Author greenflower Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 I can't risk it. I won't go back. No talking, no dating, no explaining, no closure. What I'm considering is sleeping with her one last time. Not just having sex, but making passionate love to her. Not to be mean, but to transfer and exorcise all the love I have left for her. I have felt and I feel that it would help me, but I may be kidding myself.
Zahara Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I can't risk it. I won't go back. No talking, no dating, no explaining, no closure. What I'm considering is sleeping with her one last time. Not just having sex, but making passionate love to her. Not to be mean, but to transfer and exorcise all the love I have left for her. I have felt and I feel that it would help me, but I may be kidding myself. Sex with her is just you wanting to connect with her again. Been there done that. Don't make excuses. The only way to purge your feelings and to get over it is to go NC and heal. You don't get to exorcise and transfer the love by having passionate sex and doing it overnight. All you'll do is cause yourself another mental and emotional breakdown. 1
Author greenflower Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Ew. Gross. So hurting her is a good course of action? Come on... grow up. I don't want to hurt her. It's not what I said at all. Anyway, you guys are probably right all the way.
organizedchaos Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I can't risk it. I won't go back. No talking, no dating, no explaining, no closure. What I'm considering is sleeping with her one last time. Not just having sex, but making passionate love to her. Not to be mean, but to transfer and exorcise all the love I have left for her. I have felt and I feel that it would help me, but I may be kidding myself. What the hell? 2
Author greenflower Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 **** yeah, nevermind... The only thing I'm worried about is that if she truly realized I was so important, I mean really realized, that could change some dynamics, which could make the relationship work. Probably a thought straight from Utopia though. You guys are right. I'll just ignore and keep moving on. I have to. I've seen how life with her is first hand. Treated like **** even though I was an amazing boyfriend... I keep forgetting all the bad times and idealizing her. People don't change in one month. 1
Author greenflower Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 I guess I am kidding myself in thinking that she could be honest about her realizing what I mean for her, and that things could change...
organizedchaos Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I guess I am kidding myself in thinking that she could be honest about her realizing what I mean for her, and that things could change... She can be if you vanish, disappear from her life. Drop off the face of the earth. That will get her to realize how she feels when you are GONE. That's what I'm doing. I've locked down all social media so she has no clues as to what I'm up to. I've disconnected from all her friends. Its as if we had never met. Its not easy tho.
aliveagain Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I guess I am kidding myself in thinking that she could be honest about her realizing what I mean for her, and that things could change... She has shown you who she is, the only problem here is you refuse to believe it. Change your number, unfriend her and any of her friends from facebook, cut all contact or this is what your future will look like. If sharing her with other men and having to take paternity tests on your children doesn't bother you than this is the girl for you. She is just like my ex nightmare, two years of cheating behind my back, affair child, almost cleaned me out financially and still keeps trying to find me. Run, run, run, don't have sex with her or I guarantee you she will trap you with a pregnancy, you'll be her babysitter while she's out dating other men. Dodge the bullet and go have a great life, stop self destructing with this one.
Zahara Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I guess I am kidding myself in thinking that she could be honest about her realizing what I mean for her, and that things could change... She dumped you four times. Doesn't that tell you that who you are and what you do for her doesn't mean a thing when someone can discard you over and over again? I mean, when you value and appreciate someone in your life, you never let them go. Right? You don't dump them over and over again. You can't project your expectations on her. You want her to be what you want her to be. Unfortunately, she cannot and even worse she's battling mental illness.
achooachoo Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Greenflower While i was reading your story, I felt all the emotions you are feeling. I just broke up with my boyfriend 2 days ago because he is always busy and not making time to be with me and I realized that I made a mistake. I still love him and I want him back in my life. He is not perfect but he is also a good man like you. I tried to talk to him, begged him to take ma back but he is so hurt and told me that he cant trust me again. To be fair with him, he loves me and throughout the relationship he showed it to me. Now back to you, it looks like you still both love each other. Going to your house and begged you to see her is not an easy thing to do. She made a fool out of herself because she still loves you. Showing up in the restaurant with her new guy is only her way to cope but Im sure she was doing it for you. When you people are depress and sad they make stupid actions. You pushed her away even though you still love her. I understand that she hurt you, but did you try to really hear her out whenever she's trying to break up with you? Relationship is always two way and if the relationship fails, both of you caused it. Sometimes, unintentionally we hurt the people we love because of foolishness. Based from your post it looks like you are putting pride and fear in front of you instead of love. Thats why until now you are obsessing and hurting. Whatever people tell you to do, NC or move on, only yourself can make you happy. Ask some questions to yourself. Do i still love her? Does she makes me happy? What makes me happy? Please don't think of what you'll lose when you allowed her back in your life, because it will just make you angry and negative. Think of how you can make both of you happy.
