What are the typical mistakes guys make when trying to pick up women?

[andreap]

Just decided to have fun with this post. A lot of people keep asking how to pick up woman. Yet they still suck at it. Maybe they should focus on what they are doing wrong first, and then stop doing it haha. Feel free to add whatever you want!

[andreap]

I will mention the firts. Stop creating ideas in your heads about different scenarios and how they will play out. You will never know if a girl is single, sane, virgin, psycho, etc. until you talk to her. Remember those beautiful girls datings guys that look like they would hit their own mothers? Life does not follows reason!

[ClemsonTigers]

Get a good education and a good job. Save your money. Dress successful. Avoid drunkenness and laziness. Become a man of value (versus just trying to fake being a man of value) and women will value you.

[whirl3daway]

Get a good education and a good job. Save your money. Dress successful. Avoid drunkenness and laziness. Become a man of value (versus just trying to fake being a man of value) and women will value you.

 

I don't agree with all the advice in this, but I do agree with the general premise. I certainly prefer a man who has strong values, convictions and a genuine soul. A person who strives to be the best he can be, in the most authentic way. One that recognizes his faults and works on them, instead of saying "fxck it" and reveling in his issues.

 

I care very little for men who are shady, who do not work on themselves emotionally as well as physically, who do not put forth effort into their relationships, those who do not value learning and knowledge (not necessarily a college education). Learning is a lifelong process.

 

Also, STAY AWAY from the pick up artist nonsense. Please.

 

Basically, I think the biggest mistake that guys make is just not being yourself. I can see that from a mile away, and it's a huge turn off. I am the kind of person with whom "what you see, is what you get". I like that in a man as well.

[regine_phalange]

Be a gentleman. Even if we are not attracted to you, we will always remember you.

[d0nnivain]

Be yourself. If you aren't sincere, we can tell.

 

 

Skip the cheesy pick up lines unless you can successfully make a joke out it. Only about 1% people pull this off so just don't do it.

 

 

Make it about getting to know the woman, not trying to score.

 

 

Go easy on the compliments. One genuine compliment will get you father than your running commentary about every part of my anatomy.

 

 

Don't jump from woman to woman to woman while we're watching then wonder why when we're the 7th woman you hit on that night we're not interested.

 

 

Have manners -- open doors, pull out chairs, be polite.

[bubbaganoosh]

Whatever you do, stay away from the guy who approaches you and asks you to pull his finger. Bad. Real bad way to make an impression

[KathyM]

I think guys are often not direct enough. And they give up too easily. And they don't know how to make conversation.

[M30USA]

Security and power = attractiveness to women. It comes in various forms: for some it's directly money, for others it's physical security...but it all comes down to security and power. If you look like you can't provide security and/or are weak, then you won't have much luck. Being a "gentleman" and following a moral code, while important to some women, is generally secondary and expendable.

[Elliotte]

...this list could become quite long, let us begin;

-be honest

-be genuine

-be confident

-be funny

-be charming

-be handsome

-be flirty

-be social

-dance well

-dress well

-smell well

-don't be drunk

-don't be shy

-don't be awkward

-don't just be trying to get laid

-don't be disrespectful

-don't put her on a pedestal

-don't be an *******

-don't talk too much about yourself

 

There's plenty more, but so far, if you are at least one of these things, better yet several, then you are on your way to picking up a woman!

[GoodOnPaper]

These things tripped me up the most as a younger "nice guy":

 

I will mention the firts. Stop creating ideas in your heads about different scenarios and how they will play out. You will never know if a girl is single, sane, virgin, psycho, etc. until you talk to her. Remember those beautiful girls datings guys that look like they would hit their own mothers? Life does not follows reason!

 

I think guys are often not direct enough. And they give up too easily.

 

I don't know if it was the era I grew up in or just a matter of bad timing/location/luck, but even though most married couples seem to have a lot in common, I encountered a rash of girls and women from high school through graduate school who appeared to be my type but seemed to intentionally look for "opposites-attract" pairings. Highly frustrating . . . but something that all young guys should be aware of.

 

Those of us with "nice guy" tendencies are not direct enough because we don't want to be thought badly of if we get rejected. I never figured out that being thought badly of is actually better than being thought of as "neutral".

 

Speaking of "neutral", that's exactly where this gets you . . .

 

Get a good education and a good job. Save your money. Dress successful. Avoid drunkenness and laziness. Become a man of value (versus just trying to fake being a man of value) and women will value you.

 

. . . but maybe this becomes more helpful as you get older. I was only 23 when I bailed out of the dating world for good. At the time, I thought that was old, but I probably should have waited a few years until I was out of school and starting to establish my career.

[andreap]

I think you hit the jackpot. People should be direct and not worry if they are thought badly or not. Just be direct that is it. Is better to be good or bad instead of just neutral.

[gaius]

I think guys are often not direct enough. And they give up too easily. And they don't know how to make conversation.

It's crazy how many guys I see who just start right out with the "Oh you're so beautiful" without even talking to the girl for two seconds first and letting her get a little comfortable. Even when they do talk to her first half the time they don't know how to do it in a masculine way. There's definitely a skills gap affecting a lot of men today.

