Think i fooked up BAD!!!

[faithfully]

OH GOSH!!! Dunno how I feel about this. My 2 mates have met guys and ive been dumped just over 2 months. was doing soo good, over a month NC but my mates keep talking about their new guys they going out with and how happy they are just brought memory of me and my ex.

 

I'm happy for them and give them advice but after all their happy story. I MADE A MISTAKE GUY, well I dunno but I did something maybe bad. I BROKE NC and fb my ex

 

Me: Hey, how you doing?

 

him: Good thanks not to be rude but why u msging me?

 

Me: Good, i dont know just dont wanna be on bad terms, as it doesnt get any1 anywhere, am happy for you finding yourself

 

Him: Yeah I never wanted it to be on bad terms!I hope your ok! How are you doing?

 

Me :Am doing great thank you, alot has happen but its all good tho. Sorry for being mean or seeming cold, just wanna leave the past n move on, how u coping with the cold weather lol

 

Him: Good im glad u ok I hope you are feeling happier now. Im working with ronny again now amd stopped smoking weed. Just need to quit cigs now ha. Hope all ur bros are good too.

 

Me: yeah very happy now, oh wow u working away?? Hope it goes well for you si i dont smoke weed nor cigs anymore, not smoked for a month. Yeahh they all good thank you

 

Him: Yeah working away again and good im glad u have quit! U still doing the gym?

 

Me: Yeahh am at the gym 4/5 days a week, its great, getting to my ideal goal. Where in the country r u?

 

Him: Im at home atm but going bk to summerset in the morning? Iv just started that growth hormone and gonna get looking good ha. How I wanna look just my teeth n nose to do then haha

 

Me: Aaahhh cool, where some of my family from, wheeyy thats good growth, u be looking like the rock soon, hahaha

 

Him: Noway thats mad ur family livr there! yeah hopefully i will lol

 

Me: Yeah and haha keep dreaming, have a gud drive, and glad we can put the past to rest, good night

 

Him: Yes me to, take care faith and good night

 

NOW I AINT GOT A CLUE WHAT TO THINK. HELP!!!!!

[fixing]

Dont go beating yourself up over this. We all at some stage have slipped up. You actually sounded very upbeat and mature there to be fair. But, now im guessing you feel back to square one?

Dont go messaging him again, and if he messages ya, please dont respond, as its all fake/pointless and staged bull**** small talk. At least you didnt say anything bad there.

Back to NC, starting from now.

[strive]

 

You're feeling the post-contact high, but you'll eventually spiral back down. Hang on to something because you're going to be in for an emotional rollercoaster of 'what does it mean?' and 'what ifs.' But you already know all this, so all I can say is keep posting here to vent! If you're itching to message him again, post here instead!

[faithfully]

Was doing sooo well too. My head is ****ed big time. Didnt realise this is what its like when ur a dumpee. Hate this feeling. Its 1:11am in uk, i cant sleep, not eaten and keep thinking. I'm back to the very 1st day he left me. What the devil!!! Really need to stop thinking this wayy.

[ILoveVegas]

Sometimes I wonder if this small talks can soon became a reconciliation or they are just really pointless.

[Jmk21]

Nowhere near reconciliation. I mean by a loooong shot yea it could. But for now, he at least knows the doors open again.

 

Honest opinion; He's probably like what the deuce?? Why's she so nice? Investigation commencing

[cavalier99]

There are so many good examples of people breaking NC recently and feeling like their back at day 1 or at least severly messed up. I wonder why everone thinks they are the exception and it is going to work out or not be painful?? Hope people are paying attention.

 

Anyway sorry for the painful expperience. Youll be fine eventually. Hope this serves a lesson on the dangers of breaking NC until indifferent. Cav

[cavalier99]

Sometimes I wonder if this small talks can soon became a reconciliation or they are just really pointless.

 

Pointless and painful. Especially after the fact. They haunt you for weeks or longer. Plus you feel like you lost your self respect by reaching out and it takes time to build it back up. Cav

[ILoveVegas]

What if they are the one who reach out? Better not to engage the conversation and just reply short and straight to the point right?

 

Example: hi how are you?

 

Response: I'm good thanks

 

Pointless and painful. Especially after the fact. They haunt you for weeks or longer. Plus you feel like you lost your self respect by reaching out and it takes time to build it back up. Cav

[cavalier99]

What if they are the one who reach out? Better not to engage the conversation and just reply short and straight to the point right?