Author greenflower Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 it looks like you are putting pride and fear in front of you instead of love I have put love in front of me throughout the whole relationship, and that led to where I am right now.
Author greenflower Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 I guess I'm too naive and hopeful in people to believe someone can be like that.
Author greenflower Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 She wrote me a long message explaining. She says she wants me back so bad. That she's been working on herself and going to therapy to make herself better. That she wants me to give her a chance. She won't disappoint. She says she wants to fight alongside me for the relationship. That she realized how wonderful I am. She wants to give the best of her, if I let her. She says she is getting close to being healthy and wants me to wait for her. she says she doesn't want anybody else, she thinks about me all the time. That she was so broken inside, and ****ed up, and she needed time to fix things. That I'm amazing and she misses me so much. She says she thinks about me everyday, everything and everyplace reminds her of me. Her behavior was due to a mix of stress and depression. She says she wants to it her best try, when she is ready for it, that she wants to be ready to show me the changes, but she has to keep working on herself for a while longer. She says she is not interested in anyone and whatever dates she went on didn't really work out because I am still in her head. She doesn't want to be the same person any more, she wants to build something on strong foundations, so she will keep working with these things until they are resolved. That she has been thinking of my body, mind and soul. That she can't think of anybody else she would rather be with. I proceeded to ask her whether or not she had slept with anyone since the breakup. She took so long to answer, and she said she was seeing someone for a while. She said she thought this guy was right for her as she was trying to move on. Then she realized she was still in love with me so she broke it off. She regrets, feels stupid and is so sorry, she says she was feeling numb and depressed and had no desire to live which is why she did it... She said she wants to do whatever is possible to have me back, and be a better version of her, be committed and work on the relationship. She says she never wants to sleep with anyone else but me ever again... I said, should I take you back, then I'm free to sleep with anyone I want, she said yes but never to tell her. I don't know what to do, I love her... I trust her words now, but they don't guarantee any future... What prevents her from changing her mind 2 months down the road ?... I know so much points towards pushing her out of my life, but what if she will change, and realize. When you love someone, shouldn't you believe in them ? Basically, while I was heartbroken and depressed, she was having fun being ****ed by some other guy. How ****ed up is that.
Zahara Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 When you love someone, shouldn't you believe in them ?. Sure, believe in them. Until they prove you wrong. And she's dumped you 4 times in 8 months. As I said before, you need to get kicked in the gut, maybe for another 3-4 times before you learn. Time to start being smart and putting the "love" crap aside. This isn't love. This is co-dependency. And change in her doesn't come in a couple of months. We've been drumming it in your head. Change takes years, even more so when she's suffering from diagnosed mental illness. 2
Author greenflower Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 I agree with you and my friends, that the chances of history repeating itself are high, but still. Are you saying that you can guarantee with certainty, that it would end the same way again ? Would you be prepared to bet your hand on it ?
