Star4223 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I can't speak for anyone other than myself but I have felt this intense pain that your are explaining. All I can offer you is a virtual hug and let you know that it won't last for ever or kill you, it will just feel like it. I'm sorry for your pain. Thanks Cinnimon. This kinda hurt is unlike any hurt I have ever had. Sometimes it feel as if my heart is gonna shatter in a million pieces. I wished I would have known that I do now and I would have NEVER started this whole relationship!! I miss him so very much its like I what a huge whole inside of me that only he call fill up and I know things will never be the same between us because I will never be able to trust hime with my heart again.
Mount Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Bravo, very well said. Affairs have a mind f*ck quality, more like an abusive R than anything else. For example, every hurt you suffer gets turned around and upside down to be "not MM or MW's fault." At first we believe that we are crying over his vacation but we shouldn't be, because he "has to go" and how could he disappoint his kids? True, we think. Then we think,"Wait, HUH? Why can't he/she get a divorce? Other people do it." It reminds me of a girl I knew in high school who was dating an abusive loser. I saw bruises on her arm and asked her about them. She told me,"Oh, well, he TOLD me not to interrupt him when he's telling me something, and I forgot. It was my fault." Really?!!! When we are ending the A and they are crying their big ole' tears, we wonder why we're leaving someone who clearly loves us so much. Because in that moment, it looks exactly like love! All the hurt we've suffered? Maybe we really did cause it with our silly expectations and selfish desires. Yep, the bruising on our arm is OUR fault. Up is down. Down is up. Our abuser just loves us. And we're causing our own pain. Right? Or is that wrong? Yes. But maybe no. If you aren't crazy when you enter an A, you are still guaranteed to be fully schizophrenic by the time it ends. 1
Star4223 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 BTW does any of you guys have common friends?? Me and my MM do and it has been hard in that way too cause you wanna ask :have you talked or seen E****? or he has messaged my friends about me too and they tell me. We were also Facebook Friends and that is hard too. (we are no longer)
Beachgirl91 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I just thought of a few other things I've done in the hopes of getting over MM. We used to text all day long every single day. I have so many memories of sitting in my car at certain places texting him. The gym, the beach, my living room sofa at night, etc. I am avoiding these places like the plague right now. I also deactivated and deleted the messaging app we used. This one may sound drastic but I felt like the situation itself was drastic. I deactivated my Facebook. Not deleted, just deactivated for now. Without an active account I can't go stalk his Facebook for updates on his life or to see his photos. 1
Beachgirl91 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 One last thing. Cookie you asked how to resist the urge to go after him. I don't know if this would be helpful for you or not. What I did is started a note in the notes section of my phone. In point form I have written everything I found hurtful and destructive to me about the relationship. It's a work in progress and I am adding to it whenever a thought pops into my head. It's got things on it such as waiting for calls that don't come, insensitive comments he's made and that kind of stuff. When the urge to text him hits me, which right now a week in is many many times a day, I read over my list. After reading it I usually come up with more things to add to the list and the urge to make contact is gone. 2
WakingUp Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I agree with what Beachgirl said. CLOSE any email accounts that you used for the affair. DELETE any photos, reminders etc. Bundle up all the things that are tokens and reminders of the affair or the AP and put them away in a difficult location so you cant get to them. DO NOT listen to triggering music (and oh boy there is a lot of that) Look after yourself, and your children. Hug your kids. Be 100% present in the moment... this is sometimes tricky. I find it helps to focus completely on the task or activity and do only one thing at a time. Throw yourself head first into a sport or physical activity. Wear yourself out! Nothing like sheer exhaustion to make you sleep at night! I have a visualisation I use... I close my eyes, and watch myself putting him in a big square box and taping it shut. Then I watch and wave as it floats out to sea, until it is out of sight. No I am not going to do it! But as a visualisation its a nice peaceful one and it almost feels as though I can then turn back to my real life with a big sigh of relief. Most of all... BE KIND TO YOURSELF. 2
WakingUp Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 LOL I just had a visualisation of hundreds of boxes floating out to sea. Lets have a beach party!
Beachgirl91 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Oh Wakingup, I love that visualization! I'm going to borrow it. He's still the last thing I think of before sleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up. Perfect times to use that.
Author C00kie Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Thanks Beachgirl and waking up. We're not ever yet (me and MM) but I'm working on it (by working on myself first, because I still can't bring myself to end everything - but I'm trying to detach slowly, and rely on him less and less...)
Author C00kie Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 You know whatelse helps to stay positive? Pharell's song Happy! Because I'm happyyyyyyy Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof Because I’m happy Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth Because I’m happy Clap along if you know what happiness is to you Because I’m happy Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do Sorry. 1
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