seems like all our exes 'don't know what they want.' You know? ***** that...I know what I want...a stable relationship with someone that doesn't play games! Seems like our exes like to play games & we don't deserve anyone like that. I've decided to quit dating for awhile & focus on other things. I keep ending up with jerks that's worse that my ex. I give up, you know?

Good luck on the job Monday.

Kodiak---go with what your heart says to say in the letter. If you are wanting closure---you're going to have to write down everything that's on your mind & in your heart---don't leave ANYTHING out. If it takes you a week to write it--so be it. If you leave something out...it'll make you want to call her or write her again so you need to get everything out. Good luck. I pray this will give you the closure you need.

Weird---so you missed your MJ? About that island---I'm ready if you are.

UR01---Weird & I agreed that we would make our money off the island by you planting some great plants. You will have great meals provided for you everyday & everynight. I figured Weird will fish & bring in the food while I cook it on up! Hmmm...sounds like a plan, eh?

PS---Nice abs!

Head/Heels---I guess you have read that all of us want to get the heck away & move to an island. Well, you'll have to be there too! I figured, we all will have to have bible study...prayer etc. So you can lead us into prayer...study...etc. Your meals will be provided. BTW--I started that class on Sunday night & it has helped me a great deal. It's all about faith & prayer. It has made me stronger. It has made me realize what is important & made me realize I need to focus on other things besides the ex & all the jerks I've dated here lately.

Oh---& on the island--- we'll have to exercise as well so BAS would have to live on the island too so we can all have an instructor to help keep us in shape. Then of course..audrey...drjones...kodiak (bring the beer bro. lol)...& everyone else here can be on the island as well. We'll all be the Loveshack survivors.

As for my life right now. I've dated off & on & most of the guys turned out to be jerks just like my ex. My ex left a message on my phone on New Years & that's the last I've heard from him. As time goes by each day....I'm getting better. I don't think I'll date for awhile. I think I need to spend my time focusing on my career & other things in my life right now. I've dated since the break up with my ex but all of them turned out just as bad so I give up. I figured one day I'll meet a good guy that is not into games & a guy that is 'real.'

Everyone take care! Chin up!

MJ

January 28, 2005

Hey Gang,

Kodiak--- I am still around, I have been a little busy in the past week and change, I am glad to hear you will write that letter and send it off to get the closure you need. I am doing fine things are going well for me and the my GF, I find my self lowering my guard down more and more I am with her. I dont know if thats a good thing or not, but so far its real nice. So we shall see how it plays out. I am going out with her this sat, I am looking forward to seeing her.

BAS---hey buddy good luck on Monday I know you will be a kick a$$ copper. Yeah this ex s*** as MJ said ***** it, you have better things to do than to waste your time on someone that keeps pulling your heart strings. hey any new word on Vicki?

Island life guys it kicks a$$ I am there!!!

Well gang I have to go, I will post on the weekend, everyone go out this weekend and pamper yourself, its friday and its beer drinking time!! or UR01-- havesting time ...j/k

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