Sabrina88 Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 For those who didn't knew about my story a short recap for them "My ex bf (Don't know if its cheating)left me for my friend".. For full story you can refer to the following thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/419050-my-long-distance-boyfriend-likes-my-friend I know my ex bf is on talking terms with my so called friend..and they are about to get married ...but my friend is denying this thing and told me that she is getting married to the guy cuz her parents are keen...and she can't tell her parents about my relation wid that guy...so as to protect my image(as her parents and my parents are family friends)..and on my telling her to tell the truth to her parents and not care about me...she said can't you forgive him for me and accept his relation with me(which tells me that somewhere she is also interested as well)..i don't talk to her anymore..and my ex bf when dumped me told me that "he loved me but as his parents want him to get married to someone in there community so he breaking up with me..and he just likes my friend as a person not anything else..and also promised me that if i still doubt his intention he will never talk to that friend of mine "...till last week my sister was in touch with that friend and that friend told her that she is not in touch with my ex bf..but then she all of a sudden cooked up this story that someone from her relatives got my ex bf marriage proposal to girls family and now she doesn't know what to do.... This thing is killing me that my ex bf will be getting married to her....i just keep on thinking about this all day n night....don't know what to do....please help PS:My friend and boyfriend live in same country and belong to same community
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 No you shouldn't confront them. You should also stop talking to both of them. They made their choice: each other. You are not their choice but now you should chose to stop interacting with them. Tell your parents what happened. Let your parents deal with their own relationships with her parents.
Author Sabrina88 Posted November 27, 2013 Author Posted November 27, 2013 But the way they are (my ex and my friend) are portraying the entire situation in front of me..its making me feel that i am the one who is wrong and they are right...they are pretending as if this was destiny and they are soulmates ...so instead of blaming them i should accept there relation with open arms...and all the time i can't stop thinking of them together....is been 5 months and i don' think i have made any progress in terms of moving on...and these guys they are leading a perfect life....(
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 They can spin this whatever way they want. Human nature being what it is you can't expect them to say we're building our lives together on the back of hurting Sabrina88 You haven't moved on after 5 months because you are still focused on them. Find another hobby & stop giving a whit what they do.
Author Sabrina88 Posted November 27, 2013 Author Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) that is the hardest thing for me...i don't know why but it doesnt matter how hard i try...i just can't get over this thing...all the time i am just thinking like How can somebody love/pretend to love you and the next moment they just snap away from ur life...like u didnt mean anything to them... How can someone who trust so much break ur trust... How can i just not stop thinking about him 24/7 and he is busy with new relationship.... I just dont feel like trusting anybody anymore...I know heartbreak doesnt end ur life...but the kind of situation i am right now...don't know whether i d ever be able to get over it....and on top of that ..i ve got such a good friend to add spice to my already worst life..by doing this o me Edited November 27, 2013 by Sabrina88
CarrieT Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 ....is been 5 months and i don' think i have made any progress in terms of moving on... That is because you are still in contact with these people and the wounds won't heal as long as you know what they are up to. Remove them ENTIRELY from your life and you *will* begin to have progress. 1
CherryT Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) that is the hardest thing for me...i don't know why but it doesnt matter how hard i try...i just can't get over this thing...all the time i am just thinking like How can somebody love/pretend to love you and the next moment they just snap away from ur life...like u didnt mean anything to them... How can someone who trust so much break ur trust... How can i just not stop thinking about him 24/7 and he is busy with new relationship.... I just dont feel like trusting anybody anymore...I know heartbreak doesnt end ur life...but the kind of situation i am right now...don't know whether i d ever be able to get over it....and on top of that ..i ve got such a good friend to add spice to my already worst life..by doing this o me You need to get a grip and accept the fact that these people don't deserve YOU in their lives. There are a lot of questions we want answers to, but sometimes we will never get them. Why are you punishing yourself asking why and continuing to look at your friend as a good friend? She's not. She betrayed you and you deserve much better than that. Who gives a sh*t how they spin the story… people who have guilt will always try and spin it to make themselves look better. You have to control yourself and start walking towards progress. Realize that you don't need people like them in your life. You can and WILL find a new friend; a better one who wouldn't betray your trust. In your life, you will find friends/coworkers/bosses/and other people who just won't treat you fairly. Start taking control of your own life and don't let people who don't have YOUR best intentions at heart dictate how you feel about yourself. I know how it feels to be hurt, because I was cheated on. My ex boyfriend of many years cheated on me. Knowing that hurts like hell BUT eventually you get to the point where you decide whether or not to punish yourself or move on. When it happened, my mom said something super important to me. She told me: "Cherry, I know this hurts and you have the right to grieve. But you have the control not him or her. Give yourself time to hurt but when the time comes, you need to wipe those tears and KNOW that you deserve better. I will always be here to support you, but if you can't start making progress on your own… no one will feel sorry for you. Because you will be choosing to give your happiness and life to someone who already has shown to you that they don't deserve it. So make your choice to be better, find better, live better. And eventually you will look back and realize what a huge bullet you have dodged. Thank him for doing this now so you can kick him out of your life and make room for the ones who deserve to be in it". And she was right. After I found out my ex cheated, I kicked him to the curb and never looked back. Every year or so he'll try and contact me and tell me he regrets what he did. After 5 years, he still can't get over me. Funny, huh? But I don't care… and I actually feel quite sad for him that his life turned out the way it has. But I never focused on the karma, it just happened. I focused on myself and the kind of man I wanted to be with. The kind of man who respects me and loves me and would never think to do something like this. I met my Fiance years after my ex and I broke up… and I'm happy I went through that because when I met my F, I knew he was a man of integrity. At the end of it all, you do have the right to be upset. But after 5 months, you are the only one to blame if you continue to re-open your own wounds and put salt in it. Edited November 27, 2013 by CherryT 2
