Chatmonkey Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 So it was my 21st birthday yesterday and at night my ex-gf called to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't answer as I am still not completely over her. After i let it ring out, i felt bad that i ignored it as i know she just wanted to say happy birthday. She sent a really beautiful text afterwards which was so nice and i replied saying thank you. It was only a few weeks ago where she wanted to catch up and talk but i said i still wnated minimal contact as i am still hurting. We organised to speak today but it didnt happen and she said she can talk tonight. I know she just wants to say happy birthday but i really am feeling unneasy about talking to her. Not that i have any bad feelings toward her but just because i am still not completely over her. What do i do?
Never Again Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Continue to avoid contact. I know it sucks. I know you feel guilty as she's just being friendly...but she tossed you out of her life, and that's all there is to it right now. She wants to be a good person. Maybe for the sake of being a good person, or maybe because it makes her feel good to know that she can still act somewhat positively with you. That's not your concern. She's not your girlfriend anymore, so you don't have to consider her feelings. You have to consider your own, and only your own. If you want to catch up with her once you're healed, then by all means. Until then, any contact you have will only set you back - and conversely, it will only help her feel better about herself and help her move on by allowing her to shed guilt. 2
LadyM Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Pfenixphire is completely right on all counts. I know there is part of you wanting to talk with her, I really get that. But if she isn't wanting to talk to beg you to take her back, trust me, any conversation with her will set you back and you really don't want that. If you think you're hurting now, it will hurt worse after you talk. And don't feel you owe her anything because she sent you birthday wishes. You don't. You owe it to yourself to watch out for your own feelings first and foremost. 1
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 i actually called her before i posted this a few hours ago and she didnt answer. probably a good thing although now that ive texted her we should keep minimal contact it kind of sends mixed messages. here is the text i sent: "Its best if we dont speak. I appreciate that you called me and my birthday and what you said in that text so much but its best if we just keep doing what we've been doing. Thanks again." 'doing what we've been doing' means keeping up our minimal contact. I still feel bad by sending that text but i guess i'll get over it and be happy again with my friends in a few hours 1
Trick1004 Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Happy birthday! Just had my birthday on the 25th. Didn't hear a peep out of my ex though a couple random phone numbers called my phone which I didn't answer. Anyway, you're doing the right thing. Your still hurting and you know you're in no place to have a conversation, so don't do it! The r/s is done and right now the only thing you have to do is look after yourself and do what's right for you. It sounds to me like you've wrapped your head around this whole situation, you can't worry about how your ex is feeling. Keep on with the NC. Trick 1
Author Chatmonkey Posted November 26, 2013 Author Posted November 26, 2013 Happy birthday! Just had my birthday on the 25th. Didn't hear a peep out of my ex though a couple random phone numbers called my phone which I didn't answer. Anyway, you're doing the right thing. Your still hurting and you know you're in no place to have a conversation, so don't do it! The r/s is done and right now the only thing you have to do is look after yourself and do what's right for you. It sounds to me like you've wrapped your head around this whole situation, you can't worry about how your ex is feeling. Keep on with the NC. Trick Thanks a lot! i was about to post again on this thread saying that i still feel bad about it but you have made me feel a bit better already Happy birthday to you too my fellow November 25ther! 1
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