How do you know if people mean it when they say something?

[lovestack]

Sometimes people just like to say things that they don't actually mean. Is there any way that helped you to distinguish whether they mean it or not?

[d0nnivain]

You need context & shared history.

 

 

If you just met them or only have an OL relationship with them, take everything they tell you with a grain of salt.

[aussietigerwolf]

only if their actions match their words but that takes time to find out.

[Under The Radar]

The only way to trust someone on their word is if they have proven themselves over the course of time. So, if the individual(s) in question are strangers or relatively new to your life there is no way to guarantee that they can be trusted or mean what they say.

 

Humans as a whole generally want to be accepted and liked. Because of this many people will often times say something to avoid conflict or to "fit in". In addition, many individuals have quite poor self awareness. Consequently, they will say things they cannot deliver on or that are distortions caused by their lack of insight.

 

In the end, your best bet, is to always watch people's actions ...... that is the deciding factor. Unfortunately, it can take quite some time and many actions to really understand someone.

[AlliceInWL]

The Facial Action Coding System is a scientific method to tell if people are lying based on what they do with their face while they speak.

 

The TV show "Lie to Me" is based on the actual method and is a great way to learn how to use it. I had to watch the show for a consulting college course, and even if you just watch the first episode, you will learn a lot.

 

Lots of us from the class have applied it successfully in relationships.

[AlliceInWL]

It's also on Netflix!

[Imported]

You need to ask them the same question, but in a different manner, three times. They are required to tell the truth on the third time. No if, ands or buts about it.

[crederer]

You need to ask them the same question, but in a different manner, three times. They are required to tell the truth on the third time. No if, ands or buts about it.

 

lolwut?

 

You can usually tell by the conviction in their voice and by their actions.

[todreaminblue]

lolwut?

 

You can usually tell by the conviction in their voice and by their actions.

 

 

 

second time today i have seen that lolwut....comic indifference to what is said.......deb

[mammasita]

You get it know them.

[ja123]

There is, I think, an additional component to figuring out if what someone says is earnest, at least in the beginning. And that is to be aware of one's own wants, desires (fantasies even), so as to keep oneself in check and not make projections on the other person and, thus, keep oneself in denial.