Tikishoe Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Okay I am going to try and make this as short as possible. I dated this guy, we'll call him J, since I was a freshman in high school. We dated for 4 years before he unexpectedly broke up with me last August. I went no contact for 2 weeks before he called me saying he wanted to meet up. He went on about how he wanted to join the Air Force and he wanted me to be by his side and how much he wanted to marry me, etc. So this whole last year, I have been seeing him. We've been intimate every week since we "got back together" and we went on dates and everything. For a whole year. However, he never officially asked me out or wanted to go public with his family or on facebook. I mean he wrote me love notes and everything! For a whole year he lead me on telling me how much he wanted to be with me but he wanted to join the Air Force first. He made believe I was the one, and on several occasions he's told me I am the only one for him, etc. Well, yesterday he left for Basic training. I went on his mom's profile to see if she posted any pictures of him leaving and swearing in and what not, but instead I find she has deleted me. That's weird, we were pretty good friends and he told me he told his family we were trying to get back together again. Well, I see on her wall a post that a girl wrote. I'll call her C. I saw that her profile picture was of her and my "boyfriend". So obviously I check it out, it hasn't been unheard of with J that he has female friends and they make their profile picture a pic of them. But this one is captioned: "Celebrating our 1 year!" Dated August 30 of this year. It was in a really nice restaurant and everything. Then I see more old profile pictures of them together, June and July of this year too. Needless to say I am devastated, but more pissed than anything. For a whole year I thought me and J were together but he has had this girlfriend the whole time. He is in basic training for two months so I cannot talk to him at all, which may be a good thing but I want him to know that I know. I am so done with him, he wasted 5 years of my life and he has played me for the past year and cheating on me and another girl. I want to tell the other girl because I would want the same thing...someone to have told me what he was doing to both of us. How do I compose the message over Facebook? I don't even know what or how to tell her. I am so heart broken... for both me and her.
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 He is in basic training for two months so I cannot talk to him at all, Then she won't be able to talk to him either and it's really not fair to you to blow up her life, and then she has to deal with this without being able to talk to him for 2 months. Wait to tell her until he's close to being back, or is back. Just be considerate of her feelings, she's done nothing wrong here. He's scummy for sure, having a gf for a year and keeping you hidden and making it seem like you're the only one.
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 If you must, I'd send a PM. Don't post anything on her wall. 1
pteromom Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 I disagree... I would tell her now. I'd sure want to know if I were in her shoes. I'd say something like... I saw your message on FB about deleting me because I had a picture of your boyfriend as my profile pic. I was really shocked seeing that. I don't know how to tell you this, so I will just come out and tell you. I have been dating him for a year. He's been coming over to my house, telling me he loves me, telling me I am the one for him. I had no idea he was seeing you. I feel really sick about this and I am sorry to tell you. I have no intention of seeing him again. I will answer any questions you have for me. I am really sorry - I had no idea this was going on, and trusted his intentions with me. She may blow up at you, so expect that reaction. But after she calms down, she might come back and want to know more about your relationship. This sucks. I am sorry for you. 3
will-ow Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 For starters, just because someone is in basic training doesn't mean they're completely uncontactable.... there will still be access to phones, computers and the mail even if its not as 24/7 as usual! but more importantly, to answer your question about how do you tell her? My simple answer would be DON'T. No good can come of it..... at best you'll hurt him and an innocent 3rd party, at worst you're prolonging the pain for yourself and laying yourself open to being dismissed as a crazy vindictive ex. Look after yourself first and just move on x
GypsumSatellite Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 I agree with pteromom, she needs to know who she has been with for the last year. Compose a polite message and give her an email address she can contact you with. Be upfront with her and tell her your history with him and that you had no reason to believe he was seeing anyone else. She may get mad, but realize she will not be mad at you. She'll be mad at him and it will be directed at you since he's unavailable. Try not to take offense and be as level-headed as you can manage. You've done nothing wrong, this is all on him. 2
pteromom Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 but more importantly, to answer your question about how do you tell her? My simple answer would be DON'T. No good can come of it..... at best you'll hurt him and an innocent 3rd party, I would argue that it hurts the 3rd party much more in the long run to not know. What if this girl marries him and has babies with him, and then finds out in 15 years that she's married to a guy who has never been faithful to her? Or worse - what if she ends up with some disease? The kind thing to do here is to tell her, in my opinion. 2
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