greenfairie Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 It's weird. He's still here, but he's dead to me. After he did the ultimate betrayal with my best friend, I felt like they died in that moment. Why does this feel like I'm grieving a death?
Philosoraptor Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 The end of a relationship takes time to process, and it often goes through the same stages as one goes through when mourning a death. Your relationship did die, and it takes time to heal from. All we can do to speed it up is to take care of ourselves, fill our lives with positivity, and find happiness in all that we do. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 GF: Didn't you just write in another post that your bf used to be your ex-best friend's ex-boyfriend? Did he go back to her? Didn't you start dating him right after they broke up? Grumps
JoelBarish Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Your relationship is dead. The person he was when he wanted you is now gone. 4
BC1980 Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 It's weird. He's still here, but he's dead to me. After he did the ultimate betrayal with my best friend, I felt like they died in that moment. Why does this feel like I'm grieving a death? It is like grieving a death because there is no emotional connection anymore. The person is still alive, but the relationship is not there anymore. The relationship is dead. In an instant, you can sever all emotional ties, and it disappears. We have a tough time reconciling it because the person is still here.
Never Again Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Your relationship is dead. The person he was when he wanted you is now gone. Yup. And, if they've got any sense in their head, they'll leave your life too. We grieve for loss, regardless of where it stems from. 2
Mariposa10 Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 I mourned my breakup as if someone had died. I went from: denial, depression, anger and finally acceptance... Things do get better...
stillafool Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 GF: Didn't you just write in another post that your bf used to be your ex-best friend's ex-boyfriend? Did he go back to her? Didn't you start dating him right after they broke up? Grumps Also isn't she in a relationship with another guy? Why spend so much time talking about your ex? What's going on with your new boyfriend? 1
AnyaNova Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 It's weird. He's still here, but he's dead to me. After he did the ultimate betrayal with my best friend, I felt like they died in that moment. Why does this feel like I'm grieving a death? Its worse in a way. Because with a death, you know it is over. You know there is no going back. You know there is not a single chance in this world that you will see them on this side of the "pond." When a breakup happens, you are grieving the end of the relationship, but your love is out walking around and still around to give just the faintest glimmer of possibility of hope that maybe just maybe...and that is what kills you and keeps you grieving. The sooner you can stab the hope--metaphorically speaking--with your steely knives and get it to stay dead (yeah, I know I used the Hotel California reference in another thread, but its got a great beat that I can jive to), the sooner you can recover. Your ex cheated on you. I would look up the concept of the "traumatic bond" by the way. It is what I got snared by and it can be brought about by partners cheating on you. They are much harder to break than regular healthy bonds, but don't let that stop you. Let it strengthen your resolve to get over this guy, so you can be with the man (grumpybutfun seems to think you are in a relationship with another man?) who loves you right now! 2
Shaine Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Sometimes i think of him as 2 persons. The man who loved me died and the man who is cruel to me now is a different person. It helps me to think that way. The person he is now is a stranger and i dont have feelings for him. And i shouldnt care about him. It's better to think the man i loved has died than to wonder how someone who once loved me so much has changed, doesnt love me anymore. The man who love me is dead. 2
Author greenfairie Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 Sometimes i think of him as 2 persons. The man who loved me died and the man who is cruel to me now is a different person. It helps me to think that way. The person he is now is a stranger and i dont have feelings for him. And i shouldnt care about him. It's better to think the man i loved has died than to wonder how someone who once loved me so much has changed, doesnt love me anymore. The man who love me is dead. That's a good way to think about the breakup. Its so hard to detach yourself completely from an ex, especially when he/she was a HUGE part of your life. He IS a different person to me now than he was when I first fell for him. it's really weird. I feel at times he did die and I'm grieving his death…. It's like I don't wanna get back with him more than friends but i know we can't be friends. Im just sad he doesn't exist in my life anymore in ANY kind of way.
stillafool Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 GF: Didn't you just write in another post that your bf used to be your ex-best friend's ex-boyfriend? Did he go back to her? Didn't you start dating him right after they broke up? Grumps I'm curious also Greenfaire. Did he go back with your friend that was his ex girlfriend? 1
singme2sleep Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 sometimes i think of him as 2 persons. The man who loved me died and the man who is cruel to me now is a different person. It helps me to think that way. The person he is now is a stranger and i dont have feelings for him. And i shouldnt care about him. It's better to think the man i loved has died than to wonder how someone who once loved me so much has changed, doesnt love me anymore. The man who love me is dead. exactly how i feel :-(
elbe Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 It truly is the same type of grief isn't it? I like to think my ex is dead. Helps me sleep at night... (kidding.. mostly) 1
emi Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 When i was dating my ex and we were talking and suddenly the conversation dragged to his previous ex then he told me '' shes dead'' I said '' no, she isnt''. Then he said '' she is''. I was confused, i know for sure shes alive but i dont know why he said that. Then 4 months later, hes dead to me . Hes dead because he is still alive, but i cant talk/touch or even look at him. Now im understand completely why he said it. When u reach to the acceptance stage, you will understand it also 1
Author greenfairie Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 When i was dating my ex and we were talking and suddenly the conversation dragged to his previous ex then he told me '' shes dead'' I said '' no, she isnt''. Then he said '' she is''. I was confused, i know for sure shes alive but i dont know why he said that. Then 4 months later, hes dead to me . Hes dead because he is still alive, but i cant talk/touch or even look at him. Now im understand completely why he said it. When u reach to the acceptance stage, you will understand it also Yeah, I totally get it except the last part. You mentioned the acceptance stage, you mean once we feel our ex is dead, that's a part of the acceptance stage? Hm makes sense because when I have that thought, "He's dead." This sounds weird but I felt relief and more peace. Like wow he's dead now but he's really not. He's out and about on Earth, God knows where. It's like the person we dated is gone and he is replaced with another person. People evolve, just part of life but sucks because evolving into a different person could make or break a relationship.
Author greenfairie Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 I'm curious also Greenfaire. Did he go back with your friend that was his ex girlfriend? I'M the ex girlfriend and no, we never got back together. Never ever getting back together. Sorry if it seems manipulative to post a thread pretending to be the ex-girlfriend's friend that stole her love, but I wanted to get some perspective trying to understand her position. Because to be honest, I'm not 100 percent over the fact that two of my best friends are gone (dead basically and I'm grieving that void) but I know I'll be okay. I'm not gonna be stuck with this forever. I have faith I will be 100 percent healed from all of this one day.
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