How Do You Know What To Seek in Life After a Breakup?

[theothersully]

I'm wondering how people are able to find their way after losing what was once their life plan.

 

I had a 12 year relationship (10 married) that ended a year ago.

 

That was my life. It was all planned out and there were no signs of anything wrong when the ex vanished.

 

Now, I'm faced with starting over in my life. I was enjoying the married, stable, mature phase. However, now that I'm single, I have to go out, talk to tons of girls, hook up, or be bored to death with some of these dates. Recently, a sloppy eater, food falling out of her mouth, then grabbing my drink to share really freaked me out.

 

So I have no idea what to even do with my life, who i want, if I'm ready for something, or what type of girl I like.

 

I'm completely lost. Is this normal a year out?

 

How can i gain some kind of focus?

 

I'm seeing the most wonderful girl right now. Much younger than me, but sets my soul afire. She is really, really hard to get. Most women are like cats when you try to get them. This one is like a wild bird sitting on a tree branch. One false move and she flutters off. Nearly blew it already. We have many of the same interests, value and outlooks on life. Yet, we are also learning from each other. We had insane sex this weekend in insane places. Best of my life. In the morning, holding her, my heart was skipping beats like crazy. Like a teenager.

 

Nothing will come off this in the long run because she is 22 and I'm almost 40. If i were younger, we might be close to a perfect match. I've actually known her for years. But, ultimately, she will find someone her own age i assume. My ego feels pretty good after my divorce winning her from 3 other younger guys I was competing with though. She has quite a line waiting, so as an older guy, there is no way for me to win in the long run. Nor is it probably right to try at my age.

 

So... where does that leave me?

 

I find someone i like who likes me back, but it can't work. I find ones who like me that are my age, but they are all super wrinkley and look much older than I do or have gained a lot of weight, which I do not allow myself to do.

 

I seem to fit best with 30yo girls, but do not see many (any) of these around.

 

Do I even want a new long term? Do I want to date? Do i want meaningless sex? Do I ever want to get married again?

 

I am living a hard partying, unhealthy bachelor life and would rather find someone with that spark to live a healthy life with again. But the magic i feel around this girl I'm seeing is the best of my life.

 

This leaves me utterly confused. No idea how to figure out who i am looking for, how i will spend my days professionally or privately, etc.... Just lost after my life plan was taken without warning.

 

How do you find a new path?

Edited November 27, 2013 by theothersully

[ariesgirl-328]

ahhhhhh well. First of all, you're setting yourself up for pain by staying near this girl when you know she will flutter away soon. Why don't you just confront her about it and ask her if she's ready to commit?....if not, why are you wasting your emotions on her when this will more only cause more pain in the future than the short joy you are receiving.

 

I think, if I was in your shoes, I would cut out the partying completely, pick up more hobbies and things to do, continue to date, and just say F*** everything, I'm going to enjoy life. There's no reason for you to HAVE TO find someone to be with, you can have fun yourself. I think the right woman will come with patience anyways, who's ever seen a good woman fall into someone's hands that quickly anyways Enjoy your life man. You don't have to live for someone else, live for yourself.

[RedRobin]

Google 'midlife crisis'....

 

Not sure why you think being with a 22 yr old at your age is great for your ego.

 

She's likely using you to get her learn on... maybe some fun dates and a story to tell, which she will then happily pass onto the similar age man she will ultimately commit to. *shrug* Bummer, huh?

 

My advice is to learn to appreciate your contemporaries. They are the only ones who know what you are going through and can understand... well, if you are nice to them, that is.