justwhoiam Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I know my ex bf is on talking terms with my so called friend..and they are about to get married ... I'm not sure what all this is about. 1) Never call anyone your boyfriend if you've never met him, not even once. 2) You met him once for the first time, so he was seeing you in person for the first time, things didn't click with you, but they clicked with someone else who happened to be your friend. I can understand how disappointing this is to you, because sure enough there was a lot of dreaming going on on your part, but you wouldn't expect to get engaged the first time you date someone, right? So just accept he fell in love with someone else. 3) This female friend you talk about, is it a virtual friend just like your virtual bf? I thought of this as she lives in a different country. So how did she happen to be your friend? You wrote your parents and her parents are family friends. So did you see her how often? Did you decide to meet her too while visiting your bf? I guess you shouldn't have mixed things. But that wouldn't have solved your current problem. There have been several cases of no chemistry when two people meet in person, you can even find some of those on here too. 4) Stop caring about all the lies. He should be honest to you. And I guess he was, because he ended any chance with you to be with her. And he even proposed to her. Just accept that. You eventually will.
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 For those who didn't knew about my story a short recap for them "My ex bf (Don't know if its cheating)left me for my friend".. For full story you can refer to the following thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/419050-my-long-distance-boyfriend-likes-my-friend I know my ex bf is on talking terms with my so called friend..and they are about to get married ...but my friend is denying this thing and told me that she is getting married to the guy cuz her parents are keen...and she can't tell her parents about my relation wid that guy...so as to protect my image(as her parents and my parents are family friends)..and on my telling her to tell the truth to her parents and not care about me...she said can't you forgive him for me and accept his relation with me(which tells me that somewhere she is also interested as well)..i don't talk to her anymore..and my ex bf when dumped me told me that "he loved me but as his parents want him to get married to someone in there community so he breaking up with me..and he just likes my friend as a person not anything else..and also promised me that if i still doubt his intention he will never talk to that friend of mine "...till last week my sister was in touch with that friend and that friend told her that she is not in touch with my ex bf..but then she all of a sudden cooked up this story that someone from her relatives got my ex bf marriage proposal to girls family and now she doesn't know what to do.... This thing is killing me that my ex bf will be getting married to her....i just keep on thinking about this all day n night....don't know what to do....please help PS:My friend and boyfriend live in same country and belong to same community I would ABSOLUTELY let both parents know. Didn't you say your mom met him? How did she meet him and not figure out your so called best friend is marrying the SAME MAN? It would be revealed one way or another. If she didn't think she was doing anything wrong, she wouldn't be trying to hide. I wouldn't give a damn and truth is bound to be exposed one way or another so YES I would let THE WORLD KNOW. She apparently doesn't have a conscience or is suppressing it for this pseudo destiny so it's time for her to face the music. She is a low down dirty piece of matter and so is her. Wrong is WRONG and it's not your fault they chose to back stab you. I would let it out. You owe no loyalty to them; they clearly had no loyalty to you! The truth shall "set them free....."
Author Sabrina88 Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 I'm not sure what all this is about. 1) Never call anyone your boyfriend if you've never met him, not even once. 2) You met him once for the first time, so he was seeing you in person for the first time, things didn't click with you, but they clicked with someone else who happened to be your friend. I can understand how disappointing this is to you, because sure enough there was a lot of dreaming going on on your part, but you wouldn't expect to get engaged the first time you date someone, right? So just accept he fell in love with someone else. 3) This female friend you talk about, is it a virtual friend just like your virtual bf? I thought of this as she lives in a different country. So how did she happen to be your friend? You wrote your parents and her parents are family friends. So did you see her how often? Did you decide to meet her too while visiting your bf? I guess you shouldn't have mixed things. But that wouldn't have solved your current problem. There have been several cases of no chemistry when two people meet in person, you can even find some of those on here too. 4) Stop caring about all the lies. He should be honest to you. And I guess he was, because he ended any chance with you to be with her. And he even proposed to her. Just accept that. You eventually will. Although i met him for the first time...i don't think things didnt clicked between us...cuz we (me and my virtual bf) stayed together for half a month and during this time he was really caring and loving ...and i met this friend(she is not my virtual friend she belong to my home country).... during the last 2 days of my visit as she was at the same place during that time as me.... i know he ended everything before pursing any relation with my friend ...but how can someone just fall for someone whom he just spent around 12 hours and forget everything about the person he was in virtual relation wid for 2 years...does that mean that if u r in long distance and u feel something for someone...then those feelings go away just like that.....cuz he thought that my friend is a better person for her...or he is in love with her....
