diya Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Hi.. My BF wants me to deactivate my FB. we are in longdistance relationship so he feel insecure. I have never cheat he knws that very well but he feel insecure that someone will steal me from him if i talk with anyone. Before few days jus for him i deactivate fb because he said he can't live with this insecurity so asked me to choose me or fb. but after few days i feel so wierd. he loved me more after i left fb. but i was feeling wierd like i was not ME. deep inside i feel he hasnt accept me what i am. i want him to accept me what i am with my all likes and dislikes. and dont knw what next thing i have to leave for him. So i said accept me what i am or leave me. So he left me. I just want him to me to accept what i am. now i sometimes i miss him. and my mind says i did it right and my heart says i did wrong. Have i taken wrong decision by saying this to accept me what i am ? and bringing fb in relationship is it ok ? I want to forget him forever and to be honest my feeling are slowing going away for him .. please show me the way so i can forget him completely.
Spectre Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 This is a hard one. On one hand I think asking you to deactivate Facebook is too controlling. Were you like flirting with guys on there or something? He seems controlling and insecure and normally this would be a deal break, but what changes the situation is distance. I can see how insecurity would be a lot more severe if you are far away from your partner. He's probably scared you will meet a guy who lives by you and hook up with him. So what I would do is..if you DO really care about this guy and want to be with him, then talk to him. Tell him that you will not deactivate facebook, but tell him he is free to look at your facebook and see the comments you are putting there or the comments to other people, etc. I'm not saying he should be watching your every move on facebook, but he can at least check to make sure you aren't flirting with anyone.
sun1972 Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Hi.. My BF wants me to deactivate my FB. we are in longdistance relationship so he feel insecure. I have never cheat he knws that very well but he feel insecure that someone will steal me from him if i talk with anyone. Before few days jus for him i deactivate fb because he said he can't live with this insecurity so asked me to choose me or fb. but after few days i feel so wierd. he loved me more after i left fb. but i was feeling wierd like i was not ME. deep inside i feel he hasnt accept me what i am. i want him to accept me what i am with my all likes and dislikes. and dont knw what next thing i have to leave for him. So i said accept me what i am or leave me. So he left me. I just want him to me to accept what i am. now i sometimes i miss him. and my mind says i did it right and my heart says i did wrong. Have i taken wrong decision by saying this to accept me what i am ? and bringing fb in relationship is it ok ? I want to forget him forever and to be honest my feeling are slowing going away for him .. please show me the way so i can forget him completely. Christ i hate facebook!!! did you have in a relationship on your profile? If so he has zero reason to complain 2
Spectre Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Yeah, the only reason I could see to complain about my gf's Facebook would be if she was getting flirty with other guys on there. I wouldn't tell her to shut it down though, I'd just ask her why she feels the need to do that. 2
sun1972 Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 This is a hard one. On one hand I think asking you to deactivate Facebook is too controlling. Were you like flirting with guys on there or something? He seems controlling and insecure and normally this would be a deal break, but what changes the situation is distance. I can see how insecurity would be a lot more severe if you are far away from your partner. He's probably scared you will meet a guy who lives by you and hook up with him. So what I would do is..if you DO really care about this guy and want to be with him, then talk to him. Tell him that you will not deactivate facebook, but tell him he is free to look at your facebook and see the comments you are putting there or the comments to other people, etc. I'm not saying he should be watching your every move on facebook, but he can at least check to make sure you aren't flirting with anyone. It is harder to trust in an ldr, but.. Its hypocritical of me to criticise i met my OH/EX on a dating site when we were serious, i wanted her off there... she used the forums, and had in her profile that she was in a relationship so didnt want to leave i trusted her, but didnt like it
Debanked Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Facebook is an outlet for the narcissistic or those who need constant validation. The real people that you care about in life can text or email or (gasp!) CALL you! Good riddance to Facebook. Wish more and more people would quit the social media game. You can't get that time back. 2
