Blastbeat Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 (edited) I just wanted to give some advice as I've been reading some posts of people going through a tough break up just like I am. A lot of you are talking about first relationships. These seem to be the people that are under the impression they have lost 'the one'. By 'the one' I'm talking about who you think is the one and only right person for you. Let me just say that this is just not the case. I don't mean to sound harsh but assuming this person who dumped you was 'the one' is an insult to the thousands of other potential partners around that are just waiting for you! This is not a joke I am 30 years old, been through a large handful of break ups so I thought I might be able to help in this department. Here's a few things I want some of you to please read, as these tools are what I've developed over time to get over dead relationships. I realize some of these are regurgitated and might make some of you yawn, but I would like to try to help anyway. 1. TIME. You must remember. There is a significantly large grieving period you must allow yourself. The grieving period depends on how much you loved the person and how long you were together. The pain you feel is normal. We all experience it. FIRST SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS - This may be the toughest break up you experience, it takes more than a month. But you must experience it to be human. It's normal 2. CAREER/STUDY/SCHOOL. Important. These are VERY important things in your life. This is why some University students usually avoid relationships. If you can - try to take some leave to clear your head and mourn. But once you've used your allowed leave you must focus and achieve your goals, as it affects your life, status and career growth. 3. SOCIAL LIFE. You must try to use judgment on how long you should be alone to grieve for. You're allowed to avoid social activities for awhile. But after a month or so has passed, you will need to get out and meet people, go into town, party with friends. This is your break up medication. This is what makes you forget your ex for awhile. And this is the way you would potentially meet someone new. 4. HOBBIES. Take up a hobby. Any hobby. Or continue with one you have. I am a drummer. I practice an hour every night. This does wonders for me. I don't realize it but as i experience the satisfaction of improving at my instrument this is making me forget my ex!! I cannot stress this enough. FIND A HOBBY YOU ENJOY. Break ups are so, so hard. I feel for you. But unless you take charge and independence on your life you will end up falling into depression. This is a serious illness that will have negative effects on your life. I hope my advice is of use to some of you, maybe you've already been told this stuff, but I'm just trying to help. These are things from personal experience. We are in this together. You're not alone, trust me. Damien. Edited November 26, 2013 by Blastbeat 8
Grumpybutfun Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Blastbeat: Very insightful. Break-ups aren't a new concept, and just think of all the people who have survived them to move on to newer, better relationships. Life is still there waiting for the brokenhearted to participate. Best, Grumps 2
Author Blastbeat Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 Exercise is always good too. Brings up your confidence 1
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 We all know what we need to do, but it's hard to get out of bed and do it. We are stuck in the pain and too weak to move away from it. I really think the only thing that helps is time. I've tried the rest, it is a temporary fill, but doesn't last. It hits you the moment you sit still. Pretending to be happy, doing hobbies, exercising, hanging out with friends is just a coping mechanism and sure, it might give you a glimpse of light for a little bit, but we can't hide from the pain forever. It hits us either way. It always finds us no matter how good our hiding spot was. No trying to argue against this, but we all know what we need to do. Just coming from a broken hearted girl. 1
Author Blastbeat Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 We all know what we need to do, but it's hard to get out of bed and do it. We are stuck in the pain and too weak to move away from it. I really think the only thing that helps is time. I've tried the rest, it is a temporary fill, but doesn't last. It hits you the moment you sit still. Pretending to be happy, doing hobbies, exercising, hanging out with friends is just a coping mechanism and sure, it might give you a glimpse of light for a little bit, but we can't hide from the pain forever. It hits us either way. It always finds us no matter how good our hiding spot was. No trying to argue against this, but we all know what we need to do. Just coming from a broken hearted girl. I understand what you mean. It's never easy. But what I worry about is just what you're saying. Time is not the only cure. If you don't move on with your life, you end up stuck in the same thought processes. This happened to me after my first relationship ended. I was depressed as hell. But getting on with your life DOES help you move on, even when you think it's not working, because you're taking your mind off your ex, little by little. I don't mean to tell people to hide from the pain, you need to grieve, it's a necessary part of the break up process. But I've seen people that don't move on, and it's not nice. I hope you heal soon. Just look forward to the next person in your future. How fast that person comes about depends on you. You have to be out and about to meet this person 1
RDawg Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 I am 42 years old. I have been through this before and it does not get easier. I take comfort from knowing that I have gotten over people in the past but my experience is that it only really goes away when you fall in love again. This is just another stage in our lives and it will pass. Eventually. 1
Author Blastbeat Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 I know your pain RDawg. I was dumped a month ago. Cold, hard and unexpected through a Facebook message. I already broke no contact once. But my mindset is, I will not put my life on hold because of a woman that wants nothing more to do with me. I've grieved enough. Tomorrow is a new day 1
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