RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Hello everyone I've been with this ex gf for 2 years.. Last October 8th I ask for us to have a break from each other. She agreed and apologize to me if lately she can't be a girlfriend to me due to stress and busy work schedule and she told me "Message me if you need me ok? :(" Like every relationship we have ups and downs and our relationship at that time is very rocky so I thought asking a break from each other to have time and space can make our relationship stronger for the long run.. but oh boy I was wrong after 1 week of No Contact I stupidly just miss her badly and contacted her and I told her that I love her so much and that I wanted to work things out.. She denied me and wanted to be alone. I didn't expect this from her after 2 years. so we officially broke up October 15 and I started No contact. she contacted me last November 9 asking how I am.. I replied after 6hrs saying I'm good and I didn't ask her back she didn't respond after that we are not in contact till today. I regret so much asking for a break.. I thought it would help us but I was very wrong. I should have done something differently to fix our relationship rather than asking for a break.. She probably got hurt because of it. I don't know what to do.. I really love this woman she is the best I ever had. I wanted to break no contact and ask her to for second chance but I don't really know if that's only gonna ruin me.. I've been with many girls before and I never felt the connection that we had.. I really love this person she is a wife material and I regret asking for a break I feel like my world is just crushed because of wrong decisions.
ILoveVegas Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Don't beat yourself up. I'm not sure if asking for a second chance right now is a good choice. Its only been like 45 days. She message you and thats a good thing she probably missing you.
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Thanks vegas! I really wanted to contact her this weekend and ask If she wanted to get back together. I think she got confused why I ask for a break. cause I never explained her that I am only wanting a break to have time and space for our relationship to be stronger for the long run. She might be thinking I did this because I gave up. though I'm not sure if that reason is gonna matter now.. It's been 42 days since the break up.
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Can anybody please suggest what's the best thing to do for me? I really need some other opinion
nevergoodenough Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 You asked for a break because you took her for granted and assumed she would be there and hang on. You should have realized that nothing is for sure. Say only the things you mean in the future, that way you never have to look back and regret. I think the best you can do is stay silent and wait for her to contact you if you are hurting. Either that or you could just come out and tell her you would like to give things another chance and that you are willing to move slowly. If she says no, at least you have your answer. It hasn't been that long though, I would go with the NC option and hold onto this lesson for the future. Watch what you say and don't take things for granted (I have done it also in the past). 1
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Thank you for the response.. I think i didn't make things clear but she is being distant and cold to me. Even forgot our anniversary 2 days before I ask for break.. I did ask her first if there is something wrong or if I did something to make her upset. She said nothing.. So I have no other choice but to ask for a break I could have done something different but that's the choice that came up to me. I could have spice things up a little or give her a present that will make her happy but instead I chose to have a break. Now I'm lost and don't know what to do. You asked for a break because you took her for granted and assumed she would be there and hang on. You should have realized that nothing is for sure. Say only the things you mean in the future, that way you never have to look back and regret. I think the best you can do is stay silent and wait for her to contact you if you are hurting. Either that or you could just come out and tell her you would like to give things another chance and that you are willing to move slowly. If she says no, at least you have your answer. It hasn't been that long though, I would go with the NC option and hold onto this lesson for the future. Watch what you say and don't take things for granted (I have done it also in the past).