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Hi.. My BF wants me to deactivate my FB. we are in longdistance relationship so he feel insecure. I have never cheat he knws that very well but he feel insecure that someone will steal me from him if i talk with anyone. Before few days jus for him i deactivate fb because he said he can't live with this insecurity so asked me to choose me or fb. but after few days i feel so wierd. he loved me more after i left fb. but i was feeling wierd like i was not ME. deep inside i feel he hasnt accept me what i am. i want him to accept me what i am with my all likes and dislikes. and dont knw what next thing i have to leave for him. So i said accept me what i am or leave me. So he left me. I just want him to me to accept what i am. now i sometimes i miss him. and my mind says i did it right and my heart says i did wrong. Have i taken wrong decision by saying this to accept me what i am ? and bringing fb in relationship is it ok ? I want to forget him forever and to be honest my feeling are slowing going away for him .. please show me the way so i can forget him completely. You guys must be super young (or at least I hope so). This is bull shat. I am so glad I deactivated ON MY OWN 1 1/2 yrs ago. I will go back on only because I have lived all over the world and it's the easiest way to keep in touch. If I decide to reactivate, I refuse to change my status, post a million pics of a bf, let him flood my wall with posts stating "ownership." This is so stupid and immature. Honestly. I am a private person in general. I think you should leave off the relationship part like I have. Too many people getting in trouble on FB from cheating to stupid "relationship status" changes or lack thereof. The two of you need to grow up (but you are more than likely teens). The funniest thing is when I quit my real friends ACTUALLY CALLED ME AND HUNG OUT IN PERSON. Seriously. They also still Skype, email, etc. My whole life, being, and presence doesn't hinge on FB/social media and I pity the people for whom it does. 2
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 This is a hard one. On one hand I think asking you to deactivate Facebook is too controlling. Were you like flirting with guys on there or something? He seems controlling and insecure and normally this would be a deal break, but what changes the situation is distance. I can see how insecurity would be a lot more severe if you are far away from your partner. He's probably scared you will meet a guy who lives by you and hook up with him. So what I would do is..if you DO really care about this guy and want to be with him, then talk to him. Tell him that you will not deactivate facebook, but tell him he is free to look at your facebook and see the comments you are putting there or the comments to other people, etc. I'm not saying he should be watching your every move on facebook, but he can at least check to make sure you aren't flirting with anyone. Anyone who would breakup with you for something asanine as not deactivating a FB needs to go anyway. Unless you got caught cheating/hooking up/flirting/lying then it is uncalled for. Emotionally and mentally immature. 2
justwhoiam Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I can't stand FB either, though in some cases it can give exposure and bring business. But for private accounts that have nothing to do with business, I discourage its use, because for some it's really addictive. I've heard of 15 and 60 yo people alike, spending hours playing the farm, WTH? I have an account just to keep track of the movies I see/watch, so that he will know, especially if I die before him (I know it might sound weird, but it's still something about me and he might want to watch the same movies). Anyway, if I like something and he were worried that someone can come onto me, I'd rather share my password so that he can see what's going on and that there's nothing to worry about. Like: "see? I have nothing to hide."
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Hi.. My BF wants me to deactivate my FB. we are in longdistance relationship so he feel insecure. I have never cheat he knws that very well but he feel insecure that someone will steal me from him if i talk with anyone. Before few days jus for him i deactivate fb because he said he can't live with this insecurity so asked me to choose me or fb. but after few days i feel so wierd. he loved me more after i left fb. but i was feeling wierd like i was not ME. deep inside i feel he hasnt accept me what i am. i want him to accept me what i am with my all likes and dislikes. and dont knw what next thing i have to leave for him. So i said accept me what i am or leave me. So he left me. IF you are in a serious relationship (which isn't exactly clear in this post)... then why in the h*ll are you even ON Facebook in the first place??? If you're not serious about him - then it doesn't matter what you do.