 

Example: hi how are you?

 

Response: I'm good thanks

 

Nope. Nothing. Just Silence. They tore your heart out. Just dissapear like a ninja. Time to heal. NEVER break NC.

 

Any response will just get you thinking. It is also a slippery slope. PLus you dont give your brain time to purge them out of your system. They really need to become like a distant memory. Even the smallest interaction can be very dangerous to your healing.It brings them into your present and you need to process new info.. I think people dont get this.

 

Also ive seen dumpees get sucked into conversation because they dont want to be rude. WTF. Dont sacrifice you healing for anything. Saying Hi is easy for them. A response is a disaster for you. Have you read the no contact guide?

Cav

Edited November 26, 2013 by cavalier99

[ILoveVegas]

Thanks cav,

 

question though what if you are already healed? Is that the finally time to respond to them?

 

 

Nope. Nothing. Just Silence. They tore your heart out. Just dissapear like a ninja. Time to heal. NEVER break NC.

 

Any response will just get you thinking. It is also a slippery slope. PLus you dont give your brain time to purge them out of your system. They really need to become like a distant memory. Even the smallest interaction can be very dangerous to your healing.It brings them into your present and you need to process new info.. I think people dont get this.

 

Also ive seen dumpees get sucked into conversation because they dont want to be rude. WTF. Dont sacrifice you healing for anything. Saying Hi is easy for them. A response is a disaster for you. Have you read the no contact guide?

Cav

[cavalier99]

Thanks cav,

 

question though what if you are already healed? Is that the finally time to respond to them?

 

Sure it is if you want to. Once your healed a normal conversation is just normal.

 

But the test of being healed is being happy meeting their new significant other. Happy if they are getting married. Happy to be able to discuss their dating life ecetera. I mean no emotional reaction at all ...you need to be super solid in your recovery with all the anger and hurt gone.

 

If you cant stomach any of this you arnt even close to being ready.

 

The thing is when you are this indifferent most people dont even want to bother talking with them again.

[ILoveVegas]

Thanks cav, Isn't it when you ignore them it will be the same thing? People won't even bother talking to you again since you ignore them?

 

The thing is when you are this indifferent most people dont even want to bother talking with them again.

[cavalier99]

Thanks cav, Isn't it when you ignore them it will be the same thing? People won't even bother talking to you again since you ignore them?

 

Sure NC helps them also. I lets you catch up to where they are and leave the past behind. So if you reach out in a year or so they might be happy to hear from you. The BU will be in the past and everyone will be that much more comfortable.

 

But the point is to stop thinking about these things. You need to systematicaly eliminate them from your life. Burn them out of existence first... to even get to the point of even remotley considering reaching out, SHOULD BE THE LAST THING ON YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW.!!

 

Just stay NC at all cost and focus on recovery and eventually being happy single and then a new RS.

[faithfully]

Arrrghh think am going crazyyy

[headinthecloud]

Arrrghh think am going crazyyy

 

You're not healed then, so NC is a must for you.

 

I agree with other posters, it was a polite exchange and the door for future friendship is now open. But there was absolutely no indication of interest from him. There was no reconciliation. It was just a simple exchange of "hey, how are yous". There was no "I miss you" or "I'll always love you" or "I made a mistake when I BU with you".

 

You are not over the relationship yet. Give yourself another 3mos....then see how you feel. And don't beat yourself up over this but rather congratulate yourself.....you're human! And a seemingly good one at that. You'll make some guy truly happy, one that deserves you. Have faith in what will be.

[faithfully]

What do you guys think??

[Yasuandio]

 

Me: Hey, how you doing?

 

him: Good thanks not to be rude but why u msging me?

 

Honey, the first sentence told you where you stand with this guy. All the other yap-yap was to create a contact for a future "get-together" for you know what. Cause you were very subtle in presenting yourself as "cool with that," when you kept up the friendly chatting after he gave you the clear low-down in his initial response.

 

Therefore, I caution you NOT to begin an imaginary relationship in your mind as do some young ladies when the guy is willing to have a nice chat with them, post break-up, when they call. I would not be surprised in the least if he shows up at your house, or asks you over to his pad. Of course, you know what that would be for, right? Don't fall for that one - cause you just set yourself up for it young lady.

 

Just remember how he initially responded to your message. It says it all. Yas

Edited November 27, 2013 by Yasuandio

[faithfully]

Thanks, will take on board what everybody saying. Havent spoken to him since. Need to stopover thinking everything