looka Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Whenever someone posts their happy ending with their MM, people say congratulations, I'm happy for you, etc. So just out of curiosity, do all OW/OM wish all/most MM/MW would leave their spouses to be with the affair partner? Would you want affairs to be more socially acceptable?
bentleychic Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 No, I don't wish an overall thing for a specific set of people. There are many OW/OM that aren't looking for a "happy ending" together with their A partner. Some are content to just BE in the A so I would not wish that for them. Also, just me...there are some people that I WILL congratulate if I know their situation and how it took place. There are others that I just don't say anything to. Totally depends on the person and situation.
bentleychic Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Forgot to say, no I don't wish affairs were more socially acceptable. *I* don't believe they are okay or a good thing to have. Yes, I'm a single OW in one and even though I love him, ever getting involved in one is the biggest regret of my life. 3
MissBee Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 If affairs were more socially acceptable they wouldn't be affairs. I personally never wish for lying and sneaking around behind someone's back to become socially acceptable. What I do wish is that people were better at communicating, better at speaking up and being honest, better at listening and overall better at all the things lacking which make As an acceptable route. Not all OW/OM want the MP to leave necessarily, but I don't think most people are genuinely happier in a secret/limited R than they are in an open one. Even an open casual R is better IMO than a secret casual one. So even if they don't want to be with the MP longterm, As can be a hassle, and so I am happy for people who find it a hassle and for those who want more to get more. I don't necessarily congratulate everyone either. As Bentley says, it depends on the story and how I've read that story and what my feelings/intuition/opinions are about it. Some stories still scream disaster to me and premature celebration, even when the person leaves, so I don't feel right about congratulating them necessarily, as I am still skeptical of the whole thing, so I don't bother to say anything or I will congratulate them but suggest things to look out for. Other stories seem less disastrous and seem to look more positive and for those I can wish them success going forward. 4
LilGirlandOW Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I wish for people's (in general) relationships work out how they would want them to. When members post a relationship or personal triumph, I do my best to congratulate them all, on the flip side I try to have a virtual ((hug)) ready for members who are struggling. All regardless of who they are, how long they've posted for, or which side of the A dynamic they are on. 1
Nothisgirl Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Forgot to say, no I don't wish affairs were more socially acceptable. *I* don't believe they are okay or a good thing to have. Yes, I'm a single OW in one and even though I love him, ever getting involved in one is the biggest regret of my life. I wish there was a "love" button...the "like" one doesn't cut it. Ditto x 100 1
hopewild Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 (edited) Whenever someone posts their happy ending with their MM, people say congratulations, I'm happy for you, etc. So just out of curiosity, do all OW/OM wish all/most MM/MW would leave their spouses to be with the affair partner? Would you want affairs to be more socially acceptable? I very badly wish my "affair" with MM could be socially acceptable. I do not want MM to leave his spouse. I have never met her but I appreciate her place in his life. I don't wish him to be apart from his children or her. I know that a lot of people don't understand my point of view......but that's what it is. I do not want to be at the top of his priority list. I expect his obligations to his family life and work to come before me. I'm not angry if we can't spend time together. Strange, I know. The whole thing even blows my mind. Edit - That's not to say I don't struggle with the morality of the issue. It eats at me, for sure. Edited November 28, 2013 by hopewild
CanJanus Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I very badly wish my "affair" with MM could be socially acceptable. I do not want MM to leave his spouse. I have never met her but I appreciate her place in his life. I don't wish him to be apart from his children or her. I know that a lot of people don't understand my point of view......but that's what it is. I do not want to be at the top of his priority list. I expect his obligations to his family life and work to come before me. I'm not angry if we can't spend time together. Strange, I know.. I am exactly the same. I am not looking up to break my MW marriage at all. I don't expect to be at the top of her priority list either. I'm happy about where I am. I wish it was socially acceptable. She could stay with her marriage, and we could have some fun and be friends on the side. Alas, her husband would probably not see it that way, so it remains secretive. 1
hopewild Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I am exactly the same. I am not looking up to break my MW marriage at all. I don't expect to be at the top of her priority list either. I'm happy about where I am. I wish it was socially acceptable. She could stay with her marriage, and we could have some fun and be friends on the side. Alas, her husband would probably not see it that way, so it remains secretive. Hugs to you. Our situations are not easy and it is hard to be reasonable ALL the time. I wish the same thing....not having to hide it! Are you single - if you don't mind me asking?
CanJanus Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Hugs to you. Our situations are not easy and it is hard to be reasonable ALL the time. I wish the same thing....not having to hide it! Are you single - if you don't mind me asking? Yes, I am single, officially at least
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