Benson7632 Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 So, I've never posted on here before but I feel the need to get outside opinions because this breakup is beginning to ruin my life and make me severely depressed. A month and a half ago my girlfriend of four years suddenly and without warning dumped me, saying she liked someone else. She had reconnected with a high school friend at a music festival in New York that I couldn't afford to go to because I had spent the last of my money on taking her to an expensive dinner. I had done this because this was the last week I would be on the side of the state that my parents live in, and it's her favorite restaurant to go to when she visits. She lives on the western side of the state with her parents and I lived on the eastern side with my parents. I moved to the western side full time so I could be closer to her and closer to school. Before I moved here we were 100 miles (2 hours) away from each other and now we're 50 miles away from each other. Anyway, a little background on us, we're the same age, come from similar backgrounds, and met in the first two weeks I started college. We had a very happy relationship for four years, and I always gave her only the best. Nice dinners at least once a week, nice clothes, new phones, Ipads, I didn't spoil her but I was never tightfisted with my money in our relationship. I'm not very materialistic and really don't care about money. She was always extremely affectionate, she had a boyfriend when I met her but began showing interest as soon as we met. After we shared our first kiss in her dorm room she immediately broke up with her boyfriend. I always felt bad about this, and it bothered me, but when I met her exboyfriend I understood why she left him so easily. He more than once had pressured or forced her into having sex with him and was one of those guys who would have her over his house while he played video games and she watched. Mostly, the guy was a creep, and I stopped feeling bad after a few months. She was always extremely attracted to me, I have to keep in good shape for lacrosse, and I think I was the first boyfriend she ever had who actually had abs and muscles instead of flab and a gut. Our sex life was always very good, to the point where I didn't know anyone in my circle of friends who was getting any as regularly as me. She always liked to tell me how hot she thought I was, and how much she loved me. She always left me nice little notes and got me surprise gifts. Overall our relationship had its problems now and again, just like any other relationship, but by the second year we were very serious, both of us having close relationships with each other's families. I knew her parents and extended family very well and she knew mine very well. The problem was like all pretty girls she had a lot of image and self-esteem problems. She always insisted that she was chubby even though, at most, she was maybe 5 pounds overweight, and she always believed I wasn't truly attracted to her and would leave her for someone else. There were also frequent undertones of depression and even suicidal thoughts. I always tried my best to comfort her and support her through low times, as she always did whenever I had any problems. Fast forward 2 more years and everything's great, I move into my house that's about an hour from her house and 15 minutes from my school, and she seems very happy about it. The house is right by the beach, the mall, anything you could ever want. She comes over only twice before the music festival in New York. I come home from lacrosse practice one night and that's when I got the "can I talk to you about something" text. She explains she likes this guy who went to the music festival with her and her friends, and that she let him borrow money to pay for his flight from Colorado to New York! She never told me she was talking to this guy, never once. I knew he would be there, but didn't give it a second thought, I trusted her completely. I tried to be as mature and understanding as I could, saying that I respected her feelings, and wished her well. Naturally the next day the shock had worn off and I started to freak out. While initially I tried to talk to her and get her to change her mind, she was adamant about it, and very cold to me. Two days after we broke up she made it Facebook official with pictures of them kissing and hugging tagged with the status update. I've tried to be very controlled, and try to talk about it as little as possible, even though I know all of my friends know. When I talk to her now I feel like I'm talking to a stranger, she talks to me like I'm some guyfriend and not someone she loved and dated for four years. Unfortunately, the new guy isn't even someone I can be jealous of. He's a curly haired nerd with glasses and a tattoo of a star on both of his wrists. He graduated from a no-name public college in CO and has no job, no money, and lives with his parents since moving back to his home state where we live. I can't for the life of me understand why my girlfriend would leave someone who has a nice house, nice car, in shape, involved in the community, plays sports, nice job, about to graduate from a decent college, and always given her everything she wants for this loser. Aren't I the guy that girls leave their deadbeat boyfriends for, not the other way around? I wish the guy was everything, I wish he were captain of the football team, volunteer firefighter, rich, anything to make me feel like there's something wrong about me that forced her to leave me. The worst part about all of it is he's a heavy drug user too. Since she met him she's been taking ecstasy almost every weekend. I think she's taken it nearly 12 times now. She never did anything beyond marijuana with me. Both my brother and her sister are heroin addicts who have destroyed their lives with drugs. She only uses natural deodorant and natural fluoride free toothpaste like me, I can't understand how someone like that takes a drug and they don't even know what's in it! A week after the breakup she told me she found out what she's been taking wasn't even really ecstasy, it was a research chemical. A research chemical, as in even trained professional chemists don't even know what it does, that's just great. Since she broke up with me she's become a totally different person. Dyed her hair, started wearing different clothes, started going to raves every weekend. She's completely buried herself in the EDM culture, which we always liked but we were never crazy about. I feel like all of her behavior is indicative of some kind of early crisis. She just graduated college, her sister's killing herself with heroin, and her mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. I feel like the combination of all these things is why she's doing what she's doing. Despite trying to keep out of contact with her, she texts to see how I'm doing every so often. This keeps making the breakup even harder for me but last night she texted me saying she needed to talk to me. She called me up and described how over the weekend she had a bad trip on LSD. I was immediately pissed off because I can't believe this guy, after a month of dating, pushed her into doing more drugs. What a total piece of sh--. I didn't express this anger and kept listening. She talked about how she totally freaked out and needed her boyfriend to stay up all night with her and how she thinks she permanently messed herself up. Then she told me how unhappy she is with her life, how she's sick of going to raves, and how she feels like she's getting old and how empty she feels. I tried to comfort her and by the time I ended the call she said she felt a lot better, and that my words meant a lot. I didn't say anything about getting back together, despite how I felt like that was the obvious solution. To wrap this up, WHAT THE HELL is going on with her? Has anyone been through anything like this? I'm trying to move on with my life but I'm worried one day someone's going to tell me she overdosed and killed herself. This is a girl I've dated for four years and deeply care about. As lame as it is I'd take her back even after all of this bullsh--. Since the LSD incident she's also taken down her relationship status on Facebook. Was this phone call her finally waking up? What should I do in this situation?
Chi townD Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 To wrap this up, WHAT THE HELL is going on with her? Has anyone been through anything like this? I'm trying to move on with my life but I'm worried one day someone's going to tell me she overdosed and killed herself. This is a girl I've dated for four years and deeply care about. As lame as it is I'd take her back even after all of this bullsh--. Since the LSD incident she's also taken down her relationship status on Facebook. Was this phone call her finally waking up? What should I do in this situation? Nothing...because she's not done. She's not done with this guy or the party lifestyle. The only thing she did was reach out to you when she was feeling a bit down. You gave her a boost and guess what? Betcha haven't heard from her, have ya! Here's the rub, she valued this other guy more than you. She valued the party lifestyle more than you. Even when you pleaded with her; she didn't want to hear it. Because, you weren't worth listening to in her eyes. She made the choice to toss you to the curb. She made the choice to have you OUT of her life. Then, you give her EXACTLY what she wanted...you gone. She either gets 100% of you or nothing at all. You need to block her on Facebook. You don't need to see those pics of her. Now, she knows if she's feeling a bit down, she can call you for a pick me up. NOT to get back with you (because; obviously, that didn't happen the last time.). You need to move on with YOUR life. She made this decision, not you. Therefore, do not put your life on hold for her. Time to move on dude.
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