He lost interest?!

[MissNoname]

Dating him for a month. Been on 5 dates. Last time we saw each other was on friday night. We kissed for the first time and I felt fireworks. I never thought I was into him this much. Before we parted on friday, he asked to see me again on sunday. I agreed. I asked him to text me when he gets home so I know hes safe. He didnt text. I sent a text saturday afternoon asking if he was fine because I didnt get a text from him. He said he fell asleep right away. I left him alone after that text from him.

 

Sunday morning, I got a text from him saying he still not feeling well and hope I dont mind if he just stay home. My reply was, " oohh youre cannncellliiinngg! Not a good sign LOL ." Then I added, hope you feel better! Did you take some medicine?! He still hasnt responded. We had a great time on friday and he wanted to see me again on friday. Please advice on what should I do at this point?

[DontWorryBHappy]

Well one quick thing.. Men generally don't like to associate you with a mom role. What I mean is, his mom is the woman who normally asks him to text her that he got home safe (I mean, my mom does that to me!) or tells him to take medicine. He likely doesn't want the new girl in his life checking up on him like that, or reminding him that he didn't text you. In my opinion the only thing you can do right now is go quiet and totally stop the checking in on him stuff (and the mom behavior) so that he can view you as a confident, sexy woman!

[Zahara]

Dating him for a month. Been on 5 dates. Last time we saw each other was on friday night. We kissed for the first time and I felt fireworks. I never thought I was into him this much. Before we parted on friday, he asked to see me again on sunday. I agreed. I asked him to text me when he gets home so I know hes safe. He didnt text. I sent a text saturday afternoon asking if he was fine because I didnt get a text from him. He said he fell asleep right away. I left him alone after that text from him.

 

Sunday morning, I got a text from him saying he still not feeling well and hope I dont mind if he just stay home. My reply was, " oohh youre cannncellliiinngg! Not a good sign LOL ." Then I added, hope you feel better! Did you take some medicine?! He still hasnt responded. We had a great time on friday and he wanted to see me again on friday. Please advice on what should I do at this point?

 

You should do nothing. The ball is in his court. I don't believe you did anything wrong by asking him if he took his medicine but the whole dramatic you are canceling text and not a good sign comment was a a little insecure on your part. You should have just been cool about it, say, "Well, rest up. We can reschedule for sometime later this week when you're feeling better." Done. Then maybe in a few days reach out, ask him how he is feeling and get the ball rolling on another date.

[MissNoname]

You should do nothing. The ball is in his court. I don't believe you did anything wrong by asking him if he took his medicine but the whole dramatic you are canceling text and not a good sign comment was a a little insecure on your part. You should have just been cool about it, say, "Well, rest up. We can reschedule for sometime later this week when you're feeling better." Done. Then maybe in a few days reach out, ask him how he is feeling and get the ball rolling on another date.

 

I just wanted to put humor into it but maybe he took it differently. Anyways, he invited me to go to his works christmas party so not sure now if Im still invited. Im just bummed.

[Zahara]

I just wanted to put humor into it but maybe he took it differently. Anyways, he invited me to go to his works christmas party so not sure now if Im still invited. Im just bummed.

 

I understand what you were trying to do. But it did come off insecure and eager and especially when you can't read a guy that well yet, best to always play cool. I'm not sure why he would take so long to respond, unless he had to have surgery or was struck by yellow fever. It's not hard to respond to someone.

 

In any case, don't do anything. Let him come to you. But I have to say that he could be not as into this as you are by the way he's acting.

[crederer]

Naw I thin you're fine. The guy isn't feeling well. Probably doesn't have his phone around. And the post about men not wanting the woman to be a mother figure, as creepy as it sounds, is false. Guys definately want their girl to be nurturing.

[MissNoname]

I understand what you were trying to do. But it did come off insecure and eager and especially when you can't read a guy that well yet, best to always play cool. I'm not sure why he would take so long to respond, unless he had to have surgery or was struck by yellow fever. It's not hard to respond to someone.

 

In any case, don't do anything. Let him come to you. But I have to say that he could be not as into this as you are by the way he's acting.

 

Honestly, I thought he was so into me and I was not that into him. He drove to me ( he lives 30 miles away). Never let me drive. He took me to whereever I wanted to go. Friday, from work he drove to me even it was late like 11ish just so we can spend time together ( i had plan with family earlier). We never became intimate. He wasnt aggressive about it. Our first kiss was on friday ( yes after dating for a month). It was passionate. But I know he was already sick friday when he saw me actually since wednesday. But never cancelled those two dates. I just realized, I really like this dude when he cancelled and I was so dissapointed because I was looking forward to see him.

