theothersully Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 So I've talked on here about this girl I've been seeing. A wild one. One I created a job for, etc... That's all the same person. I am mostly a "one at a time" kind of guy because I prefer it that way. Her? Not so much. I'm learning and have a bit of a replacement lined up to fly in to visit me Dec 5th though. I know this girl I'm seeing is just for fun. Not serious, while I figure myself out. Looks on this girl are pretty much beyond comparison, so I'm definitely having fun spending time with her and hooking up.,. spent 5 days in a row last week traveling with her. Here is the thing... she lost her iPhone on Sat night in Manhattan. It never turned up. So, she started using the work phone for personal calls/txts. This is fine with me... but, since I monitor the phones at this small businesses, I now know what she's up to. Keep in mind we are loose, fwb, just dating, whatever, but I sure didn't fully enjoy watching her set up and go have sex with a different guy (my 22 yo identical twin..!!! lol) 2 nights after we last had sex and parted ways. She went home for Thanksgiving, where the guy is an old classmate. It hurts a little bit to see that, just my ego really, since we are not in any way committed. But it was kind of flattering that the guy was nearly identical to me, just younger. Eh I don't know... just had to get this off my chest because I feel a little crappy about it. Imagine if we could all see what the people we are dating are doing like I am seeing right now.
Lansing Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I am pretty sure OP is in his 40s or something from another thread?? I don't think the other person is his actual twin. Just a younger version of what he looks like?? And, STOP reading her texts and break up with her if you don't like the arrangement you have. Geez.. Nothing good comes out of snooping. 5
Author theothersully Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 I am pretty sure OP is in his 40s or something from another thread?? I don't think the other person is his actual twin. Just a younger version of what he looks like?? And, STOP reading her texts and break up with her if you don't like the arrangement you have. Geez.. Nothing good comes out of snooping. Are you already drunk tonight? Who are you answering here? OP is me. OP is nearing 40, but not there yet. Other person is a guy that looks exactly like me, but is her age. I'm fine with it, but it's my duty to read texts on my corporate phones. They all have monitoring software to ensure employee honesty. Sober up, will ya? lol
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Are you already drunk tonight? Who are you answering here? OP is me. OP is nearing 40, but not there yet. Other person is a guy that looks exactly like me, but is her age. I'm fine with it, but it's my duty to read texts on my corporate phones. They all have monitoring software to ensure employee honesty. Sober up, will ya? lol LOL. Yeah it looks funny but that was his reply to another post that has since been removed who thought that was your biological twin you were talking about. But seriously, stop reading her texts. 1
ja123 Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 The teenagers ya date today, eh? Can't get no loyalty! 1
CrystalCastles Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 But seriously, stop reading her texts. Seriously, did you not read the first post? The OP said that it is HIS JOB monitor phone communication from company phones.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Seriously, did you not read the first post? The OP said that it is HIS JOB monitor phone communication from company phones. I'm just supposed to assume that he has absolutely no choice but to read word for word what she's texting? k...
todreaminblue Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 does it make you feel clever to monitor her texts....why not say something instead of remaining mute like...what is the question you are asking in this post really..is there a point?.......deb 3
ExpatInItaly Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 OP, it doesn't sound like this FWB set-up is working for you. It's normal to get a few feelings, but that's also when it gets messy. I'd stop hooking up and hanging out with her. She doesn't need to know the reason. Just slowly fade and keep things professional. 2
Lansing Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 LOL. Yeah it looks funny but that was his reply to another post that has since been removed who thought that was your biological twin you were talking about. But seriously, stop reading her texts. Thanks for explaining that. I guess next time I will quote the other poster.. To the OP, are you her boss?? And how exactly do you "monitor" each and every text being sent from the phone. I hope the employees are aware of this as that alone sounds like a potential lawsuit waiting to happen. 1
Author theothersully Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 HoneyBadger: Check!! Definitely a risky chick. Condoms all the way. Clownsad: It's my phone. I own the small businesses. I am the boss. I monitor all employee phones. It's required. There are inbound work calls and texts. This is one of my control systems. Todreaminblue: No, it doesn't make me feel clever to monitor my company phones. Just part of my job. There is no question here. Just sharing. Point is...imagine if we all knew what people we are dating were up to? It is interesting to see. Expat: I'm not feeling too bothered by it this morning. I'm sure my phone records would be just as bad. I cannot have unreasonable expectations for someone I'm casually dating. It just hit me a little that she only waited one night before doing some other dude the next... hit the ego.