d0nnivain Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I would never deactivate my FB account for anybody. It's how I stay in touch with old friends from college who I rarely get to see. FB isn't the problem. It's how you use it. If you are on your account trolling for new friends of the opposite sex & you flirt incessently, I can see why he's upset. If you like that fact that somebody posted a picture of a cute puppy or a funny joke, he has to grow up. 4
Emilia Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Have i taken wrong decision by saying this to accept me what i am ? and bringing fb in relationship is it ok ? I want to forget him forever and to be honest my feeling are slowing going away for him .. please show me the way so i can forget him completely. You did the right thing. He tried to control what you were doing instead of his own jealousy. He is not cut out for long distance relationships it seems. Don't contact him, the urge to talk will pass. 1
sun1972 Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 IF you are in a serious relationship (which isn't exactly clear in this post)... then why in the h*ll are you even ON Facebook in the first place??? If you're not serious about him - then it doesn't matter what you do. gosh while i personally find facebook to be a pain in the a** and only ever logon to play candy crush most the married people i know use it. The OP did nothing at all wrong 3
HeavenOrHell Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 So anyone in a serious r/ship shouldn't be on fb??!! I love the friends I have there and it's been invaluable for networking with the voluntary work I do, my partner has an account too, we both have male and female friends, we trust each other! IF you are in a serious relationship (which isn't exactly clear in this post)... then why in the h*ll are you even ON Facebook in the first place??? If you're not serious about him - then it doesn't matter what you do. 4
HeavenOrHell Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 He sounds possessive and controlling, you did the right thing to to say accept who you are or leave. This r/ship would have got worse and worse, if you'd lived together you wouldn't be allowed to have any friends, ugh. You've done nothing wrong at all, your ex is an irrational idiot. Hi.. My BF wants me to deactivate my FB. we are in longdistance relationship so he feel insecure. I have never cheat he knws that very well but he feel insecure that someone will steal me from him if i talk with anyone. Before few days jus for him i deactivate fb because he said he can't live with this insecurity so asked me to choose me or fb. but after few days i feel so wierd. he loved me more after i left fb. but i was feeling wierd like i was not ME. deep inside i feel he hasnt accept me what i am. i want him to accept me what i am with my all likes and dislikes. and dont knw what next thing i have to leave for him. So i said accept me what i am or leave me. So he left me. I just want him to me to accept what i am. now i sometimes i miss him. and my mind says i did it right and my heart says i did wrong. Have i taken wrong decision by saying this to accept me what i am ? and bringing fb in relationship is it ok ? I want to forget him forever and to be honest my feeling are slowing going away for him .. please show me the way so i can forget him completely.
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 IF you are in a serious relationship (which isn't exactly clear in this post)... then why in the h*ll are you even ON Facebook in the first place??? If you're not serious about him - then it doesn't matter what you do. Because I use FB for the ORIGINAL PURPOSE it was intended for; keeping in touch with people within my network and family. I think it is dumb to assume that your partner is hooking up with other people just b/c they have an account. That is ludicrous. As a matter of fact, even during my periods of singleness, I would NEVER reply to messages when men were hitting on me. I personally find hooking up via FB lame as h*ll. Do you think an untrustworthy person's cheating is limited to FB? Seriously. Be pragmatic. Put lipstick on a pig and it's still a pig. I also won't add a random stranger whom I don't know or remember. My first question is, "do I know you?" when I get a request and if not and there's no plausible reason to add them, I ignore it. I don't have time for the drama and the bs honestly. I don't even want to reactivate my FB but I've lived in so many places globally it makes sense b/c some people I wouldn't necessarily want to have a phone/Skype convo but a quick hello, how are you. FB has gotten out of hand. 2
Author diya Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 First of all thank you everyone for your replies. I have completed my study and most of my friends in contact only via facebook. and few of them are married so they are happy in life and dont talk much. I am working online. so no contact with real world , facebook is the only place where i am in touch with my old freinds. And Yes he has checked my facebook but i dont have anything by which he can blame me, even i never talk with strangers or even add them. i am protective type gal i have never put my own pic on facebook. and when i checked his fb before this breakup he has a lot of female friend [strangers too] with whome he did chat. but i dont mind coz i trust him that he may talk with them js as friend but he loves ME only. In past also he did the same with me on orkut he took my orkut pw and deleted all my friends at that time i was in college & i felt so embarrased when they were asking me why i deleted them but now i am thiking abt my future and how can i spend my life with someone who deosn't have trust on me ? i may changed for him right now but when we start living togather sooner or later i wud feel like i this as my mistake. So i decided to kill my feelings for him now and to saperate by divorce is worst so i decided to saperate by this break up. I am so depended on him so i have fear i may go back to him because of this dependency. So any how i want to stop myself and want to forget him