[MissNoname]

Naw I thin you're fine. The guy isn't feeling well. Probably doesn't have his phone around. And the post about men not wanting the woman to be a mother figure, as creepy as it sounds, is false. Guys definately want their girl to be nurturing.

 

Every time we ended our date, I always ask him to text me. He lives far and we usually spend time together till about 2-3am. I want to know that he's home safe. I worried that he didn't text because he always did in the past. Im just concern about him. I hope he sees it that way.

[Zahara]

Honestly, I thought he was so into me and I was not that into him. He drove to me ( he lives 30 miles away). Never let me drive. He took me to whereever I wanted to go. Friday, from work he drove to me even it was late like 11ish just so we can spend time together ( i had plan with family earlier). We never became intimate. He wasnt aggressive about it. Our first kiss was on friday ( yes after dating for a month). It was passionate. But I know he was already sick friday when he saw me actually since wednesday. But never cancelled those two dates. I just realized, I really like this dude when he cancelled and I was so dissapointed because I was looking forward to see him.

 

Last contact was on Sunday. Let's give it a couple more days and see what happens. He could be really out of it. When my ex would get sick, he didn't want to be bothered by anyone.

 

Don't beat yourself about "being mom". I don't think you did anything wrong or that you turned him off. Nothing wrong with showing you care.

[mammasita]

I don't see anything wrong with the texting when you get home thing. It's routine for me and whoever I'm with. I do think the "you're canceling, not good" was a bit much.

 

Leave him be and let him reach out.

[MissNoname]

Last contact was on Sunday. Let's give it a couple more days and see what happens. He could be really out of it. When my ex would get sick, he didn't want to be bothered by anyone.

 

Don't beat yourself about "being mom". I don't think you did anything wrong or that you turned him off. Nothing wrong with showing you care.

 

I know I shouldnt but I keep blaming myself that maybe I did or said something wrong. When I texted him saturday afternoon after not getting a text from him he said he fell asleep right away, I didnt get a chance to text him to continue the conversation because I fell asleep and then I went to work( I work nights). Thats the last thing that happened before he cancelled. Then in the morning, I got a text that he's cancelling. I know its not good but things were great when we parted friday so I keep thinking I did or said something bad to make him act this way.

Edited November 25, 2013 by MissNoname
Edit

[Zahara]

I know I shouldnt but I keep blaming myself that maybe I did or said something wrong. When I texted him saturday afternoon after not getting a text from him he said he fell asleep right away, I didnt get a chance to text him to continue the conversation because I fell asleep and then I went to work( I work nights). Thats the last thing that happened before he cancelled. Then in the morning, I got a text that he's cancelling. I know its not good but things were great when we parted friday so I keep thinking I did or said something bad to make him act this way.

 

I know it's hard not to beat yourself up because when something someone is doing doesn't make sense to you, the easiest thing to do is blame yourself. What other possible reason could there be, when in actual fact you did nothing wrong and it was probably something that he was internally struggling with or confused about.

 

I've done this short 4-5 date thing. And I've had great dates only for the person to disappear after that. Maybe they realized they weren't really into me. Maybe they could sense I was getting too attached. Maybe they liked me but just not enough to keep going. Great dates don't always guarantee that there will be more.

 

I remember going on a few dates with a really nice guy way back in my thirties. I would have fun everytime we went out. And he was a really good looking guy. But sucks that I didn't feel any chemistry. He kissed me and I felt nothing. He on the other hand was smiling from ear to ear. He was smitten. I ended it at that point.

 

I don't know what's up with this guy. But I do know you didn't do anything wrong. Stop blaming yourself. You can re-enact your Friday till Sunday with him and you won't come up with anything. There's something going on with him.

[winny]

Honestly, I thought he was so into me and I was not that into him. He drove to me ( he lives 30 miles away). Never let me drive. He took me to whereever I wanted to go. Friday, from work he drove to me even it was late like 11ish just so we can spend time together ( i had plan with family earlier). We never became intimate. He wasnt aggressive about it. Our first kiss was on friday ( yes after dating for a month). It was passionate. But I know he was already sick friday when he saw me actually since wednesday. But never cancelled those two dates. I just realized, I really like this dude when he cancelled and I was so dissapointed because I was looking forward to see him.

 

Wait and be patient.

[Aero-el]

Dating him for a month. Been on 5 dates. Last time we saw each other was on friday night. We kissed for the first time and I felt fireworks. I never thought I was into him this much. Before we parted on friday, he asked to see me again on sunday. I agreed. I asked him to text me when he gets home so I know hes safe. He didnt text. I sent a text saturday afternoon asking if he was fine because I didnt get a text from him. He said he fell asleep right away. I left him alone after that text from him.