Author theothersully Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Thanks for explaining that. I guess next time I will quote the other poster.. To the OP, are you her boss?? And how exactly do you "monitor" each and every text being sent from the phone. I hope the employees are aware of this as that alone sounds like a potential lawsuit waiting to happen. Use corporate IT equipment, you are subject to monitoring. Well known fact. Quite legal, widely practiced by most companies. All corporate equipment is monitored in my business. It's a necessary control in the business. I'm the owner. Set up a job for her on a bit of a charity basis when i discovered she was making $9.50/hr. Nearly tripled her pay. She was struggling to pay for college. She is actually doing a good job too... which is cool.
Emilia Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I know this girl I'm seeing is just for fun. Not serious, while I figure myself out. This is why I don't really do this. It's all very well for me not to be serious but if that means the other person goes off with someone else it can mess with my mind. I'm not sure it's worth the emotional upheaval.
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I think you should stop monitoring her text messages, just because you can doesn't make it right.. I mean after all you are dating her. It also seems that your time could be better spent on other things than micro managing your employees phone/texting.. damn... I own a business as well and have had to monitor emails and the like with monitoring software before but only on a specific person as there was a reason, child porn was found on his system and another was spending his whole day at work looking for a job but there is no way in heck I would monitor that closely or monitor peoples calls/texts.. your employees have to feel that they are working in a trusted environment.. and honestly I wouldn't work in an environment where my calls/texts were monitored for content. I think you should make an exception and stop monitoring her texts and calls.. it kind makes you the bad guy no matter how you look at that if she found out as you also have the option of not doing it and you have not chosen that option. 4
Author theothersully Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 And... it appears to be a typical high school reunion hookup. She isn't answering hes repeated texts looking to see her again. Ego likes that one...
Author theothersully Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 I think you should stop monitoring her text messages, just because you can doesn't make it right.. I mean after all you are dating her. It also seems that your time could be better spent on other things than micro managing your employees phone/texting.. damn... I own a business as well and have had to monitor emails and the like with monitoring software before but only on a specific person as there was a reason, child porn was found on his system and another was spending his whole day at work looking for a job but there is no way in heck I would monitor that closely or monitor peoples calls/texts.. your employees have to feel that they are working in a trusted environment.. and honestly I wouldn't work in an environment where my calls/texts were monitored for content. I think you should make an exception and stop monitoring her texts and calls.. it kind makes you the bad guy no matter how you look at that if she found out as you also have the option of not doing it and you have not chosen that option. This is a very unique business model. It requires monitoring of all communications on corporate equipment for the first few months. After that, only spot checks, as you are mentioning. She hasn't worked here a month yet. It's just a dating/friends situation. There is no long term future thanks to the 18 year age difference. I'm not sure I can be the bad guy. It's not so serious as that. If we were to get more serious, I would just make sure she had a separate personal phone so I couldn't see anymore. It's kind of entertaining and I do not hold it against her. I cannot. Having the information is maybe not the coolest thing, but how I deal with it can be. Obviously, I am not holding anything she says or does in her private life against her, even if she were calling me a jerk. Nor do I hold the hookup against her. She can do whatever and so can i. But... i am posting here just to share this interesting twist. Imagine if we all saw what people we are dating were doing. I'm sure there are a lot more hookups going on than we think.
