solostand Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Wondering if other OW/OM celebrate anniversaries with their ap? We just passed our one year anniversary. I did not expect him to remember it, but he did. He said "I survived it" meaning I sometimes have a fiery temper and did not kill him, and he has never once been mad at me. Anyway, I had mentioned that I really liked his new lined jeans (it is cold where we live). This morning he called and told me to meet him at the jean store in ten minutes. When I got there he was waiting with $100 bill so I could buy the same lined jeans "for our anniversary". I was touched. He laughed and said he was gonna get me a $25 coffee card he didn't know what made him end up giving me $100 for jeans.
beach Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Ugh, it is his small price he pays for his year of ego strokes. 1
Author solostand Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 I also got a year of ego strokes and didn't get him anything! Maybe I'll make him a home-made card.
bentleychic Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 I honestly wouldn't know what to mark as our anniversary. We did take notice of the first time we told each other I love you, but I didn't call it an anniversary. I just told him "Happy I Love You Day!" We saw each other that day intentionally, but it wasn't anything more than we do on a normally week day when we see each other except that we made it a point to be THAT day.
WrinkledForehead Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Yes, we've talked about it. December marks a year since we met and March a year since we began our R. September marks the time we were free to be together outside of the A, but somehow I don't think it fitting that we ever celebrate that as it meant the death of his other R. I think I'd rather not associate the two. :/ 1
hopewild Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 I feel like anniversaries should be reserved for marriages. But that's just me....
Speakingofwhich Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Yes, we've talked about it. December marks a year since we met and March a year since we began our R. September marks the time we were free to be together outside of the A, but somehow I don't think it fitting that we ever celebrate that as it meant the death of his other R. I think I'd rather not associate the two. :/ Think you did an update a month or so ago, how are you doing by now? Don't want to t/j so think about doing an update on your thread! Would love to hear! Still happy for you! 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 This probably isn't the same but I am going through an "anniversary" period right now - and it's the dday anniversary - it sucks - even four years later. You think you are handling things very well and then, well something wakes you up and you can't go back to sleep because even though you are years removed, it is still there. Sorry - just had to vent a little since I am up WAY past my bedtime. 1
GreySkyMorning Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 This probably isn't the same but I am going through an "anniversary" period right now - and it's the dday anniversary - it sucks - even four years later. You think you are handling things very well and then, well something wakes you up and you can't go back to sleep because even though you are years removed, it is still there. Sorry - just had to vent a little since I am up WAY past my bedtime. Not wanting to t/j, but just wanted to say I understand how you feel. Our dday was in March and this has been eight months of reminders of where we were before. In some respects, I dread the upcoming holidays. Last year, he told me we'd be together this year. But that's no longer a possibility, just like all the other promises and shows of affection.
cocorico Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Wondering if other OW/OM celebrate anniversaries with their ap? We did, because he is such a soppy romantic. Any excuse to buy flowers or gifts or celebrate in any way.... Even now, after being M for years, he still remembers anniversaries of "firsts" and special events. Your guy sounds like a real romantic, too - now you can have a reminder of him keeping you warm 1
cocorico Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Yes, we've talked about it. December marks a year since we met and March a year since we began our R. September marks the time we were free to be together outside of the A, but somehow I don't think it fitting that we ever celebrate that as it meant the death of his other R. I think I'd rather not associate the two. :/ We landed up getting M on the anniversary of the day he left his BW. It wasn't planned to be, it just worked out like that. It does, however, allow me to tease him about it being the anniversary of both his escape from, and return to, incarceration. 1
Got it Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Yes we celebrated our anniversary, actually celebrate different anniversaries. He is a romantic man so he remembers dates far better than I. 1
Got it Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 I feel like anniversaries should be reserved for marriages. But that's just me.... Why? Did you not celebrate any dates in dating? I have never heard this line of logic before.
