I had sex with my ex gf this weekend. I feel pathetic.

[Froelich87]

Well, the title says it all.

 

Most of my other threads have been posted on the Breaking Up fourm, so you can fill yourself in there if you're interested.

 

I am a dumpee. A little longer than 2 months out of an almost 3 year relationship.

 

I went complete NC for almost 2 months, until she started playing words with friends with my brother. Pretty much told him that she missed me, still loves me, etc. You know, all of those things that you want to hear?

 

I reached out Weds. and broke NC. She asked me to dinner to talk Friday.

 

It went okay. I was obviously still very hurt, but I tried to play it as cool as possible.

 

Somehow, we ended up back at my place.

 

I knew what her intentions were... she wanted FWB (but she never labeled it) she told me to my face that she didn't see a future with me and didn't want a commitment. I was vulnerable so I still accepted. (Dumb... I know)

 

We had sex. And it was really weird. I think I did it because for some reason I thought that the feelings she had would change and she would want us back. Not the case.

 

Afterwards, we later talked on the phone. She was so selfish, rude, manipulative and mean. She was saying all of these things, and yet it felt like old times... I was STILL feeding her ego when she never once cared or thought about my feelings.

 

I told her I felt used. She said that I was the one who asked to have sex and agreed to do it, that I knew what this was going to be, that she didn't need me in her life to get over me, she doesn't feel guilty about what we did and she doesn't feel guilty and doesn't regret breaking up with me.

 

For some reason.... I kept asking her to talk the next day when I was sober. She kept saying... Oh, well, I'll be busy. Actually, I'm going to be busy the rest of the semester. I just kept feeding her damn ego. Saying things like... I want in you in my life as something vs not having you there at all... you're the best person I know.. blah blah blah. I was drunk and emotional.

 

So she said that she would text me the next day. By that time, I already realized I couldn't do this. Not anymore. I just couldn't. I texted her and told her that I can't do this. If we will ever be friends some day, this needs to stop. I won't stop hurting if this continues. etc.

 

She got upset and texted me: I hope you're doing this because you want to and not because of your brother or friends told you. I won't bother you anymore. I love you and I hope you get nothing but the best.

 

I just replied... I'm doing this for me. You know that I love you. I just can't do this anymore. I need to continue focusing on myself and my issues and I hope that you do the same. Take care of yourself.

 

 

 

 

Now obviously, this is a HUGE setback. But... at the same time... I feel like it needed to happen. I got MY CLOSURE. In a way. I now know that this is really and truly over. I now know that she has CHANGED and not for what I want in a partner. I now know that it wasn't her NOW that I was missing. It was who she WAS. I realize now that she isn't the girl that I fell in love with.

 

It's going to be very hard. It's tough you know. 3 years is a long time... and at the very end of it all... she changed into such a selfish and heartless person that I never thought I would see from her. It's very sad seeing and knowing all of these things.

 

I've been doing kind of okay... minus the fact that I haven't slept in my bed since it happened.

 

Any advice would be great and please.... don't rain on my parade. I know that what I did was really stupid.

 

She was my first true love and my first LTR. Hell, after 1 1/2 years of LD, I moved 5 hours from my home to be with her and go to school. ( she had also said that she doesn't feel guilty for that either)

[Froelich87]

Forgot to put in the opening text i sent... I had said that Last night was huge mistake.

 

Apparently she got pissed because I felt that way.

 

wtf. Why?

[mammasita]

Guess what, it happens. I slept with my ex after he dumped me too. Big whoop. We make mistakes. I know it sucks, I know it hurts. I beat myself up for a couple weeks.....the silver lining was that it was much easier to bounce back after that mistake than after the initial break up.

 

Hang in there and go back to what you were doing. She doesn't deserve you.

[fixing]

Dont be hard on yourself man. 3 years is a long time. And, you said it yourself, you got to see the real her, selfish, manipulative, uncaring. **** that bitch. And, about sleeping with her that last time, you can either look at that as a huge mistake, which i personally wouldnt, or you can turn it around in your favour? You reached out and banged the heartless cow, because you COULD. That one last time.

LOL, thats a better way to see it man. How gut wrenching would it have been if after this inevitable meet, she turned you down in bed?? That would hurt me to no end.

 

In summary, you broke no contact after two months, went on a date, discovered she AINT the same girl you fell in love with, yet you were able to undress her and give a bang for the road?

Not at all bad imo.

 

Anyways, now, she has made her bed, let her sleep in it.

 

Go no contact, and give her that unnerving cold, silent treatment.

[Froelich87]

Thanks guys.

 

I'm just hoping that she will start to realize how sh***y she is for everything that she has just recently done.

 

I know that I shouldnt be thinking about it. But, I just really hope she realizes that she messed up what maybe could have been a friendship down the line. I doubt she will ever think of me romantically anymore, but she has messed that one up beyond belief.

 

I've been able to sleep the last two days just imagining me telling her to fu*k off when she came crawling back.

 

Stupid?

[acidios]

just relax bro focus on you from now on keep NC,look the future,dont be hard on yourself and dont care enymore about her she doesnt deserve you with her actions so move on distract your self with hobbies etc.you are in pain now bro and if you break NC again this will go on a loop that is bad for you and you only.

[mendsley]

Holy sh*t man, you have this all wrong. This is positive.... as long as you stay strong. This bitch wanted to play you but now you FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. Delete, block, take a vacation, what ever it takes so she can't get ahold of you. Think about it, she's trying to manipulate with her vag, but if you can stay strong and never talk with her again she'll feel a little used and a little of what you're feeling. Plus gain a little respect for you, sounds weird, but it's true.

 

Stay strong and use this in a positive manner bro!

[Froelich87]

Thanks to all of you!

 

I don't know, I guess you are all right. Some people would be lucky to get that last bang for the road lol

 

When this originally ended 3 months ago, I left looking like a strong guy. Everything was left on the best terms that they could be on.

 

Now, it's like we both just ****ed everything up.

 

Idk.

 

I don't want her to feel like I used her necessarily, I guess I just want her to realize how selfish and manipulative she has been and had a hand in wrecking this with a really good guy. She's one of those runners. She also likes to attatch to other people and relationships to get validation. Which is weird. She's not with anybody now... and this is the longest time post break up that she has been by herself.

 

Idk.

 

I guess bottom line... I just want her to realize at some point that she threw a great guy away and then on top of that... was a very ****ty person at the very end of it all.

 

Gotta stay strong.

[robbysurfs]

Same situation happen to me my friend and maybe she will or maybe she wont realize anything. It actually is none of your business how or what she thinks anymore. You just got to forge forward trust me man there will be another and maybe another after that one or maybe not. Just keep your side of the street clean keep your chin up and try and stay positive and these things work out. Put that energy out into the universe and it will respond back to you.

[Simon Phoenix]

Hopefully now you can actually let go of this and stop shooting yourself in the foot. What you did was dumb, but it's over. Now you know. Time to stop caving and time for you to listen to others and move forward. You said you didn't want to be that guy that irrationally ignores advice, so stop being that guy and move forward. Nothing you can do about your mistakes but learn from them. So please learn and please be more vigilant this time around. You know what's down that rabbit hole -- it sucks. No need to go back to that again.

 

The most important thing for you to realize is that just because someone says they miss you and love you doesn't mean a damn thing. If they want you back they will tell you that specifically. You didn't listen before so unfortunately you found out through live experience. DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE AGAIN. She didn't tell you anything of substance, but you fell for it. Now you know.

Edited November 26, 2013 by Simon Phoenix