ks0985 Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Ever thought that maybe she didnt have it in her to end things and she backed off in hope you would call it off? Seems like there was red flags leading up to the end of your relationship. Sometimes some women are not that comfortable ending things and pull away so the man ends it. Just a thought. If i was you i would accept this and move forward with NC 1
strive Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I think you should step back a bit and get some perspective. Work on yourself first of all. You need to figure out why you think "I have no other choice but to ask for a break" is a solution instead of trying to fix something. Maybe you have communication problems? Or is there something else about the relationship that would make her think it's not worth it to get back together with you (aside from her feeling hurt that you wanted to take a break, of course). Were there red flags that would indicate something serious is wrong? Learn from all the mistakes you did first before even trying to get back together with her. Because if you're still the same person as before, you might end up making the same mistakes. 1
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Sometimes I do think of this too there is definitely a lot of RED FLAGS but it makes me so confuse because some days she seems to be this girlfriend that is really happy to be with me and cares about me then sometimes suddenly becomes cold and distant. Ever thought that maybe she didnt have it in her to end things and she backed off in hope you would call it off? Seems like there was red flags leading up to the end of your relationship. Sometimes some women are not that comfortable ending things and pull away so the man ends it. Just a thought. If i was you i would accept this and move forward with NC
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 I did work on myself for the last 43 days.. I never even initiated contact with her. I have no choice to ask for a break because at that time that's the only thing that I can think of to make the relationship stronger in the long run. I thought doing that can make us miss each other.. There is definitely some issues about our relationship but I thought we will pass it like when we have problems before.. I do think that we have communication problems in our relationship due to being long distance.. I think you should step back a bit and get some perspective. Work on yourself first of all. You need to figure out why you think "I have no other choice but to ask for a break" is a solution instead of trying to fix something. Maybe you have communication problems? Or is there something else about the relationship that would make her think it's not worth it to get back together with you (aside from her feeling hurt that you wanted to take a break, of course). Were there red flags that would indicate something serious is wrong? Learn from all the mistakes you did first before even trying to get back together with her. Because if you're still the same person as before, you might end up making the same mistakes.
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 (edited) is it better to just leave things like this for a while? or try to break the no contact for the last time and ask if we can get back together? I do think that she is really stress and tired when she made that decision. So she might be confuse that's why I wanted to try for the last time and prove to her that I just wanted the best for us that's why I ask for the break. Edited November 28, 2013 by RegretBreakup
nevergoodenough Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Thank you for the response.. I think i didn't make things clear but she is being distant and cold to me. Even forgot our anniversary 2 days before I ask for break.. I did ask her first if there is something wrong or if I did something to make her upset. She said nothing.. So I have no other choice but to ask for a break I could have done something different but that's the choice that came up to me. I could have spice things up a little or give her a present that will make her happy but instead I chose to have a break. Now I'm lost and don't know what to do. Or you could have just sat her down like an adult and told her how you felt instead of pretending you wanted a break and assuming she would take you back when you were ready. I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm just saying that you should get to the point of only saying what you mean. If you don't want to actually let someone go, just don't say it. Talk to them about how you feel and you will be much more successful at solving the issue rather than punishing them. At the point, I think you should wait it out and see if she contacts you. If you don't want to do that, ask her if she is willing to talk things through and see if you guys can work on things. Try being straight forward from now on, maybe that will help you get better results. If it doesn't work, then at least you know. If you really believe she did all these bad things to you though, maybe you are better off without her. Your choice. 1
fixing Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Well, tbh 45 days is actually a long time in NC here. OP basically 'dumped' her in her eyes... So she would have been very hurt by that. I do feel the onus is on OP to try to get her back. HOWEVER. The only thing that bothers me is her forgetting your anniversary and acting cold distant right before the break. Op, did you let her know that you made a mistake? You told her sorry? And that you want to try again? And she said 'NO'? And your 45 days NC since that conversation right? Hmmm, that's tough, if it weren't for her acting so off before you called the break id be 100% telling you to go crawling back. But something tells me she doesn't want this relationship to be reconciled. 2
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 No I didn't apologize for the break but I did ask her if we can work things out because I do love her and she said NO she is very sorry but she wanted to be single and alone.. She also said that I'm gonna find someone better and I deserve the best. I'm 45 days NC now since the break up but she did break the No Contact on Day 22 asking How Am I and how is my family, I replied the next day but she didn't respond maybe because I didn't ask her how she is back.. She did told me she is sorry she forgot our anniversary due to long hours at work and told me she loves me and she thanked me for the surprise that I made. Sometimes I do think that she just push me away so I can break it off.. I really don't know to be honest but I did became cold to her at some point too.. I'm really don't know what to do at this point.. I want her back so much but I might be just getting myself into a bigger hole if I ask her back right now but I felt like I loose the love of my life due to wrong decisions. Well, tbh 45 days is actually a long time in NC here. OP basically 'dumped' her in her eyes... So she would have been very hurt by that. I do feel the onus is on OP to try to get her back. HOWEVER. The only thing that bothers me is her forgetting your anniversary and acting cold distant right before the break. Op, did you let her know that you made a mistake? You told her sorry? And that you want to try again? And she said 'NO'? And your 45 days NC since that conversation right? Hmmm, that's tough, if it weren't for her acting so off before you called the break id be 100% telling you to go crawling back. But something tells me she doesn't want this relationship to be reconciled.