Author Sabrina88 Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 I would ABSOLUTELY let both parents know. Didn't you say your mom met him? How did she meet him and not figure out your so called best friend is marrying the SAME MAN? It would be revealed one way or another. If she didn't think she was doing anything wrong, she wouldn't be trying to hide. I wouldn't give a damn and truth is bound to be exposed one way or another so YES I would let THE WORLD KNOW. She apparently doesn't have a conscience or is suppressing it for this pseudo destiny so it's time for her to face the music. She is a low down dirty piece of matter and so is her. Wrong is WRONG and it's not your fault they chose to back stab you. I would let it out. You owe no loyalty to them; they clearly had no loyalty to you! The truth shall "set them free....." My mom met this guy...and i told my mom yesterday that my friend is getting married to my ex....as i, that girl and my ex boyfriend doesn't live in our home country(our home country is same) so right now my mom doesnt know about all this...but my ex and that friend are going to get married in december in our home country so eventually my mom will know...and i m not sure should it be a good idea to tell her parents that i dated that guy....
justwhoiam Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Sabrina, do you realize that your posts make little sense? I'm being honest. First the mismatch about it being just 2 months, then it was 5 months... all in the same post. he was really caring and loving What does that mean? How was he loving? Was he showing sexual attraction? Was he feeling sexual? Especially those last 2 days? Well, I guess not the last two days. how can someone just fall for someone whom he just spent around 12 hours and forget everything about the person he was in virtual relation wid for 2 years... He thought he was in love with you, then met you in person and probably was giving it some time to get to know you better, and while at it, he met this other girl and fell for her. My mom met this guy...and i told my mom yesterday that my friend is getting married to my ex... so right now my mom doesnt know about all this...but my ex and that friend are going to get married in december in our home country so eventually my mom will know... You understand this makes no sense?
Author Sabrina88 Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Sabrina, do you realize that your posts make little sense? I'm being honest. First the mismatch about it being just 2 months, then it was 5 months... all in the same post. What does that mean? How was he loving? Was he showing sexual attraction? Was he feeling sexual? Especially those last 2 days? Well, I guess not the last two days. He thought he was in love with you, then met you in person and probably was giving it some time to get to know you better, and while at it, he met this other girl and fell for her. You understand this makes no sense? My boyfriend ended the relation 5 months after our meeting in person and our relation was 2 years long...i didnt mentioned 2 months anywhere.... Yes...he was showing sexual attraction ....and when he met her(my friend)...he was bit lost....and then the time i was about to leave for my country...he even cried infront of me...also before meeting my friend...he told me he wants to be with me forever...but then when i was leaving..he cried and was asking me to cancel my flight and stay for some more days... Also, now he told that friend of mine..that he never make any promises to me about getting married.... I am sorry if somethings are not clear....at this point of time there are a lot of emotions running thru my mind....
justwhoiam Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Quote: Originally Posted by Sabrina88 ...a couple of months ago me and my boyfriend met each other in person for the very first time... After 5 months my boyfriend broke up with me and hook up with that friend of mine (whom he met with me during our first meeting)... --- Also, what about telling your mom and then say that she doesn't know?
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 My mom met this guy...and i told my mom yesterday that my friend is getting married to my ex....as i, that girl and my ex boyfriend doesn't live in our home country(our home country is same) so right now my mom doesnt know about all this...but my ex and that friend are going to get married in december in our home country so eventually my mom will know...and i m not sure should it be a good idea to tell her parents that i dated that guy.... What would be the negative consequence for YOU? If your mom and her mom are good friends then wouldn't her mom find out any way? I am confused. So your mom knows that SPECIFIC guy that she met is now marrying your friend? Or did you casually mention your friend is marrying one of your exes and didn't go into details? Well all in all the truth is bound to unfurl one way or another.
Author Sabrina88 Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 What would be the negative consequence for YOU? If your mom and her mom are good friends then wouldn't her mom find out any way? I am confused. So your mom knows that SPECIFIC guy that she met is now marrying your friend? Or did you casually mention your friend is marrying one of your exes and didn't go into details? Well all in all the truth is bound to unfurl one way or another. I don't know about the negative consequences..I just don't want to get into all this....as then that girl will think I just want bad for her that's y spoiling her image infront f her parents... My mom and her mom are gud friends...and he was my first bf ...so he is the only guy I can refer to as ex....
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 I don't know about the negative consequences..I just don't want to get into all this....as then that girl will think I just want bad for her that's y spoiling her image infront f her parents... My mom and her mom are gud friends...and he was my first bf ...so he is the only guy I can refer to as ex.... Ok, well I wish you very well. Most of us don't end up with our first loves in the long run so take it as a learning experience. Perhaps it is best to date local people even if you meet them online instead of an international love. Your next guy may be better than this one
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