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 First of all thank you everyone for your replies. I have completed my study and most of my friends in contact only via facebook. and few of them are married so they are happy in life and dont talk much. I am working online. so no contact with real world , facebook is the only place where i am in touch with my old freinds. And Yes he has checked my facebook but i dont have anything by which he can blame me, even i never talk with strangers or even add them. i am protective type gal i have never put my own pic on facebook. and when i checked his fb before this breakup he has a lot of female friend [strangers too] with whome he did chat. but i dont mind coz i trust him that he may talk with them js as friend but he loves ME only. In past also he did the same with me on orkut he took my orkut pw and deleted all my friends at that time i was in college & i felt so embarrased when they were asking me why i deleted them but now i am thiking abt my future and how can i spend my life with someone who deosn't have trust on me ? i may changed for him right now but when we start living togather sooner or later i wud feel like i this as my mistake. So i decided to kill my feelings for him now and to saperate by divorce is worst so i decided to saperate by this break up. I am so depended on him so i have fear i may go back to him because of this dependency. So any how i want to stop myself and want to forget him Please stick to your decision. It sounds like he is so insecure because he might be doing something shady. He knows what HE IS DOING therefore he think you must be doing the same using FB. He doesn't own you, he is not your father and you are not a child. He wants to be on social media adding random women because he is contemplating cheating if he has not already cheated. Why would he need to add random women but don't want you to have any friends? He is controlling and possessive as previous posters have said and you need to get out of this. Reach out to friends and family to help you. Change takes time and he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior so there's only a marginal window for change. It is not good that he wants to isolate you from everyone you know and are familiar with. Before the marriage and kids go your own way and understand this is not normal but there is at least one person out there that can treat you right. Believe in yourself. In due time the right kind of person will come along. 1
MissBee Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 This isn't a Facebook problem. This is HIS problem and him being insecure and controlling. If it wasn't Facebook it would be something else. Jealous, insecure, controlling men and women have existed before social media and all social media does it highlight aspects about how people already are versus actually "cause" anything. 4
MissBee Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 IF you are in a serious relationship (which isn't exactly clear in this post)... then why in the h*ll are you even ON Facebook in the first place??? If you're not serious about him - then it doesn't matter what you do. Huh??? Facebook is NOT Match.com, EHarmony or OkCupid, even though, like with anything in life, some people will use it to hook up. That's life. Social media promotes talking and connecting and like regular life and social spaces, some people will use that to hook up. But it is not intended as a dating site, but to connect with friends, family, network for business/school etc. Therefore, I don't see what being in a relationship has to do with being on FB, as it is not a dating site that one needs to deactivate once in a relationship . When I first got FB you could only use it with a college email address, I thought it was my school's personal networking site . Now it has advanced to being a free for all...but even still I use it in a friendly and professional context and not at all for finding dates. I have been messaged by randoms but it's just like real life in terms of me going to a place not at all made for hook ups and being approached anyway. 1
Author diya Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 I want to stick what i have decided. and i should stop discussing this topic too. the more i talk about the more i get confused because of feelings. i just want to forget him
Eggplant Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 You did the right thing. The issue isn't FB -- it's the controlling behavior. Today he demands you close your FB. Tomorrow he will demand you cut ties with your friends and family. This is a personality type. Recognize the red flags right away. Good job. 1
elbe Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Wait a minute.. you are in a long distance relationship and he fears your facebook account? yikes... are we just being ignorant of your actual life that goes on day to day without this person being present? just saying.
justwhoiam Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I am working online. so no contact with real world This sounds bad. I guess you need some help and some real social life. In past also he did the same with me on orkut he took my orkut pw and deleted all my friends at that time i was in college & i felt so embarrased when they were asking me why i deleted them And you let that go? This is scary because he could walk all over you and you were fine with it. Your submissive attitude will get you into trouble, 99,999% guaranteed. You need to do something about yourself ASAP.
Author diya Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Thank you everyone.. its about 8 days of my decision. but now m getting weaker by emotions. m missing him m not able to handle this. I don't want to go back to him then repeate the same chapter again. i want to finish this chapter permenently. Can anyone help me to be strong and tell me words to i can hate him please
Recommended Posts