nevergoodenough Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 No I didn't apologize for the break but I did ask her if we can work things out because I do love her and she said NO she is very sorry but she wanted to be single and alone.. She also said that I'm gonna find someone better and I deserve the best. I'm 45 days NC now since the break up but she did break the No Contact on Day 22 asking How Am I and how is my family, I replied the next day but she didn't respond maybe because I didn't ask her how she is back.. She did told me she is sorry she forgot our anniversary due to long hours at work and told me she loves me and she thanked me for the surprise that I made. Sometimes I do think that she just push me away so I can break it off.. I really don't know to be honest but I did became cold to her at some point too.. I'm really don't know what to do at this point.. I want her back so much but I might be just getting myself into a bigger hole if I ask her back right now but I felt like I loose the love of my life due to wrong decisions. Learn from this and only say what you mean in the future. You have two choices 1) Ask her one last time and tell her you are sorry for acting without thinking and you miss her 2) Let her contact you when she is ready. One of my ex's contacted me after two years and wanted to be together. I don't see the benefit of counting the days because it is pointless. I'm a fan of risking it to find out the answer. But more than likely, she would contact you if she wanted you back. Your best bet is to wait it out. If you can't, just ask her and tell her you have been thinking about the relationship and you miss her. It's up to you.. 1
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Thank you for the response really help me a lot.. If in case I chose #2 option, what if contacts me but she juts send me breadcrumbs?? Should I ignore it? Or Should I be my old self when she contacts me? Learn from this and only say what you mean in the future. You have two choices 1) Ask her one last time and tell her you are sorry for acting without thinking and you miss her 2) Let her contact you when she is ready. One of my ex's contacted me after two years and wanted to be together. I don't see the benefit of counting the days because it is pointless. I'm a fan of risking it to find out the answer. But more than likely, she would contact you if she wanted you back. Your best bet is to wait it out. If you can't, just ask her and tell her you have been thinking about the relationship and you miss her. It's up to you..
CaliBabe Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 If you are looking to reconcile, I suggest NOT ignoring her. There has to be a point where the games stop and its about totally salvaging the relationship. 1
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 I actually did that, But she didn't respond when I respond.. She must be playing games but My reply is a bit blunt. I'm doing great and my family is ok. Thanks I didn't ask her anything.. Is it bad idea to reach out to her at this point?! If you are looking to reconcile, I suggest NOT ignoring her. There has to be a point where the games stop and its about totally salvaging the relationship.
fixing Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Like i said before. Because you were the one who asked for a break. It should be you trying to win her back if you love her.... The longer its left the less likely at this stage a reconciliation will happen. She did apologize about forgetting the anniversary too and you say that you were also cold to her. Playing No contact as a game is very dangerous if you actually want her back. Its your call though if you do decide to reach out and fix this. Good luck 1
chris21422 Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I suggest do it slowly.. Make her like you again kinda like the first meeting each other 1
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 I'm really confuse how do I approach her.. I wanted to be my old self like when I first met her.. Happy, Confident, Funny. I just don't really know how am I gonna approach this situation. Do I need to apologize for the break that I ask month ago? or I don't need to bring up the past when I contact her?? How Am I gonna ask her back.. Saying I want you back I realize my mistakes? doing it in a happy way? arghh confuse help guys Like i said before. Because you were the one who asked for a break. It should be you trying to win her back if you love her.... The longer its left the less likely at this stage a reconciliation will happen. She did apologize about forgetting the anniversary too and you say that you were also cold to her. Playing No contact as a game is very dangerous if you actually want her back. Its your call though if you do decide to reach out and fix this. Good luck
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 This might be a big risk cause if I don't tell her straight away what I want.. She might just put me in a friendzone? I suggest do it slowly.. Make her like you again kinda like the first meeting each other
Iamhisflower Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I'd send her a txt asking her out for dinner. Not a long text, just say hi, hope you are well. Would love to see you and have dinner, you free next week? Forget texting back and forth. *fingers crossed for you* 1
Author RegretBreakup Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Another problem she is in europe right now and I'm in USA. What the should I do?? I'd send her a txt asking her out for dinner. Not a long text, just say hi, hope you are well. Would love to see you and have dinner, you free next week? Forget texting back and forth. *fingers crossed for you*
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