hopewild Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Why? Did you not celebrate any dates in dating? I have never heard this line of logic before. I did........in high school. Not as an adult. I guess I'm cold hearted because I don't care about stuff like that at all. I mean how do you even know what your anniversary is when you aren't married? Most of my relationships naturally progressed into monogamy/commitment.....it wasn't ONE day where this suddenly happened. And if it was I probably wouldn't record the date. Maybe I'm just coldhearted
Shepp Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Ugh, it is his small price he pays for his year of ego strokes. You could look at it as a bargin but in contex: £100 - to borrow the mastercard advert: you could buy some jeans for your secret affair partner - worth £100. Or you could buy a real nice turkey and all the trimmings for a nice family Xmas - priceless. What can you do, different strokes for different folks I guess, I know where my hard earned cash is going!! I always think of anniversaries being just inside marriage because I agree with hopewild how do you pin a date otherwise? First meeting? First kiss? First becoming Facebook official?? 1
cocorico Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Or you could buy a real nice turkey and all the trimmings for a nice family Xmas - priceless. Sounds like hell on earth to me. I'd rather eat wool. I always think of anniversaries being just inside marriage because I agree with hopewild how do you pin a date otherwise? First meeting? First kiss? First becoming Facebook official?? Gosh - you say hi, you snog, you change your status on FB? What about all those other things - you meet, you chat, you get to know each other, discover you like each other, and then - have a conversation about what kind of R, if any, you'd like going forward? And then if you've agreed on an R and what kind, you have a start date you can celebrate in years to come (or months, or half-years, or however far you want to take it...) Perhaps some people do slip without noticing from being nodding acquaintances on the tube to discovering they've lived together for a decade, but most of us make choices consciously along the way, and it's not a stretch that some people remember those dates and choose to celebrate them in the future because they're actually happy with the choices they've made.
JamesM Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 I always think of anniversaries being just inside marriage because I agree with hopewild how do you pin a date otherwise? First meeting? First kiss? First becoming Facebook official?? I think it is very appropriate for affair couples to remember any date that is special to them. People celebrate anniversaries for much more than the date of the wedding. As an example, President Eisenhower always sent his wife Mamie a dozen roses on the anniversary of their son's death. It was his way of remembering the son and showing his sympathy and love to his wife. To this day, I mention the anniversary of our first date, our first engagement, our second engagement (and even our breakup), our first kiss, our first child, etc. Some of them I remember with a gift. She forgets most of them, so it makes it even better. I bought her a necklace for the 25th anniversary of the day we met. She was flabbergasted that I remembered. She didn't. Why would I not? Without that first moment when our eyes first saw each other....even though I really wasn't interested yet, who knows if we would have ever married? And even more importantly (as I tell the kids) without that date, we would never had our kids. I think it is very appropriate that even in affairs, people celebrate special days. If the affair is allegedly the best relationship ever, then why would you NOT remember special moments? And yes, Shepp, a first FB encounter could be one...as it is for dating couples....and as other seemingly unimportant dates are remembered by married couples. Part of creating a relationship is making a big deal of the memories. 4
waterwoman Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 We celebrate our wedding anniversary of course. But H places more emphasis on the date we first got together (10 years earlier). The birth of first son in 1997 is very special too, not because he's more important than the other children but because he changed the nature of the relationship between H and I when we became a family not just a couple. Dday anniversary was something we just ignored by mutual consent. I think it's important to mark anniversaries - good to take stock and appreciate the changes, and the good thing we have grown together. 1
sweet_pea Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Sounds like hell on earth to me. I'd rather eat wool. Gosh - you say hi, you snog, you change your status on FB? What about all those other things - you meet, you chat, you get to know each other, discover you like each other, and then - have a conversation about what kind of R, if any, you'd like going forward? And then if you've agreed on an R and what kind, you have a start date you can celebrate in years to come (or months, or half-years, or however far you want to take it...) Perhaps some people do slip without noticing from being nodding acquaintances on the tube to discovering they've lived together for a decade, but most of us make choices consciously along the way, and it's not a stretch that some people remember those dates and choose to celebrate them in the future because they're actually happy with the choices they've made. You'd rather eat wool than spend a nice holiday with your family....? As for the anniversary, I've heard of affair couples doing it. I believe I remember someone talking about celebrating the first time the APs were intimate.
