Helena1975 Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Well we argued my son wanted to sit in daddy's lap while daddy was on the phone. I took my little son few times away from my husband by my son kept going back to daddy's lap. Well after my husband finish his phone conversation he told me that I was disrespectful to him because I did not keep our child awày from him and he said that a typical guy would slam that phone against the wall because that is how agry i make him. And I am just lucky that he is not a typical guy and I should watch out. Is typical guy that angry and hurtful to his wife?
Debanked Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 If it was a work call then yes, keep the child in another room so your husband can finish the call. As for slamming the phone down and/or arguing or threatening you -- that's immature behavior and not how a MAN acts. He needs to think of the example he is setting in front of your son and how his behavior can erode the marriage, 3
pteromom Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 No, that's not a typical guy. That's an a**hole. As far as you being "disrespectful" by not keeping your son away, well.. sure... if he was on the phone, the kind thing to do would be to keep your son away. But ultimately, his life is his responsibility. If he wanted to use the phone and have privacy, he could have told you he needed quiet to use the phone, then gone somewhere private or locked his door, or asked you kindly to take your son for a walk or take him upstairs. Blaming YOU for his lack of planning isn't very nice. 13
ClemsonTigers Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 This could be a one-off bad day or indicative of a much bigger anger issue. Tough to say here with only one example but the way you've described it he is threatening you which alone is an inappropriate response to being frustrated. If you let this slide the abusive spouse will up the ante each time until he's actually hitting you and feeling justified at the same time. It can be a sort of grooming process wherein you are lead to believe you deserved it. Real men…real husband's don't threaten their wives. Keeping the child away from him while he makes a phone call isn't your sole responsibility. You aren't lucky that your guy can control his inappropriate anger THIS TIME. It's good you reach out for help interpreting this behavior as many women in these situations tend to isolate themselves and get confused by the illogic of an abuser. In time and if this problem truly escalates, read up about boundaries and hold your husband accountable for his behavior….if you can't hold him accountable, due to fear or reprisals, then figure out someone who can…a parent, pastor, friend. Trying to help him be a better person isn't something you need to be ashamed of. 1
Lauriebell82 Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 WOW, that was a bit of an overreaction! How old is your son? I am assuming pretty young, and doesn't really know the difference. Whenever I am on the phone, my 19 month old son gets soooooooooooooooo jealous and climbs all over me, tries to take the phone out of my hand, ect. If it was an important call, then it would have been courteous to take the child out of the room, HOWEVER, your husband should also take into consideration that he is a child. As far as throwing the phone, well I don't think most husbands would do that unless they were violent and abusive. It sounds like he was just talking out of his arse because he was angry. 2
oldshirt Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 No, that's not a typical guy. That's an a**hole. As far as you being "disrespectful" by not keeping your son away, well.. sure... if he was on the phone, the kind thing to do would be to keep your son away. But ultimately, his life is his responsibility. If he wanted to use the phone and have privacy, he could have told you he needed quiet to use the phone, then gone somewhere private or locked his door, or asked you kindly to take your son for a walk or take him upstairs. Blaming YOU for his lack of planning isn't very nice. This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A typical man or woman would've asked their spouse to manage the child for a few moments so they could talk peacefully on the phone and the typical spouse would've acted thusly. You both are trying to get digs on each other and are both trying to start crap with each other.
Silly_Girl Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Yes, if it was a work or important call then the onus is on you to take the little one away OR him to leave the room. Worth agreeing some boundaries for next time. Smashing the phone in a tantrum? He's confusing being a man with being a pr!ck. 1
Eivuwan Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 He certainly overreacted, but I don't know why it is so hard to keep your son away from his lap. 1
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 He should have gone to another room or outside if it was that important. And no, typical guys don't slam phones against the wall. How juvenile. Tell him he is lucky he didn't react in such a violent manner or you would have called the police. 2
Author Helena1975 Posted November 27, 2013 Author Posted November 27, 2013 My son had a high temperature and wanted to be held and he wanted to be with daddy. My son is only 23 months.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) Being on a work call, I can understand why he would be angry. What concerns me is that his brain jumped to smashing a phone against a wall to display his anger and he thinks it is a "typical" response. It is not. Edited November 27, 2013 by AShogunNamedMarcus
crederer Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 I can certainly understand how that'd be frustrating for him. He probably made a few cues to you suggesting you get the kid away from him. But that by no means justifies what he said.
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Again, if it was that all-important that his Royal Hiney not be bothered, then he needed to get his ass up, and go to another room or outside to complete his call. 2
beautyofspeed Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 (edited) Yikes!!!! That is abuse and something to learn/educate yourself about and try to nip in the bud before things get worse. That is not what typical guys or "real men" do, that is faulty thinking that he probably picked up from the people in his life. --Your husband threatened you. It is not healthy, loving, respectful, appropriate, mature, etc. It can be directed at objects and then may be directed at you. --Your husband's anger is not your fault either. You cannot MAKE someone else feel angry or feel anything, that is their feeling and they need to own it and handle it appropriately. --Your son is young and will pickup on that behavior if it continues and may treat you and others like that. Here is a good website to check out www.youarenotcrazy.com. It's related with the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize and Respond" by Patricia Evans Then there is also www.sfhelp.org (break the cycle of wounds and unawareness) You can call a crisis or domestic violence hotline if you need to talk with someone or need resources. And search for more internet resources on domestic violence. A good legal resource is http://justicewomen.com (Women's Justice Center) Edited December 3, 2013 by beautyofspeed 1
Mcle Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Bad sign. Check into the abuse stuff you don't want your son learning that growing up... I see the saddest posts from moms who put up with abuse for the kids, only to end up being abused again by their sons. Tragic. Make sure that is not you.
nescafe1982 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Ew. That sound ominous, OP. Men who threaten their women like this are usually also abusers. If he threatens you with violence, believe him. If this is a pattern I would be planning my exit, with my son. Don't wait until he starts hitting you. If he's just an angry talker, he needs an intervention, right now. But if he's something worse than that, you need to notice the signs and get out safely.
Fluttershy Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 A real man would have left the room for another phone or put the person on hold to ask you to take the child to another room in a polite voice. A man with underlying anger issues would say such a thing. How exactly did the whole thing play out? Was it a work call? What were you doing? Did he give a sign that the child was distracting him?
aussietigerwolf Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I would have left him then and there... But I've been in an abusive relationship before and I no longer give second chances. I have a 3 yr old and if my boyfriend wants to make a call then he simply goes into another room and shuts the door. He doesn't scream,yell or threaten either of us... And he is not even the Childs father.
ChooseTruth Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I've hit things in anger before...and it's not cool. As for what he was complaining about, really? He could just go into another room? That's what I always did. I never expected my ex to play barrier between me and my kid.
Elliotte Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 He's angry because his son wanted to sit in his lap during a phone call!? I'm assuming this phone he was on was wireless and he could have walked in another room and closed the door to take the call! I am a "typical" person and do get pissed if someone is interrupting me when they see I am on the phone, he was probably feeling heated about it when he spouted off at you and really meant to say "please do not let our son disturb me if I am taking an important call". At least, I know everyone has had those moments and if this is just an isolated incident.
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