FML1980. Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Me and my husband have seperated, but i'm finding it SO HARD to move on since we have a child together (no contact is obviously not an option). Whenever he stops by or calls he is always so bubbly and upbeat. I'm sitting around miserable, and he doesn't seem to care that we aren't together anymore. I feel like I will never be able to get over him.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Me and my husband have seperated, but i'm finding it SO HARD to move on since we have a child together (no contact is obviously not an option). Whenever he stops by or calls he is always so bubbly and upbeat. I'm sitting around miserable, and he doesn't seem to care that we aren't together anymore. I feel like I will never be able to get over him. Trust me you will. Keep limited contact for the sake of the baby. As for his visitation rights, if he's coming over to visit, let him take the child out or something and don't spend time with him. It's really time to take care of yourself. Get a gym membership, and get a makeover. I swear, if your ex is enjoying the single life, you should too.
strive Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Yup papercut is right. He can visit your child but that doesn't mean you have to be there. LC should be only about your child and keep it formal and right to the point. Something that helped me is that whenever I contact my ex about my child, I make it a point never to ask a question. Because it makes me anticipate a reply that might come only after a few hours or even days. That's wasted time for me. If there are decisions to be made, I make them, and if he doesn't like it he can tell me and I'll make a compromise. Another thing that helped me is the mindset that we are not a family. My family only consists of me and my child. He is only the father of my child and not part of my family. I don't know if it's the right/healthy outlook, but it has helped me tremendously in putting things in perspective. I'm sure you'll find ways of coping that would work for you. I promise you, you CAN and WILL someday move on. You're a mother; you are far stronger than you think.
yorkie Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 wow I wish there was a thread like this when my ex left me im a bloke who has my kids at home with me and I work full time to and yes its bloody hard, the stone cld ex thinks we can be mates cos of the kids well not a chance yes you have to speak and its harder for anyne who has kids because we are constantly torn. its very very hard but at this moment in time me and my ex are communicating by text only when she picks kids up and drops them off she stays in the car! otherwise its texts all the way until when ever you feel healed which im not! but advice I will give you is when the kids go with the ex go out and date or hang out with friends have fun your freedom awaits you! also tell the ex you don't want to be friends LC is hard because u cant go NC and I always ended up trying to talk about our relationship or why she left etc. just text no phoning or seeing them keep contact away from face to face you are in pain that has helped for me xx good luck off to parents evening on my own now with kids
stillafool Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Maybe you could have someone else handle it when he wants to pick up his child. Do you have a close friend or relative who could do this instead of you to make it less difficult?
yorkie Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 tbh I found it very difficult as I don't want her in my house and every time she was in the house I begged and pleaded so I had to stop her coming round to protect myself whilst I was in no condition to look after the kids. tbh I didn't help myself at all and pushed her far away, I am also ashamed that I was awkward as in not being able to talk to her as again I had to protect myself, but now we text everything is miles better maybe one day we can have a conversation but at the mo its been 3 months and I don't wanna see her, as I hurt so much if we didn't have kids I would be NC end of the day its a learning process, but protect yourself whilst your kids will see you weak and you have to be strong for the kids
Author FML1980. Posted November 28, 2013 Author Posted November 28, 2013 Thanks everyone He was supposed to come and visit our child this morning. He never even showed up, I called him and his phone was off. He's probably with the woman that he cheated on me with. I just don't understand it..oh well. That's life I guess.
yorkie Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 its hard and tbh I am really struggling more than I am letting on. gf walked out and she says there isn't anyone else then wants help emotionally and I am on the slippery road in my head but im doing everything possible for my children and hopefully when they are older they will realise why or how I have done things. its hard when you don't get much time like myself to go out and keep busy as I have the kids at home and only get one every 2nd Fri and sat night to myself. LC is very hard I understand that as my ex said there wasn't anyone else so im constantly thinking why and will she miss me etc. she has a lot of time to do what she wants and spends time with friends. I have my children and I do the best for them but it aint appreciated by the ex to. she would rather spend time with her friends than her own kids! just do what ever you feel is best for you! listen if you to vent pm me,
Raena Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Yes it is very hard to deal with. I'm in the same boat. I don't want to talk to or see him but at the moment, him coming here to our house is a heck of a lot better than sending my child to stay with him at his house where his skank is. My advice... don't tell your child that he is supposed to come. Say nothing until it happens. That way you don't have to deal with your child being upset that he didn't show up. Leave the house when he comes, or at least go in the other room and don't interact with him. That's what I've had to do. It's only happened once so far and he's going away for work for a while soon so it won't be much of a concern for a little bit. But it worked for me. I didn't talk to him, I just went about my merry way and did the things I can't do when I have to be watching our son. Don't let him see you upset and miserable. Be just as upbeat and bubbly as he is... even if you have to pretend. But DO NOT let him see you miserable. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he hurt you.
Haydn Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Guess i am lucky. when me and my ex ex ex split (Mother of my child). We moved on with our lives quite well. No lawyers etc... We put her first in everything we did when we split. We were very lucky i think. I am so sorry you have these feelings but they will pass. Keep it formal, try not to see him if possible. Be cordial to him in front of your child and yes get out there and live a little. But please no more mention anyone of joining a gym. Go and buy a season ticket for the football! Take care.
Author FML1980. Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Thanks everyone,your messages have really helped me. He eventually came to visit our daughter and I felt nothing..I didn't feel sad or mad, I just felt nothing. I'm not sure what part of the grieving process this is, but it sure beats being depressed and crying all day.
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