Zahara Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 (edited) I agree with you and my friends, that the chances of history repeating itself are high, but still. Are you saying that you can guarantee with certainty, that it would end the same way again ? Would you be prepared to bet your hand on it ? Would I bet my hand on it? This is your life, Green. It isn't mine. There are no bets. It's you that has to deal with this BS. It's a bet you have to take. Four is one and far too many. If this was a one time break-up, I would understand your need for giving her another chance. It's 4 times in 8 months. If that doesn't scare the shytt out of anyone, then I don't know what will. Why didn't change happen after the 2nd time, 3rd time...what would make this time around different? What would change a person so profoundly after a month or so to suddenly feel different at Round #5? Why didn't she realize how wonderful you were or get that epiphany all the other times, why now? Now she sees? Why is this time different? You want an absolute certainty. Then go back to her. You'll have your answer. We can't give that to you. We speak from experience and lessons. We see much clearer from the outside than you do from your muddled and "love" clouded brain. If your sister, brother or friend came to you and relayed this exact story, you'd tell them to run. I am sure of that. The thing with you is that you cannot see. You are so love drugged, weak, dependent and crippled by this woman, no matter what anyone says, you'll resist and deny. You've received enough advice on here and from your friends to stay away from this woman. As I said, over and over again, you will need to learn the hard way, and that is to get hit a few more times before you decide you have had enough. Asking the same questions over and over again will only give you the same answers. It would be best for you to go back to her and, learn. Edited December 11, 2013 by Zahara
Simon Phoenix Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 People like you, betting on obvious losing hands, are why places like Las Vegas make money hand over fist. I mean, four times? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. You are on four or five. Don't continue to be the fool. Have some self-respect. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Just re-read this thread. OP, if you take her back, you are a huge wuss and at this point, deserve all the heartache that you are bound to get. This girl is not going to change for you -- why would she? You are so weak and spineless and she can get you back whenever she wants, therefore there's no reason for her to ever give you an honest shot. She's going to run you through the wringer again then toss you aside. Then probably come back when she's bored or feeling an ego boost. And you'll continue to take her back, because you have no dignity or self-respect. I mean, I know what's going to happen. If you have re-read this thread and still want her back, there's nothing we can say that will dissuade you, because you haven't hit bottom and because you haven't gotten enough of licking her feet and acting like an abused pet. So have fun and we'll see you again when she inevitably dumps you and leaves your heart in a ditch on the side of the road. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Greenflower...you're talking to your ex right now, aren't you? Of course he is.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 I have my mad face on... Whatever, you can't help someone who doesn't have the strength and common sense to help themselves. He'll get it someday -- maybe. 2
Author greenflower Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 Well yeah. I went to see her yesterday and we spent the night together, great chemistry as usual... She went on about how much she change and how therapy has been helping her. How she's getting out of depression. She says she wants to be that person for me and treat me well and she made a huge mistake and bla bla bla. That she was feeling so bad because of our fights, and that she had to get away from the darkness. She tried to move on at first, but couldn't. Went on some dates but couldn't stop thinking about me... After 2 months, it's the first time we are apart more than a few days and she said it was needed for her to realize what I meant to her. She says she is now willing to fight alongside me for the relationship. That in the past I was always fighting alone, because she was too depressed and numb to do anything about it. She wants to make it work and is begging me for a chance to prove it. She says she'll wait until march at the latest for my response. I kept telling her that her words mean nothing to me, after 4 breakups it's bound to happen again. She kept asking me to give her a chance, and that this time she realized I was the one. She loves me and wants to move in with me in the future... bla bla bla, all that great stuff right... Well I must have told her 50 times that I believe what she was saying now, but that I knew she would do it again in the future. She kept saying no... I kept saying yes, I've heard those words before... I've heard "I will never leave you" before, I've heard "I want to move in with you" before, I've heard "I love you before"... She says that this time, is really is different. That I have to believe her, to give her a chance to prove it. She wants to treat me well and love me. Well, I'm gonna think this through until January, but I'm leaning towards refusing so far. I really want to believe in her, and so does my heart... But still...
Simon Phoenix Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Shocking that you would completely f*ck this up. Sleeping with her? C'mon dude, that's rookie league stuff. 1
Zahara Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 She kept saying no... I kept saying yes, I've heard those words before... I've heard "I will never leave you" before, I've heard "I want to move in with you" before, I've heard "I love you before"... She says that this time, is really is different. That I have to believe her, to give her a chance to prove it. She wants to treat me well and love me. I bet each time, after 4 break-ups, she came back saying she will never leave and that she loves you and wants to treat you right, she "believed" it was really going to be different everytime she said it. Broken record. 1
Zahara Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 He's disappeared again. He is so getting back with her. Don't worry OP, I'll be here when the cookie crumbles... He keeps saying he's leaning towards ignoring but he's getting closer and closer to her. Some people have to go get their head beaten in a few times before they finally say ouch and stop. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 He keeps saying he's leaning towards ignoring but he's getting closer and closer to her. Some people have to go get their head beaten in a few times before they finally say ouch and stop. I think this guy needs to be kicked in the head 150 times with steel-toed boots before he gets it. He's a bit slower than most apparently. 1
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