BrokenPrincess Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 We celebrated our anniversary...nothing crazy since we obviously couldn't bring gifts home. It was the day we first kissed. There was no EA, just platonic coworkers, then a night of kissing that then launched a full A. So it was very easy to know when exactly our "relationship" started.
WrinkledForehead Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 We landed up getting M on the anniversary of the day he left his BW. It wasn't planned to be, it just worked out like that. It does, however, allow me to tease him about it being the anniversary of both his escape from, and return to, incarceration. I like that you can keep a bit of humor about it! Right before or after the A ended, I commented that we'd known each other for a while and he and BS never celebrated an anni. I asked if it hadn't happened or if he hid it to protect me somehow, and he said they never celebrated one or had a date. He does remember the exact date we met so we may celebrate by going out to the place we met. its nice he remembers!
Shepp Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Sounds like hell on earth to me. I'd rather eat wool. There you go, one mans treasure... I'd eat the whole damn sheep, feet and everything for my family if I had to. Gosh - you say hi, you snog, you change your status on FB? What about all those other things - you meet, you chat, you get to know each other, discover you like each other, and then - have a conversation about what kind of R, if any, you'd like going forward? This is it - I wasn't being sarcastic, I meant that theres so many dates how do you pick one? Or do you just have an anniversary month with a different anniversary each weekend. And then if you've agreed on an R and what kind, you have a start date you can celebrate in years to come (or months, or half-years, or however far you want to take it...) Fair enough if people have a terms of contract discussion and remember the date! People celebrate anniversaries for much more than the date of the wedding. As an example, President Eisenhower always sent his wife Mamie a dozen roses on the anniversary of their son's death. It was his way of remembering the son and showing his sympathy and love to his wife. Right, but I thought we were exclusively on relationship milestone anniversary's....Even I remember the anniversary of when people I care about have died. I think it is very appropriate that even in affairs, people celebrate special days. If the affair is allegedly the best relationship ever, then why would you NOT remember special moments? And yes, Shepp, a first FB encounter could be one...as it is for dating couples....and as other seemingly unimportant dates are remembered by married couples. Part of creating a relationship is making a big deal of the memories. I don't think theres anything wrong with marking dates you want to mark if that's what takes your fancy!! I do disagree that its essential thou are a building block of creating a relationship - IMHO I don't really think it means anything: I know guys who always remember little dates and always have two girls on the go or not but would walk away from there gf in a second if they got a better offer. I'm s*** with dates I couldn't tell you any dates off the top of my head about my gf bar her birthday & her mums birthday but i'd never just chuck on in the towel on us and i'd never cheat on her, I don't think im the only guy on that front so I don't think how many anniversaries you have ultimately bare any long term significance on your relationship.
WrinkledForehead Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 I fail to see why it's being argued instead of discussed. Ultimately, if you and your partner deem a celebration of anniversary important to your R, then celebrate! If not, don't! Other people don't determine its significance in our lives and neither should we be trying to sway those of opposing POV.
bentleychic Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 We celebrated our anniversary...nothing crazy since we obviously couldn't bring gifts home. It was the day we first kissed. There was no EA, just platonic coworkers, then a night of kissing that then launched a full A. So it was very easy to know when exactly our "relationship" started. Really? Oh my. My MM brings gifts home all the time. I'm a big gift giver for any reason possible. He tends to always leave with something that I have baked (sometimes just a few cookies, sometimes an entire pie, but he generally leaves those at the office (the pies), not home) and often brings home gifts that I've bought him. I generally keep disposable bags from stores here, though so we'll put them in one of those before he goes home. I don't do mushy gifts, most everything I give him could be something that he's gone to the store and bought for himself.
LilGirlandOW Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 My MM and I try to make time to spend time together for any important date, I say our Anniv was the first time we kissed, cause since that night, I made myself 100% unavailable to any other man. He tends to think it was the first day he met me, he has a terrible memory, but when that day passed one year later he described to a Tee everything, what I was wearing, etc.
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