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 A very unique business model still doesn't make it right, you are dating her.. It seems to me that you are going to monitor her text message/calls because you are dating her not because of your unique business model. IMO... Expect to be dumped if she finds out, in this scenario you are the one who seemingly can't be trusted... at least that is the way it looks to me since I can't think of a reason to monitor her calls other than snooping.
SoleMate Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 You created a job for her, nearly tripled her pay, started having sexual hookups with her, monitor all her texting, and are of course her boss. Well, sounds like you're in charge there....what's the issue? 1
Author theothersully Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 A very unique business model still doesn't make it right, you are dating her.. It seems to me that you are going to monitor her text message/calls because you are dating her not because of your unique business model. IMO... Expect to be dumped if she finds out, in this scenario you are the one who seemingly can't be trusted... at least that is the way it looks to me since I can't think of a reason to monitor her calls other than snooping. I see your point. There is no way I can just stop monitoring the corporate phone though. Maybe I can just encourage her to get a new phone or buy her one myself so the two lives become separate again.
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I see your point. There is no way I can just stop monitoring the corporate phone though. Maybe I can just encourage her to get a new phone or buy her one myself so the two lives become separate again. That would work 1
Iguanna Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 If you know inside you she is just a FB, why do you care? I have a feeling that what bothers you is his age (younger) than that she is f... him. But hey, if you don't want to feel old date women your age. You can't have everything now can you? Some men spend their years caring about these slutty girls and then wonder "where have the good girls gone?" Can't get it. 3
Author theothersully Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 You created a job for her, nearly tripled her pay, started having sexual hookups with her, monitor all her texting, and are of course her boss. Well, sounds like you're in charge there....what's the issue? There is no issue. This may be my 5th time repeating it, but I made the post to say, " Wouldn't it be interesting if we all could see what the prior we are dating are doing?" I can, by random chance. And the order was more like this... 1) Met and dated years ago. 2) Rekindled a year ago 3) Had a whirlwind of fun and passion in Miami last winter 4) I had to go to NY for the summer, she had classes in Miami. 5) Picked back up this fall, doing more together. 6) She was struggling to pay for school and life. I asked her for some numbers to see what was wrong. She was making $9.50/hr. That broke my heart. Her contribution to this earth through volunteer work, environmental causes, etc... is beyond measure. 7) I fixed the problem by creating a position for her at nearly triple the pay 8) She lost her phone last weekend and started using the corporate phone for personal stuff. There is no issue with this on my end, but all corporate phone are routinely monitored here.
Author theothersully Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 If you know inside you she is just a FB, why do you care? I have a feeling that what bothers you is his age (younger) than that she is f... him. But hey, if you don't want to feel old date women your age. You can't have everything now can you? Some men spend their years caring about these slutty girls and then wonder "where have the good girls gone?" Can't get it. It's not bothering me, other than wishing a couple days between... ha ha ha And I would appreciate you not calling her a slut, thank you. She is sexually liberated. There is nothing wrong with her doing whatever she wants. We are not committed. Even if we were, I'd be fine with an open relationship. I was in an open marriage for a while, so if that can work, I'm sure this is no big deal.
Iguanna Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 It's not bothering me, other than wishing a couple days between... ha ha ha And I would appreciate you not calling her a slut, thank you. She is sexually liberated. There is nothing wrong with her doing whatever she wants. We are not committed. Even if we were, I'd be fine with an open relationship. I was in an open marriage for a while, so if that can work, I'm sure this is no big deal. I honestly want to know how people can have open relationships (I can't even imagine open marriage, it's too much for me to even imagine it). I truly want to understand how can you love a person and bear the fact that they touch and make love with someone else. Can you explain it to me please? 3
Emilia Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Even if we were, I'd be fine with an open relationship. I was in an open marriage for a while, so if that can work, I'm sure this is no big deal. I think a good start would be for you to recognise your emotional needs. Clearly this situation is not fine. Open marriage wasn't fine. 3
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