 

Sunday morning, I got a text from him saying he still not feeling well and hope I dont mind if he just stay home. My reply was, " oohh youre cannncellliiinngg! Not a good sign LOL ." Then I added, hope you feel better! Did you take some medicine?! He still hasnt responded. We had a great time on friday and he wanted to see me again on friday. Please advice on what should I do at this point?

 

Date #5 was the first kiss? How old are the two of you, if you don't mind me asking? I prefer to ask this over Private Msg, but don't know how.

 

I ask this because I'm sort of in a similar predicament.

[MissNoname]

He texted me goodnight. He said he slept most of yesterday. Should I text right back or text him tomorrow?

[DontWorryBHappy]

Tomorrow. When you reply, be very cool and collected. Don't bring up the fact that he took a couple days to reply. I would actually let him initiate all the texting for a little bit (so don't text him.. Only reply to his texts if he sends them) because at this point you should be projecting that you were moving on with your own life while he wasn't responding to you. You felt let down by his veerrrry slow response, so your response to that should pretty much be "oh ok, you're back? Interesting. I'll talk to you, but you don't have a big piece of my heart right now". Obviously don't SAY that - that's just your attitude. Remember- he cancelled the last date. So the ball is in his court.

Edited November 26, 2013 by DontWorryBHappy

[KatZee]

Every time we ended our date, I always ask him to text me. He lives far and we usually spend time together till about 2-3am. I want to know that he's home safe. I worried that he didn't text because he always did in the past. Im just concern about him. I hope he sees it that way.

 

I get that you think you're being caring for being concerned but the second post on this thread is absolutely spot on. If you want to be viewed as a sexual woman, DO NOT act like his mother.

 

Sometimes it's been said that a man wants someone who's like his mother, but that would be in regards to being a good cook and making him a nice meal, or accepting him fully, being emotionally there for him.

 

When you kick up that "mom" factor up a few notches, like what you're doing, he stops viewing you as a sexual person and starts seeing a mother figure in a mumu who's smothering him and treating him like he's a child.

 

Listen, he's a grown man. He doesn't need to check in with you or text you when he gets home. He knows when it's time to take medicine, you don't have to ask him if he's taken it himself, or instruct him to do this. He's lived his entire life without you up until these 5 dates. He's managed to get home fine, and not die of any illnesses. You DO need to loosen the reins and not suffocate him.

 

You do nothing now. You wait to see if he reaches out. If he does, great, but STOP acting like his mom. You see it as being concerned, he rolls his eyes.

 

The thing that tons of girls do, is basically go into "insta-relationship" mode when they start dating someone new. This is what you're doing. You've had 5 dates. It's not even a relationship yet. You need to pull back like 60%. I think some guys would find your behavior endearing if they had been dating for a while, but right off the bat can come off very scary.

 

Do not immediately text him back every time he reaches out. And honestly a one word text, "goodnight" doesn't even seem like something I would personally respond back to at all. There's no conversation there at all, and YOU don't want to be the one to have to start it. Just leave it and wait until he asks you out or is engaging in a real convo. At that point pull back and act like you were before you even knew him. You had a life that didn't involve him, go back to living it.

Edited November 26, 2013 by KatZee

[MissNoname]

Ok Im not sure what to text him. His text was " Goodnight. I slept most of sunday and 3 hours at work today shoot. Gonna sleep now. Im trying to hadle this week ". I did not respond last night. Im thinking to respond this morning.

[Joaquin]

If he likes u and wants to see u again it doesnt matter when u text him and he will try and reschedule.

 

Just keep whatever u text light and stop over thinking.

[Zahara]

Ok Im not sure what to text him. His text was " Goodnight. I slept most of sunday and 3 hours at work today shoot. Gonna sleep now. Im trying to hadle this week ". I did not respond last night. Im thinking to respond this morning.

 

"Hope you feel better soon."

 

The guy takes his sweet time to respond. Cancels on you. Doesn't even talk about rescheduling. Then when he does text you, it's about him. Couldn't even ask how you've been. And here you are stressing about how to respond to a nothing text.

 

Pull back.

[MissNoname]

"Hope you feel better soon."

 

The guy takes his sweet time to respond. Cancels on you. Doesn't even talk about rescheduling. Then when he does text you, it's about him. Couldn't even ask how you've been. And here you are stressing about how to respond to a nothing text.

 

Pull back.

 

Yeah youre right. I got your point! Thanks!

[Perrier]

Out of interest, how old are the two of you?

 

TBH this guy doesn't sound much into you. As another poster said he takes his time responding, and then talks about himself. He does not specify any time to get together.

 

Not encouraging.

[crederer]

As a guy, I wouldn't care if you responded right away or not. No need to play games.