 

I was reading an article this morning that sex in the UK has dropped to all time lows and I understand why. I get it.

[Quiet Storm]

I think the biggest mistake is a fear of rejection.

 

Accept that rejection happens & learn to cope with it, instead of avoiding it. It will make you come off as more confident, which is attractive.

 

When you are rejected, view it as "She must not have been the right one for me. NEXT!" instead of "What is wrong with me??!!"

[GravityMan]

I think most men who have "difficulty" with talking to women, flirting, dating and intimacy fall into one of two groups...

 

Group A) These men try too hard. They overthink things. They psych themselves out, they focus too much on impressing her - possibly to the point of tossing aside their own beliefs and worth, they put her on a pedestal, they're unable to get outside their own head. They're not good at reading social cues and going with the flow, and put too much emphasis on "rules" that extend beyond common sense and courtesy (e.g. kiss her at THAT time; never ever wear that; and countless other examples). Simply put, they're just not being real...they're not being themselves.

 

Group B) These guys are hesitant to try at all...to take chances/risks, due to fear of being turned down. Constantly mentally playing the "what if...?" game or the "I'm not <funny/smart/handsome/successful/whatever>, so why would that woman give me the time of day?" game. Perhaps they're ashamed of some aspect of their personality. They worry way too much about "success" vs "failure" instead of just winging it. They need to understand that they're going to be rejected sometimes and let it roll off their back. The woman saying "no" doesn't automatically mean that the guy did or said anything wrong. Perhaps she simply wasn't attracted and/or prefers a different kind of guy. These guys also should try to get out of this "success" vs "failure" mindset.

 

These two groups tend to have the following things in common:

- lack of confidence

- caring too much about what others think of them

- insecurity

 

Lastly, with regard to making conversation...it's fine if the guy is occasionally a little awkward, as long as you quickly brush it off and keep going. Nearly everyone, even those with excellent social skills, have occasional instances where they stumble a bit socially. There's a big difference between that...and someone who's just outright socially inept. If a guy is socially inept then he should make it a priority to overcome that, since social ineptitude is a major issue when talking to women or for that matter ANY kind of interpersonal communication.

 

90%+ of guys have dated and had at least one girlfriend once they reach their mid 20s. Including the vast majority of average joes. Making conversation with women does not need to be some uber-advanced thing. Casual directness combined with a little confidence and a sense of humor can go a long way.

[HokeyReligions]

This thread made me flash back to the day I met my husband. That was 30 years ago. Little did he know when he threw out the pick up line......

[greenfairie]

It's a turn off when guys are like, "Oh I know there's probably hotter guys than me out there but blahblahblah." I'm like "….hello? I'm sure the same goes for me too!??"

But still a turn off when they say that out loud for real.

 

It's a turn off when a guy can't be direct with you, and if they find out you have a boyfriend, the guy would automatically run away and ignore you forever. Sucks you missed out on a good friend in me

[theothersully]

It's crazy how many guys I see who just start right out with the "Oh you're so beautiful" without even talking to the girl for two seconds first and letting her get a little comfortable. Even when they do talk to her first half the time they don't know how to do it in a masculine way. There's definitely a skills gap affecting a lot of men today.

 

I was reading an article this morning that sex in the UK has dropped to all time lows and I understand why. I get it.

 

Could you expand on this masculine talk for me? I grew up with all women and am around women all the time. I can hold conversations forever with them since they ate just people, after all. What I am not sure of is the masculinity of the conversation. Example?

[Justletgo]

"I think guys are often not direct enough. And they give up too easily. And they don't know how to make conversation."

 

You have got to be joking. Not because it might not be true.

But because it sounds really arrogant. The 'guys' have to do all the work in breaking the ice, you have no idea what your talking about.

 

Basically beggers can't be choosers....

 

On another note, the reason why guys don't approach women as much (that's what I think is the essence of this question).

Is because women often never look guys in the eye or give any kind of hint they are attracted to a guy, so most guys think most women are not interested.

And thus most guys don't even bother trying to talk to them.

 

So you see, it's not a matter of confidence.

[whirl3daway]

I have mixed feelings about the PUA stuff.

 

I indulged in it significantly when I was younger and got a lot of experience with women. I also went to a very bad place mentally because of it.

 

However, now that I'm mentally and emotionally healthy, I use my experience (through PUA) to attract good women for dating and potentially long term relationships. I wouldn't have had much of that had it not been for my time studying PUA.

 

I do agree that most guys in that are d-bags, but, remember, they mostly attract low quality women (I know I did).

 

Of course, realistically, you can't be completely yourself when dating. You still have to play the game. And that's where knowledge, experience, and self-control come in (things that are taught in PUA).

 

I can see through that PUA nonsense, and it's a huge turn off for me. Perhaps I'm different (or perhaps not), but I HATE playing games. I don't follow those stupid be less eager, don't call first, don't plan dates, wait an hour before responding to a text, type rules. I can't stand when it's done to me and I will move on quickly if it's happening. Just my opinion though!

Edited November 27, 2013 by whirl3daway